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I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Old Feb 16th 2013, 11:12 pm
  #136  
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by MissBetty
Hi Naishy and welcome to BE! I honestly think finding BE was was of the best things to happen to me, I would have totally cracked up without it lol! I'm sure you will find a lot of support on here so good luck with your plans to return!

I really do appreciate now what I had before in the UK. I just breezed through life quite happily, nice family, great friends, cozy flat, awesome job, fab holidays and I just took it all for granted. Continually wishing on a star and thinking of Oz as a magical land where my life would be so fantastic - pity I couldn't see what was right under my nose the whole time!!! Right now I don't think about going down to the beach or spending the day in the pool, my sister is getting a puppy and I'm more excited about that to be honest!

When I think of how much I railed at my parents for leaving Australia, how every Xmas I would up and go with my backpack to some far flung land without a backwards glance - I feel ashamed to think how selfish and unreasonable I've been I totally understand now WHY my parents left Australia for the UK after 12 years there, they wanted to fit in, they missed their families, they wanted to go home!

I don't regret coming back to Australia one little bit, it has been a great experience and a learning one too, there will be some changes once I get back though I swear! This year I'm going to have Xmas at my house so my Mum can put her feet up for a change! I'm going to go round to theirs more often and help my Dad chop wood for the fire, he's got terrible arthritis and he does struggle a bit these days. I'm going to take them out a bit more too, treat them to meals and some nice days out, God knows they have earned it putting up with me and all my shenanigans all these years!

Like you I do appreciate my own country so much more now, my experience here has changed me and I'm not the same person I was before. I've learnt that it doesn't matter where you go you have to take yourself with you lol! I'm not looking at my return through rose tinted glasses, I know I will have my days when I think 'what have I done?' but deep down it just feels like the right thing to do.

After experiencing true independence, loneliness, depression, good times and bad I have finally, finally stopped bring such a selfish, thoughtless brat, I have grown up - its a good feeling!
Miss Betty...this could have been me writing this! I was wondering, have you and your parents talked about how and when they decided to go home? Would be interesting to hear how much you may share in that experience. Always enjoy reading about your experiences and hope once you are home you will keep us updated. Of course, we are expecting that book! You may have already said but whereabouts are you heading back to?
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Old Feb 16th 2013, 11:41 pm
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by perthhomeschool
Miss Betty...this could have been me writing this! I was wondering, have you and your parents talked about how and when they decided to go home? Would be interesting to hear how much you may share in that experience. Always enjoy reading about your experiences and hope once you are home you will keep us updated. Of course, we are expecting that book! You may have already said but whereabouts are you heading back to?
Lol! I've been such a cow, really I have!

Last time I went home in 2011 my parents and I did have a big chat about why they decided to return. Its great because they have been through the same thing as me and they know exactly how I feel.

Mum told me about what it was like for her, moving to the other side of the world with my Dad's brother and his wife as the only people they knew. They lived on a immigrants camp in Perth and Mum said she was so lonely, stuck at home, no friends, no family, no money with a 2 year old and a baby whilst my Dad tramped the streets day in, day out looking for work. She actually got quite tearful talking about it which shocked me as she is one of the toughest people I know. She said she spent the days walking with us in the pram trawling the second hand shops for bits and pieces to make the nissan hut they lived in look as homely and nice as possible.

My Dad said he enjoyed the adventure but it was hard at first looking for work knowing he had a young family at home to support. My Dad is Irish and he got such a hard time from the Aussies, winding him up and calling him thick - he got into a lot of fights!!! He was a labourer by trade but then got his truck licence, I honestly don't know how he spent all those early years working outside in the hot sun.

They came back to the UK once after 4 years but couldn't settle so went back to Oz after a year but returned for good after another 8 years. They both just said they had enough of feeling like outsiders, never fitting in and they just missed so much - their family, friends, the British way of life etc etc.

We had some great times though! When I was 10 and my sister was 8 we all drove across the Nullarbor with just a tent in my Dad's old Holden station wagon. It was still a dirt road then and we drove from Perth to Sydney and back - took about 6 weeks I seem to recall? I remember it like it was yesterday, one of the best holidays we ever had! I remember we stopped at a place called Ivy Tanks cos Mum needed the loo but she wouldn't go because the dunny was an old oil drum cut in half with a tyre stuck on top lol! She refused and held on until the next town - too funny!!!!!

They said when they came back it was harder than they thought, people didn't want to hear about their time in Australia and a lot of people tried to make them feel like they'd 'failed' or something. They went from a nice house with a pool to a grotty, rented 2 bed flat then, of course, they had to start looking for work all over again! Now with two teenage children unhappy with being uprooted again, the strain on them was so bad that they nearly split up.

I'm pleased to report that they are still together, married nearly 50 years, very happy and live in a cottage in a cute little village. They are retired, love their gardening, have a camper van and have a better social life than I do! They are off to Italy, Switzerland, France and Germany in May, they said they will come home when their money runs out ha ha ha! The only thing they argue about these days is whose turn it is to do the washing up

I have a one bed flat in Hastings old town (far enough away from Hastings main town I swear!) so I am moving back in there. I was looking at pics online yesterday (feeling homesick!) and it looks so pretty, so familiar, I can't wait to get back. After all the upheavals of the past few years I am looking forward to a bit of stability and a normal life. Am I ready to hang up the backpack??!! Weeeeelllll maybe, just for a little while

Last edited by MissBetty; Feb 17th 2013 at 12:13 am.
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 12:11 am
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Oh I just posted this on another thread in case anyone is interested?!

This is where I live in the UK :-

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2012...gs-east-sussex

Last edited by MissBetty; Feb 17th 2013 at 12:16 am.
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 1:11 am
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by dunroving
Yes, this (bolded), would be my guess. Loneliness can turn your perspective upside down.

It's probably a bit more complicated than just that but I think that loneliness can be a huge factor in messing with your head.

It sounds like your boss has a good head on his shoulders.
This really caught my eye. I have been experiencing this terrible loneliness lately. It seems to be getting worse, too. I am not working at the moment so I am home a lot and I feel as if I am going crazy - and, yes, it is turning my perspective upside down on many things. Sometimes I think I am losing my mind

I don't know of anyone else here (USA) who has experienced this, so I wonder if this terrible loneliness that some of us seem to feel is because we are expats. Quite honestly, I have experienced it a LOT in the years that I have been here - 30 years. In fact, aside from one or two people I can almost say I lived my life here in isolation, except when I was working, of course.

Other than the odd superficial banter with someone at work, I don't feel much, if any, common ground with anyone here - and it's been like that the entire 30 years.
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 1:41 am
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by windsong
This really caught my eye. I have been experiencing this terrible loneliness lately. It seems to be getting worse, too. I am not working at the moment so I am home a lot and I feel as if I am going crazy - and, yes, it is turning my perspective upside down on many things. Sometimes I think I am losing my mind

I don't know of anyone else here (USA) who has experienced this, so I wonder if this terrible loneliness that some of us seem to feel is because we are expats. Quite honestly, I have experienced it a LOT in the years that I have been here - 30 years. In fact, aside from one or two people I can almost say I lived my life here in isolation, except when I was working, of course.

Other than the odd superficial banter with someone at work, I don't feel much, if any, common ground with anyone here - and it's been like that the entire 30 years.
My heart goes out to you, truly it does. I'd never experienced loneliness until I came here and it can be so distressing.

I work but at a remote single officer station in the tropics so I don't see a lot of people when I am at work which is 178 straight, right around the clock. I get back up from another station if I need it so I know a few people from there but whenever they arrange a night out I never get invited!

I have made a few good friends here but I do find from time to time I get 'used' by people who just take advantage of me as I'm sure they sense I am lonely. For example one of the local policewomen here is studying to be a paramedic. I've helped her heaps with assignments and when she was ill but she only ever contacts me when she wants something - it really pisses me off to be honest. Every time I'm on days off and suggest lunch, coffee etc she always makes an excuse then I see on Facebook she is out with one of the other cops I'm giving her a wide berth now and said I couldn't help her with some training 2 weeks ago - not heard from her since, funny that!!!

There is a station up here where most of the staff are from the UK and must say I LOVE working there on overtime. We have such a laugh and torment the life out of each other. Two are from the Midlands, me and one of the guys are from the South East and one guy is from Scotland - cue much mickey taking of accents! Every time I do a shift there I'm always there an hour after I've finished just chatting and laughing til my sides hurt! We have so much in common and I don't have to keep explaining what I mean!

I used to think it was me, that I'd turned into some pariah but I know now it isn't me, so many other expats feel this way! I don't get it as I have always been friendly to people from other countries that I have met/worked with, interested in them, who they are and where they come from etc etc but people here have not been like that to me.

I hope you feel better Windsong, its rotten to feel like you do and it happens to a lot of us who live overseas, trust me on this one! Do you have any future plans to return to the UK? I know I've said this a hundred times but BE really helped me when I was at my lowest point. The only thing I'm sorry about is that I didn't find it sooner!

May I also suggest some counseling? I'd never had any before but I got offered some through work so thought why not? The first session I just cried and cried and cried, the second I just talked and talked and talked. At first I felt like it wasn't really helping, like what was the point?? The lady just sat there nodding and listening but now, in hindsight, it felt so bloody good to just cry and rant to someone who wouldn't judge me. After a few sessions she started to suggest coping strategies which I took on board, she made me feel better about myself as I'd seemed to have convinced myself I was worthless, stupid and not worth knowing. I started looking after myself a bit better, eating good food, going for walks, positive thinking, being kind to myself and cutting back on alcohol, it took time but now I'm more or less back to happy outgoing me and I don't give a toss what other people think about me. I still get a bit lonely but I think I'm ok as a person and that's just fine by me!

Good luck, hope things improve for you

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Old Feb 17th 2013, 2:02 am
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by windsong
This really caught my eye. I have been experiencing this terrible loneliness lately. It seems to be getting worse, too. I am not working at the moment so I am home a lot and I feel as if I am going crazy - and, yes, it is turning my perspective upside down on many things. Sometimes I think I am losing my mind

I don't know of anyone else here (USA) who has experienced this, so I wonder if this terrible loneliness that some of us seem to feel is because we are expats. Quite honestly, I have experienced it a LOT in the years that I have been here - 30 years. In fact, aside from one or two people I can almost say I lived my life here in isolation, except when I was working, of course.

Other than the odd superficial banter with someone at work, I don't feel much, if any, common ground with anyone here - and it's been like that the entire 30 years.
My heart is with you mate, I have been overseas living the expat life for almost 30 years myself and I can completely empathise with everything you say.

I did have a look at the USA first when I was in my late teens/early 20's, spent a couple of years working there and tried out a few different cities but decided real quick that it just wasn't for me and instead settled in Australia. - hats off to you for sticking it out in America for 30 YEARS ! wow, you must have the constitution of an ox, all that crappy food, bad TV, low IQ violence and foundationless glitzy kitch bling, must have worn you you down a tad

Where were you from originally in the UK ? why did you leave, why did you settle in America ? where did you settle in America and why ? Do you want to go back to England ? if so why don't you ?

Sometimes just sharing your story helps you to get it all into perspective and allows you to take a huge step back and take stock, and this is the place to do that, most of us on here will be interested, listen to your story with compassion and understanding and you will see a lot of heads nodding in understanding, That just doesn't happen when you are telling the people around you in normal life about your adventures, if they haven't been an ex pat in a similar situation long term they just don't get it and are not really interested in your problems.

So tell us your story mate, I'm interested and I'm sure many others are here and you will get some fresh ideas and support injected into the situation.

Chin up, you are not alone.

Kev
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 3:51 am
  #142  
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

This really caught my eye. I have been experiencing this terrible loneliness lately. It seems to be getting worse, too. I am not working at the moment so I am home a lot and I feel as if I am going crazy - and, yes, it is turning my perspective upside down on many things. Sometimes I think I am losing my mind

I don't know of anyone else here (USA) who has experienced this, so I wonder if this terrible loneliness that some of us seem to feel is because we are expats. Quite honestly, I have experienced it a LOT in the years that I have been here - 30 years. In fact, aside from one or two people I can almost say I lived my life here in isolation, except when I was working, of course.

Other than the odd superficial banter with someone at work, I don't feel much, if any, common ground with anyone here - and it's been like that the entire 30 years.
This post has caught my eye. I really feel for you, windsong. I guess mainly because even though I am not an expat in the US I also feel those same exact feelings of being lonely. Difference for me is I have a family, I have kids still living at home and could not imagine the loneliness I would feel if I did not have that. I've never felt like I fit in here, and I've tried many different states. I've always felt like an outsider and always felt like no one gets me. What you said about feeling like you've lived your life here in isolation, that rings true to me too. Yes, my family is here but like many American families- family is not a priority in mine- not really. I can honestly say I have had zero close adult friends. I don't even know what having a real friend is like.
So I don't think it is just an expat thing, I really think it often comes down to just not feeling right in the place you are. They say home is where the heart if but if your heart is somewhere else then where you are is not home, right? I know the US is not for us. And yes, it's different for us because it's all new and scary and almost considered crazy but we've got to move on and try to find that place we belong.
So if you ever want to talk, send me a shout out- I think we feel pretty similarly.

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Old Feb 17th 2013, 4:01 am
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

I have made a few good friends here but I do find from time to time I get 'used' by people who just take advantage of me as I'm sure they sense I am lonely. For example one of the local policewomen here is studying to be a paramedic. I've helped her heaps with assignments and when she was ill but she only ever contacts me when she wants something - it really pisses me off to be honest. Every time I'm on days off and suggest lunch, coffee etc she always makes an excuse then I see on Facebook she is out with one of the other cops I'm giving her a wide berth now and said I couldn't help her with some training 2 weeks ago - not heard from her since, funny that!!!
Funny thing is I feel the same way. Like the only time anyone seems to want anything to do with me is when they want something. And the greed, oh my gosh the greed! I am continually amazed at how incredibly selfish people are and it's really sad because I find I take my irritation out on my family. I get so sick and tired of people being selfish users and have no other outlet than to be an irrational B at home. Your suggestion of counseling is a good one and I think I may look into it. I just am so sick of people here and feeling like no one cares one iota about me, only what I can give.
I don't know what it is, why some people seem to make friends right off and keep them and why others struggle so much with it. I often wonder what is wrong with me, why I can't seem to make friends- ever. I really have tried. I just don't get it. Well, I know part of it is I am just not happy here and I suspect people pick up on that. Plus I feel like I just don't 'jive' with the people here, I don't get them and they don't get me and it's all just a mess up from the get-go.

Last edited by Beccarose; Feb 17th 2013 at 4:04 am. Reason: I seem to be screwing up left and right tonight!
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 4:12 am
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by pomikev
My heart is with you mate, I have been overseas living the expat life for almost 30 years myself and I can completely empathise with everything you say.

I did have a look at the USA first when I was in my late teens/early 20's, spent a couple of years working there and tried out a few different cities but decided real quick that it just wasn't for me and instead settled in Australia. - hats off to you for sticking it out in America for 30 YEARS ! wow, you must have the constitution of an ox, all that crappy food, bad TV, low IQ violence and foundationless glitzy kitch bling, must have worn you you down a tad

Where were you from originally in the UK ? why did you leave, why did you settle in America ? where did you settle in America and why ? Do you want to go back to England ? if so why don't you ?

Sometimes just sharing your story helps you to get it all into perspective and allows you to take a huge step back and take stock, and this is the place to do that, most of us on here will be interested, listen to your story with compassion and understanding and you will see a lot of heads nodding in understanding, That just doesn't happen when you are telling the people around you in normal life about your adventures, if they haven't been an ex pat in a similar situation long term they just don't get it and are not really interested in your problems.

So tell us your story mate, I'm interested and I'm sure many others are here and you will get some fresh ideas and support injected into the situation.

Chin up, you are not alone.

Kev
I second this post. Sometimes just talking about your situation is helpful, plus I am sure most of us would love to hear your story.
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 4:15 am
  #145  
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by MissBetty
Oh I just posted this on another thread in case anyone is interested?!

This is where I live in the UK :-

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2012...gs-east-sussex
Sorry for the slew of postings...

But this is a great link, thanks so much for posting it! I wish all places had a lovely little list like this!
BTW, looks like a fab area you're heading back to! How far is your flat from the water? Must say I am envious.
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 5:24 am
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by Beccarose
Sorry for the slew of postings...

But this is a great link, thanks so much for posting it! I wish all places had a lovely little list like this!
BTW, looks like a fab area you're heading back to! How far is your flat from the water? Must say I am envious.
Come out my front door, turn to the right and you can see the beach down the end of the road! Its a pebble beach but I like it, if I go to the end of the road and turn left there is a sheltered little bay called Rock-a-Nore about 5 mins walk away past the fisherman's huts.

I go down there in the summer with my blanket, an esky with food, some drinks and a good book for the whole day. My sister comes down the beach as well on her days off, we just hang out and eat hot chips with tons of salt and vinegar - this year we will have the puppy with us too! If you end up moving down this way you can come too, just hoping for a few sunny days!!!

Last edited by MissBetty; Feb 17th 2013 at 5:31 am.
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 5:29 am
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by Beccarose
Funny thing is I feel the same way. Like the only time anyone seems to want anything to do with me is when they want something. And the greed, oh my gosh the greed! I am continually amazed at how incredibly selfish people are and it's really sad because I find I take my irritation out on my family. I get so sick and tired of people being selfish users and have no other outlet than to be an irrational B at home. Your suggestion of counseling is a good one and I think I may look into it. I just am so sick of people here and feeling like no one cares one iota about me, only what I can give.
I don't know what it is, why some people seem to make friends right off and keep them and why others struggle so much with it. I often wonder what is wrong with me, why I can't seem to make friends- ever. I really have tried. I just don't get it. Well, I know part of it is I am just not happy here and I suspect people pick up on that. Plus I feel like I just don't 'jive' with the people here, I don't get them and they don't get me and it's all just a mess up from the get-go.
I second that! It kinda makes me laugh how I have had more kind words, help and support from people on here than I do from people in 'real life' who I've actually done a lot for!!!!!

I bet there is nothing wrong with you Becca, its just not the right place for you. Some of us have to go back to find our happy fit, some of us have to move forward. Life is weird sometimes, complicated but (to quote a fav movie) everything will be alright in the end, and if its not alright? Well then its not the end
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 7:13 am
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Come out my front door, turn to the right and you can see the beach down the end of the road! Its a pebble beach but I like it, if I go to the end of the road and turn left there is a sheltered little bay called Rock-a-Nore about 5 mins walk away past the fisherman's huts.

I go down there in the summer with my blanket, an esky with food, some drinks and a good book for the whole day. My sister comes down the beach as well on her days off, we just hang out and eat hot chips with tons of salt and vinegar - this year we will have the puppy with us too! If you end up moving down this way you can come too, just hoping for a few sunny days!!!
Count me in for sure!!!
It all sounds perfect!! I can understand why you're anxious to get back.
What kind of puppy will your sister have?
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 7:19 am
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by MissBetty
I second that! It kinda makes me laugh how I have had more kind words, help and support from people on here than I do from people in 'real life' who I've actually done a lot for!!!!!

I bet there is nothing wrong with you Becca, its just not the right place for you. Some of us have to go back to find our happy fit, some of us have to move forward. Life is weird sometimes, complicated but (to quote a fav movie) everything will be alright in the end, and if its not alright? Well then its not the end
Thank you very much for saying that, all of it.
I'm glad you've begun selecting who you continue to help, that one woman sure as heck doesn't deserve any more of your time. I have people like that around me too, more so when I try harder with people, which is why I guess I've just tried less and less over the years. People are so weird and I often times wonder why I can't meet people like some of those I have come across on here in real life.
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Old Feb 17th 2013, 7:20 am
  #150  
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Default Re: I think today I've gone 'troppo' - help!

Originally Posted by Beccarose
Count me in for sure!!!
It all sounds perfect!! I can understand why you're anxious to get back.
What kind of puppy will your sister have?
Yes, it will be a nice time of year to go back too. It will still be quite cold but July/Aug/Sept should be a BIT sunny

She's getting a pug! They're so cute, friendly and loyal, she has her name down at the breeders just waiting to see when the next litter is available. I'm going to doggy-sit on days when I am off and she is working. She only works part time but I'm more than happy to help out!!!
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