trottytrue

between two worlds....Thankyou I know you are right but every now and then I do wonder what could have been. But then as you say things would have changed in more than one way. I too thought about my OH he had a good job in the US and in the UK when he applied for a job it had to be offered to 3 British Citizens first and they had to turn it down before he was offered it so you can imagine what type of jobs he was offered. I did what was best at the time and my children turned out wonderful have great jobs and I have 3 beautiful grandchildren. I cannot complain but like you said sometimes there is a plan to life. I could have had all I wanted. I was engaged to a friend of my brothers he was the nicest kindest person. We were about to buy a plot of land around the corner from my Mother & Dad but I backed out of it because I just felt something was missing. So that would have been an entirely different road. I will get over this mood I am in. Glad I can moan at you lot.


Fish n Chips 56..Yes your right nothing changed from yesterday just me being moody. I know what started it off. Going through old pictures putting them in albums thats what triggered it. Worked in the garage for the rest of the day and took the dog for another walk. Fresh air helps clears the mind......

High Tide... I spoke to my sister in law about the pension and she said that it would not start for a few years and she was not sure she was eligible for it. She has too much monehy.

Fish n Chips 56

Sally and Hightide, thanks for the retirement info its very important and interesting, it gives me hope, I have to be honest retirement scares me.

trottytrue

http://www.lovemoney.com/news/make-g...ces-10064.aspx


This article talks about housing prices in the UK I think the other link did not work.

aes1

Hi Everyone,

Just got back on here, the first time in over a month probably!!! No way can I catch up But you are still all in my thoughts and, RODNEY, BEST OF LUCK, HOLD ON TIGHT, YOU ARE IN FOR A SUPER RIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am visiting my sister near Guisborough on Nov 10 for a week. To pick up my winter clothes!!! Yes, Malta does get chilly!!!!! Sun still shining every day, though sometimes not all day!!!

So if anyone will be close to NE, maybe we can meet up......just send me a pm............

ciao4now, and to everyone!!!!...........Anna

islandwoman120

Folks on here who have been following my return to the UK: I think the reasons I am having a hard time are two fold: I did not come back for the same reasons as everyone else, other than the fact that I always loved England. It is not my place of birth, but it is my place of maturing. I have few family and friends left over here - they have either disappeared over the years, moved away, died or are not interested in a relationship. Just as was mentioned many times before, people who have stayed behind in the UK whilst the rest of us went 'adventuring' or whatever word is used to label us, are not always welcoming to the returnee. And that is an attitude I do not understand - yes, its fine to write to us while we live overseas, but when we are on the doorstep we are no longer an interest. I do not understand the coldness - I was born and grew up on a small, sunny Caribbean island, and we would never - NEVER - treat people this way. My life in the USA was not the same as many on this site - I have a lot of family there, most of whom care about each other, and who take care of each other's needs without a second thought. It is the lack of freely available medical care - unless you are indigent - and, at the moment, well paying work, which makes it hard to be there. I have always found Americans friendly, and have struck up conversations in many places, the supermarket or the library. I am a naturally friendly person, very outgoing. I can also be reserved, but not cold. Wherever I go I am a foreigner - my accent says I am: in the USA, they think I am English, in the UK, they think I am American! And no one can place my country of origin - Jamaica - as I am white, and in most people's eyes, I should look like Bob Marley - and I don't!!

I am lucky in that I have two counties that I can live in, and wonderful, caring friends and family in the USA. So, I had to spend a small fortune to make that clear to me, and I had to come all this way to see the English family who have nagged me to visit for years, and years - and who now don't want to deal with me. At least I can leave here with a clear conscience - I came, I saw, I did not conquer.

Yesterday I received a phone call from the (English) Grandmother of my son's children, telling me that I was not welcome to come and visit, that I can leave whatever I brought over for my grand children with my ex husband here in Ipswich, and they will arrange to collect the things in due course; that as I have lived away for so long, they do not really know me and are not interested in doing so. That I should return to the United States as that is where I have people who know and love me, and not bother to come over here any more.

That, folks, in a nutshell, is why I am having a rapid change of mind: England for me was a sector of my family with whom I have remained in written contact for years, and who made me feel guilty at being so far away. So I sold all - or almost all - in order to make this trip - for what? For my own peace of mind, as no one, absolutely no one, can point their finger at me and say I did not try.

Now I can get on with the rest of my life, and they can get on with theirs. Before you ask about my son and his part in all this: he is a remnant of 3 tours of Iraq as a UK Army Medical Doctor, who was emotionally destroyed by his experiences there, and has decided to divorce his wife, and his family, and make his own way without them - meaning I am part of the estrangement. Don't feel sorry for me - it is a part of life, and not a unique experience by any means. Each of us makes our own path in life, and his path is not mine.

Now I am nearly finished with my duties over here, and am off to follow my own path...

cheers

IW,
Many people experience what you experience of not being able to renew old relationships when returning to the UK. I think it is understandable and in my case I don't necessarily want to renew old relationships with the family over there. In your case it is slightly different because your talking about immediate family and I'm talking about cousins who I have lost contact with.

With my planning I want to be flexible. I can go over to the UK and return to the US occasionally so it not an open and shut case.

My mother always wanted to be on the other side of the ocean from where she was. She died in the UK.

From what you have mentioned you convince me that the thing for you to do is come back to the US and if you do don't shut the door to returning to the UK in the future.

Lorac05

islandwoman

My heart breaks for you in not being able to see your grandchildren - that is so not right IMHO - especially as you have some so far . Do drop of the gifts for them but know that the decision not to see you probably isn't theirs - so ensure to keep the door open if/when they try to contact you when they are older.

From reading your posts since you returned to the UK you have tried to really make things work but realise it isn't meant to be. Do what you feel is right for you - head back to the US - knowing the door isn't shut for you in the UK but that it isn't right for you at this moment - or maybe ever.

sallysimmons

I'm so sorry it's been tough islandwoman.

It does sound as thought your home really is the US, since home is generally where your loved ones are - IMO at least.

When we went home to the UK what struck me most was that there were so many people who were thrilled to see us. People who love us and miss us. And yet we are living 3,000 miles away where almost no one cares about us.

But here in the US, you have a support network of people who adore you. That to me is priceless.

(And if you really can strike up casual conversations with Americans, it's definitely your home! I talked to more strangers in one week in the UK than I have in 12 years of living here).

Your story is just a sad one all round - your poor daughter-in-law, left to raise kids alone. Your poor son changed by what must have been some awful experiences. Your poor grandchildren, deprived of a relationship with grandma ... and of course, you stuck in the middle of it all through no choice of your own.

I hope for only good things for you from now on.

Mummy in the foothills

Island woman I'm so sorry to hear that news. But what right does the other Gran have to yell you this? Is she afraid it will harm her relationship with the children? The children have the right to know you if they want. My Children don't know my Mother in law, (her and Dh's choice) but once adults it's their life to do as they please, if they look for her then so be it. I hope the grandkids want to meet and your Daughter in law brings them to see you.

J.J

Sally, if you are asking about what happens to US social security influenced by your UK SS pension then look up WEP or Windfall Elimination Provision.

People that get US SS are subject to WEP if they have another pension from earnings that did not pay deductions into US SS, which could be a US teachers pension, a private pension or a foreign (not US) pension.

From recall when we were planning our move back to UK last year, WEP subjects lose $1 from your US SS for every $2 of other pension you receive, but you cannot lose more than (I think) 50% your US SS because of WEP.

For pension income planning, if the US SS alone is sufficient income for you, take the US SS early and delay the UK pension and that way you avoid WEP on the US SS until you eventually commence the UK pension.

here is one of many links from googling WEP http://www.ssa.gov/retire2/anyPiaWepjs04.htm. Online calculators are available.

best wishes

J.J

On the proposed 140 pounds pension, I note that the hard work involved in getting everything ready for introduction date takes it to around the time that this government will be asking for our votes to keep them in power.

Fish n Chips 56

Rosie...
Please don't give up so easily, think about all you have done to get there and think of possible regrets, as I said before look at your previous posts...

The English on a whole are very nice but the other grandma sounds scared of you and what you may try to do, she probably thinks you will try to steal them away, physically or mentally, I say Sod Her, they are your grandkids too, if only for an hour or two you should see them, Don't you think your son would want that too???

Some Brits are a bit nervous and stuck in that past with their strange thoughts, she sounds like that, maybe she's watched too much TV and thinks you are a Rich American, she needs to be a little compassionate towards you and remember how lucky she is to be with her grandkids whenever she pleases...

I really wonder what your son would think to all of this...

Im sorry to be so direct but its just not on, they are your flesh n blood too...

Id bet your grandchildren have no clue you want to see them.

Have you ever met them? what ages are they?

ldyinlv

Rodney,
Southwest is doing $30.00 one way flights untill midnight tonight..maybe it applies to Reno?
Jackie

HighTide

Rosie I think Fish brought up some very good points here and I would just like to add that I really hope you will still go to Scotland and enjoy that beautiful scenery and if you get to Ayrshire meet up with Peigi for wine or tea as she suggested. Also make sure you spend your time as planned with your good friends down in Somerset.
If you take the train back to Liverpool St. think of that wonderful singing/dancing scene filmed for T-Mobile. Hopefully the good will out weigh the bad for you.

Fish n Chips 56

Hello again Rosie...

Believe me when I say you are not the only one...

American's think I'm British and the Brits think I'm an American, I'm sure many of us are thought of in this way, so you are not alone, some even think I'm from Australia, I'm sure many have had that happen...

I have eight brother and sister in laws back home, two are very close to us, some are mediocre and others couldn't care less, (never hear from them) when we go over most usually stop by that day to see us, others wait a week or so before they see us, (usually go for two weeks) I know we have the limelight when we go over because some are so excited to see us, I'm not a person who likes to be the center of attention so I play it down, I do understand the cold response you spoke of, I get that some times too, I try to realize they may be having a bad day, I think some are jealous of the chances we have had, but they havent walked in our shoes...

Id still like to see you give it more of a try, youve not been there very long, the healthcare issue in America is the driving force for me to leave, I cant see us getting a better system anytime soon, Money and Greed rule, Being poor
anywhere is no fun, but in in America its awful.

I wish you the Best.