sallysimmons

I think this sums up a thought process every one of us needs to go through before we move.

When you move to another country, you do feel disconnected and not a part of things. That's because you are disconnected at first. The UK cannot possible feel like home after 20, 30 or 40 years away, although some things may be familiar.

It takes time to work your way into the culture, to start making friends, to start feeling at home. We all have to realize this, accept it, and then decide if we want to go through it all.

If you also have children and friends in the country you're leaving, I think it's even more important to think this through. I always worry for the people who describe tearful goodbyes when they're leaving, because I think friends and family are what matter in life.

Sad to say, but when we leave here there will be no tears at this end as we don't know that many people. But there will be lots of tears and hugs at the other end. Maybe that's the recipe for getting through the bad days?

Derrygal

Hi Jackie,
I haven't been on here for a few days - must admit I was surprised to read your post!! Just want to say I'm thinking of you and wish you all the best for the future!! Take care of yourself.

cheers

What I keep thinking is its not like the old days of getting on the Queen Mary and sailing away forever. In todays world we can get on flight and in about 8 hours be there and if its raining we can jump on the next flight back
My point is the move is not final or doesn't have to be final.

I look at places to buy in England but I should be looking at places to rent because it gives more flexibility. Now I stepped down another notch and just started looking at Self Catering Cottages. Side tracking here. I find that there are a lot of 'last minute' deals right now on SCC's so I'm wondering if it is because there are too many places as in too many people have got into the act or is it the economy? Who knows? I do know this is high season and these owners must be in a panic because they are not booked.

sallysimmons

But I think if you tell yourself that, you set yourself up for not making it work. It isn't easy to move to another culture in later life and that's the truth. I think the secret to success is setting yourself a timeframe - say 2 years - and not making a decision before then.

For me there would be no return anyway unless Obama's healthcare law survives because we would never get healthcare coverage again (we were much younger and healthier when we got this plan). And nothing would make me live here without healthcare coverage. I suppose we'd have to move to Massachussets where everyone is entitled to coverage.

jasper123

Hi Jackie,
Well I like others on here am also shocked at your news,
Let me tell you something about me,
This is not the first time I came back home to live, its the second time, you see my Dad died in 1989, I came home for the funeral and stayed with my Mum for 6 weeks and then I returned to my life in the U.S. and my Job, about a year passed and In all that time I couldn't think of anything else but my poor Mum having to now live on her own, so I thought about returning home to be with my Mum, I thought about it for a whole year, I knew I really didn't want to really go home cause I was happy in America, I was living in Reno then and I had more friends there --- mostly from the people that I worked with for a long time that became good friends, at that time I had been living in US for about 16 years, so thats it I sold everything just like this time, car, furniture, chucked a lot of stuff away, gave stuff away, bought my ticket and returned home,
Me and Mum lived together just like now same house too, I got a Job in Chichester, they supplied a free bus that picked you up in Portsmouth every day, it was night shift, making seat belts in a factory, the work was so boring and same thing every day on a conveyer belt, I literally hated the Job, and I couldn't fit in, I already couldn't pass for an English chap, as soon as they heard my accent questions were asked, I was sick of explaining my story over and over again,
Anyway Jackie almost a year passed and one day it was a weekend and me and Mum were sitting watching TV it was raining quite heavily outside, and for the first time my Mum turned to me and said ----- Rodney your not happy here are you? ---- well I was shocked at that question and I just didn't know what to say to her, but words were not needed ---- the expression on my face told her everything, --- so we had a good long talk, it was time to tell my true feelings, so in a nutshell I basically told her that I loved living with her, that was the good part, and it was great to be home with the rest of the family too, BUT there was something missing, actually a whole lot was missing, to many things to talk about but basically I just missed the US and the lifestyle that I had got used to over the years, so even after only 16 years living in U.S. I knew I had been away too long to live in England again, I knew I was way too Americanised,
In England I felt so closed in all the time, still do, the weather was terrible --- the skies always seemed to be dark and cloudy, I think even when it was sunny I only saw the clouds, and all I could see of my life in England was a life of doom and gloom, I knew that England was not my home anymore, and never will be again.
So after me and Mum had our talk and she could see how unhappy I was living in England she said do you want to go back to the States? I said yes, so she said you must not stay here just for me, ---- she said our life on this earth is short and theres nothing worse then being somewhere that makes you unhappy, dont worry about me she said I will be fine, I have my Sister and rest of family and a lot of friends, but if you stay here and I know that you are unhappy then I will not be fine,
And so I returned HOME to the U.S.

Well here I am about 20 years later back in England again giving it another try, ----- here I am back home again living with my Mum in the very same house, ----- but now the circumstances are different, now Im much older, dont have to go to a Job that I hate anymore, ------- being over here and (RETIRED) is a whole new KETTLE OF FISH, the pressures of everyday life are gone, ---- but having said that, ---- take my Mum and this house that I live in (rent free) away from this picture, then the everyday struggle for survival would return, and my life would be no better then what I just recently left in Las Vegas, and I doubt that I would have enough income to pay rent and bills and everything all on my own in England,

Mum and I dont always see eye to eye Jackie either, its got a lot to do with were in two different generations, shes 92 and im only 66, we are a world apart in our thinking, and Mum has never lived anywhere else but England so her mind and outlook on everything is quite narrow so to speak, at least it is to me,
and she cant understand why I wouldn't like to watch a 1953 movie of carry grant or a 1959 movie of Frank Sinatra on the telly on a sunday afternoon, where most people have seen quite a few times before, including myself,

Jackie I also feel the same way as you about the UK being trapped in a time warp, to us everything is so backward here, and it is in a lot of things ---- but then there are other things that the UK is way ahead of USA in,

I also get depressed, here I have only been back not 7 months yet and a lot of things bother me over here, but when I think of what my life was becoming in the U.S. and when I think of the health care system in US ---- or lack of it, ----- If I had stayed in US, --- then as I got older and more and more things happened to my health and say I couldn't get any treatment, ---- unless it was a very serious thing, cause its totally out of reach (cost) wise, and Medicare even with the extra supplements (SUCKS) theres always a lot to pay still, and certain drugs are not covered and even when they are theres always a co-pay, and $30 co-pay just to step into a Doctors office,
I suppose I could always go back to work, I could always get a Job in the time share industry in Vegas or anywhere really cause I know a lot of people in the business, ----- BUT OMG I would have to work for the rest of my life, I could never retire, ---- what a horrible thought that would be to live with,

I also miss people from my own age group, but I just know that after a while I will find friends and then everything will be alright,

So Im staying here at home --- cause I know now at the age I am now that this is the best place to be, ------ with all the things that I love about the United States and there are many believe me, and I miss the whole way of life over there Honestly I do,
But Jackie the very thought of growing old in America just scares the pants off me,
You see I see England as a country that looks after its people period ---- but its a country that really looks after its poor and old people, ---- well as long as you dont have to go into a nursing home that is ---- but that is a nightmare either side of the pond though,

And the way I see the USA now is it is a country that Capitalism is so strong and rampant there that every single little aspect of this big nation is completely and utterly controlled by it,
Money is king, if you have money and property and are somewhat comfortably off and you dont have to worry about paying rent all your life and you are not reliant on the so called health care system ----- and you are actually able to retire and have a comfortable life, then to my mind The U.S. would be a fantastic place to live,
But then really you could say that about anywhere couldn't you ----- take away all the problems of being poor and old, ---- and instead rich and old, and in reasonably good heath then you could look around for the Ideal country ---- or American State ---- with the most Ideal climate,

One day Barb will have it made in the shade cause I truly believe that she will meet that millionaire one day soon so she can spend half the year say in England and the other half year with her family in Australia, and have the best of both worlds, to be honest with my self do you know what would be Ideal for me, ----- well I would like to stay in England and have England as my permanent home, and go back to the States for say 3 or 4 months of the year, I would love that who knows maybe one day,

Anyway Jackie you got to do what you got to do, and dont think your be putting people off by you wanting to return home to U.S. ----- cause this is all part of this thread ---- England is not for everyone, we all know this, and if you are away for a very long time like you and me Jackie and like so many on here then of course its going to be harder for some then others to actually make a new life here, we are all different, and we all have different needs, but Jackie whatever you do, I wish you the best of everything, and a happy life,
But really I think you should keep posting on here --- and me for one would like to here from you all your feelings on why you feel you need to go back to the States. (:

Take care,
Rodney.

Derrygal

Rodney
Great post! Thanks for sharing your experiences. Glad you are enjoying your retirement back in the UK.

cheers

Maybe Rodney didn't know it but it may have been the job that made him come back to the US.

fulwood

Hey Rodney, excellent post. I am hoping to do reverse I think.. Live in US primarily but 3-4 months in UK. All in good time.. Need to find job first in my new field and take vacation to UK.. Enjoyed reading your post..

charleygirl

Jackie, very shocked also to read your post, but you have to do what you think is right for you. Thank you for your honesty etc. I wish you well and hope it all works.
Rodney great post as always..........

bandrui

Good post Rodney. I feel we will all go through these feelings.


David, How is the B & B coming along? The garden? Are you still happy to be there?

aries

The comments by Jackie and Rodney are worrying me a lot.

Having come to Australia 51 years ago and returning to England soon, I am remembering that there is so much here which became part of my life. Big open sunny skies, the space, wider roads, generally mild winters, though the hot summers can be debilitating, and a public health system which would be at least as good as the one in the UK. A nursing home if/when needed would also not cost me an arm and a leg.

Nevertheless I have set myself the task of changing my life at the age of 73, and to-day some furniture which I have known since the year dot, was taken away by younger family members who live 50 miles away. There is more to go.

I've been back to England many times with stays of 3 to 12 months and I've felt part of the community after just a few days, but this time I will not have a house in Australia to return to if the weather depresses me and the joy wears off. It is a one way journey.

However, I am not now happy here, and I don't think moving to another area would make much difference. I have no idea if I am doing the right or wrong thing, but I am in tears thinking about it.

jasper123

Aries,
Your post makes a lot of sense, Listen everyone has there own story to tell ---- also there own reasons for wanting to go home,
I hear what your saying in that there will be things in Australia that you will miss, all those things you have listed I miss about America plus many more,

You did mention about the health care system in Oz being at least as good or better maybe then UK --- NHS ----- well that did make me think a bit and I thought ---- well I wonder how I would feel if the U.S. had a simular health care system like the NHS ---- I wonder if I would still have wanted to come back home ------- I really have been thinking about this you know --- well not for that long I suppose but maybe an hour today, ---- and well what I have come up with in my mind is I dont really know? Hmmmmm so that proves at least for me that age has definitely got a lot to do with our decisions to come home, ---- then I thought well lets take this question a little further and say ---- well say my Mum was not alive --- like say she died years ago, well then I would not be coming home to be with my Mum ---- and well NO maybe I wouldn't want to come home, ---- if I didn't have family period to come home to and USA had as good a health care system as England then ----- I very much doubt if I would have even had a thought of coming home, I wouldn't have stayed and baked away in sizzling Vegas but at my age now I would have probably moved to another state,
Food for thought --- just saying
In your case Aries your 73 you have lived in OZ your entire adult life 51 years so of course your going to take a while to settle in permanently ---- but having said that you did say that you over the years have often gone back to England for long visits from 6 weeks to one year and you felt as though you fitted in after just a very short time --- so you should be fine,
I dont know your circumstances on family in OZ and family in England,
dont worry about a thing, the UK has one hell of a lot going for it, and as I said in my previous post that the UK looks after its people very well, and they (REALLY) look after there older people in a big way,
Good luck in you new life over here, and you will Im sure get lots of support from all the wonderful people on this great thread of ours,
Take good care,
Rodney.

Pistolpete2

This is the very subject that my spouse and I discussed earlier this week.

How does one square away the fact that as a retired expat who has left the Uk over thirty years ago, on the one side the best way to approach the Uk could be as a vacationer and on the other side it takes so much money to actually live that vacation.

I am very aware that having lived away for so long there is only so much that one has to talk about and connect with Brits who have never been able to leave and see the world and therefore look at things from a completely different perspective. This is not helped if one does not have a job or things one chooses to share or reminisce over. This in spite of the obvious common interest of enjoying a well-drawn pint of the finest Harvey's Best Bitter.

It is mainly for this reason (and taxes) plus the costs associated with yet another potentially aborted relocation that I personally have scaled back my plans for a Uk return to just an average three months a year, hopefully starting three years from now but with an exploratory next year.

I intend to have a half-way house somewhere else in Europe, possibly in the Republic of Ireland ("ROI") at age 65 in 2016 since the ROI is far more favourable for tax purposes on lowish incomes which are still livable to. I will seek professional tax advice regarding this.

I don't think I can get up to speed on conversational anything else (other than English/Irish) fast enough to be less isolated than I am here where all the locals speak creole patois. Hell, if I'm not living the life in this retirement I most definitely want to be sure to be doing it when I get my pension(s) so there are few waking hours NOT spent on trying to implement or finely tune my future plans in spite of the many family obligations I have, not the least being as the father of a school-age kid.

Frankly, I have yet to work out how healthcare will fit into the puzzle. Though there is perfectly adequate provision for healthcare services within this part of the Caribbean up to the age of 65 it is very difficult to get insurance coverage beyond that age without high excesses so one would have to balance the cost of being resident in the Uk and for tax and estate planning purposes against health costs if not covered by the NHS.

I am using an assumed income requirement for a family of two in the Uk of 28,000 pounds per annum as this income would be taxed to provide a net 23,000 pounds which comes in around a typical livable budget put forward in these posts. Hence the problem!

cheers

Rodney,
Do you read the newspapers? I know you watch TV but do you watch the news? I think that is a mistake and yet I think all the population does it.

Everyone seems to agree about the way things are or could become and they also criticize the newspapers but they continue to read them.

The key is censorship by individuals of what they read and view. Think of it?

I go out for a walk, it is lovely. I have more than enough food to eat. I have friends and so on, so if anyone clouds those thoughts they are to be avoided.

OK this is what you have been writing all along. You have in other words, 'you have it made'. Stay with it guy!

It is natural for me to be high on life and you seem to be by your posts, so keep them coming.

There is a song that goes "Count your blessing, name them one by one"

Happy Fathers Day!

Cheers

Pistolpete2

Hi Cheers!

Most of the online newspapers have comments sections. If you read the articles (I don't read the Daily Mail), consider the paper's political leanings which may or may not be relevant and then look to the comments sections and ignore the obvious stale/poisoned views of the crackpots and malcontents you can get a better feeling of what the consensus is and maybe even learn something.

We can obviously read books and journals, play bridge and converse with those around us but we also need to get involved in what is happening if only to maintain a point of view and keep ourselves mentally agile. For some of us we have to know which way things are going to chart our own course, financial or otherwise. Best to face reality?!