Me and My Family

Old Jan 31st 2020, 3:25 am
  #4081  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

P11...
I'm willing to bet if you were to go to another Expat forum specifically about another 3rd World country, you'll find stories or examples of people having the same problems as you. Perhaps different "Flavors" but basically the same "Recipe". Expats in (insert country name) tell the same stories about the girlfriend/wife/family as your example in the RP. In my opinion when you make your Arm Chair comments...you are only showing your own arrogance or ignorance (their is a difference between ignorance and stupidity).
As for "moving on"... If you walk back your move to cut her off: then she will only see this as weakness.
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 3:50 am
  #4082  
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The L/L is dishonest, manipulative. etc, but clever. P11 will not escape without some sort of payment.
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 4:44 am
  #4083  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by WiredTight View Post
P11...
I'm willing to bet if you were to go to another Expat forum specifically about another 3rd World country, you'll find stories or examples of people having the same problems as you. Perhaps different "Flavors" but basically the same "Recipe". Expats in (insert country name) tell the same stories about the girlfriend/wife/family as your example in the RP. In my opinion when you make your Arm Chair comments...you are only showing your own arrogance or ignorance (their is a difference between ignorance and stupidity).
As for "moving on"... If you walk back your move to cut her off: then she will only see this as weakness.
You are suggesting that if it is prescribed by law that I should pay her an allowance... I should not pay because it shows weakness? How will that help me if it came to litigation?
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 5:22 am
  #4084  
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Greetings....

Further updates..

Further to now seeing her signature on what appears to be the bottom portion of her marriage certificate., there now seems doubt that her father did not sanction me stopping payments to her. This follows claims from her that none of her family, or indeed the father sent me the message to stop the payments. Her eldest sister contacted me yesterday asking if I had used her name to pass his message onto me. I told her she would remain anonymous. I have kept a record of her messages. I have a feeling she used her fathers name to stop sending her an allowance. I hope I am wrong.

The LBC scam of 15k. She told me that it will be paid by the end of January. I have been waiting since end of August. Of course I cast doubt that it would be paid and told her she must pawn the jewelry to help me pay for her move. Today she sent me 3.5k for the proceeds of the pawn. Looking at the transaction it was for one item...an ankle bracelet. Originally I was told it was a necklace. However, I remember feeling at least two items in the package. The transaction showed 1.9g of 18k gold at 3,5k which would be correct as scrap value. But the commercial value of the ankle bracelet was 15k. She maintains the design added to the cost which I doubt. She also asserts there was only one item. I believe she lies....

She has no job now. Originally I was told she would be contacted in sometime in January to start the job, She now states she was asked to start the job at the beginning of January but could not start because I forced her to move house and asked for time off to search for another house. She lost her job. Again...more lies. Furthermore she does not intend to look for a job until she has finished the cases against me. On that subject, her attorney has advised going for me first and then proceed against those who falsified her marriage

Regards
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 5:26 am
  #4085  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

P11...
The answer is YES.
It seems we have a disagreement on the status of the Philippine Justice System. During my time in the RP (I'm only a part time Arm chair warrior)... I have never heard of a foreigner that has won against a citizen of the RP....Especially when the foreigner is a Tourist. You make be able to prolong the LL from filing legal paper work against you, or string it along ($$$) but...All someone has to do is call immirgation and make a complaint (no matter if it true or not) and a small "donation" to a poorly paid BI employee (one who dislikes RICH foreigners) who will slap a some type of blinking light against your name the next time you try to Extend your tourist visa. A tourist is a visitor, who has very little rights. And this is coming from a someone who legally spent 4.5 years as a tourist.

Last edited by WiredTight; Jan 31st 2020 at 5:29 am.
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 5:59 am
  #4086  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by WiredTight View Post
P11...
The answer is YES.
It seems we have a disagreement on the status of the Philippine Justice System. During my time in the RP (I'm only a part time Arm chair warrior)... I have never heard of a foreigner that has won against a citizen of the RP....Especially when the foreigner is a Tourist. You make be able to prolong the LL from filing legal paper work against you, or string it along ($$$) but...All someone has to do is call immirgation and make a complaint (no matter if it true or not) and a small "donation" to a poorly paid BI employee (one who dislikes RICH foreigners) who will slap a some type of blinking light against your name the next time you try to Extend your tourist visa. A tourist is a visitor, who has very little rights. And this is coming from a someone who legally spent 4.5 years as a tourist.
Yes.. I agree with the point of the foreigners having little or no chance against a local with an axe to grind. This is why to stand a chance I need to be water tight against anything she throws at me. So far I am according to various attorneys. I do not intend to throw that away now. BI have already been informed according to her.

Regards

Last edited by Philosophical 11; Jan 31st 2020 at 6:01 am.
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 6:28 am
  #4087  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Why do you keep getting involved in their family politics?

the sister said the father should stop payments etc. What a mess
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 7:00 am
  #4088  
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Originally Posted by Millhouse View Post
Why do you keep getting involved in their family politics?

the sister said the father should stop payments etc. What a mess
You forgot one important point. It is not their family... It is my family also
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 7:05 am
  #4089  
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Originally Posted by Philosophical 11 View Post
Taking your points in order.....

I am now exactly in the position I wish to be. I have fulfilled what I see as my moral obligations and if I had followed some knee jerk reactions from some armchair critics who do not actually live here in the Philippines then that would not be the case. I know exactly what she is planning by keeping an open dialogue and I have not fled back to another country as some has suggested. Perhaps you can tell me what you would have done differently.

Posting in a public forum will generate comments. Have I suggested otherwise?

Being close to the situation....Yes. I am the man on the ground. I know exactly what is happening here. Taking a military scenario, the man on the ground knows and feels exactly what is going on. However the Generals in a nice HQ somewhere may not be fully appreciative of the situation. Because they are not there.

I suspect you do not know the meaning of snide comments in the way you have put it.

****** or have issues in getting out of difficult situation, or from age may struggle handling issues from fear or dependency issues******* I have got myself out of a difficult position in what I consider the best and safest way possible. I am now happy with my position. Fear....yes. Fear of what could happen if this was not handled in the correct way, This Is the Philippines. I do not what to become a statistic. Dependency? Dependency on what?

Regards
You have now taken to using the phrase armchair critics now that you feel better, or maybe the comments being made deep down you now are realizing after years have some merit but pride doesn't allow you to admit. I don't know , but I don't think anyone has made comments in anything except a desire you be helpful.

As far as recommendations I and others have made they are all posted and you know them. Giving your patterns it is not unreasonable to have concern you will keep on this path you have shown for several years.

I certainly have experience with the Philippines dating back a lot longer than you have been there, as well as southeast Asia, as have others who have posted. In fact recently I had a dinner in which several long time Filipino friends were present- including two lawyers- and relayed your story as you have presented it, one of them first question was how does this man's family not do something ? The other said obviously this fellow doesn't understand much about the Philippines, it's culture or laws. Whether right or not that is the impression you give.

No offense meant that perhaps you need a guardian of sorts, just an opinion, and certainly comments you may have taken as snide do not mean necessarily they are.

I can understand the relief you feel having somewhat escaped the situation, and I guess a positive in one way you now criticize others as an indication you are getting some backbone back. I meant no offense nor did anyone else.

And yes I do get the impression you are somewhat dependent on the drama.




Last edited by morpeth; Jan 31st 2020 at 7:17 am.
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 7:06 am
  #4090  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11 View Post
You forgot one important point. It is not their family... It is my family also
If you are not married yo her how are they your family ?
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 7:08 am
  #4091  
 
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Originally Posted by Philosophical 11 View Post
******P11's idea that if you don't live in the PPPs you don't know what you're talking about is blatant BS.****** Wrong. If I was living in Thailand for instance and was an armchair critic reading this, I would not be arrogant enough to suggest that the culture and the laws of the land are the same. Certainly they are developing countries, but that does not mean the culture ...especially family culture are the same.

Moving on......

Today, she sent me what appears to be a copy of a partial image of her original marriage certificate. The signature is not that she uses today. So it could be forged. I have asked for a full image of the certificate which she refuses to show. I need to consult further whether or not I need to resume her maintenance but it may be that the advice will be not to do so until her fake marriage has been legally regularized.

Regards
Seems like you're still clinging to the belief that everyone outside the PPPs knows nothing. And you know best as the local "expert". We've all seen how well your knowledge of the local culture served you.

No one said that the laws and culture of the PPPs are the same as in other countries, but there are many similarities. People are people wherever you go and human behavior doesn't change that much.

If there's one thing travel has taught me it's that wherever you go people pretty much want the same things out of life; financial security, a roof over their heads, and a good family life. The poorer the country the harder this is to obtain.

Even when my wife lived in Saudi Arabia she could see similarities between the Saudis and herself, as fellow Asian people, in how they did things and their culture.

In your position, I would not be so arrogant to disregard the words of those who for the past 5 years, or whatever it is now, have consistently been giving you good advice about your situation, which you have consistently ignored.

Re your last point about family, I would suggest that family culture between PPPs and Thailand are very very similar. I think most of the old clichΓ©s apply to both. I could go into a lot of detail here.....

I struggle sometimes, wondering whether you're being deliberately obtuse with some of the things you come out with sometimes, or just plain stubborn.

I used to be sympathetic to your cause, but now I just kind of think whatever. I'm past caring Some people just don't listen!

Your refusal to accept the opinion of others who are not in the PPPs says it all really.

To go back to Thailand which you reference, there is a saying amongst expats that many men leave their brains at the arrivals hall in the airport, and I do believe that IS applicable to the Philippines too. πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 7:09 am
  #4092  
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Originally Posted by Mallory View Post
When I first binge read the first few years of this thread, as it was very interesting, I could not believe that you were giving all and sundry money. Why did you just not keep up your wife and yourself. Who goes round giving dozens of people money, giving them beer, frozen meat, free wifi, paying for meds. When you planned to go to the Philippines did you expect to be paying out part of your pension to other people, or did you just drift into it? I know I live in the US, and it is a different culture, but if I was on a meager pension and trying to live my life, I would be keeping my money for myself and my spouse. Why did you start on this money lending life - it just caused a huge life problem for you?
I have seen this tendency before in some Expats, and locals sometimes seem to sense how they can play it. Maybe they think it is buying friendship, or 'fitting in'.
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 7:17 am
  #4093  
 
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Originally Posted by morpeth View Post
I have seen this tendency before in some Expats, and locals sometimes seem to sense how they can play it. Maybe they think it is buying friendship, or 'fitting in'.
Think one of the big problems was that his wife and him were never on the same page about the family. It will never work if the woman consistently puts other people before her own marriage. Are you working together as a team , or working against each other as individuals with your own agendas.
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Old Jan 31st 2020, 8:47 am
  #4094  
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Originally Posted by Philosophical 11 View Post

Being close to the situation....Yes. I am the man on the ground. I know exactly what is happening here. Taking a military scenario, the man on the ground knows and feels exactly what is going on. However the Generals in a nice HQ somewhere may not be fully appreciative of the situation. Because they are not there.

Regards
Do you, really? I doubt your analogy. Front line troops know what is going on in their immediate vicinity but often have little idea of the bigger picture. Generals and other senior officers are trained to take the bigger picture/strategy into consideration and act accordingly.

You are a foreigner who has lived in the Philippines for a short period, you do not speak the local language, and your posts suggest that you have only a limited understanding of a very different culture. Be careful. Tell your 'wife' you require a notarized (or the local equivalent) copy of her original marriage certificate or, better still, get your attorney to ask for it or sight of the original document. Do not act on unvalidated 'instructions' from her father relayed through her sister. Does he even has the authority to give you such 'instructions' or was this merely a request or a suggestion? Do not communicate with your 'wife' directly, use your attorney. There are legal implications here.

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Old Jan 31st 2020, 9:25 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

And let's put the armchair critic thing to bed. To use a football analogy, when I'm watching a game on TV, I might not know how the pitch feels, what the weather's like , the crunch of a the tackle, the feeling of joy and despair of playing the game.....

​​​​​​..... But we can ALL recognise a bad pass, a great goal, and an own goal!
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