Too soon to make a call?
Is 8 months away too soon to say we’re not going to settle and it’s time to think about going back? My partner and I lived in NZ for 11 and 14 years respectively, met there, married there and now have 2 little kiwi’s. We moved to England in April 2021 for a variety of reasons which at the time felt unresolvable in NZ. Now we’re in England my daughter isn’t settling and cries about what we have left behind most days and the realities of UK life have really hit home. My partner never really wanted to move but agreed it was something we needed to try at the time. The culture has changed, we have changed, so much that it doesn’t feel right at all. Like most people here you’ll know the financial implications of making the move, so deciding to go back now would be a double whammy, but not sure what the value of wanting any longer is going to be? It was months possibly years, of quandary before one thing tipped the balance and made us decide to move here, but a matter of weeks before the sense of foreboding started. Aaaah what to do?!
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Re: Too soon to make a call?
Could you spell out your specific concerns? Just in case there are less drastic solutions we could suggest that you haven’t thought of.
Hearing about your experience could also be helpful for others contemplating moving back to the UK. |
Re: Too soon to make a call?
Originally Posted by Can82
(Post 13087184)
Is 8 months away too soon to say we’re not going to settle and it’s time to think about going back? My partner and I lived in NZ for 11 and 14 years respectively, met there, married there and now have 2 little kiwi’s. We moved to England in April 2021 for a variety of reasons which at the time felt unresolvable in NZ. Now we’re in England my daughter isn’t settling and cries about what we have left behind most days and the realities of UK life have really hit home. My partner never really wanted to move but agreed it was something we needed to try at the time. The culture has changed, we have changed, so much that it doesn’t feel right at all. Like most people here you’ll know the financial implications of making the move, so deciding to go back now would be a double whammy, but not sure what the value of wanting any longer is going to be? It was months possibly years, of quandary before one thing tipped the balance and made us decide to move here, but a matter of weeks before the sense of foreboding started. Aaaah what to do?!
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Re: Too soon to make a call?
Originally Posted by Can82
(Post 13087184)
Is 8 months away too soon to say we’re not going to settle and it’s time to think about going back? My partner and I lived in NZ for 11 and 14 years respectively, met there, married there and now have 2 little kiwi’s. We moved to England in April 2021 for a variety of reasons which at the time felt unresolvable in NZ. Now we’re in England my daughter isn’t settling and cries about what we have left behind most days and the realities of UK life have really hit home. My partner never really wanted to move but agreed it was something we needed to try at the time. The culture has changed, we have changed, so much that it doesn’t feel right at all. Like most people here you’ll know the financial implications of making the move, so deciding to go back now would be a double whammy, but not sure what the value of wanting any longer is going to be? It was months possibly years, of quandary before one thing tipped the balance and made us decide to move here, but a matter of weeks before the sense of foreboding started. Aaaah what to do?!
People who live in Dunedin might also feel that the culture in Auckland is very different and wouldn't judge the whole country. Just saying that you might have picked the wrong location on the island right now and need more time to find a suitable place to settle. Once things open up again, you might have a lot more on your doorstep. I'm on the island further West from you and if I compare Dublin to where we live (200km away), it's like a different planet;). At the end of the day you can also create your own lifestyle and culture. Just because all my neighbors like hurling doesn't mean I have to like it and I can still do my own thing. |
Re: Too soon to make a call?
Years ago, I worked with a guy with an almost identical story:
He and his wife (both British) had settled in NZ after several years in the merchant navy. They had spent 10+ years in NZ and had 2 young kids. They decided to move back to the UK for various reasons. After a couple of years, they decided they wanted to move back to NZ. Sold up and moved. Six months later, I received a phone call from him asking if he could get his old job back. His wife couldn't settle back in NZ and wanted to return again. The whole saga cost them a fortune. Unless you know you can drop back into your old life in the same neighbourhood and same friends, WITHOUT the baggage that caused you to up sticks in the first place, it's a bad idea. Give the UK at least a couple of years before making such a huge decision. |
Re: Too soon to make a call?
Originally Posted by Helen1964
(Post 13087393)
Could you spell out your specific concerns? Just in case there are less drastic solutions we could suggest that you haven’t thought of.
Hearing about your experience could also be helpful for others contemplating moving back to the UK. In England, we have found our families have moved on without us (of course as expected) but we parent in different ways and don’t really get along too well. Culturally there is more crime, less kindness and the workplaces have elements of toxicity that just seems to be expected. I work in the public sector and I am seriously gobsmacked at the culture that has grown there. I am certain Covid has had its impact on all these things, and given the extent of the trauma everyone has been through, I don’t see that it is likely to change any time soon, if all all. |
Re: Too soon to make a call?
[QUOTE=brits1;13087416]
Originally Posted by Can82
(Post 13087184)
Is 8 months away too soon to say we’re not going to settle and it’s time to think about going back? My partner and I lived in NZ for 11 and 14 years respectively, met there, married there and now have 2 little kiwi’s. We moved to England in April 2021 for a variety of reasons which at the time felt unresolvable in NZ. Now we’re in England my daughter isn’t settling and cries about what we have left behind most days and the realities of UK life have really hit home. My partner never really wanted to move but agreed it was something we needed to try at the time. The culture has changed, we have changed, so much that it doesn’t feel right at all. Like most people here you’ll know the financial implications of making the move, so deciding to go back now would be a double whammy, but not sure what the value of wanting any longer is going to be? It was months possibly years, of quandary before one thing tipped the balance and made us decide to move here, but a matter of weeks before the sense of foreboding started. Aaaah what to do?![/QUOTE
Hi , I think a lot of people who migrate (either way) feel like you did, when we arrived back in the uk we returned to a different county and knew we needed to look forward and not backwards (hard at times I know) we also treated our return home like we did when we first arrived in Aus, we travelled had days out and just lived differently than when we last lived in the UK, you returned in difficult and strange times and hopefully this will change, your daughter may be also feeling your disquiet (not blaming you, children can sense changes in others) Did you buy a home here/return to the same area? Could you plan (as much as you can in this day and age) a holiday/outings and involve your daughter in the choices etc? You left NZ for reasons try and remember them when you feel you may of chosen wrongly. Time does help but sometimes it’s just not the right “fit” good luck |
Re: Too soon to make a call?
Originally Posted by Moses2013
(Post 13087430)
8 months is not a long time and especially with Covid and Brexit you might not notice the benefits right now. You say the culture has changed and you have changed but even in NZ the culture is not the same.
People who live in Dunedin might also feel that the culture in Auckland is very different and wouldn't judge the whole country. Just saying that you might have picked the wrong location on the island right now and need more time to find a suitable place to settle. Once things open up again, you might have a lot more on your doorstep. I'm on the island further West from you and if I compare Dublin to where we live (200km away), it's like a different planet;). At the end of the day you can also create your own lifestyle and culture. Just because all my neighbors like hurling doesn't mean I have to like it and I can still do my own thing. |
Re: Too soon to make a call?
Originally Posted by Can82
(Post 13087528)
You make a really good point about creating your own culture. It’s probably about working out where we fit now - physically and socially. We were both single and carefree last time we lived here, now we have a whole host of different needs and it may be this spot and community isn’t quite right.
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Re: Too soon to make a call?
Just read your thread as we fell the same way but from Canada, Well did you stay or go???
Much love from the same boat x |
Re: Too soon to make a call?
Originally Posted by LynseyRP
(Post 13131965)
Just read your thread as we fell the same way but from Canada, Well did you stay or go???
Much love from the same boat x Definitely going to be harder leaving this time as we know it really is forever, but we’re ok with that. How long have you been in UK? Any firmer decision either way?? |
Re: Too soon to make a call?
That sounds great. We head back in a few weeks!!! Things seem grim here and not a good time to re-start causing me massive anxiety. We can walk back into our old life on the west coast of Canada which now we realize really was amazing. We could give it longer but we would be losing money all the while and the kids need school, pals and stability. Family are upset but can see what's best for us. I'm just sad we hurt them (and us) really but we gave it a try and now we know! Prices are dropping there so we might just get a lucky break!
Good luck!! |
Re: Too soon to make a call?
We moved back to UK and only lasted about 10 months, we were renting and so upped sticks and went back to the US.
It still took me a while to re settle there, but I did. Now back in UK and I'm on the fence. If my husband and grown kids said were moving back to US again I wouldn't be heartbroken, but if they want to stay here that's fine too. |
Re: Too soon to make a call?
Originally Posted by Mummy in the foothills
(Post 13200117)
We moved back to UK and only lasted about 10 months, we were renting and so upped sticks and went back to the US.
It still took me a while to re settle there, but I did. Now back in UK and I'm on the fence. If my husband and grown kids said were moving back to US again I wouldn't be heartbroken, but if they want to stay here that's fine too. Hi Mummy Long time no hear!! What makes you "on the fence about the UK" ? I am interested to know!! |
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