spuds

Hi Folks,

Me again! Well, I am still living in muddleland and ping-ponging between being 100% certain that however hard it may be, I need to head back to the UK and then being completely overwhelmed with the realisation of how much we have here and how bad living in the UK could really be for us. I am still no closer to a decision!

We have been in Melbourne 4 years this year, have great jobs, a fab house, nice car and lots of friends as well as our own little Ozzie now but I still feel like an outsider. I never felt it so much before - we have so many friends here and Ozzies are good people who will help you out in a flash - but our best (Brit) friends moved home last year and I suddenly feel like I have nothing in common with people here.

Don't get me wrong, this is not a slight on the people around me - I work and socialise with caring, intelligent, genuine people but I desperately miss that 'link' you get with people who were born and bred in the same place as you. People here will never completely understand my sense of humour, my nationality or history and by the same token, I don't think I will ever fit into the 'she'll be right' lazy days senario here. I have realised lately that unless it's AFL (I have tried, sorry, I hate it - God I miss my rugby!) people don't seem to get excited about anything here. Winter is dull as ditchwater as NOTHING happens and then summer is just one long holiday with Xmas seeming like any other public holiday weekend stuck in the middle.

I miss the true sense of seasons with that long awaited (and often crap ) summer full of really long evenings and beautiful bridsong. Crisp Autumn days full of the most stunning colours (turning leaves last about a fortnight here) and then winter. Yes, it's cold, dark and raining but then there's Halloween and Bonfire Night and then the huge build up to Christmas. There's no real sense of celebration here. There's just something hugely depressing about spending Xmas day inside with the aircon on with no huge roast dinner (having the oven on full pelt for hours when it's 40+ degrees isn't a great idea!) You can't put the Xmas tree lights on until it's time to go to bed becuause it's still light (and generally hot) and it's difficult to even get a decent advent calendar here (that was always a huge deal in my house!) I miss spring with all the beautiflul flowers bursting into life - bluebels and snowdrops and daffodils everywhere and then you are back to waiting for the summer - long evenings in beer gardens - ahhh!

I know the reality isn;t quite that idyllic and that all these anomolies existed before I came to Oz but I suppose they were a novelty for a while and now it's hard not to hanker after all of your traditions, especially when you don't feel you fit in completely.

I suppose I have come to the conclusion that you need to experience the lows to appreciate the highs. Australia has it so good all the time - great weather for almost the entire year, happy laid back people, more parks and beaches than you can shake a stick at... that it all becomes a bit monotonous and bland! So yes, I am mad to want anything else and I am still not sure that I can give it up just yet but ultimately, I don't think I will ever stop wanting what makes me me!

x

mandtooz

gosh, you know what, iv just read your thread and i dont know what to say!

a couple of things sprang to mind though, have you been back to england for a holiday? perhos you need to do this to put things back into perspective?

try writing a list of pros cons, maybe this will help you re focus

do you have family here, what do they think?

sorry dont know whether its much help, good luck either way, the feelings you have must be unbearable and all you think about all day, it gets confusing with it all whirring round and round your head

goodluck

Jerseygirl

I think many of us feel exactly the same as you...I know I do.

Geordie George

I know what you mean about not being ready to give Aus up just yet. Mr GG and I have decided that we'll be back in the UK by 31st July. But having decided that (only last night, actually), I am now petrified about leaving here. I happen to quite like Aus. But where I want to be long term is what matters to me. So, fears and doubts are being quietened (but not totally ignored) and we're just going to get on with it. Any change (or even thoughts of change) is scary - that's natural. But it's about weighing up the short term fear and inconvenience against long term happiness. At least that's what's working for me. Good luck with it all.

mackinnon

I know exactly how you feel as well, and have to agree pretty much with everything you said.

spuds

Hiya,

Thanks for the replies. Nice to see my waffle was actually understood by someone!

I was just saying to my hubby last night that this would be so much easier if I hated Australia! That's just the problem. I don't at all. It's a fantastic place to live but I feel these days as though there's a big chunk of something missing. I am really terrified of moving back to the UK to find that it's a giant mistake though. We have citizenship in Oz but I don't think funds would allow us to ping-pong and I don't want to mess my little boy about more than I have to.

I think we probably will head back for a recce but with costs and 22 hrs on a plane with a 1 year old to consider, part of me only wants to have to do it once!!

God, why is it so difficult???!!!

sandrainaus

Hi Emma

I really feel for you.
If you can, I think you should go home for a holiday and see how you feel.

I have been ready to go home for a long time,(been here only 15 months) but after long discussions, I have agreed to stick it out for the 2+yrs and get the Cit-ship

So I am off home in June for 3 weeks to see my mum, just me and two boys aged 4 & 2 I have beed worried about the flight too, not for me but the other people, 22 hrs on a plane with my two boys

I am sure your one will be fine, and you might find it will do you good and help you decide.

Good luck

Sandra

PLANTS

I do know how all of you feel, thinking about returning is terrifying especially when you don't hate a place, it would be far easier if we did hate the place! I really like it here, can see the benefit to bringing up young children (perhaps not teenagers though!), the weather, beaches etc are beautiful BUT....... and thats it isn't it, the BUT......

When you are brought up in a country like England with everything as you others have said, its perhaps something we all just take for granted, we decide to leave for various reasons, and its only when you have left that you realise what you had there. That can work both ways too!

I have been lucky enough to bring up two adult children in the UK and they talk about their childhood with fond memories of walking around a huge bombfire on the fields and seeing the wood pile get higher and higher, the fairs, seeing uncles and aunts etc, collecting conkers at Windsor Great Park and many others. I am now very lucky to have brought up a third child (14 today!) here in Perth, he has been here since age 4 and knows nothing different than hot weather and close friends etc so for him to go back to England when we have was very unsettling, although he will be the first to admit that he learnt more in that 6months in the UK High School than he has this past year here!

Basically, as Oprah says, we do the best we can at the time don't we. Perhaps decisions are supposed to be hard to make us think more - crikey, I know my head hurts at times

The only way I can explain how I feel right now though is that the wrong song is being played and I want to turn it off, even though I appreciate the tune.

Sorry, rattled on a bit!

Di


P.S. I'd go back for a holiday first too, just to see and assess things.

arkon

I miss Autumn and firework night. Cold xmas and although I didn't realise it at the time, I actually miss the over comercialisation of xmas. At least when you did risk venturing out to do the xmas shopping it actually felt like you were part of something.

I miss being able to go for long walks in the countryside and not having to cover up with chemicals. I too miss the long evenings and great night life almost everywhere. Got to go it's just gone midday and time for me to shut down like the rest of the country.

Spain used to annoyme the way they too all went to bye byes in the afternoon BUT even the Spanish had one redeming feature. Late afternoon they would all wake up and re open the shops and stay open till late at night.

jad n rich

Do you think after 4 years youve got to the been here and done most of it now stage. Unless your loaded theres a limit to what you can do here - distance, were looking at trips to fill the july school hols, nightmare once youve done the local (as in aussie local like 2-3 hour stuff) once over that it costs a flippin fortune, rich wanted to look at the family ski-ing in august or sept, my god mortage the house, and even then not that much chance of snow.

I've finally found some aussie women with my humour, only took 6 years, we went on a course, all so bored all the old girl talk started to come out Mind you they are both divorced so well over the obey the man must go gotta cook and iron mode.

As for the weather, with the drought up here, we dont even get a break from 28 and sunny with the massive storms we ued to get when we first arrived, its simpsons sky day in year out, it looks like the set of desperate housewives every day. Boring, bored boring bored.

jad n rich

I miss one thing the most, travel. I can accept the day to day when youve got 3 kids is going to be pretty routine anywhere, school, homework, work, washng all has to be done. But in the UK a couple of times a year we could afford to take a break from it, planned it in february, looked forward to it, had a big summer hol, another small trip then of course as emmy says christmas was another 'event' not just another bbq. That sort of variety breaks up the day to day, bit hard to do that here with the cost of it.

lucky

Know exactly how you feel - been here 3 years - have a job that most people will kill for - great salary, blue chip bank, fantastic colleagues. However it was just not enough - I felt I could not remember last time I had "fun". I just went back to UK in Apr - and could not believe the energy of the place. People dress and feel younger - the buzz of the place was great and yes I found that when I went out - I was actually having fun. hence have just handed in my notice and feel over the moon - no job to go to but at least I know I will be happy. Sitting in Embankment - overlooking the thames and london eye - makes you realise that the Yarra in Melbourne is just no comparision

PLANTS

Know exactly what you mean, it does have an energy all of its own doesn't it and I had completely forgotten how to have fun and laugh until I went back.

seasprite

If I had read these posts while still in my agonising stage I would have come straight home for sure. I feel a bit teary now! As it was I realised pretty quickly all the things you have said, just had to get my OH to see it too! There truly is nowhere like home and that is the crux really.

spuds

It's weird the things you miss isn't it? I was thinking the other day that I really miss seeing cows!! (I told you I was going loopy!) You know, proper picture book black & white fresians?

I really do want to head back for a holiday, though with two mortgages at the moment it won't be just yet. Assuming first house sells soon, I now have to weigh up whether to go back ASAP - hopefully get a glimpse of summer and leave the crappy Melbourne winter for a while - or wait for Xmas - the thought of Xmas here fills me with gloom, especially as I want it to be fabulous for my little pumpkin. It would be fab back in the Uk I am sure but flights cost so much more and it's a long time away...

Either way, a trip home will hopefully clinch it for me. I'm pretty certain we'll be heading back to Blighty, it's now just a question of when.

Ho hum, Wales are playing in Sydney next weekend at least.