Bahtatboy

Ah, my mistake! No, keep going--we can all learn from one another.

shiva

that would be a pleasant change so yes.

TGFKASE

I feel a poll coming on.......

kittycat1

She was south african if that explains things better...

If you think I was sounding frivalous regarding abortion i am far from it, personally I agree with you- without going into too personal details the choice for me to have children is not straight forwards, I chose from a young age that it is something I will never do unless there are medical advancements relevant to my personal circumstances. I consider being able to have kids a gift, to dismiss a pregnancy as an inconvenience for me is heartbreaking. In the UK it is nigh on impossible to adopt and the criteria to adopt rules out a high percentage of people who want to adopt.

I'm not here to judge anyone and everyone makes decisions that are right for them at the time, however life is precious and I find the fact that the UK has one of the highest abortion rates in Europe very upsetting. I am not some abortion activist, I would never dictate to anyone that I think what they are doing is wrong because only they can decide what is right for them but for me being able to have children is a luxury that sadly too many women take for granted and abuse.

No offence to anyone that has had an abortion, it's just my personal view from my personal background- as they say you don't know what you've got til its gone.

Bahtatboy

I'm with you there 100%. (And I didn't think you were being frivolous.) I don't know what to think about the adoption rules--I'd sort of assumed it was easier, having heard of same-sex couples being allowed to do so. In my own, very personal view, adoption is a good thing--it certainly made my adoptive parents happy, although I've known a few adopted children who couldn't handle it. Surely it shouldn't be that difficult to strike a balance between those wanting to adopt and the number of children available. Had a discussion in the bar the other night with an American and he'd couldn't adopt because he couldn't afford it--apparently it costs an arm and a leg in the states. (Mind you, he was totally mad, so I don't suppose much of what he said was true.)

kittycat1

adoption rules for whites are you should be married (preferred), under 40, non smokers, have a healthy BMI ( if you are classed as fat you will get rejectedso women a BMI of over 25) etc, Once having applied for adoption in the UK it takes upto 4 years to go through so you have to be under 36 to apply as if you've just turned 40 as the adoption goes through you'll get rejected. If you are from a minority race then there is a higher chance of adoption as they prefer to put kids into a same race family. If you apply and get rejected thats it you can't go off and give up smoking or lose weight your chance has gone.

It all comes down to how many kids are in need of homes in your district.

Foster caring is much easier and I've always thought I'd like to foster when I'm older amd settled.

Bahtatboy

I thought white was a minority race! (Sorry, too much Daily Mail.) I hope there aren't idiots in charge who can't see beyond the rules--Johnny Wilkinson's BMI is 30+ so he'd be ineligible. And I'm surprised its done on a regional basis--can't see the logic in that.

My father always used to decry mixed marriages (until shortly after I married my Japanese fiancee)--"We'll all end up coffee coloured. Tsk." Sounds like a bloody good solution to me, then the race issue ends. My neighbours (both very "white") have two adopted black kids (now grown up), and that seems to have been an all-round success.

Millhouse

I don't really see the problem. Better than bringing an unloved/ unwanted child in to the world.

I also believe that the statistic is probably about right.

Bahtatboy

So why make the dividing line the cervix? Take any child who's unloved / unwanted and dispose of them?

I know that's not what you mean--but I was unwanted (at least by my natural parents). With increasing infertility rates surely its got to be possible to strike some sort of balance between children up for adoption and couples who want to adopt. I'm shocked to hear that its done on a regional basis--I'm about to buy a car for my wife (in Yorkshire), and I'll travel down to London to get the right one. I'd probably push it to Sussex for the right child...

kittycat1

Bahtatboy,

If there is an area with 1 kid that wants a home and 1000 couples looking to adopt they can afford to be picky. The adoption services are regional so it varies from region to region. In my home town - East Anglia there is a very low number of children up for adoption so they can be very very very picky!

Millhouse on one hand I agree with you- on the other hand if you don't want kids then you should be more careful! Morning after pill can be bought over the counter without a doctors prescription. accidents happen but 1 in 3 is more stupidity than a accidental.

lionheart

If you read Kittycat's post a little more carefully, you will see that her friend could not take the usual precautions for medical reasons. So was she supposed to remain celibate all her life as a result?

Bahtatboy

So latex condoms and the pill are the only contraceptives available? Wake up LH.

Millhouse

Ok so my point probably wasn't well made. There are reasons for and against. My best friend had an abortion... she fell pregnant within 2 months of having the first one and they (correctly in my mind) decided that it wasn't the right time as they wanted to be devoted to number 1.

the point is people should have options. There will always be people who abuse those options, not much you can do about that.

kittycat1

Of course I'm not saying ban abortions but I do think the current attitude is too liberal, as much as I empathise with your friend, it wouldn't have been the end of the world if they had gone ahead with the pregnancy, you are most fertile just after delivering so extra precautions should be taken if you don't want another one on the way. The condom breaks- take the morning after pill, you miss a pill- use extra precautions, your having unprotected sex- durr....

And yes its easy for me to sit all high and mighty, if I fell pregnant now it would be an utter disaster, and I would hate to be in the position of having to decide what to do when pregnant, so I make sure I don't fall pregnant!

We live in a throw away disposable convenient way of life, for me this is an area that shouldn't be considered as such.

I'm stepping away from my soap box now...

rosscov1970

Don't think this is entirely true, if at all. Have good friends who live in the West Midlands, who 2 years ago adopted a 4 year old from East London, complete with cockernee accent.