mikek1

Piero


Your so right..........................enjoy your money while it lasts.So many gullible men have fell in'love' and left their senses behind.
When I read Blackbears comments I cannot help thinking that sooner rather than latter he will return to the UK 'broke'
The saying a 'fool and his money' seem very appropriate in this instance.
During my many visits to the Philippines I have witnessed on many occasions 'Johnny Foreigner' walking proudly with his new found girlfriend in the local shopping Mall.Without doubt,they are always accompanied by a 'army' of relatives,hangers on,spongers,and the likes,protecting and watching over this vulnerable newcomer.Poor Johnny has'nt a clue,he just keeps paying for them all. Call it pride if you like,I would call it nieve.
My advice would be get to know the girlfriend over a long period.That means seeing each other in person, not internet chatrooms.Meet the immediate family (not the extended one)and get a feel for their intentions. Under NO circumstances enter into any form of financial commitment,or promise.These rules apply more than ever to'internet dating'.........................a no no never in my estimation.

Jonnyivy

mikek1, I agree with you fully on your post above,...I see this happening too many times also, with 'fresh' newcomers to Phils who are sure that 'living it up' with the new g/f and her family is the normal path to follow. After a few months this 'holiday' lifestyle turns sour and the money runs out,.... and the insults start towards the Filipina girlfriend who has decided she and her family will get no more treats and distance themselves from 'Johny foreigner' . We all like to think that the g/f we met are the exception , yes some are,...but is nobody going to tell BB to be a little more carefull and keep a close eye on what he is buying ?
Maybe the guy will be happy ever after, some do get that lucky break, but usually after months / years of living there before investing in properties etc.
All the above posts seem to be encouraging him to 'go for it' and 'buy,buy,buy' ?
I witnessed a 'Joe' sitting at the local sari-sari store, he was there every day, only 2 drinks a day,.....blasting at his ex-wife who bled every penny out of him to build a new house and start a pig farm in the province. He now lives in a rat-infested old bamboo shed while his 'wife' and her family live and run their new pig farm 5 km up the road. Not a thing he could do about it, all the locals knew what was happening to him and just kept quiet.
For gods sake watch what you are doing BB ....

Jonny

desert-rat

Of course people should be careful and not rush in wildly.
It always amazes me how so many foreigners who have lost houses and businesses etc in their own countries think everything will be paradise here!!
I have never actually met my wifes family. Luckily they are all nurses, accountants etc and live in UK, Canada and Australia.
I hope things work out for BB and he has many enjoyable years here.

PeteinHongKong

Just returned to this thread after a while and found some very interesting comments. After living in Hong Kong for 30 years and having traveled to and worked in many Asian countries I have met a wide cross-section of expats of different backgrounds and nationalities. The ones that seem happiest to me are those who have settled in to a particular place, have or have had a regular job or successful business, have typically married a local woman and while they haven't necessarily 'gone native' they certainly feel themselves to be part of the local community they live in. Most of them shared a similar experience to me in terms of adapting to a new place. Initially, it's a novel experience and exciting. Then you become aware of how different things are from "back home". Then you either come to terms with these differences or you had better head home, wherever that may be. If you successfully make the transition, then after that you probably feel increasingly comfortable in your adopted home.

I came to Hong Kong thinking I might stay 2-3 years but now 30 years later I feel very comfortable here; so too in Cebu which is my other more recently adopted home for the last 4 years. So my wife and I split our time between the two places. This to me is a very happy mix.

Brussel Sprout seemed to find my earlier post in the thread "naive". Well, not really I think. Yes, we have a house and a car in Cebu and these are in my wife's name, something I am quite comfortable with. But most of my assets are in my name in Hong Kong and will remain here for various sound financial reasons. My wife knows this and fully agrees.

The most unhappy and maladjusted expats I have encountered have been - sorry to say - in the Philippines and Thailand and have typically been retired guys seeking their cheap tropical paradise in the company of women, many of whom quite honestly are bad news. If you want to live a happy and contented life in Asia you do not need to be rich by any means but you do need to be adaptable, open-minded and, above all, a little bit humble.

I hope things do work out for BB - but I too share some of the concerns expressed by other posters.

blackbear1137

thanks pete and all the others ,i havnt read the long ones cos ......well mmmm.im used too adapting to differant circumstances, living in differant places ,and they dont know me ,they seem to be experts in putting folks down ,the most succesfulones dont have time ,and cant be botherd to go here, i came here 3years ago and it lit me up ,i was, and still am. so excited to be here,we live where anna has lived for 8 years,shes very popular even more so now hehe! and were starting 2 buisness that she thinks we can do ok at,thats it we own the places of buisness,and 4 other houses .succesul nono hope full yes if it fails well well try some thing else but this hasnt failed yet ,some of you have me going home very soon,wont happen.if i stayed in uk id be broke ,working till i die and never have my dream.ITS WORTH IT TOO MEEEEEEE. ID LIKE TO SAY A BIG THANKS TO DESERT .PIRO, AND A FEW MORE WHOVE GIVEN ME THE UNDERSTANDING TO MAKE MY OWN MESS OF IT .NOT COMING BACK TO THIS SITE AGAIN THANKS GUYS IM LIVING MY DREAM AND I DONT WANT ANY MORE DEPRESSING POSTS TO READ!!!!!!! IF YOUR THINKG OF DOING THIS DO IT BE CAREFUL BUT DO IT YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE

blackbear1137

by go here i mean on this site

Catchafire

I don't think anyone is trying to rain on your parade. I hope your new life remains exciting, new and full of love. Awesome you have found a new love, hope it all works out for you.

Of course you want to trust your new partner, but your post seem to start to include her extended family, warning bells should start to ring. And yes of course everyone is friendly and open.......

I am half Filipino, grew up in the UK and I get "family" members trying to hustle me when I travel to Bacolod. It used to wind me up now I just laugh at them.

You are a grown up, think with your head not your heart (or any other part of your body).

piero

Va Bene Capo tu vita OK sorry if spelling off

slapphead_otool

Leaping in to an old(ish) thread, the comments tend to back up my one observations:

There is a HUGE difference between marrying an Asian and living in her country, and taking your new wife home.

If you take a girl out of her cultural environment you have changes:

Firstly she experiences a cultural shock that reinforces the recognition that things have changed. This tends to make her forget her cultural roots and practices as she tries to adjust to the new culture.

Secondly you have removed her from two influences - family (close and extended) and peer pressure/face.

In her home country her family will expect and demand that she contribute, and peer pressure and face will force her to live a certain lifestyle.

It is also fair to say that a girl who is prepared to marry a foreigner and migrate with him tends to be more open and "westernised" than a girl who refuses to leave her village.

Having said that, my first wife was a Kiwi and she left me penniless with just the shirt on my back.....

sunnydays

Internet dating has got a bad name and surely if the shy chap from abroad marries the first internet date he meets on-line then its very dumb.
HOWEVER....the alternative is trolling around the malls and approaching the good looking lady who gives you the glad eye...very nerve racking thing to do and could lead to you being had for soliciting??
The internet dating does allow you to reach the lady of your choice, finding out how many members of her family are working etc and the knowledge of spoken English.
Wish it was around when I made my choice.
It is not impossible to obtain a list of "possibles" and have a holiday here to check them out.....and have some fun in the process.
I did learn of one chap arrived to marry his fiance and married her friend instead!



My advice would be get to know the girlfriend over a long period.That means seeing each other in person, not internet chatrooms.Meet the immediate family (not the extended one)and get a feel for their intentions. Under NO circumstances enter into any form of financial commitment,or promise.These rules apply more than ever to'internet dating'.........................a no no never in my estimation.[/QUOTE]

piero

well some of the last comments have been a bit hard. you will do what you want to make you happy and if you think i had a go at your wife you need new glasses . any way googly my friend i told you about , well its gone from bad to worse, he in less than 2 years has gone through 200 000 pounds and now his wife ,,,,,,,,,,well she has hatched a local...........his sons want to well take care of it. and now they are young men they are pissed at their mother . so blackbear and others if you think all i can add is neg.......... i have seen both sides....me i,m still here

piero

until they get a Harrods credit card

piero

and that's when the shirt on your back is on credit

piero

anyway enough of these negative posts by me ..on Thursday 31st Jan i got my driving licence or conversion from my UK licence , took 6 hours just basic cost no fixers etc , i think a bit over 1000 peso. All the people were good/kind etc etc and the exam well 40 questions multiple choice , yes i,d love to tell you i got 40 but i passed anyway. sometimes its ok here

sunnydays

The traffic police come form Lipa and do a splurge on licencing and/ or seat belts on passing traffic in San Pablo. Its amusing if you are in an unlicensed tricycle and he drops you just before the check point to hand you to a licensed one...
I've been caught without seat belt twice by the roadside police and the second time was a bit cheeky so received a ticket to pay in Lipa.
"You are not wearing a seat belt sir"......he says and I reply, neither do any of these passing vehicles either!
Picking on small violations when in the next road or when they've gone home out come the families on motorbikes without helmets.....only kids hanging onto dads shirt
I wear my belt on long trips but around town where the traffic seldom gets out of 2nd gear I don't bother. My next car will have full tinted windows