Philosophical 11

Again, as I have mentioned previously, most if not all of the comments made are due to the cultural differences between us Westerners and the locals here. I have documented each episode for the reader to get a taste of the culture here and how I dealt with it. You quoted me as the first 3 yrs were perfect. One of the quotes I noted when I scrolled down was that I said life was 99% perfect. Ok....you win. Life was only 99% perfect.

Regards

WiredTight

P11...
When I first moved to the RP I was a very receptive listener to all the advice that the old time expats put forth (words of wisdon). Some of the advice I filed away for later, others...I thanked them, put "in one ear out the other".Some of the advice that specifically remember:
1. All (most) Philippinos/pinas are habitual liars. When pinoy/pinas lie, it's most often not with malice, but instead a matter of face (easier to lie, than admit they are wrong or don't know have an answer. Plus they can always go to church and absolve their sins.
2. Never lend pinoys/pinas money. Receiving a loan from a foreigner is one step away from being a Gift. Again like a liar, someone who welches or doesn't pay back a loan isn't the same as western values.
3. The worst thing you can do if you have a steady relationship with a philippine woman is to move to the province close to The Family. Keeping distance between you and the family saves you, and most importantly your GF a large portion of the grief associated with Supporting The Family. Distance is Good.
4. Most important advice received... Don't become "Pino-ized" or lower your Standards. For instance... If your common everyday thing before the RP wasn't to give bad loans, lying, being taken advantage of, etc... then just because you moved to the RP and everyone else does it.....that's not an excuse to low your own standards and do as they do. I've known guys who at first showed up clean cut, never take a drink before 12 noon, etc.... after a few months/years...you notice a big different (I'm probable just as guilty in some area too).

In my opinion... you are most guilty of #4. At first you questioned the things that were going on, then you seem to Except that "This is the way things are done" in the RP. Later on...and most recently....you've started to justify this by calling it RP Culture (who am I to demand they change). Your higher standards you lived with back in the England appears to no longer be what they used to be (please correct me if I'm wrong). In fact look at it this was.... Would you have put up with half the B/S you have here in the RP if you were back in England or another western country ???

For what it's worth... I do wish you the best of luck.

Philosophical 11

Many thanks for your constructive post. It makes a change.

I agree with most every thing you said but I have certainly not lowered my standards. Yes, I accept their culture which doesn't mean I agree with it. I am a guest in this beautiful country but would never try and change anything except in the behavior and manners of people close to me. Going back to my standards, they remain high as they were before I came here. Nothing has been lowered. Due to Military discipline maybe?

Anyway, I thank you for your good wishes and a post to which I enjoyed replying to.

Regards

spouse of scouse

Ok, I accept that your definition of a life that's '99% perfect' and my own definition will never be the same.

Life with a partner that steals from you, storms away when caught out rather than discussing rationally, lies to you, threatens to leave you when things don't go their way, threatens you with deportation, does not want you to go anywhere without them, continually checking up on you when you're apart and going so far as to try to lock you inside your property, isn't my definition of even a 1% perfect life. What it sounds like to me is a perfect definition of domestic abuse. And typical of this abuse, it started gradually as emotional and social abuse, and escalated until you (and the armchair critics that you like to deride) were genuinely fearful for your life.

It's none of my business, and no skin off my nose, how you remember your relationship. I just responded to you in the hope that you would be willing to look at your early posts and perhaps view them as warning signs that all was not well - this is how we learn, this is how we grow and this is how we avoid repeating our past mistakes. You've again chosen to explain these signs away as 'cultural differences', completely ignoring the fact that love, respect and trust doesn't have cultural boundaries. Oh well, I tried!

marmaduke

Probably good to remember that P11 was only providing us with the downside of his years there. Judging by all the grousing and moaning elsewhere in the thread, the Philippines must indeed be a beer and sun soaked paradise compared to a standard divorced pensioner's existence back in the UK.

Or, to put in another way, in my first month of living in Vietnam, I was (1) scammed out of a few dollars by the classic Tan Son Nhat taxi departure fee scam, (2) had my flip-flops hidden by Vietnamese mafia at a street gym (they were testing to see if I'd throw a wobbler or not), (3) was shaken down by two scooter-loads of prostitutes who only left me alone when they realised I wasn't going to let go of my wallet no matter which bit of me they were holding on to, (4) nearly mowed down by a scooter rider who was dicking about on his phone and was forced to ditch his bike and leap into my arms and (5) given food poisoning by possibly the rudest waitress in Vietnam.

Would I recommend living in Vietnam? Unreservedly, because those annoyances were quickly forgotten and the other 99% of the time was fantastic fun. Now, P11 has been through a bit more than that -- personally, I would've bailed out the first time LL had a crack at me with the kitchen knife -- but he obviously hung in there because despite the regular but (mostly) small annoyances and grift, he was having a grand old time otherwise.

Philosophical 11

Thanks....there you have it in a nut-shell in your first sentence.

I have repeatedly stated that the cultural problems that I first encountered was part of the adventure if you like of living in a developing country. Again, I just wrote about the problems I encountered and overcame on my arrival here and didn't write about the blessed times I had with LL. Therefore the context would be distorted by the readers of this thread. Apart from writing this thread...I LIVED it. I wrote as I saw it. Yes...I still maintain that the first few years here were just about as perfect as I could wish even taking the cultural problems into account. Why should I lie? Certainly not to protect my LL as she was then. But I have condemned my wife for what has happened over the past year or so.

Regards

Philosophical 11

Reply to Marmaduke refers.

You refer to the behavior of LL. Jealousy and tampos are part of a Filipinas make-up when they are emotionally involved with someone. On the flip side they are the most caring, loving women you can imagine. It's called culture.

Regards

spouse of scouse

And lying and stealing and threatening, are they also 'part of a Filipinas make-up when they are emotionally involved with someone' ?? Really? If I was a woman from the Philippines, or someone who loved one, I'd be pretty disgusted with your remarks.

Your assertion that 'they are the most caring, loving women you can imagine' is more of the same. Again - all of them?? How many of the world's women have you been intimately involved with?

Honestly, where do you get this stuff from, apart from your somewhat desperate attempts to excuse the inexcusable by lumping an entire nation's female population into the same grubby bucket?

Philosophical 11

You are obviously confusing the LL of old and my wife of late. Two different people. How many more times do I need explain that to people like you??

scrubbedexpat142

Ah, so the Wife of today isn't the LL of yesterday with the multiple hidden children and an undeclared previous marriage, etc. Now I get it.

Bealinehx

Sorry to say but this thread has descended into absurdity

old.sparkles

From what you've written previously, to everyone but you they are one and the same. The things you wrote at the start of this thread mirror those of the past 12 months or so.

But you are out of it now which is a good thing - it stays that way.

Philosophical 11

I am referring to her behaviour of late. Not of her background. The marriage and hidden children topics have been covered previously. No... I do not expect armchair critics such as yours who probably do not live in the Philippines to get it

jaygee68

Have just stumbled across this little gem of a post.It's one of the best bits of advice i have seen on here in a very long time.All of it makes sense,particularly points 1 and 3.

scrubbedexpat142

If you're so anti "armchair critics" why do you post on a forum such as this?