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My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

Old Sep 18th 2022, 8:23 am
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Default My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

Id like to ask if anyone has experiences in dealing with their Filipino Mother- i am thankfully not marred but i am worried by her mothers actions-
She is jealous / stays in her room and on her phone most of the time - with the curtains closed in the bedroom the entire day. This behavior is not good for my daughter-
and she does not allow me to do things with my daughter. The mother totally ignores me in my own home - when i ask her questions 3,4,5 times without any acknowledgement .....
She is NOT financially independent and i have been contributing as i should to my daughters upbringing for the past 4 years almost. Thanks God, i have a UK Passport for my daughter-
and now the mother of my child wants to send her back to be educated in the Philippines- and this will be to live with her mum and dad, while the mother is abroad working - this i find unacceptable...
When she can be living with me in a nice home and have a good education, plus i have a Nanny. Im sure tat the intention for her was to be married but i have flatly refused to get married to her- she told me that if she has to go back to the Philippines then her family will consider her a failure-
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Old Sep 18th 2022, 9:20 am
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Default Re: My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

Sounds like tampo.
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Old Sep 18th 2022, 2:08 pm
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Default Re: My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

You need to have a serious talk with your daughter's mother putting some ground rules down for both of you. To get her attention maybe disconnect the home WiFi.

UK education is not the best in the world but it is hugely better than here, it is also accepted all around the world, here the local maths teacher could answer no questions on my 1970 maths O level ( which I did when I was 14 ), stating that UK degrees are different to the Philippines. She actually thought it was a university degree paper.

Dumping your kids on the grandparents seems to be the norm here, next door but one has 8 grandkids living with her while her two daughters live the single life in Manila, next door the other way the daughter asked if she could look after her 2 month old kid while she looked for a job, she got the job in the ME and never came back, that was 4 years ago.

When you want to do something with your daughter invite mother as well, if she does not want to go with you, you get the day with your daughter.
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Old Sep 18th 2022, 10:02 pm
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Default Re: My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

From what the OP says this is not some monthly menstrual induced tantrum but something much more serious concerning his relationship with this Filipina partner.
She may be unhappy in the UK, unhappy with the OP or both. If she hasn't given any good explanation why she wants to send her daughter back to the Philippines the worst case could be she is planning some radical change there and wants to clear the decks. Particularly concerning is that she has the ability to get work as far as child care is concerned but is not seemingly taking the opportunity.
Yes, he needs to attempt a serious talk with her about the child but more importantly about their relationship, given the danger signs he is telling us about.
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Old Sep 18th 2022, 10:59 pm
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Default Re: My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

Originally Posted by JSgoodwin
Id like to ask if anyone has experiences in dealing with their Filipino Mother- i am thankfully not marred but i am worried by her mothers actions-
She is jealous / stays in her room and on her phone most of the time - with the curtains closed in the bedroom the entire day. This behavior is not good for my daughter-
and she does not allow me to do things with my daughter. The mother totally ignores me in my own home - when i ask her questions 3,4,5 times without any acknowledgement .....
She is NOT financially independent and i have been contributing as i should to my daughters upbringing for the past 4 years almost. Thanks God, i have a UK Passport for my daughter-
and now the mother of my child wants to send her back to be educated in the Philippines- and this will be to live with her mum and dad, while the mother is abroad working - this i find unacceptable...
When she can be living with me in a nice home and have a good education, plus i have a Nanny. Im sure tat the intention for her was to be married but i have flatly refused to get married to her- she told me that if she has to go back to the Philippines then her family will consider her a failure-
It sounds like both you and your (ex?) partner are very unhappy with the relationship. Only the two of you know why this is and as Raffin has suggested, only honest communication between you can resolve that one way or another.

I'm assuming that you're both living in the UK presently. If that's the case, there are steps you can take to ensure your child is not taken overseas without your consent https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/fa...thout-consent/

Your child's mother is, of course, legally able to move wherever she wants to. If your relationship has completely broken down and she decides to move to another country, then the only question is who gets custody of your daughter. If you both can't agree on this then it will be up to the court to decide.

Which UK visa is your child's mum on?

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Old Sep 19th 2022, 12:16 am
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Default Re: My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

Siting down and having a frank discussion with a filipina is very difficult as it's culturally alien to them.
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Old Sep 19th 2022, 1:54 am
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Default Re: My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

Originally Posted by Gazza-d
Siting down and having a frank discussion with a filipina is very difficult as it's culturally alien to them.
That's why I wrote "attempt" in my post. Talking about how much to Palawan the family can be a regular difficult discussion. But surely a lot easier to talk about than the fundamental issues here?
So best to be prepared for the possibility that the live in Filipina here will continue to refuse to talk to the OP and not engage with anyone who will challenge her thinking.
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Old Sep 20th 2022, 7:05 pm
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Default Re: My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

Offer her an allowance to live in PI if she lets you keep the kid in UK?
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Old Sep 20th 2022, 10:27 pm
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Default Re: My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

Originally Posted by britishbull
Offer her an allowance to live in PI if she lets you keep the kid in UK?
That seems to be a non starter as he says she has made it clear that if she returns she feels her family would see her as a failure. Their expectations of her were raised by her simply getting into the UK some time agp but she seems not to have made much of that lately at least, apart from a relationship which has now turned sour. Getting an allowance would not help, especially as the kid would not be seen to be with her. Makes it obvious it is just to keep her here.
Barring some reconciliation between them I think the best thing would be for her to get out and make her own way in the UK. Make arrangements about child care and custody. Perhaps there the OP could help financially in some way? Hopefully she is now trying to work out some solution like that for herself which she will eventually put to the OP. But equally she could be thinking of planning some moves not at all acceptable to him.
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Old Sep 21st 2022, 12:05 am
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Default Re: My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

It sounds like the mother is not getting sufficient financial support for her family, is she working, sounds not. She's probably looking around for a more suitable alternative. She's not married to the OP, many move on if they are not satisfied with where they are and there's not a lot to stop her.
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Old Sep 21st 2022, 7:30 pm
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Default Re: My Daughter- Pilipino Mother-

A child can often be used for one of three purposes by its Filipino mother..1.To be used as a weapon against its foreign Father..i.e.Father can be blocked out of the child's life.. 2.To be used as a lever to release money from the child's foreign Father...and 3.Be used as a magnet to attract a new male partner,while the real/biological Father is jettisoned.

I could be an apologist and say that a Foreign Father is just as likely to do the same things to the child's Pinay Mother,but that would be a total and utter lie,if one is being totally frank.Many of these girls are just not worth bothering with...all IMO,of course.Others may disagree.

Last edited by jaygee68; Sep 21st 2022 at 8:13 pm.
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