SoThere

What do you find to be the reason for the feeling in the UK, if you don't mind answering.

sallysimmons

I totally agree and I hope I made clear that I do think their friendliness is genuine and quite wonderful. It will never be comfortable for me, but that doesn't make it bad or wrong.

That said, I didn't actually experience kindness as fortunately I didn't need it. Just a (for me) overly perky and slightly intrusive level of familiarity from people I had never met before.

Back where I'm from in a small Yorkshire village, anyone would help anyone - but there'd be very English boundaries governing the conversation. A quick chunter about the weather would be fine but any level of personal engagement - and especially any reference to God! - would be completely out of the question. It's very different in North Carolina. In fact, it's probably much more healthy! But I can't wipe out all those years of English conditioning.

I find these cultural differences fascinating and, when we do all finally go back, it will be interesting to see how much we have each changed and how many English 'rules' we have to relearn.

sallysimmons

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's always hard to have change forced on us - but then sometimes it turns out to have been a good thing. I hope that's what happens here.

Have you definitely decided to retire or might you look for another job?

UkWinds5353

I understand your disposition in terms of interacting with people.I think it would be difficult to feel comfortable being touchie feelie with people, if that person grew up in a family where parents never showed displays of affection toward you or one another. Not the same situation but quite similar in emotional conditioning.

Americans in the southeast are generally warm caring people.It's considered rude to not show displays of politeness and welcoming gestures.They do it because they believe its natural. Making you feel at home or extending words that imply familarity is meant as a form of welcoming,its traditional.

For a wait person to see you enter an establishment and not greet you with a "sweet heart how are you", would be considered a cold welcome.Its as traditional as going to a pub in the uk and making it a social outing.To some people,going to a pub with a few friends would be to enjoy a drink for a half hour, then off to go seperately on their way to home.Its a culture difference. Again I understand your mindset and how you view this topic.

trottytrue

J.J...... I am really sorry to hear your news. Lets hope you find something soon. But at least you are home. Do you have those re-training scheme's in your area. When my OH was laid off a few years ago he applied for over 400 jobs before he was hired. It took almost a year and it was a very difficult time for us. By the end of the year frustration had set in. He would apply for jobs and either be to experienced or not have enough experiance.

dontheturner

Hello Sally - I find it strange ( I mean as an Englishman through and through , but a Midlander first and foremost) that it really depends where you hail from.
Stand at a bus stop, in Shropshire, (or Staffordshire where I was born) and anyone, who arrives to also wait, will invariably chat to you. But, Whether that applies to other counties, I really have no idea. On the other hand, I stood in the foyer, of more than one Holiday Inn as i travelled California, and found no one, prepared to chat. Particularly the Girls, behind the reception. Thoughts? (I have Relatives there.) Love Don

Gabgoeshome

Not sally (obviously ) but not all states are as friendly as some.

Personally I find Americans much more *easy* to chat to ...when out and about etc...generally more people will chat and make light conversation.

But, also, as a Londoner I have always chatted comfortably with others at bus stops, queues etc...

Really, it boils down to individuals IMO...friendly people normally find fellow sociables anywhere...

Something I just remembered ,( as most know )my DH is an American...

*he* actually taught me to be more friendly (when I met him) his easy genuinely ,chatty manner really bought out the best in people... I think his American-ness rubbed off on me perhaps?

CarolPat

I've been thinking about this too as my return to the UK draws ever closer [2 weeks and counting]. I already know that my UK friends find it a little invasive when I now greet them with the typical American hug but I don't want to lose the warmth I've acquired over here. And I've encountered strange looks on trips to London when I strike up conversations with total strangers, which I do every day here. I really don't want to retreat into my British shell again but neither do I want to be branded as a crackpot. I hope there's a happy medium to find. In the meantime, I'll keep hugging and chatting for the next two weeks ....

cheers

Don my guess is that in some locations people are protective and therefore don't converse.

Sally a few of your last few posts put into words for me what I was thinking. Thank you.

I join in with what others have said about DDL and that I enjoyed her posts but she did have that trait of control. Regretfully for her, we Limies wouldn't tow the (her) line.

I have thought a lot about the statement I wrote yesterday about Americans being disingenuous and I wish I had never said or posted it on here. I should have said some are. I was prompted to say such I think because of something I had seen on TV were someone was complimenting someone and it was so phony. Again Sally mentioned in her post along those lines. Some times Americans say things also with tongue in cheek, like, if you believe that I've got ocean front property I can sell you in Wyoming.

I get along with Americans and enjoy them but if you realize I've been here in America for 56 years (so I is one) what else can I say?

Cheers

sallysimmons

Oh of course the same would be true in Yorkshire. I love those casual conversations. But we would talk about the weather, or moan about the bus being late. There would be firm boundaries that only other Brits understand.

I read a great book last year, the name of which escapes me now, but it was written by a woman who was born in the UK, lived in the US and then moved back. It was a sociological study of the unspoken but universally understood rules that govern British interactions. Her chapter on the rules of casual conversation was fascinating and made me realize I'll have some adjusting to do when I get back! New York might not be North Carolina, but attitudes and interactions are still very different from those in the UK.

CarolPat, hopefully people will just get used to you and see you as a bit of an interesting eccentric!

dontheturner

Hello CarolPat - I am an 81 year English Gentleman, through and through, and a Midlander. I have always greeted people, by hugging them, and have mostly kissed the ladies too (some only on the cheek, but some on the lips) And I talk to total strangers everywhere we go. I find it strange that from the various suggestions on here, I am alone in this. How odd. I always thought we all did. Don

sallysimmons

Don't worry about it. Those of us who know you know you didn't mean any harm.

J.J

To expand my comment about not feeling comfortable with people I live amongst.

Now this isn't all the time and with everyone. but I have encountered more of an in-your-face aggressive attitude than back in my familiar North Carolina.

And more look-through-you-as-if-you didn't exist too. Even people that I see daily in the estate street and offer a morning greeting and get ignored. maybe I look threatening to them, maybe I come across as Crocodile Dundee in New York, lol.

But, but......, it is apples and oranges, here in UK people in city centers are from every sector of society and behaviors, whereas in US where I lived there was a better standard of public behavior -- but, but...... there were some areas around my US town that I would never go to whereas here everyone congregates into the one town center.

I expect part of this is me and my perception.

I have met some very pleasant UK people but I sometimes do get that look as if I have two-heads when I say something that doesn't fit within English frame of acceptability yet would have been quite acceptable in US chat.

Maybe this is what OH June meant when she felt she didn't fit in in USA, I did fit there and I don't yet feel that I fit in the UK (no, I am not hankering to go back to US)

Regards, John

J.J

It is so difficult to balance any statement to avoid someone getting the wrong end of the stick. We cannot control the temperament or mood of the person reading our statements and it is so easy to misinterpret the intent of any writer.

John

Mummy in the foothills

It can take years of living here for people to chat, and to become comfortable, I'm still known as the Mom with the accent at the school, I've had kids in that school for 18 years and still they only know me as that. I chat to whoever is in line too, and once in a while I'll find a friendly soul who chatters back, quite often I find they are from somewhere else too.