Jamie

There are more than 300 marijuana and hashish selling coffeeshops in
Amsterdam. So how do you know where to go and what to order?

The locals have their favorite places to hangout and buy smoke, the
ex-patriats theirs. Some places are fun to linger in while you fire up
a big fat doobie, others are best just to score da kine shit and
leave. So how do you know which is best?

Our Coffeeshop Guide has reviews of 45 of the most popular coffeeshops
in Amsterdam with visitor comments. This should give you a good idea
of what's available and what our visitors think about each one. We
also have a Coffeeshop List that ranks each coffeeshop on a range of
criteria including smoke and ambiance.

In addition we've written a series of articles on Coffeeshop Rip-offs
to warn you about how the coffeeshop system works and how to avoid
getting ****ed over when you go to buy weed.

Now I'm going to give you some more advice about purchasing mj and
hash from Amsterdam's coffeeshops.

1. Never buy anything labeled "Thai" or "Colombian". They are both the
same shit swag of dubious origin that gets stockpiled by distributors
just so the coffeeshops have something cheap to sell. Even if you
could smoke this it still won't get you high like anything else on
that menu. So don't waste your money on this. I object strongly to
this practice and plead with the coffeeshop owners to stop selling
this mislabeled shit to the public. If you won't smoke it yourself
(and no coffeeshop owners would be caught dead smoking such shit),
then don't sell it! Once upon a time the Dutch imported quality grass
from around the world. Now all the good grass sold in Amsterdam is
European grown.

2. Buy Organic! The Dutch really don't give a shit what they put into
their marijuana plants during the growth cycle. They put tons of
chemical fertilizers, pesticides and fungicides on their plants
without regard to the end result. Their only concern is maximizing
their yield and profit, not taste or health. This callous disregard
for their customers is very typically Dutch, who are not noted for
their service culture. The result of these practices is
overfertilized, chemical tasting weed, that can often leave you
wishing you'd never smoked it. And yet you pay a very high price for
what many connoseiurs consider to be unsmokeable weed.

So to find that really pure, clean, sweet tasting smoke, you're going
to have to hunt a little harder. Certain coffeeshops pride themselves
on having a small selection of organically grown weed. Some shops only
say that there is no pesticide in their pot. What about man-made
fertilizers and fungicides? Sorry they don't want to talk about that.

Even the stuff labeled "bio" doesn't mean it's organic, only that it's
been grown in soil. The Dutch word for organic is "biologisch" which
still doesn't register with the Dutch coffeeshops as being organic,
but you're getting closer. So be specific, and ask for "organically
grown" cannabis. They'll know what you mean. But that STILL doesn't
guarantee that what they put in front of you is really organic, as the
European organic certification does not extend to marijuana sold in
coffeeshops. Most coffeeshops do not grow their own weed and so must
rely upon the word of the growers.

If you're used to buying weed in the US or from other "third-world"
sources, chances are you've been getting organically grown weed. Hash
from the same sources is likewise untainted by chemical since the
growers in places like Morocco can't afford these enhancements. Only
the Dutch have made a regular practice of putting almost every
agricultural chemical known to man on marijuana. And it really shows.

Don't encourage this practice. Buy organic and you'll be happier,
healthier and higher.

3. Buy it cured! The Dutch smoke pot and tobacco together, so they
prefer their cannabis relatively wet. As a result most pot sold in
coffeeshops hasn't been properly cured. It smells stronger and weighs
more than properly cured weed. If you like it like that, fine. But
those who like to smoke pure cannabis joints need drier pot to keep it
lit. You'll never keep wet pot lit for long. So ask for well cured pot
(but not the brown dried out shit they sell as Thai or Columbian. See
#1.) Remember, properly cured buds are going to be a much better deal
(lighter) than wet buds.

4. Shake, Shake, Shake. Thanks to the soaring demand for Ice hash,
those buds sold in coffeeshops have now been shaken once or several
times to remove the big THC laden tricomes for hash. So what you're
buying is inferior, weakened buds that bear little resemblence
potency-wise to what was actually grown. This is not just a shame,
it's a rip-off and we discuss this practice in our article "Shake and
Sell". Look for sticky buds covered in white tricomes. Most of the pot
sold in Amsterdam was like that once, but not anymore. Want to find
out what's missing from that gram you bought? Try some nederhash/ice
hash and you'll find out. Of course you're gonna pay a big price for
it. At least two to three times what you paid for the bud it came
from. So now the Dutch have ripped you off twice!

And speaking of hashish, realize that the ice hash has the highest THC
content of anything you can buy in Amsterdam. So it's very potent and
a little goes a long way. But because it's so pure, there's less
flavor. If you're looking for the exotic flavors of Moroccan, Afghani
or Nepalese hashish, you'll want to try those varieties instead. Each
country's traditionally processed hashish has a unique flavor due to
the growing conditions, genetics and processing techniques.
Unfortunately the quality of most black hashish has declined over the
years, with only the top quality Moroccan and ice hash winning the
awards these days. You should also be aware that adulterants and
contaminants including opium often appear in black hashish, adding odd
flavors. Yet most traditional hashish is still made from organically
grown cannabis.

5. What to buy? There are now so many types of cannabis available in
Amsterdam, nobody can keep track of them. It seems like there's a new
variety every day. The breeders have been very busy creating new
strains for your smoking pleasure. Nevertheless, everyone seems to
have their favorite. Yet I feel we've almost reached overload with so
many types. It's become a big ego trip for the breeders to the point
where seeds are more important than the resulting smoke. The Dutch
care more about which variety they're growing than the way in which it
is grown. As a result you can buy variety A in coffeeshop X, and it
may taste like crap because it's been overfertilized, underflushed,
badly cured, and heavily shaken. Then you go to coffeeshop Y and buy
the same variety A and it's been grown organically, well cured and
unshaken and it's a whole 'nother experience. So I put little stake in
the variety, and much more in the way it's been grown and processed.

This makes it difficult when trying to decide what to pick from a
menu, with a line of jonesin' folks behind you at the dealers counter.
How do you know which one is best? Well, you could start by asking the
dealer. Remember you local dealer back home? He should know what he's
selling right? So should the dealers in Amsterdam's coffeeshops. But
the reality is some do, some don't. Ask questions to find out.

Here's a few good ones to ask: Is it organically grown? Has it been
shaken to make hash? Is it cured well, not too wet? Does it taste
fresh and sweet or like chemicals? Is it a heavy or light high?

If you get attitude when asking these questions, just say never mind,
and go somewhere else. A good dealer SHOULD know the answers.

Better still, you could just ask for what you want. Like: "A gram of
organically grown, well cured, sweet-tasting, unshaken, 100% sativa,
please." Of course the dealer'll probably just roll his eyes if he
doesn't crackup laughing at you. That's because it's highly unlikely
you'd find that particular order in any Amsterdam coffeeshop. But it
doesn't hurt to try, and let them know what you really want to be
smoking, not what they want to sell you.

6. Get it cheaper! Yes, you can pay less than 7-10 Euros a gram for
the good shit. The easiest way is to get out of downtown Amsterdam, go
to the suburbs or Haarlem and you'll find great smoke for 5-7 Euros a
gram. You'll still run into some of the problems mentioned above, but
at least you're paying less for it. You can also sometimes get a deal
on quantity, but this rarely happens anymore, since coffeeshops are
now limited to 5 grams per customer per day.

Coffeeshops aren't the only ones selling weed of course. You're always
admonished NOT to buy anything from the street dealers, and of course
this applies to cannabis as well. You WILL get ripped off, guaranteed.
However there are other people, often small time growers or their
friends who have quantities (usually organically grown) to sell at
very good wholesale prices. You won't find these people on a casual
visit to the city, as you must make friends and get to know the scene
before anyone would offer you a deal. I won't go into this, as this
trade is very low key and frowned upon by the Dutch authorities, but
it does exist and some of the best cannabis around never makes it to
the coffeeshops.

There is a booming export business for those who deal in kilo
quantities, but NOT in Amsterdam. Along the Dutch borders with Germany
and Belgium people try to smuggle out larger quantities and are
regularly caught by Dutch or German or Belgium or French police. The
business is so big thanks to the booming border towns catering to the
cannabis needs of other Europeans. These border towns are near some of
the biggest grow operations in Holland. We don't recommend anyone try
to smuggle any cannabis products, as it's just not worth the risk.
Those who do it regularly are well organized, tightly-knit groups and
know exactly what they're doing.

7. Roll your own, smoke your own. The American practice of sharing
joints has never caught on in Holland. The Dutch roll their own
tobacco laced joints and like to smoke it themselves. Oh they'll
occasionally pass it to a friend, but it's not an ingrained social
custom here. Needless to say, it's smart not share your joints or pipe
with strangers. It might seem impolite not to pass it around, but
these days you never know what else you might be passing around along
with that joint. Be smart, smoke it yourself or only with those you
know. Practice safe smoke.

8. Don't over do it! I wish I could count the number of people I've
seen pass out in coffeeshops right in front of me. Whether they had
too much to smoke, or too good smoke, or too much space cake, or too
much beer and smoke, or it's their first time smoking strong cannabis,
or they smoked a tobacco joint without knowing, the result is the
same, unconsciousness. It can be very dangerous as people go down
fast, sometimes hitting a very hard surface. If this happens, sugar
water or juice will quickly get him/her on their feet again.

It's better to prevent this from happening by moderating your intake
of cannabis at first. Don't start your day by eating space cake cause
you won't remember the rest of the day. Go easy on the booze. Some
people can't handle both booze and pot together. EAT! Don't go
drinking and smoking on an empty stomach as cannabis lowers your blood
sugar level and this can be bad if you haven't eaten recently.

If someone passes you a joint, ALWAYS ask whether it has tobacco in
it, if you don't smoke tobacco. There's a better than 50-50 chance it
will have tobacco, so don't make any assumptions.

And of course you should know your limits. Even those who smoke
regularly might not be prepared for the good shit (assuming you were
able to find it). Take it slow and easy at first. You just got here,
you're not going anywhere, the smoke's gonna be around, so take it
nice and easy.

9. Where to smoke. You can light up in any of the 300 or so
coffeeshops in Amsterdam or around Holland, but smoking weed elsewhere
could cause problems. The Dutch frown upon public smoking of cannabis,
but as long as you keep it low key and not too obvious you can get
away with a lot. If you smoke a pure joint it will smell a lot worse
than a tobacco joint, and be more obvious to the public. But you don't
need to worry you'll get busted. If someone tells you you can't smoke
here, don't argue, just say "sorry" and put it out. The worst that
would happen is an embarrasing moment.

You certainly don't want to smoke in restaurants or other in other
businesses unless you see others doing it and getting away with it.
It's not quite like Spain where people seem to light up anywhere these
days. Be discreet. Hotels vary on their cannabis smoking policies.
Most simply don't allow it, and will cause you trouble if you do. The
worst attitude would be in the high class hotels. Certain low key
hotels do allow smoking or have a place like a bar where you can
smoke. Most, but not all of these, are around the Red Light District
and some even have their own coffeeshop downstairs. To be safe, just
ask if it's permitted and where.

10. Joint, pipe or bong? This depends upon personal preference.
Certainly it's more convenient if you're going to be bopping around to
have a few doobies ready to go. Often I've been caught outside in
Amsterdam's notorious wind trying to roll a joint. This can be very
frustrating. My preference is for a bong or water pipe to filter the
carcinogen-laden tar from the smoke. Most coffeeshops have a bong or
two behind the counter, and will loan it to you. But I don't recommend
this as you really don't know who's had their lips all over it and
they're usually very dirty.

If you're going to be around for a few days and prefer water
filtration, I suggest you purchase a small water pipe or bong in a
headshop. You won't find a better selection anywhere. I recommend the
Old Indian headshop. If you're going to smoke in your hotel, I
recommend smoking hashish thru a waterpipe to release the least amount
of smelly smoke. Remember don't take any used parapernalia back home
with you. You'll get busted. So just buy something cheap and give it
away or throw it away before you leave.

Rudolph Hucker

JAMIE wrote:

    > There are more than 300 marijuana and hashish selling coffeeshops in
    > Amsterdam. So how do you know where to go and what to order?
    > <snip>

Don't want to throw cold water on your plans, but I did read recently that
all coffee shops were to begin demanding I.D. from customers, as they were
only to sell to Dutch nationals. Foeigners were to be excluded.
This may have been a hoax, but it may be worth bearing in mind.

RH
--
He who laughs last thinks slowest.

The views and expressions contained in this message do not necessarily
coincide with those of my employer.

Js

I highly doubt that......the coffee shops make a ton of money from tourists,
people from the UK, France and Germany as they often venture into AMS for a
weekend.




"Rudolph Hucker" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > JAMIE wrote:
    > > There are more than 300 marijuana and hashish selling coffeeshops in
    > > Amsterdam. So how do you know where to go and what to order?
    > >
    > > <snip>
    > Don't want to throw cold water on your plans, but I did read recently that
    > all coffee shops were to begin demanding I.D. from customers, as they were
    > only to sell to Dutch nationals. Foeigners were to be excluded.
    > This may have been a hoax, but it may be worth bearing in mind.
    > RH
    > --
    > He who laughs last thinks slowest.
    > The views and expressions contained in this message do not necessarily
    > coincide with those of my employer.

Sjoerd

"Rudolph Hucker" <[email protected]> schreef in bericht
news:[email protected]...
    > JAMIE wrote:
    > > There are more than 300 marijuana and hashish selling coffeeshops in
    > > Amsterdam. So how do you know where to go and what to order?
    > >
    > > <snip>
    > Don't want to throw cold water on your plans, but I did read recently that
    > all coffee shops were to begin demanding I.D. from customers, as they were
    > only to sell to Dutch nationals. Foeigners were to be excluded.
    > This may have been a hoax, but it may be worth bearing in mind.

It is just a plan from our right-wing justice minister. Expect the plan to
be discussed in a few committees for the next 5 years or so until they
conclude it can't be implemented.

Sjoerd

Mike O'Sullivan

"JS" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > I highly doubt that......the coffee shops make a ton of money from
tourists,
    > people from the UK, France and Germany as they often venture into AMS for
a
    > weekend.

Also, it's almost certainly against European Community rules to discriminate
by nationality.