Me and My Family

Old Jan 8th 2017, 5:00 am
  #916  
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Millhouse,

39k including meds, rent, electricity, water, food etc. This leaves her 8k allowance. I cannot remember what she was earning or what she has been offered to return to Kuwait but its substantially higher than 8k per month. The figure is on these chronicals somewhere but I am guessing at about 20 -25k per month. No rent/food etc. More than enough to support her family here. As she has done for the 3 years before returning here.

As I have mentioned before, I believe her plan was to return to the Phils and to settle down and get married etc....but with a foreigner who can carry out the support of her and her family. She and her family are disappointed that they have a relatively poor foreigner in their midst who cannot and will not do that.

Forgot to mention. I have at least a couple of ex-pats here who know her and have listened to my stories. They think I should kick her into touch also.

Regards

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Old Jan 8th 2017, 6:13 am
  #917  
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Why should your L/L require someone to wash the clothes? We have a 500sq Metre house and
My wife does the cooking,washing,ironing, dusting etc. There are only 3 of us living in the house,and my wife is 55. We could easily afford a maid but my wife will not entertain the idea, she likes household chores.

Regarding the Kuwait idea, it's bull s---t. My neighbor is a Saudi and he has told me the salaries and conditions that maid have to endure. It's highly unlikely that her working in Kuwait could offer the same financial support that you are currently giving.

She needs to a grip and realise what is expected in this partnership.......perhaps less time sulking and blogging on facebook.com .might give her time to do the washing etc.

MikeK

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Old Jan 8th 2017, 6:40 am
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Default re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by mikek1 View Post

Why should your L/L require someone to wash the clothes? We have a 500sq Metre house and
My wife does the cooking,washing,ironing, dusting etc. There are only 3 of us living in the house,and my wife is 55. We could easily afford a maid but my wife will not entertain the idea, she likes household chores.

Regarding the Kuwait idea, it's bull s---t. My neighbor is a Saudi and he has told me the salaries and conditions that maid have to endure. It's highly unlikely that her working in Kuwait could offer the same financial support that you are currently giving.

She needs to a grip and realise what is expected in this partnership.......perhaps less time sulking and blogging on facebook.com .might give her time to do the washing etc.

MikeK
Exactly - a maid to an Arabic family will be working 6 days or maybe 6.5 days a week. 12 hour days, looking after numbers of kids, cooking cleaning etc. They get to rest in a room the size of a box. A TV would be a luxury. An arabic family would pay between 200-300usd for that and the maid would need to buy her own food and toiletries from the supermarket.

A western expat might pay 500-600 usd and be a bit softer in respect of hours, accommodation quality and supermarket stuff.

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Old Jan 8th 2017, 6:42 am
  #919  
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Default re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by mikek1 View Post

Why should your L/L require someone to wash the clothes? We have a 500sq Metre house and
My wife does the cooking,washing,ironing, dusting etc. There are only 3 of us living in the house,and my wife is 55. We could easily afford a maid but my wife will not entertain the idea, she likes household chores.

Regarding the Kuwait idea, it's bull s---t. My neighbor is a Saudi and he has told me the salaries and conditions that maid have to endure. It's highly unlikely that her working in Kuwait could offer the same financial support that you are currently giving.

She needs to a grip and realise what is expected in this partnership.......perhaps less time sulking and blogging on facebook.com .might give her time to do the washing etc.

MikeK
500sq meters? are you hugh hefner?

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Old Jan 8th 2017, 7:13 am
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Default re: Me and My Family

Mikek,

You are incorrect about OFW pay in Kuwait. This was discussed before and it was shown that your figures were wrong by a contributor to this thread. It is on one of these pages somewhere. She worked 7 days a week normally and didn't mind doing so because it was too dangerous to go outside. She was a personal nanny and they paid her well plus bonus if she helped with the cooking or whatever. She has been offered a substantial rise if she went back. They also treated her very well, Yes, the 3 staff had a small room and a TV plus amenities. Her friend who still works for her employer has had a good payrise last year. I saw the messages. Here is a link for guidance:

Kuwait Law: Domestic Workers Wages - 2:48AM – Everything Kuwait

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Old Jan 8th 2017, 7:33 am
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Mikek1,

I agree with you about the housework in your house. There are obviously only two in my house and she does everything which shouldn't be too arduous because she has no full time work. When I first came here I was forbidden to touch the ironing or washing up even though I wanted to. We have a washing machine that she uses for heavy duty items....bed clothes etc but has decided that it does not wash clothes well enough. Personally, I could not see any difference. But there again, I am a bloke. As I said previously, I suspect all this has come about because of her continuing frustration with my divorce. She wants to be a wife fulfilling wifely duties....not a maid.

Regards

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Old Jan 8th 2017, 10:47 am
  #922  
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I don't understand your frustrations. You continuly vent your problems with your L/L and her family, then defend her when any wise and knowledgeable adverse comments are made.

Whether you get a full devorce or not, it's immaterial. What difference would it make if you married your L/L.? From your previous posts it seems unlikely that you will recieve any large payout so financially your circumstances would not change. What exactly does she want?

I have read and heard of numerous cases exactly the same as you are telling and they all end up with the same result.Need I say more. If you are so sure just marry her, your in the Philippines, who gives a damn?

Mikek

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Old Jan 8th 2017, 11:11 am
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Just checked your link and 120 Kuwait dinars equates to PHP 19500.per month, and that's about the top line. Even if she was paid + 50% it would still not be anywhere near what your contributing. Aside from the 39k how much more are you really contributing.

Can I suggest you start asking the waddle sister to pay her own way. By the way you haven't mentioned what her new job is...........ummm!


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Old Jan 8th 2017, 1:51 pm
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I think is being very brave in disclosing the details of his relationship with the rest of us, I could not do it. But I think that without actually being there it is difficult for anyone else to tell him what to do. I am on wife Nr 3 and still have no idea on how their mind works and it has nothing to do with nationality.

All we can do is give advise, but with my track record it is probably not worth much, but someone said, above, disappear for a few weeks with gf away from any family ( leaving phones behind ), relax, kick back and discuss the future sounds like pretty good advise, but then what do I know.

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Old Jan 9th 2017, 2:10 am
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Originally Posted by Stokkevn View Post
I think is being very brave in disclosing the details of his relationship with the rest of us, I could not do it. But I think that without actually being there it is difficult for anyone else to tell him what to do. I am on wife Nr 3 and still have no idea on how their mind works and it has nothing to do with nationality.

All we can do is give advise, but with my track record it is probably not worth much, but someone said, above, disappear for a few weeks with gf away from any family ( leaving phones behind ), relax, kick back and discuss the future sounds like pretty good advise, but then what do I know.
Plus, I think is also getting some encouragement from the rest of us in realising 1. His experiences are not unique and 2. Others are, or have been, in similar positions. From his postings, there are few expats in his area to bounce things off.

He's probably correct in that the latest "upset" is caused by the email from his soon to be Ex wife as maybe his GF feels that he is somehow trying to delay things. We can see from his postings that this is not true , but here they are accustomed to "promises" being broken which only adds to their feelings of insecurity.

th
ank you for posting the ups and downs of your relationship - it has been , and is, a superb chronicle and has definitely helped others thinking life with a Filipina will be paradise! The fact that it has had so many views and comments is testament to it's interest. I wish you well in whatever decision you come to.

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Old Jan 9th 2017, 2:59 am
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Thanks both for your replies.

Cannot agree that I am defending my lovely lady, all I am trying to do is understand why she behaves in such an immature and unacceptable manner. In this particular case, I believe its her way of showing her frustrations that the divorce is not going as quickly as she hopes. Understanding a problem is the first step to solving the problem. Her way of venting her frustrations or anger is unacceptable but she always comes back, but she must learn to discuss her problems in an adult manner. If she cannot do that, then she will find out the consequences.

I think I may have not explained the financial side clearly. I will try again. Currently she gets 39k from me monthly. This is to pay for everything and is designed to give her 8k allowance after all the bills have been paid. This 8k is all she has to play with as far as her personal and family expenses are concerned. If she went to Kuwait, then instead of just 8k, she would have about 20k with no rent, expenses, etc to pay as she does here. I chose the figure 8k because I figured that is what she would earn if she worked here. Currently she pays 2k for her families rent out of her 8k. In the 39k allowance is 3k for fathers medicine. When she was in Kuwait, she sent most of her money home to the family and now they have to live with out that bar the 5k for rent and medicine which they get from us. They would be far better off if she was in Kuwait but she has decided to spend her future with me.

As far as future finances are concerned, it is true I have little likelihood of getting a share in our joint owned house. To have a chance of that, I need to go back and live in the UK for a while. I have explained that to my lovely lady and she does not want me to go back to the UK and told me that I should forget the house and let my estranged wife have it with no call on my pension. She understands the consequences of that in that I will just be here living on my pensions. I will not be in a position to buy this house outright or go on exotic holidays or honeymoons etc. Nor will I be able to help her family further.

I agree that I am "the man on the ground" and its difficult for others to tell me what to do except give advice. I value the advice which is why I invite it here. Like most others, if I was reading this as an observer, I would have advised to kick her into touch also. But then, I would not be "the man on the ground".

In summary, I doubt if I would ever kick her out unless something major happens. It would be a case of her leaving and not coming back. Personally, I doubt if that would happen but I intend to teach her next time she walks out that her tantrums are unacceptable and there will be no long term future. If she does not come back....then so be it.

Regards

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Old Jan 9th 2017, 3:02 am
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Quiltman,

Your post has just come in after I posted mine. Many thanks. I value your comments and encouragement.

Regards

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Old Jan 9th 2017, 3:55 am
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I neglected to mention what the new job is. It is Sloth sister who has been sat at home twiddling her thumbs (on fb) since she graduated from college in March last year. It is her second job....the first of which lasted 3 days because it was too arduous. This is an office job in the local city hall and should suit her better. No idea what her pay is, but I understand it is reasonable otherwise she would not have taken it. My lovely lady was the one who had to goad her into getting a job. As I have mentioned before.....she is the one that basically runs the family as she has been doing since she left home many years ago.

I just hopes she holds the job down because the new rent is 5k per month ....an extra 3k. They will need part of her income to pay the rent otherwise they will have serious problems. And I will not be bailing them out. As my lovely lady said to me in one of those terse messages we exchanged when she left me a few days ago.....her family is her responsibility. And not mine. I shall regretfully remember that for the rest of my life.

Regards

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Old Jan 9th 2017, 4:24 am
  #929  
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Always easy to snipe from the sides and you're right that you're the bloke on the ground. I just genuinely think that calling someones bluff once means they're unlikely to throw the toys out as easily in the future because they know you won't stand for it.

Maybe doesn't have to be as dramatic as packing bags for her, but if you're confident she'll want to come back then you should try just letting her leave one time and not chasing.

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Old Jan 9th 2017, 6:09 am
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Thanks Scamp,

Normally what happens when she leaves, she messages me to say that she is off back to Kuwait....or someone will pick her clothes etc later. I normally politely try to message rationally and we try to talk about what has happened. Normally we reach an impasse and then silence for a few hours. Then she appears back. The closest she has actually come to leaving was late one evening she packed her clothes and put them on the balcony and forlornly awaited for a family member to pick her up. They didn't turn up for whatever reason. I was waiting to lock up and go to bed. Eventually she was crying her eyes out on the balcony and I went and got her with her clothes. I felt very sorry for her actually. We were fine once inside the house.

The second and final time was one morning that she was going to Bacolod the next day to arrange passage to Kuwait. I said ok and she should arrange for her belongings to be taken to her house.....because she was not coming back to my house. She sat sadly for a number of hours and then said she would go that afternoon. I was resigned to her leaving at that point. I said Ok and prepared to lock the house up and go to the beach and to be frank... get rat-a...d. She went out of the house....and lamely followed me to the beach. On the way to the beach....she appeared to flick a switch and my real lovely lady was back again.

Next time and I am sure there will be a next time, I shall respond to any message that I agree its over and to let me know when someone is coming to collect her things so I can be sure to be in. And leave it at that. No more replies or discussions as in the past.

Do I care for her? Of course I do. Or else I wouldn't be here now.

Regards

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