MissBetty

Thanks for your lovely reply - ooh Jaffa cakes, they are my favourite! I'm going to eat a whole tube to myself once I am back!! No, make that two!

It does help to talk about it, I feel less stressed today and I'm very touched by all the kind replies I've had to my post. Its nice to be able to get things off your chest!

I can talk to my Mum about anything but I am just e-mailing her atm as I'm SO emotional and I don't want her to see me like this. I Skyped my sister last week and just cried for about an hour, she was very patient bless her. I think since she came over for a holiday then left in early Dec its been so hard for me.

She told me leaving me sobbing at the airport was one of the hardest thing she's ever had to do, she said she was so shocked as she said she hadn't seen me cry like that since I found out George Michael was gay (joke) lol!

Anyways its February now and tempus fugit - just wish it would fugit a little faster!

pomikev

I have been following your posts for a while now MissBetty and am so pleased for you that you are actually going to be getting the hell out of this situation, so jealous

Hang in there, you have always come across as a real trooper, very tough and practical and i'm sure you will make it through these last few months and will have some fantastic stories to tell when you get home.

You have done what many people never do and got on a plane and flown around the world to follow your dreams and passions and that takes real courage - you should be very proud of yourself.

And think of how good it's going to be when you get back to blighty with a pocket full of cash that you have extracted from the Aussie economy lol, only you and a few big mining investors have managed to pull this off, take as much as you can mate and enjoy spending it on real food, real pubs, real friends and real culture when you get home.

Keep us posted on you continuing adventures, you have some real fans here

BlueMorpho

BlueMorpho

Mark Twain said, "There were hundreds of terrible events in my life. Some of them actually happened"

Letting this sink in....



.....still sinking in.....



....

MissBetty

Yes, when I finally realised that 'Next Christmas' he wouldn't be giving me his heart and we wouldn't be running around in the snow together wearing matching jumpers from Marks & Spencer I was crushed. I'm over it now though .............just lol!

Btw I love your signature, 'The Soldier' is one of my favourite poems!

MissBetty

Thank you Kev! That is seriously one of the nicest replies I have ever had on BE

On my better (most!) days I'm rational, calm and logical, no one forced me to come here, it was my choice and it hasn't been all bad but somedays - well!!!!!! Its little things that make me upset

I've been helping an Aussie police officer up here who is studying to be a paramedic, a lot of the tutoring I give her is in my own time and I do it as a friend. On Weds, when I had a bit of a meltdown, I told her I was feeling crap. Did she come round? Did she call? No. She sent me a text calling me a whinging Pom I think it just stung a bit cos I was feeling low but it made me so bloody angry!!!! It then dawned on me she only ever rings/comes over when she wants something from me - hmmmmmmmm! Now I'm not saying this doesn't happen with English people (it does) but that 'whinging pom' comment annoyed me so much, I was just having a bad day that's all. Seems I'll be a bit busy the next time she has an assignment due me thinks!

I love your idea of going home with a pocket full of cash extracted from Australia - that really made me laugh! Yeah! I'm going to buy my Kombi van, have lovely holidays in it and think - I bloody well earnt this

Thanks again mate and I hope things improve for you too, cheers!

petrichor

MissBetty, I think you're just lonely. Even the most independent individuals need other people sometimes. We're a social species, and one of the worst punishments we give is solitary confinement. It's no wonder you feel so bad when you're spending long periods of time alone.

To add another saying to the great Mark Twain one above - 'this, too, shall pass'.

When I can't sleep I decide that I'm going to enjoy myself imagining a nice scenario instead, and I usually go off in no time.

I'm sure when you're in the UK with a nice financial cushion you'll be so pleased you stayed the final course.

MissBetty

Yes I AM lonely and I'm bored too! The worst thing is being on duty right around the clock for 8 days and 7 nights - can't go out for dinner, can't go to the gym/do an exercise class, can't go swimming - sigh!

I like the Mark Twain quotes, my signature is a Mark Twain quote, I find him so inspiring, maybe I'll Google a few more?

I went down to the police station today, they are not very friendly but I asked them if they wanted me to check their first aid box and they said yes. I took out all of the out of date stock and restocked it for them and said I'd be happy to do some first aid training for them. Hopefully they'll be interested, it will give me something to do and give them some skills. I've done some training for the fire brigade as well so I'm going to try and see if they want to make it a regular thing, I can work on some presentations etc for them when I'm here during the day and have time on my hands!

Thanks for your reply, I really do appreciate it

MissBetty

I just want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has replied to my post! Thanks so much for all your kind words and great advice, its really helped me feel a bit better. I am going to try and be a bit more proactive in helping myself out of my doom and gloom. Cheers everyone!

vikingsail

MissBetty I follow your story and you are an inspiration at least to me. I posted this link in a separate thread a while ago. It is something I watch when I am feeling down as a great uplifter - along the lines of Dunrovings mindfulness..

https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?...&v=nj2ofrX7jAk

MissBetty

That was awesome, thanks so much (even cried a little bit, oh dear, here I go again lol!)

One of the things I love about BE is how a lot of people, myself included, have a greater appreciation for their own country now after living overseas. As I've reiterated I DON'T hate Australia but I really love my own country so much more now!

I'm trying not to look at my return home through rose tinted glasses but I genuinely feel I do have a better quality of life in the UK. I have a small flat there, not a McMansion like I had here, and I earn double here what I do in the UK but these things mean nothing to me at the end of the day. Its true that I don't have anyone to consider but myself and even though I'm kind of 'downsizing' my life I know its for the best. Here yes, I earn the big bucks, but I feel so trapped and miserable. In the UK I wouldn't earn as much but, as a freelance medic, I get to do all sorts of different medic work - offshore, medical repatriation, front line bank work, cruise liners, first aid teaching, film and tv - I'd never get to do that here. Am I scared? You bet I am! I know it will take time to build up contacts and get a foot in the door but I love what I do and I'm hopeful that employers will give me a chance!

I couldn't give a toss that I live near one of the most fabulous beaches in Qld - there were 3 massive crocs down there this week right on the shoreline FFS! I saw them as I was driving on the beach in my troop carrier last week, they were massive and they just made me shudder - ugh!!!! I don't care about the sandy beach and the coconut trees, I'd rather be on the seafront at Brighton eating hot doughnuts with my Mum!

Most of my friends think I am mad to go back but they haven't actually LIVED overseas so they don't understand. I shrug it off though, like I've said previously, people think if they move to another country all their problems will magically disappear but life just isn't that simple!

When I am back in the UK I feel like I belong, when I am home I feel like a different person to the person I am here. I feel more alive and just happier in general, sometimes here I just feel invisible - no one is interested in me or anything I have to say or offer, if I do have a bad day I keep it all bottled up if I can for fear of the 'whinging pom' label!!!

Its been a great experience to live here but I can't wait to go now. I will never ever take my family, my friends or my country for granted ever again trust me!

Good luck with your plans and can I just say how much I enjoyed reading your 'Xmas Visit' post? It was so well written, loved it!

jemima55

MissBetty, when it came to moving back (from the US), although it was the thing I most wanted to do, I got tearful. I put it down to a dislike of all the disruption associated with upping sticks, and maybe my mind and body were longing for the settled life I had been living.
Regarding mindfulness, and the way your thoughts go round and round, a therapist explained it to me like this. Picture your thoughts as a gaggle of chattering monkeys. (It's a Buddhist idea, apparently). When they seem to be getting too repetitive and disobedient tell those monkeys to shut up! Oddly, they turn tail and b***er off elsewhere.
It's helped me as I am inclined to obsess over things.
Like you I worried about all the "What ifs?" of coming back, but then realised I might be preparing myself for problems that might never occur.
So, monkeys, that's all I've got to say for today!

MissBetty

Love it - bad monkeys! I will give it a try as I'm so tired of MY monkeys jabbering non stop!

I've moved 5 times in a 3 year period now (due to work) and this is the very last time I swear - its so stressful! I just want to be back in my own home with everything in its place, I want peace, quiet, calm and order - oh and a nice cup of tea!

I think I'm upset too atm cos a few of my favourite people have left since January. 2 lovely doctors (one Scot, one French) have left and two of my fellow medics from the next station,who back me up on jobs, are going in the next few weeks. One is leaving for good to be a nurse and the other is moving back to Brisbane. I'll miss them all so much, why do the good people go and the rotters stay?

Hope you are enjoying being back in the UK and all your 'what if' worries were unfounded

jemima55

Well, some have been, so far, cross fingers, touch wood.
I'm sorry you are losing people you love. I was exactly the opposite, but then these probably weren't people I was so attached to. If someone moved on, I'd think "One day that'll be me!" And get unreasonably cheerful.
That's how much I wanted to go! Moving on seemed the most glamorous thing in the world.
Mind, your life sounds really exciting. You should write a book when you come home!

MissBetty

Lol! It can be, its never dull that's for sure! I'm actually keeping a bit of a journal atm so maybe I'll turn it into a book one day?!!!

I've just come back from a job. Was met outside the house by a drunk man with one eye and one arm () who said he's just moved here to be with his girlfriend and she was inside on the floor, drunk and he couldn't get her up. I dutifully followed him into the house to be confronted with this HUGE black lady who was up, running around and quite angry that he'd called for an ambulance. She ran at me screaming at me to "f*** off!" so I high tailed it out of there - trying very hard not to laugh!!! Seriously - you couldn't make this stuff up ha ha ha!

Yes its hard to make friends here and when people I really like leave it makes me feel so sad! Still its nearly my turn