mary1967

Well, i wish i'd found this forum before i left the UK, but i was so engrossed in actually getting to Oz that the immigration forum became my second home.

Anyway, that was then, this is now............and basically, within 2 weeks of getting here i'd realised i'd made a massive mistake. My OH and friends think i'm mad, apparently everyone goes through the emotions i'm feeling i'm told, which i could accept if it was just me, but i've got 2 teenage kids who hate it and want to go back. Apparently my negative attitude has made my kids feel the way they do, bullsh*t, they're young adults in their own right and they know they had a good life filled with lovely friends in the UK, which they haven't got here. We could give it time, we could waste a few years, and then we'd be back to square one, but this time it'll be harder to get my kids back on track with their education.

Going back is right for me and the kids - it's just heartbreaking that my OH doesn't want to come back - I've now booked flights for me and the girls and we'll be leaving on the 28th December. I'm not sure what the future holds - (unemployment and no money seems highly likely), but i'm just hoping that once the kids get back, they'll become the happy confident kids they were before we got here and i'll be able to forgive myself for putting us all through this nightmare.

I was wondering whether anyone could give me advise about what i could claim when i get back if i can't find work? Does being out of the country for less than 12 weeks mean i'll have to take the Habitual test? Will the equity from the house sale that we brought to Oz and am now gonna have to share with my OH, mean i can't get help? (it's not much, just a few thousand).

I don't relish the thought of applying for benefits, i've paid into the system for 26 years and never claimed a penny apart from child benefit, but i guess if i've got no other choice then that's what i'll have to do, even if it means swallowing my pride.

Any advise would be appreciated.

Fleaflyfloflum

Hi Mary

So sorry to read about your marriage breakdown. Its one of those sad results of this harrowing experience for some.

I know you said you would only be left with a few thousand so my advice would be to use it very wisely. I am presuming you will have nowhere to live, so first off I would use some of it to secure yourself a rental property. If your kids are still dependant, check up on the housing benefit website how much money you would be entitled to each month towards the cost of your rent. It all depends on how many dependant kids you have. When you know the figure look for places that fall inside this amount so that when you do claim your rent will be covered.
Anything else you have left i would use to buy furniture, a car, and any of the other basics you need to restart your life back in the UK.

I very much doubt that you would need to do a habitual residency test after only 12 weeks, but BristolUK is the person to tell you. Even if you do have to, it is not that big a deal. I had to do it earlier this year. it is a 3 page form asking basic information and why you have come back. Just go in there and tell them the truth.

Best of luck with it all. It wont be an easy time, but if you are sure you need to do this then so be it.

kevin747

Good luck Mary

Remember most of us arrived unemployed and will return unemployed
There are a few threads re benefits
It would be wise to check them out before you go back.
I think many end up staying for some of the reasons you mention

backagen

What a nightmare. I thought my situation was tough but your's is worse by a long way.

Still though, I agree with you that if you muck around by staying here longer, you'll probably only be wasting time and believe me it does get much harder as time goes on. The only possible benefit would be that you might be able to save more money to go back with.

If you feel really need to go back now rather than later then you'll find a way to make it work.

Do you have any family in UK who can help you out in any way? Maybe with short term accommodation or assisting you to find a job?

Good luck!

quoll

Gosh, I am so sorry to hear that your family is being split by moving here - that is so sad. Is there no way he will realize that this just isnt for you and take the noble route and support the rest of his family?

I wish you all the best getting on your feet once you are back home - but you know that there you will have all the support from "your" folk, the ones that you have come to know and love over the years. With luck he will realize what a pr*t he has become and what he has lost in the process.

All the best!

sonandbill

poor you I feel so sorry for you especially as i felt the same when i moved to nz 2 years ago. What area are you from? we could maybe email each other. I am returning to uk at xmas and other half staying to sell our flat. We have lost so much money but at least you have have tried, so keep your chin up there is a reason for everything. pm if you want to chat more. Life will get better.

cricket1again

Is there any way you could tough it out a bit longer? Leaving everything in the UK is like a bereavement. It takes at least 2 years to acclimatise to everything. I understand how you feel totally, my son aged 19 at the time sank into a massive depression when he first came here but after 4 months he met someone and now he wouldn't dream of moving back to the UK.
I myself had several major dramas and crises but having been here 5 years, I am remarried to the most wonderful partner, he and I have launched a company, I've reinvented myself and retrained in a new career, I have a fantastic business doing what I love, I've gone from nothing to being very comfortable and I have learned so much about myself having been through some extremely difficult and testing times.
I still miss the UK and I miss my friends but I wouldn't go back there to nothing. I stuck it out here and got back on my feet first after really nasty divorce.

If you go back to England with no money, relying on benefits, a broken relationship, no job and two confused teenagers, it's going to be hard indeed and worse still, it's going to be incredibly hard to climb up from that position especially as the UK is economically tough already.

What is it that you find so hard about being here? Maybe we can all help.

quoll

Normally I would agree with the folk who say hang on a bit longer if you can but given the ages of your kids I think you are probably making a wise decision here. If you hang on then your kids would be disadvantaged if the end result was that you wanted to go home in a couple of years or so - they would struggle to complete schooling and get into uni and would also have to pay international student fees. The point of no return when you have teens is a darn sight quicker than if you are footloose and fancy free unfortunately.

If you get your kids through school and are of a mind to try Aus again you would probably still have time on your visa, your kids could consider uni in Aus (A levels travel well) and you could come back knowing what it was that isnt gelling well this time.

Of course, most people are going to tell you to tough it out because it worked for them (or did it? they are still in the early days IMHO!) but I think your comment in a post on the Aus forum is very telling - you have made your decision and you feel at peace with it! When you get "yourself" back it is a great feeling!

sans

Hi we was only out of the Uk for 14 mths and we have not had to fill any forms in for anything....The only problem we have had is no resent credit history.

And i'm sure i've read somewhere that you can leave for upto 6 mths, without it affecting your Family allowance payments.........So i think you will be Ok with 12 wks.
You can work as a single parent for 16 hrs or over and get help with rent/rates and get a top up to your wages depending on what you are earning.
I do wish you lots of Luck on your return

mary1967

Thanks for all of your messages, i really appreciate you taking the time to write.

My kids are 16 and 13, which is why i've decided to go back sooner than later. I've been in touch with my eldest daughters old school and they've said they'd love to have her in their 6th form. My younger daughter has been given her old place back in year 8. I'm hoping that they'll just slot back in with their old friends, who've continued to keep in touch with them both.

The big thing for them is not having their dad around, we've discussed it, but i don't think anything can actually prepare them when it happens. My OH wants to give it between 6 to 12 months before admitting defeat, whether we feel the same about each other if he does come back remains to be seen, only time will tell. I don't blame him for his decision, as i hope he doesn't blame me for mine, i just feel incredibly sad that it's come to this.

I've spoke to loads of people who've told me that it took ages for their kids to settle, but that once they did, they wouldn't go back, which has probably kept me here longer than 2 weeks but, i know my kids, i know the life they had in the UK and it was a good life, small village, brilliant school, great friends........why did we leave??? I've been beating myself up for bringing us here, for setting us back 15 years financially and for splitting up my family - even if it turns out to be only 6 months - but now that i've made the decision to go back, i've stopped going over what we've lost and i've started to plan for the future.

I've got no family in the UK (one of the reasons for coming here), although i have got friends, infact, i've just found out that i've been offered the tenancy on a house in the village i use to live in after a couple of friends went to view it on my behalf. It means paying 6 months up front but at least it's a roof over our heads.

I've also been in touch with our old GP and Dentist and both of them have still got me and the kids on their register

My OH told me last night that he wants to keep more of the equity than what we'd originally agreed. Unfortunately the equity's in a bank account is his name only and i can't get my hands on it. He said that he'll pay for the flights, our 6 months rent and give me enough to live on for 6 months, but that's it. He wants to keep the rest of the equity here until he's decided what he wants to do and then if he decides to stay, he'll split it between us. I don't want to get solicitors involved because who's to say that he won't change his mind in the next few months, realise he's been a complete prat, and then want to come back to England. My problem now is, if i can't get work when i go back to the UK and end up having to claim benefit, will i be penalised for the fact that we sold the house, took the equity to Oz, but i've been unable to bring back my full share because my OH has refused to release the funds?

And i thought planning to get to Oz was a nightmare!

dingbat

Duh? Once you leave Aus, you might as well kiss goodbye to your share of the equity. He is under no compulsion to give you jack unless you can afford a fancy solicitor in Aus (not the UK) to handle your interest. You have the kids with you, if anything you should be taking more of the equity than he gets left with! Otherwise have your share put in trust with a solicitor before you leave.

You will get penalised on the benefit front as you realised equity when you left the UK. I cannot understand why the bank account is in your husband's sole name - is this not your money too? Be advised that you may also need to get a letter of permission from your husband to leave with the kids (at the very least you will need a letter for the one under sixteen).

Fleaflyfloflum

I am so glad you said this. I had to sit on my fingers to stop myself having a rant! :curse:

cricket1again

Go and see a lawyer immediately. You may be entitled to upto 70% of the asset pool and super if you have the children. Your OH also has to pay chld support if the children are his.
A first consultation with most lawyers will be free so go and see one ASAP.

The current law on the division of assets is worked out thus; he total amount of the joint asset pool. This means all monies from sale of the marital home, savings accounts, supers, cars, furniture, equity plans, etc. Once you have a total, it comes down to a percentage split between the parties. Hopefully, although mostly not, parties will agree to to give each other a fair amount. If this does not happen, the law decides and this is a lengthy and costly process which you need to avoid if you can but not at the expense of being left with an unfair amount.
The law divides the assets through the process of contributions versus future needs. Your OH may have earned more during your relationship and therefore his contributions may be more than yours. But if you have the children (are they his?), your future needs are greater. In this case, you may be entitled to a 40-60% split.

Best to go and get some legal advice. Don't be talked into a legal wrangle, just find out your rights. You would probably get Legal Aid if you do not own a property or have any considerable assets.

Petals

Good luck sorry it did not work for you.

Should be a lesson to others that the men usually like it and do not want to leave.

BigDavyG

I sympathise a lot with anyone who has troubles after moving, but I'm sorry, packing it in after 40 days is absolutely ridiculous.
Of course your attitude could be influencing the kids (who will obviously find it tough at first - just like everyone else), and your post makes it sound like you are using them as an excuse to leave.