Dorothy

In answer to your question in bold, if she goes back and they are now in UK, then no, she can't just come back with the children. She would need her spouse's permission to remove the children from UK to bring them back to Australia, and it's probably unlikely that he would simply say go ahead and take them. What she has to lose is her children and if she stays long enough back in UK then her permanent residency visa as well.

OzzieNurse

This is a difficult one. I have read some quite negative comments on here. The issue is that I cannot and will not deprive my children access to their father, he is an excellent dad to our son and will be to our unborn child when he/she is eventually born.
I am reluctant to go back to the UK but also I wouldn't be happy having my family split up. Fair enough if you are in the same country, but when we are talking thousands of miles by plane it is a different matter.
I would like the option to stay here and get citizenship but jobs here for professional tradespersons although there are many jobs there are many hurdles to jump over and lots of expense here before you can actually work and then you have to start from scratch.
For someone who is used to having choice and being able to move from job to job to better himself financially and technically this is very castrating here!
If you see what I mean? Hubby would have to choose a trade and stick to it. He is multi skilled in the uk and they simply dont have a job here that he can just fit into without sitting trade tests and paying for licences every year. He hates it. I hate not having two wages and I want to have my baby back home.

I want to come back but never to WA or PERTH! I would go to Melbourne, Adelaide or Tasmania!.......

I don't want to split up my family I owe my kids more than a superficial 'whats best for mom' approach. I make a sacrifice. I will do anything for my children.

Thank you for your comments they are appreciated. But I don't want to split up with my husband even if he is a pain in the arse!

Just to add, hubby has actually said we can stay. He knows I wouldn't but he has said I could nevertheless. I don't want to be a single mom struggling in another country away from all her family.
So for now its back to the UK. Just have a job, rental etc to arrange before we go back....hard hey?

JAJ

I would have thought that if he's the one who wants to leave irrespective of what you think, then he's the one doing the depriving, not you.

In the end, no-one here can make the decision for you. You've been given the facts and the consequences either way so whatever you decide it should be with open eyes. Good luck either way.

Dorothy

Only you know what's best for you and your family. If going back is what you want to do then you should do it. I wish you only good things in what ever you choose to do.

irishfamily

Aww poor u why does ur hubby hate it so much ? i hated it at the start but now i love it there is nothing left back home only u have to work ur ass off in the cold damp weather maybe he needs to get out and meet people if u want we r up in woodvale just let me know and u can call anytime for a chat take care xxxxxxxxxxx

TiddlyPom

Only you guys know your situation well enough to judge, Rach.

I'm glad this thread has been ongoing though... there's lots of opinion and thought to take away with you.

I hope that once you're back in the UK you can get some counselling together... Perhaps Relate, where you can get some free sessions whilst you're settling in or after things have calmed down.

As someone in a similar marital situation as you, with children, you both owe it to yourselves and your kids to explore every last avenue of your relationship to see if you can re-negotiate something new, and let go of the past hurts together. That takes guts, and lots of strength and decisions to do something different...

I knew a couple once who got married when they were 15.... they were both together in their 90's where they died within weeks of each other. Jess always said that they'd decided early on that 'divorce was not an option'...
They had really hard times, but they made it....and they loved each other dearly.

Sometimes when you look at things, they seem insurmountable, but nothing is impossible.... nothing. It's just you haven't found the way to solve it yet...

Walking away from a marriage isn't easier than staying together. On a stress level, I'd say they're both about the same. Whatever you do, there's no easy fix.

Do everything you both can to fix the situation and don't give up... Things were good once... getting that back is a long process and it's hard as hell to do... But it's not impossible.

Keep in touch.

julesandco

Why is it WA's fault? There are many people out there who are having similar struggles on the job front in other parts of Australia.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do; just wish I could have your visa if you don't want it anymore

Take care,

Jules x

mick69

Not sure if I mentioned or not but I was in exactly the same position as you.
My OH hated being in Oz. Before we left the UK we actually said that if a certain area wasn't right we would have a look around as Australia is such a huge country. To cut a long story short - he just didn't want to be there so the decision was made..mostly by him but I didn't want to see him unhappy. To me for all of us to be happy meant coming back to the UK. We have been back now 3 months and to say its been easy, well that would be a lie. When we first arrived back I really disliked him for making me be here. Don't get me wrong we didn't leave as we didn't like the UK it was to try and spend more time as a family out and about!!! As you know long working hours defeated the object over in Oz. I have now sorted out all my issues I had and we are getting back to how things were. It is difficult but if you keep the lines of communication open it is a little easier.
I have probably rambled on a bit now but just thought I would try and let you know how things could possibly turn out. We went to Oz as a family/team and we came back as a family/team. To be in Australia without my OH just wouldn't have worked out as I wanted us all to be together.

louie

But would she be able to return WITH HER CHILDREN? If they go back to the UK, it doesn't work out and the husband wants to stay, there will surely be a good chance that the English courts will say their home is now here, their father is now here, you can't take them to Oz..... so she could have a great deal to lose by returning to the UK.

I think the husband is being unreasonable and a bully by booking the flights. If he's behaving this way now, what makes anyone think that will change when he's back in Britain?

Good luck Rachel whatever you decide is best. Don't look back once you made your decision.

guest5234

Nothing for you back in the UK, but their may be plenty for other people...I found I had to work my arse off in Oz for little pay being a sparkey but earn twice as much for half the hours working for myself back in the UK...I found it impossible to start a buisness in Oz and as for the weather....I love the weather in the Cotswolds

scrubbedexpat097

Sweetheart, you should be commended.

People, remember nothing in life is black and white. There are often as many pros as there are cons and as many rights as wrongs.

Rachel is obviously a very caring and nuturing mother she is also a fighter as well and wants to try and safe her marriage. Everyone has to make sacrifices in life and to keep her family together she is going along with her husbands plans which I'm sure is not an easy decision for her.

Then there is the financial difficulties that go along with moving half way around the world. If her husband cannot earn enough money to keep them when she has to stop work to have the baby then what will happen.They have no safety net in OZ, that's not where family are to help with the kids etc.

Maybe her marriage will fail..well at least if she is back in the UK she will have more moral support and also the kids will not be estranged from their daddy.

Sometimes it seems one partner is not as accepting of the huge changes in life when immigration happens and it can be hard on a marriage and family life.
It's not always a case of someone giving in to make someone else happy...it's all about compromise and a lot of you have totally blamed her husband, well, maybe it was never his dream to live in OZ, maybe he agreed to give it a go just for Rachel and his marriage. No one except the two people in this relationship really know the ins and outs of it all...we shouldn't speculate.

Anyway, good luck to you and your family sweetie and take good care of yourself. You are a very strong lady.

bobinuk

don't make the mistake and plan on a permanant return, I returned back to UK 21/2 years ago and have nevr really understood why I came back, I will hopefully leaving the UK again in the spring and this time if I feel a little low I will try harder to ride it out and not come back here, coming back is one of the big mistakes I made in my life. If necessary come back for an extended holiday but make sure you don't stay too long or let him come back on his own for a while, the regrets will be bigger if you come back and year later realize it was a mistake. Don't fall into that emotional blackmail situation "if you love me you would come back to england" or "if you really love me you would stay here" it works both ways and you both have choices to make. I don't envy your present situation.

Sally Simpson

Rach, I wish you & your family all the very best with your move back to the UK. I hope life will improve for both you & your husband.
Good luck

LouiseD

Pity you can't auction them on Ebay - you could bid on ours - biggest waste of money we ever spent and we might recoup a tiny percentage of what we lost



Well said. So many people assume that because their life in the UK is crap, everyone else's is too. People - please be aware when advising other what to do with their lives that other folk's lives are completely different to yours. Others priorities, likes and dislikes, earning power and interests are all different.

Excellent post


As I said above, please be aware that your life is exactly that - yours. Other people have different lives and need different things. Because you made a mistake does not mean that others will. For many people the only mistake they made was the decision to leave the UK in the first place. I made a huge mistake emigrating but would never ever dare to advise anyone not to do it because my life is different from theirs.

Eric Hitchmo

That statement should be mandatory reading to anyone thinking of posting here. Then maybe there'd be less people posting about how the UK owed them a rich, successful life, and how angry they are that they didn't get it and therefore the UK must be going down the pan and it's nothing to do with their own failings. (Big love going out to DannyB).