Does it ever stop aching?
 

Well, we've been here in Perth for five months now, and my husband has settled in wonderfully. He had no problems finding a job in the same field as he was in in the UK, the pay is not as good but it's what we expected. Our children seem to be fine, they're only 5 & 3, so it's all a bit of an adventure for them really. Apart from the occasional "I miss Granny & Grandad" they don't really seem to talk about the UK at all. They have lot's of new mates too.

We are renting a lovely home in the Northern suburbs,we have two very nice cars, we have bought a block of land and chosen the house to be built on it.
I've made lot's of new aquaintances ( I say that as it takes a long time to class someone as a friend) and get out more than I ever did at home. We spend weekends as a family and go out to the park or the beach lot's, although I'm sure this will become monotonous over time. The weather is so much better and the skies are brilliant blue, as is the ocean. Our finances, once the house is built, will be so much better than they were in the UK, we will actually have spare money left over at the end of the month...amazing! ;) All of the things we emigrated for, we have either achieved or will achieve.

So, with all of the above taken into consideration, why the hell do all I think about and long for, is home? Everyday I wake up with an ache in my stomach, a longing to be back in my old house, surrounded by my family, my friends and all of the things that meant so much to me. Why do I fantasize about the lovely countryside that was just down the road from us, those wonderful green fields, the hills, the hay-bails, the hedgerows full of wildlife, the kind that isn't out to kill you! I miss the architecture, the culture and history? I've suddenly realised, that my home town where I grew up and spent most of my years, has more history in it's High Street! (Aboriginal history excluded) I just took it for granted. I feel sick to my stomach by the thought that I will spend this christmas away from people who actually give a damn about me and my family.

All of a sudden I want cold, frosty weather...oh to wake up after a harsh frost, to throw back the curtains of my bloody UPSTAIRS bedroom and see the white glistening in the sunshine. To get all excited about christmas shopping in the cold, dark afternoons, to get home and put the tree lights on and snuggle up in front of the fire to watch to decent programmes instead of CSI Miami or Law & Order! I have come to the conclusion, that much more of these programes and I will actually be able to commit the perfect crime...I'd never get caught, I'm nearly an expert now! :D

I never thought I would actually say this...but I miss planning and having my fortnights holiday in Greece or Spain! Oh god, that's one heck of an admission I know, but it's so true! I miss being able to sit in a taverna, in a cobbled street surrounded by old white washed houses and drink cold beer out of a jug! We did say, when we were in the UK, that we would come back to the UK for holidays and pop into Spain/Greece or wherever took our fancy! What the hell were we thinking! There is no way we could ever afford to do that! We can't even afford to just pop over to the east coast! It's not until you get here and realise just how expensive it really is, do the maths and come to the conclusion that we're stuck here....in suburban hell. We spent nearly 2 years researching this, we thought we knew most things, we thought we were well prepared for any eventuality....what b*****ks! No amount of research can prepare you emotionally for the pain a move like this will cause.

On one hand, I could kick myself really hard, for doing this emigrating lark! If only I'd kept my big mouth shut when my hubby suggested it, if only I'd looked around me and took stock, appreciated it all a little more, instead of craving the adventure, of wanting to make a difference to my life. Then, on the other hand, if we do go back to the UK, I will not regret taking the chance of coming over here and giving it a go. It will make me look through different eyes at what the UK has to offer.

The hardest thing will be, for me, 'making' my husband go home. He is so happy here, but he would never make me stay if I wasn't happy, he would be willing to go back, just to make me happy. I will just feel so awful by making him give up his dream. I know this is still early days for me, it's only been 5 months, but these feelings haven't changed, I've felt like this since we got here. I wish I could be one of those people that land, get off the plane and feel that they've found their little piece of heaven! It's just not clicked for me at all. I find Australia beautiful, but bland and characterless. It has no depth, no soul. If it's beaches and barbis that float your boat, then this is the right place for you, but after five months of it, it get's a little dull!

We will have to wait until the house is built, then make the decision. I think I will go home for a holiday first, just to see how I really feel about the place, it may put things into perspective a little either way.

I just wondered, is there anyone out there, who feel or ever felt like this? Is this just early days homesickness? will it fade and get better? Did it ever start to click for you, it just took a lot longer for some than for others? :confused:

I feel so damn lost. :(

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Hi Tracey
Perhaps it proves that material things do not make people happy, nor can they replace the things in life that are free, such as friends, family, etc.

Saying that, you seem to be missing familiarity - that coupled with the feelings of being 'lost' maybe just means you haven't found your 'place' in Australia yet. Five months isn't that long, not really enough time to feel settled, and you're right about taking time to make friends. It probably took me a good year of socialising before I actually could say I had 'friends', (as opposed to 'people I go for drinks with after work'. )

Can you and husband agree to review the situation when you reach the 12 or 18 month milestone? That way, it doesn't have to be forever and takes the pressure off you if you think you are 'stuck' there forever.

I alos found Australia bland and missed having Europe on my doorstep. It is a fantastic country and we were fortunate enough to be able to take several months out and travel round Oz before settling in Melbourne. However, once we'd done that, I often felt trapped - can't really put my finger on why I felt like that. Sunshine isn't enought to make a place a home for me. (I spend as much time outdoors in the UK as I did in Oz - if you went back to UK, maybe you just need to make changes to the way the family spends time together.)

I dont think you are feeling anything abnormal. I'm sure there are many more on the Oz forum who feel the same, as well as the people who read this section.

Hope you work something out soon!
HP

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

The good news is, you are going through what a lot of people go through. The bad news is, the feeling may not go away - just subside to a dull ache.

I'm going out on a limb here, but most Poms that emigrate to Oz seem to believe that the superficial attractions ('cos that's what they are) more than outweigh what they are leaving behind. But we all need a lot more than BBQs and beaches.

It's not just friends and family that we miss, it's our own history that we're leaving behind. For good or bad, we spend 30+ years being moulded by life in the UK - and then we go to Oz to try and start a new life. As an outsider.

It ain't easy.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

This is true. Some people know as soon as they get there that Australia isn't for them.

What I would say tho, is that while you are in the mindset that you aren't happy in Australia and would like to move back to the UK, you will probably never become happy in Australia because you are constantly thinking about the UK. This is why you maybe need to agree a review date and then forget about the UK in the meantime and try and enjoy Aussie life. It's probably easier knowing that you can talk about going home in the future, but can enjoy being in Oz for the moment.

Christmas will be different - instead of pining for trees, baubles and twinkling lights, think about how you can make your first Aussie Christmas a real occasion to remember. I think you have to plan to adapt. Holidays will never be the same - but organise to do things that you can't do at home. Try different things instead of craving the familiarity - I know this is easier said than done but if you are wanting to change your frame of mind you need to stop wishing for what you can't have and embrace the things you can have. At least then if you go back in 2 years time you can look back on all the great things you did - even if you do come to the conclusion that Christmas in Oz is naff!!

If you hadnt gone to Australia you would have spent your whole life wondering 'what if'. The world is there to be explored so altho it may have cost you an arm and a leg, you are right that you shouldn't have any regrets. It is sure to be a fab experience for all the family. And who knows, you might still be there in 5 years time ;)

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Give yourself some time definately...

Took me a couple of years to get used to the USA... I actually had to make an effort to change my perspective.. Spent a lot of time mourning the loss of things back in the UK without taking the time to really start accepting and enjoying the USA ways/lifestyle. Once I made a decision of... We are here for good so get on with it honeymommy.. I actually grew to love most things about our life there.....
I was in a different situation though, as hubby was happy and didn't want to return to the UK..... So I guess you could say I felt stuck in a way..

When I left UK it was for a better life, I didn't realise the culture shock that would follow though. Definately felt like an outsider there, even up until the time that we left.

We came back to the UK in July, not by choice as visa extension was denied. So here we are....

Once we knew we were coming back we accepted it and looked at the good things coming back... Again a culture shock...

Here I am with a weird English/American twang accent.... Things have changed an awful lot in almost 7 years... I now feel like an outsider in my own country.

BUT.....

We have only been back just over 4mths..... It will take time to fit back in, and I know that in time I will be settled and happy again.... It's just change. ;)

I would suggest you put the things you miss in the UK away in the back of your mind for a while... Find the things you enjoy where you are and make the best of your life there... As you say, there's nothing you can do right now about it anyway..... Take time to enjoy what you have and once the house is built you may feel differently about you choice to move....

If you still crave for the UK, then at least you have enjoyed your time from now till then... Make the most of it. :D

Oh and that dull ache... Yep, it was allways there, even though I loved the USA....
Life's a blast isn't it... LOL

Oh and by the way I am jealous, hearing about lovely weather and the beach. It's bloody cold here! Hahahahah

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

This is all so true. All this superficial nonsense, with the big house and the swimming pool, they mean Jack s**t to me. I am already tired of the BBQ circuit, I don't mean to sound ungrateful or unsociable, I would just love to do something a little more meaningful than stand around eating hot-dogs in someones back garden!

I think I've learnt the biggest lesson of my life by coming here. I always new I loved our British history & culture, the stately homes, the architecture, I just didn't realise how much. Now I do. We came here in search of the dream, the better way of life, the financial freedom, the outdoor lifestyle. The outdoor lifestyle, that's a laugh, it's not as wonderful as some folk make it out to be is it, what with the rainy winters and the many horrible flies, it can make it a tad uncomfortable to be out and about. Oh heck, I am turning into a whinging pom! :rolleyes: I'm sorry.

We will give it at least another 12 months, we have to complete the house project and pray that the property market continues to rise out here, that way it will make our moving back to the UK a little easier.

When I was in the UK, I would sit and read the forums, try to gleen as much information as possible with regards to useful and not so useful titbits. I always hoped that we would be one of the lucky families that this move would work out for, maybe it still will given more time, but at the moment, I take back everything I said about being able to cope without my loved ones, my family and friends around me. What I wouldn't give for just a cuddle off my Mum right now. :(

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

I'm close to tears here for you lady, tell hubby you're ready for home, book the tickets and get your arse back where you belong. In 3 months it'll all be just a memory.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Is it popular culture that conditions us to expect that things will work out immediately?

The real world is not like that.

Migration to Australia is not easy, and while it's normal to be homesick after a few months, to seriously contemplate returning after such a short period is downright silly. Considering the lengths one had to go to in order to migrate in the first place.

Give it time. Get citizenship after two years to keep options open, and then after three years, if you still want to go back to the UK, go for it.

Until that point, I'd suggest you don't even *think* about returning.

Jeremy

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Totally agree here... You need to give it time... Find things you like to do... Give it a chance.. 5 months is no time at all.... It took me a good 2/3 years to start enjoying my life in USA without wanting to go back to the UK.... I had allways had my friends around me in the UK.

It took me a while to start finding things I enjoyed alone, only then did I start to meet other women who were interesting and on my wavelength so to speak.... Oh and it did not include a BBQ... LOL

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

You haven't given it long enough. the honeymoon is over and reality is setting in. Like Honeymummy it took me over 2 years to settle into life in the US to the point where I didn't have to think about what to do whenever I walked into a doctor's office, think about what to say before I said it so someone could actually understand me. To not be constantly hitting that bloody brick wall and trying to climb over it. The number of times I would have to go to one of my neighbours and ask for help because I didn't understand what to do or couldn't find something I needed. And like you, we did our research beforehand, we knew of a couple that had come over and came back and had talked to them about why and what happened etc. But no amount of preparing can help for the familiarity of home and for the things that come naturally where you don't have to think before you do something.

But that will change. We have been here nearly 6 years and I can honestly say it was when we were over 4 years I, for the first time, was not having that brick wall standing in front of me every week or every month. Like children when they grow up and the sleepless nights slowly disappear or the tantrums at two gradually fade, then all of a sudden you realise you hadn't had to get up in the night for the last two nights or you haven't had to cope with a screaming child in the middle of a supermarket for the past week, you will realise that you can have a conversation with a local and they won't comment on your accent, or you can join in with the BBQs and laugh and enjoy the company of the locals.

Your children are young enough for you to be able to give it 4 to 5 years because that is how long it takes to acclimatize to a new environment and for you to stop constantly comparing everything to back home. Even after two years I was still converting prices to see if I was getting something for a good price! the fact that you say you are financially better off once you have your house built means that you should be able to save up for a trip home. If necessary on your own for a couple of weeks and leave the children with their dad. Or just you and the children go. Plan how long it will take for you to save up for this and then add 6 months just in case. Plan to go back for a holiday then. If you are going to go with the children, plan to go back for 5 weeks or so so you really get a good time at home. If hubby can't go then that might even be better because you will be pining to get back to him and it gives you something to look forward to going back to.

When we were planning to move to the US (my children were 8, 6 and 4) I couldn't say it was forever. I couldn't tell all my family and friends when we were selling up and packing to leave that we wouldn't be coming back. So hubby and I said we would give it 5 years and then review. We had our eldest to think of with school if we were coming back so 5 years seemed a good time. For the first 2 years at least all I could think of was that we had left our options open and we could go back in 5 years. It was only when we were actually approaching the 5 we realised we hadn't talked about going back for ages and it hadn't even crossed my mind that we would for about 6 months. This is why I say that 2 years isn't long enough.

Just remember all those communities in the UK of Pakistani or Indian people where they all stick together, speak their own language and cook their own food. Now you know why - it keeps a little bit of home with them and that is what you need to do. You are all British so make your new home British. When you leave that door, speak the local language, food etc., but when you come home, try and keep some of your Britishness - we play British movies, comedy shows, even find old adverts off the TV on the computer and sing them with hubby. the kids think we have lost it but we don't care :D But when you walk out that door try to find clubs and interests that you can enjoy and get the most out of. Join the school parents association or help with arts and crafts etc., School is a good place to find out what you would enjoy doing without thinking of home.

It will get easier if you just give it time :)

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Tracey, one or two things for you to think about.

You know when you start a new job? you're the 'new girl', everyone else in your new job meets after work for drinks or to socialise.

'I will never be able to learn it all'

'I will never make friends'

'Everyone seems to know one another'

All the things that we might say when we start a new job, we think we will never learn it, know it, have it ect.

When I started my vet nurse training, I absolutely hated it. After 6 months, I had my train ticket back to Devon to visit everyone because I was convinced that life would stop there without me.

I cried every night. Suddenly the old house, the old job, the old people were the most important thing in the world for me. London was shit and I was NEVER going to like it.

I hated my boss, could not understand why people loved him.

As for my friends I had left in Devon, well surely they would be missing me, crying for me???

When I went back for a visit (dont drive, and train fares v. expensive to Torquay), What a shock!!!!

Life had gone on very nicely without me thank you very much.

Sure they were pleased to see me, but glancing round, I remembered why I left.

Fine for a holiday, but a tiny seaside town with poor job prospects. Great to be back, but I did leave there for a reason.

When I lived in Devon and use to visit my mum, I remember her treating me as though I had popped in from over the road when it had taken me 5 hours to get there!

As for the job, I remember it well. A year down the line, I went to a work party. Still thinking I hated it, hated the people ect.

It was only after a couple of drinks that I relaxed and realised that if I would only give them a fair go, then they would me.

I stayed there for 2 years and qualified as a nurse.

The employer that I hated so much, well 4 years on, I still do private work for him.

He is a hard taskmaster but, when he saw how through sheer determination, I studied, worked hard and adapted to my new surroundings, I not only earned his respect, but gained a valuable friendship.

Homesickness can last for ages. Jeremy is right, five months is still very early on.

Instead of pining for home, think about your new surroundings and the new friends you will make.

Everything in life takes time to settle.

Try and remember:

Houses take years to build,

Friendships take longer,

It takes a while to call a house a home.

You dont give someone your complete trust after only 5 months


With this in mind, please be kind to yourself.

You left the UK for a reason, for a new life, so you owe it to yourself to give it a chance.


Take care of yourself.

Sam

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

I know what you mean about, "Does it ever stop aching?" Everybody is different, but for me the answer is, no. I empathize regarding fantasy thoughts about rolling countryside, old pubs full of friendly people, culture and history. But it's not until I went back to the UK, in September for a holiday, that I realised that all these things actually exist and they are not a fantasy after all. I had just never seen, or rather appreciated them before. I have been away from home for about eight years, three of them in OZ, and I have decided to pack up, once again, and go back for good. The decision to go back wasn't easy, and this forum has really helped.
I miss the seasons and those cold frosty mornings. Christmas will, obviously, never be the same, never as good, just different. And I won't even start on the TV!!!
No amount of research can prepare you for the move out here and the impact it can have on us. I have no excuse, I had already spent two years here previously!
What seems a common thought though on this web site, is that it is an experience and it doesn't have to be for ever. I was in the UK (for a year) and quite happy, before I came back out, but couldn't shake off the fact that I wanted to come back to OZ. Like you, I wanted to give it a go, (properly with PR status).
Just wanted to say that you are not alone and some people feel like you do at the moment at times. Only time will decide if it will fade or get better.
Good luck.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

I can only speak from my experince of course but I share every single one of your reasons for not being able to settle in Oz.

After a honeymoon period of one month I became excessively homesick, bereaved actually, and over the course of the next year it didn't alter one jot no matter what I did. I found good, well-paid work, was able to rent a large house the size of which would never be possible in UK, travelled extensively and saw some remarkable sights, snorkelled on the barrier reef, walked in the snowy mountains & the Daintree Rainforest, visited Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra, the Red Centre, joined local groups & classes, lay on spectacular beaches a hop skip & jump away from my home BUT ..... I never once stopped yearning for home no matter how hard I tried to focus on Oz.

The thought of staying until the 2 year mark to get citizenship was unthinkable. I spent a year feeling very unhappy, why prolong the agony.

The belief that a big house near the ocean with great views makes for quality of life astonishes me. What point is a big house without your nearest & dearest around to share it?

I was always happy living in the UK but just wanted a change. I researched researched researched as you did and agree that, until you're living it, nothing but nothing can prepare you for the upheaval.

I missed everything you miss in bucketloads - no amount of sunshine & beaches could make up for what I felt I had lost. My husband was much happier than me but also knew Oz wasn't for him in the long term. Outside of the big cities I think Oz has very little to offer (for me).

I have been home almost 3 months and, although resettling has not been a bed of roses, I have not a single regret. I miss nothing about Oz & embrace everything about the UK.

I have never had a regret in my life but if I could turn back the clock I would never have gone to Oz. Rather, I would have taken stock of my life in UK & made changes within its 4 walls, so to speak. I actually feel the whole migration thing traumatised me - ridiculously dramatic I know, but that is how I feel.

I am sorry I can't offer you reassurance or tell you to hang on in there, do whatever you have to to keep happy. :)

Good luck,

Bella

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

I should think Jeremy might have something to say about this :D

[/INDENT]I have never had a regret in my life but if I could turn back the clock I would never have gone to Oz. Rather, I would have taken stock of my life in UK & made changes within its 4 walls, so to speak. I actually feel the whole migration thing traumatised me - ridiculously dramatic I know, but that is how I feel.[INDENT]


I couldn't have put it better myself.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

People are obviously free to take whatever decision suits, but also must take responsibility for this.

I've come across people who've abandoned their PR in Australia, and then regret it many years later, often when the family reason that was the problem no longer exists. By then there's no hope of getting it back.

It constantly amazes me how anyone could like a place enough to migrate there, and then more or less instantly decide they don't want to stay.

It's also interesting to see on the immigration forum so many people impatient to get their visas, right alongside the posts from those who have arrived in Australia, taken a look or two and decided more or less instantly it's not for them.

The idea of giving something time (and effort) in order for it to work out seems to be alien in today's culture. However you can't have a 'drive-through' migration.

Jeremy

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Well said Jeremy.

I have pretty much struggled for everything in my life, our immigration application is no different.

I am fully aware that 'Rome wasnt built in a day' so to speak, and I have an open mind to think that migration isnt either.



I love my mum and dad dearly, but the man in my life is my husband.

We both want to go badly ( he has emigrated before from his home country).

As long as I am with him, thats all that matters. The homesickness I can deal with as it happens.


If something is easy then its not worth having.

I just pray that we get our chance to prove it.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

No offence intended. I agree with you Jeremy.
Your advice is one of the head (again, no offence), and I have considered staying for my citizenship for all the reasons you have posted here, and previously. That prospect though would chill me to the bone.
For me personally, the impact of being here is not as exciting as the prospect of going back home, where my family, friends, ect are. How long should we give it in order for it to work out?

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Everybody has different views on what to expect when they emigrate; however, the reality often turns out to be very different from the expectation - sometimes for the better, sometimes not. But, one thing's for sure - the only person who knows is the person who is experiencing it. And those that have been through it.

Has anyone said that people don't take responsibility for their decision to return? What are you suggesting - that they remain another 18 months even if they are miserable? Sure, having Oz citizenship provides another option, but do they care?


It is true that it often takes 2+ years before people may settle down. Many do, but a lot don't. And it's not something you can plan for - except by having extremely realistic expectations; but then Oz would lose a lot of potential immigrants.

As had been said before, people may realise a place is not right for them almost from the moment they arrive.

They just need time to come to terms with it.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

My permanent residency arrived less than 3 weeks after I applied for it.

That must explain why I don't care for Oz.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

And when mine arrived, my heart sank. Not the reaction I was looking/hoping for, and took me quite by surprise, which started the whole way of thinking about where I actually want to be.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

But, perhaps a very telling reaction :)

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Exactly! I feel more positive about my ticket to Manchester than I ever did about my ticket to Perth. Would love to come back for a holiday, but to live here.....no thanks.
A German friend of mine, who is going back to Ireland in January said, "You can have anything you want here in Perth, nice house, lovely beaches, nice places to eat, but you can't have a life. There is no atmosphere, you might as well live on the moon."

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

When We were in Oz and had decided to return to the UK people kept saying wait until you get your citizenship etc it is only 2 years, that 2 year mark passed in September and I have never ever regretted not waiting to get it, I have absolutely no intention of ever wanting to live in Oz again (may have a holiday there sometime) and with all due respect Jeremy you love Oz and it is your business to help people live there.

We really appreciate this country now and that is one thing we have to thank migrating to Oz for, before we just took everything for granted

Susan :D

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Tracey..we are now into our 9th month here. I am the same as you and knew from the 2nd week here that I would not want to live here for ever.

My dull ache for home was a fierce roar! For at least the first 6 months I woke each day with dread, the thought of having to spend another day here was so depressing - I was sending husband off to work and kids to school and then spending the rest of the day in a cycle of tears and anger that I had ever agreed to do this. I hated the suburbia, the people, the enviroment, everything Australian.
By month 7 the homesickness was not as strong....or rather I had learnt to suppress it and did not have such awful pangs for the countryside, our house, being able to leave windows open without all the creepies finding a way in! But I still knew that this was not where I wanted to be.
During those first few months I was so miserable that I didn't give it a go here at all, I just got by doing the basics and looking forward to weekend trips away from the house and city areas.

Last month we decided that we would probably go back home in March next year.....we havn't organised anything yet though and there is something that is niggling away at me in that, even though I do not want to be here, a year does not seem long enough. Time goes quickly and I have a feeling that husband will persuade me to stay a bit longer!
I think that we may end up staying for citizenship now as Australia might be more appealing when we are retired and want to spend time with family here in the future.
There are still days where I would hop on a plane and never come back but they are getting less insistent and I am learning to block those feelings out a bit more effectivly now!! I feel that I am able to appreciate it here a bit more and make the most of our time here, knowing that we will go back home at some stage. And I can now quietly chuckle to myself at the things that I find so strange here rather than feel so hateful towards it all...... particulary while watching Kath and Kim and seeing how well they portray the Australian suburban lifestyle !!!!!

Hang on in there, the feelings will dull and you will find your own way of coping with it all.

:)

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Hi Tracey

Oh my you did bring a tear to my eye after I read: I always hoped that we would be one of the lucky families that this move would work out for, maybe it still will given more time, but at the moment, I take back everything I said about being able to cope without my loved ones, my family and friends around me. What I wouldn't give for just a cuddle off my Mum right now.
I know exactly what you are feeling and have said virtually the same as you, and wish I could give you a hug and make it all ok for you. I have been in N.Z for 10 months now and have regretted being here since about 4 weeks after getting here. It is such a depressing feeling to know that after all the planning and hard work spent on getting here that it's not at all what you think it's going to be. I come from a large family and miss them all dreadfully. My husband booked me a ticket after being here a few months as he could see how low I was getting and how much I was missing my family. We couldn't all afford to go and he stayed at home with our 3 kids in the hope it would make me feel better. It was harder to say good-bye this time than when we originally came. It's not worked out for us not just the homesickness but other reasons aswell and we are going home. It gets to a point that you start to feel bitter and angry about it all, and start hating everything about the country. I don't want to feel like that and hope that when I'm home that I can look back at this with some good memories.
I can't tell you it will get better as it hasn't for me, but we are all different and I really do hope that it works out for you. Just remember that you are not alone in feeling like this, and whatever YOU decide to do is best, follow your heart.
All the best to you, and good luck with whatever you decide.
Regards
Fillyjane :)

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Maybe it's just my outlook on life but I can't imagine how someone would want to migrate somewhere and not be 100% committed to at least giving it time to work out.

That said, I also think it critical that people think through these issues *before* starting the migration process.

If migration really is not for you, it's far better to 'come to terms with it' before uprooting yourself, not afterwards.

Jeremy

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Hi Jeremy

I don't think it is just your outlook on life that someone should be 100%committed to migrating.
However you can be 100% committed and think of all of the problems you will have before uprooting, but you will never ever truely know what it is like until you have made that final plunge and done it. How do you know if migration is for you until you have done it, there is absolutley know way to know until then.

Regards

Fillyjane

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Frankly, that is a ridiculous statement.

Almost anyone who emigrates believes it is for them - why else would they do it? ?

BTW, you are covering three issues - the general issue of emigration; expectations vs reality and the specific issue of emigration to Oz.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Anyone who goes through the process of getting the visa, arranging the move, saying goodbye to friends and family are 100% committed to emigrating. The thing that they don't know, even if they mentaly prepare themselves for all eventualities, is how they will cope once there.
You can still be 100% committed but not be able to deal with the reality of it all once in your new home.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

We've been here 18 years and whilst at first it was like one big long holiday, the urge to return is getting stronger by the day. Meanwhile things have been complicated by our children being 'Aussies' and my parents emigrating over here to be with the grandchildren. Whilst we have lovely friends, great house, schools etc, for much of the time I feel I'm living in some sort of Barbie doll world rather than actually 'living'. Could have cried for you when I read your post. Summed it all up really. If you're going to go home - do it before you have too many ties over here.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

It's all very simple. Stay and get your Citizenship/ Indefinate return visa (or whatever they have over there) and re-asses the situation.

You are well out of your comfort zone and unless you were extemely disconnected from the UK or very un-emotional, your feeling are perfectly normal.

Embrase the culture while you are there and enjoy it. When in Rome...

At the end-of-the-day, you can always go back to blighty, but put that out of your mind for now and refer to paragraph one above. ;)

Have fun...

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Thank you so much for all of the wonderful replies I've had both on here and private messages. I didn't realise that there were so many unhappy folk out here! ;)

Jeremy, in answer to your statement about being 100% committed to the emigration process, I can assure you we were 110% up for this move. We really wanted this, we worked so hard for it, this was our dream. But this dream is having a bit of an Elm Street effect on me I'm afraid! It is completely impossible to prepare yourself emotionally for the trauma that emigration causes both to yourself and to those people around you that you care about. I will never, ever be able to come terms with the fact that I am 12,000 miles away from my family, that I cannot simply just hop on a plane and pop home, it's just not feasible. For example, a few weeks ago a very special family member died and I have never felt so useless or inadequate in my whole life when all I wanted to do was to put my arms around my mother-in-law and comfort her, but I couldn't could I? I was here, she was there. Simple.

I also feel I have finally realised that grandparents are an incredibly important part of any childs life. I never had any, they'd long gone by the time I was born, so I'd never been privvy to that special relationship that goes on between Granny and grandchild. Then I had my children, they soon became the focus of both our parents lives, they were totally adored and doted upon. And what did we do? We took them away, to live at the other side of the world, convinced that we were doing the best thing for all of us and that a telephone would take the place of cuddles and chatter face to face. We were so wrong.

I am incredibly disappointed that this is not working out the way we'd planned. I feel more than disappointment for the sake of my husband, he is happy here and he desperately wants to stay forever. The last person on this earth I would want to hurt is him. I knew I would get homesick, but this is more than that. This is a feeling of not belonging, that none of this is right. Do you understand? I know some will say that 5 months is no time at all to make a judgement and I quite agree. Therefore we will stay and complete the house build, that will take another year, I will do my upmost to put on a brave face, to not whinge and to try to make the experience of being here a happy one, for the sake of my husband and the kids. I fully expect to get to the end of that 12 months and still want to return to the UK. I just know in my heart, that I prefer the company of my family and friends, than the knowledge that I live in a big house and the beach is just down the road.

There are people that can put up with this, knowing that they are in the wrong place, that they shouldn't be here, living with the feelings of homesickness, they just suppress those feelings, bury them somehow, and get on with their lives. I know a lady who's been out here, in Perth, for 25 years. She told me on our first meeting that she still felt homesick and that she had to go home every year, on her own because they couldn't afford for all of the family to go, but she needed her 'fix' of her family and the UK. I dread the thought of ever getting to that stage.

Thank you all once again for the kind words and opinions, they are all very valid. :)

I shall now take my little ones to Go Bananas ...again...let them run riot, smile and be happy!! After all......I'm Living The Dream...aren't I? :rolleyes:

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Thirteen months in Brisbane.......yes, it still aches.
I'm married to an Aussie who could never cope with life in the UK, so I have to stay - no choice in the matter. I have really really tried hard to settle and to fit in - even though I often feel the whole country is against me.
All I can say is that the ache will probably get less, though it may never go away. I don't feel it all the time now, it comes and goes in waves, but I think it will always be there, and I can only describe it as you did, Tracey, I feel so lost.
I cried when I read your posts last night, as I know exactly how you feel; I can only hope that things improve for you,

Polly

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Tracey, if it helps there are alot of us out here whether it be OZ or NZ who feel "lost".... only you can decide how long you can give it before you know once and for that returning to the UK is the right decision for you and yours.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

For what its worth we have felt the way you do since the first few weeks but there were times when we thought we have to make this work and there no going back... now 10 months on we have decided to go home and have booked and paid for our flights. The feeling that we have inside is wonderful and is the best feeling in the world. Some folk love their new life and others dont, thats the way of the world.

I was speaking to a lovely old man at work today who told me that he longs to go home to Scotland but cant afford to and told me to get out of NZ before we get trapped. He has been here for 40 years and has never felt at home. He went back to Scotland for a holiday paid for by his family last year and said the minute he arrived into Scotland he felt at home!!

Good luck

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Only me again!

Seen as I am considering the possibility of going home to the UK, I have to prepare for all eventualities, including getting my cat home. He's a very well travelled moggy now, he'll have his own "high flyer" card! :D

How do I go about getting him back home? I know I have to have rabies jabs for him, what's the process? Will he have to go into quarantine in the UK and for how long? I would be most grateful if someone could explain. :)

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

[/INDENT]now 10 months on we have decided to go home and have booked and paid for our flights. The feeling that we have inside is wonderful and is the best feeling in the world. [INDENT]

I agree. I bought my ticket home a few days ago and I feel an overwhelming sense of calm. Excitement too of course, and the expectation of a headache or two when I have to arrange to ship everything again!! But who cares, I'm going home!!!! The whole, should I, shouldn't I, is draining.
I've got twelve weeks left in this country and I feel so happy I might even enjoy them.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

Hello TraceyW

We are living in Currambine, have spent many a hot day in Go bannana's.
I have sent U a PM.

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

http://www.quarantine.co.uk/quarantineexplained.php


There's a link to some information regarding taking pets back to the UK.

Please stop writing those long heartbreaking posts, people in my office are looking at me strangely and offering sympathy and tissues. :(

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

hiya tracy

I don't know if you've seen this thread before, but it might help with how you're feeling....it may not too, but anyway FWIW the 4 stages of culture shock....I thought it made for interesting reading.

http://www.britishexpats.com/forum/s...+culture+shock

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

love sophia x

Re: Does it ever stop aching?
 

I understand the feeling of 'not belonging' and everything is alien. I moved to the UK 5 years ago to be with my British hubby, and it took a long time to settle in to life in general. I guess my experience is just the reverse of many who have moved to Australia. (and I know I'm not the only 1!!!)

I think the reasons why people move country are as many and varied as the people moving themselves. And it's not always easy to adapt.

For me, living the UK has been claustraphobic. It's cramped, crowded, wet much of time, little space.... list could go on!! But it's also very green, pretty in it's own way, lots of ancient history etc... But I miss very wide open spaces with not a soul around....the smell of eucalpyt trees on hot days.. the screech of parrots .... the bluish haze over mountain ranges...the humm of cicada's during summer... list is endless for me!!

Each to their own :) gotta do what makes you happy in life...

At least you had a go at seeing if it worked for you :)