Elgin1983

P11, great to hear you're not giving her a centavo more. I imagine it's been entertaining to receive her rants in a way, but I think now is the time to take the nuclear option: head back to UK for a couple of months, during which you can slightly alter your name and then get a new passport (a natty blue one now that we are free of the EU!) before returning to the Philippines. Block her and her family (I suspect their "friendliness" is primarily to be able to keep tabs on you in the event you block the LL), forget about them, and get on with life. I very much doubt she will have either the funds or the inclination to track you down, particularly given her bigamy.

scrubbedexpat019

Your life strikes me as being a three-act drama play on a colorful tropical stage. You are now in Act Two. The next act will be the clincher...

Far be it for me to offer you any advice at this stage - can we just call it "suggestions"??

What is your Plan B? Every expat in Asia should have a Plan B as part of a basic survival kit.

Of all the advice you've been given, I can think of no better than for you to take a holiday from the Philippines for a while.

Chiangmai (Thailand) and Penang (Malaysia) would be two attractive destinations for a short-term 'break' from all your recent dramas.

I have just returned from an extended stay in Penang and I would recommend it as the cheapest (also the easiest to move in and out of on a 90 day Malaysian tourist visa) and with a little care, the cost of living is not particularly high. Much cheaper than Thailand, and Malaysians are friendly folks. With a little care, your UK pension and savings will see you through, all the more so as you won't be shelling out 'gifts' in the thousands to someone you no longer have a romantic connection or a logical future with.

Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam are probably your cheapest options, but the 'grab the cash mentality for tourist visas (pay in US$, for 30 days only) would put me off these three otherwise most pleasant countries.

The Change Your Name/New Passport option in the UK may be easier said (or thought of) than done. Me, I would get some good professional (or legal) advice before doing this. Much like personal bankruptcy, the doing is much more complex and complicated than the thinking about.

Overthinking the situation will only create more doubts and stall your plan of action. Just do it. The emotional angst will disappear after a few days and a late afternoon-early evening Tiger beer or two in one of the many pleasant (and affordable) dives in Georgetown, Penang will ease any stress you may feel for a (one hopes short) while until you settle in and work out a new daily routine.

I've just returned from Penang. A large Tiger beer costs MYR 20.00 in one of many second-level bars on the side streets (not far from the tourist hustle) and a double shot of good 20 year old Puerto Rican rum set me back RMY 12.00. My small hotel on Chulia Street, very popular with Malaysians and half a block from the (in)famous Love Lane in the cente of georgetown, was for me, luxury at RMY 150.00 a night with a good breakfast, two free drinks at the bar, and ice cream available 24/7 - there are cheaper options for a longer stay. Several local agencies handle longer term accommodation ranging from serviced suites to small rooms, with many more available online directly from the owners. Food is good and inexpensive.

And as my Australian and Canadian friends who reside long-term on the island (all on 90 day visas) tell me, the ladies in Penang are in every way as nice as those you already know, and they speak much better English.

Food for thought. Just sayin'...

Philosophical 11

Thanks....

Her rants.... yes, they were entertaining to start off with and they also gave me much intel on what plans she was threatening against me. But when I cut off her allowance the messages became more vicious and hurtful. They also contained lies which I have already detailed to be used in court against me. The final straw after repeated warnings of blocking was that I was only a tourist in this country and just a guest. I should treat her with respect (which I always have) and not bully her. This after doing all I have for her since I have been away was the final straw. Will I unblock her later on? I will be sorely tempted but I will see how long that lasts.

Returning to the UK....Not an option for me at the moment but in the event of deportation I will consider returning under a different name if I still have the stomach for it. Incidentally, I am currently renewing my passport. Did it on line.

Whether she has the funds or inclination to go ahead with these threats remain to be seen. She does state she has one of those free lawyers. I hope not. With little funds it will be difficult for me to hire a lawyer. Also, I don't trust lawyers to present my case as forcibly as I would like. To them its just a job. They don't care as long as they get paid. I am minded to do it myself....I have nothing to lose.

Bigamy....Having seen her signature, it is completely different to the one she uses now. So she could be telling the truth that the marriage was faked. But as I was advised last night it is up to a court of law to determine that.

Regards

Philosophical 11

Thanks!

Plan B. Return to UK....although Penang sounds interesting!

I have no desire to return to the UK. Yes, I agree a change of name etc may be a little more complicated as first seems. When I completed my passport application the other day it did ask telling questions such as change of name or a passport under a different name. I suspect my old name will be somehow linked to the new passport .

Yes, I enjoy a few beers in the evening down town. Not just to forget my woes but to get out of this house. I have a favourite restobar with a few good friends and its good to relax. My lady friend waitress there is always a barrel of fun.. If I need to unwind more, a bottle of Emporador puts me to sleep soundly ......

Regards

scot47

I have often seen this phenomenon with other lonely Old Brits. Fragmented family at home. Move to a Third World Country with some assets. Form an attachment to a local. Longing for a place to identify they do so. Locals happy to lighten the old fool's wallet. It happens all over.

Philosophical 11

Explain to me where you get fragmented family or your anology from.? Mischief making perhaps...!
Obviously I have rattled your cage in the past

Thairetired2016

Whether true or not I don't know: apparently Philippines are going to stop longterm stay on tourist visa basis. This was discussed on Thaivisa. Only way to stay longterm is supposed to be on basis of marriage or SSRV (?).

Jerseygirl

i love how you threw in the bit about your ‘lady friend’ at the end of your post. Was it to get us going again, so you could create more drama and issue more denials?

spouse of scouse

Hey all you wonderful armchair critics, I need your expertise. Which one would you buy or are they both rubbish?

scrubbedexpat142

Hmmm, the bottom one looks like high maintenance!

Stokkevn

Come on they are just tat, you need something with style for us gents out here.

Pollyana

First one is ok but not in that colour. Do they do it in purple?

Mallory

Because you are so open with your life, I do not want to appear to be nosy, but do you have grandchildren back in the UK? You have never mentioned it.

Red_Wine_Fairy

It already started 3 or 4 pages ago.

What he described there is 'a friend'

(I'm just an armchair critic, but his description sounds far more like a barmaid just doing her best to charm customers into buying more beer/spending more cash)
(As Mrs Merton once said to Debbie Daniels, ''so what was it that attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?'').

Why he feels the need to insert 'lady' in front of friend, which does indeed imply something more than just a friend, I do not know. I can guess, but that would be being armchair-critical

Elgin1983

Hi P11, in the event that it does go to court, do you think your newfound lawyer/mayor friend might step in for you for a cut-price fee?

Personally I think LL is full of shit as usual, and if you block her and her family you will never hear from her again. It would be useful to ask lawyer/mayor if he would be willing to step in, in the event she actually does go to the effort and expense of hiring a lawyer and tracking you down.

As you said, it is difficult for a foreigner to win against a 3rd world national in the 3rd world. But her case is quite weak, given that you have no kids with her, plus the evidence of her insane messages, plus the bigamy.

Ultimately, if she is hell bent on finding you and starting a court case, she will probably be able to do so at great cost to herself. You need to make sure she knows she will gain nothing from it, because even if she wins, and is able to avoid the bigamy charge, all that will happen is that you will be deported. I think you already told her that?

In which case, there is nothing more to be gained from thinking about her, much less communicating with her. If she really wants to undertake the huge effort and expense of finding you and serving you legal papers, and expose herself the risk of being imprisoned for bigamy, let her do it. But I doubt she will.

Get your mayor/lawyer onside just in case, and if worst comes to worst, head over to Penang, which doesn't seem like the end of the world.