Meg and Mog

Ok feeling totally overwhelmed today.
Teacher of my youngest has basically told me my son will struggle if he goes into appropriate age group in uk school. He is in term one in year 2 here in Australia and would be in term 3 in year 3 in the uk. Going to year 4 in September. She thinks he will not cope emotionally, socially, or academically.
Does anybody have experience of holding their child back a year? he has a July birthday so would not be that much older than his peers.


Flights are booked ! But husband not flying with us staying for 3 months to bridge gap whilst I find a job. Dragging his feet is an understatement

Sorting and brutally selling and donating to charity. Trying to navigate container quotes and still over on a 20 ft despite frantic sorting.

Have applied for a job and waiting to see if have been short listed.

I think I am slowly going mental this is so stressful, having to do everything on my own, it's like punishment for wanting to go back. People who have heard we are going back and not bothered with me for months/ years are suddenly interested in my well being and reasons for returning . I think I'm in the twilight zone.

Sorry enough rambling will get a grip now

brits1

Oh sweetie, I had the same thing happen to me (not the husband dragging his feet) teachers telling me how our sons would struggle, booking everything (just for 3 as my husband also was staying in Aus until his contract was completed) trying to find shippers, what I was taking or not. You will get there but try and do one thing cross it off then go on to the next. Ignore the teachers, your children will get all the help they need here IF required. You will come out of this a stronger person, don't think this is a punishment on you, it what a lot of us have to go through to get home. Good luck take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back and start the next step (a glass of wine or a coffee somewhere nice helped me when I felt really stressed)

Fromthenorth

Somedays are going to feel like that even more so if the teachers are adding more stress to how your child will do but remember you will work your way through it. Plus emotionally you will feel stronger back on home soil and this will give you more strength to help your child settle back in. My wife's family are trying to paint a negative picture on us going back as they all live here in france (but nowhere near to where we are) and don't understand we have enough stress to sort everything out to return to the UK. They have been saying it will be too hard on the kids to move and are really trying emotional blackmail for us to stay here but for the past three years we have really tried here for work and fitting in but for me I know I cannot be happy here and we always agreed if this happened we would go back but her family cannot accept this.
The stress is so intense but and yes it feels like being punished for going to another country to try to make a new life. But you will be all the more stronger when everything is done and you are home. But there is a huge feeling of being in some sort of twilight zone at the minute it is a strange feeling and personally I think it is the stress of the situation that makes it feel this way, just want to feel like me again back Home where I belong. Good luck to you but I know your kids will be fine you know them better than anyone else so trust yourself that you are doing the right thing...

MartynK

I wouldn't worry about this. Kids are pretty adaptable, and I think the teacher is just trying to prepare you for a possibility.

Jumping from Term 1/Year2 to Term 3/Year 3, and going into Year 4 in September might be a challenge, in a new country with a different syllabus, but this isn't written in stone. It depends on how quickly your son can catch up, and he will get support, but letting him step back a year isn't a major issue at his age.

For most kids, being slightly older than the rest of the class is far easier than being significantly younger. Children start school at 6 - 7 in South Africa, and I've known several expats who came from the UK and insisted that their children join a class at their academic level, where the average age was 1 - 2 years older. A lot of schools are against this, but some parents insisted. It was fine at primary school, and the kids coped well - often coming close to the top of the class - but some of them ran into problems when they reached their teens and high school. Youngsters of 13, turning 14, often found themselves in a very different emotional and social space from the rest of their class who were 15 - 16.

Just take it easy, and it will sort itself out. All the best.

luvwelly

You need to argue your case with the UK school based on the difference in start time of the school years between the 2 countries. One of mine went back a year.
The UK school year starts in September whereas the NZ/Australian is February of the following year - that is a massive difference. Yr2 to to Yr4 in a couple of months doesn't sound reasonable however bright your child. Ask the teacher to put the situation writing as the UK school may be ignorant re the difference in the school year timings.

NiHao

I think getting something in writing would be hugely helpful as an introduction to the new school in the UK. They are going to want your child to thrive too and will help you decide which is the best grade for him to join in the UK. Having something from the teacher in Australia will be helpful to explain the "possible" difficulty he might have. Maybe the teacher would also be open to allowing you to give your son's new school his/her email address in case they would like to ask for more info/clarification of the differences in the Australian system.

I know its easier said than done but try not to worry too much about this aspect, the vast majority of teachers (everywhere) really do want the best for their students, even if you can't get anything in writing I am sure that if you explain the concern expressed to you by his current teacher his new teacher will try to make his transition as stress free as possible.

Good luck, just keep ticking things off the list, it will all get done in the end and all this stress will be behind you.

Englishmaple

Can completely relate to your post Meg and Mog - and I haven't got kids and have yet to apply for work!

The packing is stressful - I think I've broken the back of mine now but just the process of sorting through stuff takes so much more time than one thinks it will (at least that has been my experience) - and, of course, the time taken to do it seems overly long when one has a ton of other stuff to do too.

Keep at it - you will get there (as I will I, I hope!). Like others have said, just focus on ticking things off your list - that way it's less overwhelming (I've found).

lgabriel73

I also found that making up a calendar has helped me. So many things to do and things that need to be done at specific times. I have it on my fridge and add to it when I think of things. All those little things like cancel cable and phone, electric, dog vets appts. Its really helped me clear out my mind an feel a bit more on top of things.

windsong

I just made a move elsewhere in the USA - sold everything I had, too - and drove 1500 miles across the country with my pets. Talk about stress!!! However, I have to look at it as a step towards going home to the UK. I had to force myself to do it.

For the entire month before I made this move and for the two weeks after I got here, I had a tingling sensation down both arms and couldn't sleep well. It was extremely stressful! However, it is the only solution I could think of that would allow me to find work so I could save to go home to the UK. It is not a move I wanted to make by any means but it is one I HAD to make if I ever wanted to get back home.

I think the move to the UK will be less stressful now, since everything is already sold - you could say I am already uprooted. I am living temporarily with a friend here until I am gainfully employed at which point I will get my own place. I will furnish it with the minimum possible, though - just a bed and a sofa and the necessary kitchen items. I don't plan to be here more than a year at the very, very most but the end of the fall of this year is my goal.

I already have one great job in the works and it looks very hopeful! If it materializes, it will have all been worth the stress.

Sometimes we have to fight fire to achieve our goal.

brits1

Most UK schools are quite use to having pupils from other countries who have been taught in different ways, subjects, years etc as I said we have "done it" both ways with our Sons and each time they have been out of sinc with their ages and years etc but both have settled in each countries and now back in the UK one is at Uni the other has just finished Uni and waiting to start his PGCE this September. I always use to just take in their recent work and I never needed to explain about the school starting times as the colleges/schools here in the UK were already well aware of the difference.

Pennines49

Worst day today,wife resigned, advised school, house now half empty.....many thoughs......I think once you migrate your mind is always torn

Fromthenorth

I think your right but depending on how long you have been away. A friend of mine was away for twelve years and it is only now after being back home for three years that he is feeling comfortable about being back, but 12 years is a long time to be away a lot changes but I think for those of us who have not been away too long the readjustment period may be a bit better. I think those of us who have expatriated it is a weird in limbo experience to live in, some days I regret ever leaving in the first place then if I had stayed I would of always wondered. I dunno maybe I'm just talkin nonsense....aghh it would have been so much easier if I had just been able to settle here!

brits1

I have been there myself, I felt worse (and we all wanted to go back home) than the rest of my family, I cried(secretly) when I sold my chesterfield (to a lovely family though) I looked around our rental after our furniture left and cried.....again (secretly again lol) felt sad at saying goodbye to things and places I enjoyed (that's human nature), yes for me that part was hard (I felt the same way when we left the UK for Aus) but I had to look at the bigger picture and since then life has been good for our family and quite rich as we have also done and seen things we dreamed about doing while in Aus and for us it's just really made us feel that fulfilled. Try to look at it that your going forward and starting afresh and you have to do what your doing now to get there. Good luck

brits1

Hi

I think a lot of expats feel that way, I/we have come back home that little bit wiser and appreciative of certain things and that bit more confident.

Meg and Mog

Hi thought I would take 10 mins break from the drudgery of sorting and chucking things out.

Myself and the kids fly in 3 weeks time and the weeks are flying by in a blur.
Sorted a container given up on a 20 ft and will have to take a 40 ft but it won't be full !
Have got a job interview lined up 3 days after we land.
Have got 40 hours of night shift left to work over the weekend and then that's me finished, it's all very scary.
Have about 6 different lists on the go and still waking in the middle of the night to add more.
The whole moving across the world thing is very stressful and almost every hour making note to self never to do it again!
I am trying to think forward to when I am settled with my family again.
Will stop rambling now, am just thankful that there are others out there that understand and have been supportive and listened to my woes.