Back home and having serious doubts
Aug 4th 2022, 5:11 am
#16
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2015
Location: France
Posts: 862
Re: Back home and having serious doubts
It comes to many of us, especially but not exclusively among the expats and emigrants, that we would like to do what's best for our parents in their twilight years, but that may be incompatible with doing what is best for our own family/ children and their future. It's tough and there are no easy decisions for many of us as we don't have the luxury of abandoning our job/ career when there are other considerations that will have an impact long after our parents have gone - much as I would like to live closer to my mother at this time, I cannot in good conscience uproot my daughter half way through her high school career and dump her into an entirely different education system, and who knows what sort of employment Mrs P and I would be able to find? .... And in many cases, including my own, we cannot simultaneously "be there" for both spouses, parents simultaneously as they live 3½ thousand miles apart, so we are left with the difficult discision that we need to do what's best for our future, while do "the best we can" for our parents.
Mar 2nd 2023, 5:20 am
#17
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2022
Posts: 14
Re: Back home and having serious doubts
Well we are back in Canada! We have a good 3 months with all our friends and family and then went running back. The reality that we could not afford to have anywhere near the quality of life in the UK that we have here was too much and the impending doom and gloom of recession compounded things. I was a mess, unable to sleep or eat. We couldn't find a rental as there seemed to be hardly any to be had with interest rates rising. We tried up North (realized non of our family would make it up to see us so what was the point in coming back) and down south (could only afford a two bed squat), Rental agents asking us how much rent we could afford to pay!? We picked the wrong time to try. We had some quality time with our families and now we know that this is our home. An expensive itch to scratch for sure but no regrets! After 13years, we are Canadian!
Mar 2nd 2023, 2:53 pm
#18
Joined: Dec 2001
Location: Dixie, ex UK
Posts: 52,446
Re: Back home and having serious doubts
Congratulations! 
Obviously some people don't put down roots, or even plan to return to the UK eventually, but I believe for most of us, that some advice my mother gave me many years ago, I may still have been a teenager, applies: "you can never go back", and she was only talking about moves within the UK.
I have come to appreciate that she was not only right geographically, but also socially, that even if you try to go back geographically, the friends, neighbours, relatives, and community has changed too, people move or die, start a family, or change their hobbies, etc., so when you get there, "back" isn't what you thought it was anyway.
Obviously some people don't put down roots, or even plan to return to the UK eventually, but I believe for most of us, that some advice my mother gave me many years ago, I may still have been a teenager, applies: "you can never go back", and she was only talking about moves within the UK.
I have come to appreciate that she was not only right geographically, but also socially, that even if you try to go back geographically, the friends, neighbours, relatives, and community has changed too, people move or die, start a family, or change their hobbies, etc., so when you get there, "back" isn't what you thought it was anyway.
Mar 4th 2023, 12:00 pm
#19
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 525
Re: Back home and having serious doubts
You made the right decisions in moving to England and in returning to Canada. If you hadn't moved to England you would have regretted it and thought (wrongly) that it would have worked out, but it didn't and you now have the peace of mind that you gave it a go and that Canada is the place for you and your family.
May 20th 2023, 7:23 am
#21
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,212
Re: Back home and having serious doubts
Hi,
I know its probably too early to call it but we have returned to England and after the first month we are so unhappy. I have horrible anxiety all the time (not at all my normal state) and feel very disconnected from our family. Rentals seem impossible to find with our big dog and my two girls cry every night to go home. My heart is breaking. The mountain of stuff we have to get done to be here seems insurmountable. Managing my relationship with parents and dealing with everyone's big feelings has got me spinning! We came back to spend time with the old's and let the kids have time with their grandparents but the reality is they drive us nuts and aren't much fun to be around. I was under no illusions coming back but its been an uphill battle the whole month. I am going to the GP for something to help me deal with things but that in itself tells me that something is not right. Husband still works for his Canadian company and I could go back to my old job right away.
Any advice welcome for this Momma who is spinning out of control x
I know its probably too early to call it but we have returned to England and after the first month we are so unhappy. I have horrible anxiety all the time (not at all my normal state) and feel very disconnected from our family. Rentals seem impossible to find with our big dog and my two girls cry every night to go home. My heart is breaking. The mountain of stuff we have to get done to be here seems insurmountable. Managing my relationship with parents and dealing with everyone's big feelings has got me spinning! We came back to spend time with the old's and let the kids have time with their grandparents but the reality is they drive us nuts and aren't much fun to be around. I was under no illusions coming back but its been an uphill battle the whole month. I am going to the GP for something to help me deal with things but that in itself tells me that something is not right. Husband still works for his Canadian company and I could go back to my old job right away.
Any advice welcome for this Momma who is spinning out of control x
