Me and My Family
Jan 25th 2020, 6:52 pm
#3946
MODERATOR
Joined: Sep 2009
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 29,850
Re: Me and My Family
Women of all Nationalities can be like that,spouse of scouse.They are not great mathematicians,generally speaking,and,like many others,this particular female has made the odd little accounting mistake here and there.Indeed,they may not be very good at arithmetic,but they often have many other qualities that over-compensate for this minor problem.
Edit - and often better!
Jan 25th 2020, 7:29 pm
#3948
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Buraydah , Saudi Arabia
Posts: 2,863
Re: Me and My Family
In an effort to get you to toughen up and remember things as they really were, i.e. not perfect, I've cut and pasted bits of your first 10 months with your LL. Read them and look for the common themes. You know what I realised when I was doing this labour of love 
I realised that deep down you always knew what she was like, but you didn't want to acknowledge it. I hope you acknowledge it now, because it may save you from making another mistake. There's no shame in making a mistake, lord knows we've all made tons of them. The shame is when you don't reflect and learn from that mistake. So have a read, reflect and learn is my advice (which of course you're free to ignore!)
8 April 2015
One thing I am not getting used to is being "sponged off" if I can put it like that. Ok, I was forewarned by reading the articles on this forum.
Lines are now being drawn.
23 April 2015
The house we have rented is having some refurbishment by her father and two relatives. I was alarmed at being given bills for work done that did not have my prior approval.
Now I have got a grip of that situation.
I previously noted that my gf sister moved into the empty small building next to the house.
She seems to be enjoying using our water, electricity and wifi etc. Oh....and tv of course!
Maybe I am being cynical but I have noticed gf father has acquired a new motor-cycle at 2500 peso pm I believe. Asked why gf was signing all these forms was told she was a witness. Hmmmm....maybe. Oh...her family are moving to a more expensive place this month. Problems with landlord and landowner I am led to believe.
I shall draw up a monthly budget
25 April 2015
Been asked for 2 small loans. One was for 1000 peso which was offered back 2 weeks later and told him to keep it. The other was for 5000 peso as described earlier in the thread by my gf for education fees at college for her sister. At the time I told her this was the first and last time I would make a loan like this. Do not expect any repayment....or further requests.
Next month I will introduce the topic of house hold budget into the conversation
28 April 2015
I casted aspersions about her family before but although I reckon they are skimming my expenses on the house refurb I have put that down to their culture.
3 June 2015
Gf surprised me the other day to say that she wants to work to support her sister who is at college and needs 30000 php for her last years studies.
I was not too pleased with this so volunteered to pay the 30k myself.
5 June 2015
Gf announced this morning that her family has to move house again because the house they are renting is being sold. She and her father think it would be a wonderful idea if I bought them a house going for sale at 250k so they never need move again. Her father would pay something each month for the privilege. I said I do not have the money to buy and indeed I would not be able to own the property. Gf is now in a "huff". Dont like the way this is going.... We will see.
5 June 2015
The problem with her is that she will not talk about it or any other issues she may have. She is still saying nothing is wrong but has a face like a lost orphan in the snow. Sadly, in the past when we have issues it is the same scenario and ends with her posting something on fb which reflects badly on me. That is unacceptable in my view and I then issue ultimatums which ends with floods of tears and everything is good again. No way can I back down on this. I can turn my back and go elsewhere.
7 June 2015
Alls well in the household now after I brought matters to a head. She had been moping about most of the day in the bedroom with a face similar to that of a bulldog that had been stung by a wasp. Told her that I thought she should start looking for another foreigner with a bigger ATM than me. This had the desired effect. I then had a weeping pinay on my hands which really distresses me but she apologised and has been her usual loving, caring self again.
9 June 2015
I mentioned that I was going to pay the 30k tuition fee for gf sister who is on her last year of study on a I.T. course at college. Gf had paid the previous 2 years. I also said I would pay 1k each week living allowance and 1k pm for boarding. The 30k was a discounted rate if paid up front instead of 48k in monthly instalments.
This is what happened....and my "conspiracy mind" attitude toward paying money out here came into play.
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Gf said sister will receive a receipt for the money and show me when she next visits Sipalay. So, this is what I will do. The question is this.... I trust my gf 100%. Am I right to do so?!!
10 June 2015
So, there it hangs. There is an uneasy peace here at the moment. I am not sure if I will see a receipt but will probably stop her sisters allowance until I do.
11 June 2015
We discussed allowances yesterday and she agreed on my suggestion of 8k pm. I gave her 6k for the rest of the month. She was very thankful and said yet again she is too shy to ask for anything.
If she has conned me out of money and I probably wont know for sure unless I see a receipt I think it was because she was desperate for money and too shy to ask. Maybe I am wrong. Anyway, she knows that I am on to her and I like to think it will not happen again.
I think she also needed money for an on-line pyramid business. USANA which sells vitamin tablets. I think I have proof of that but she denies it. She..or father suggested I go into a bridging loan business for Govt Employers. Lend money between paydays. I dismissed that.
14 June 2015
I now have two cashier receipts for the 30k college fees. However I have doubts about the authenticity. If I was in the uk I would have no reason to have doubts. Short of tying her to a wooden chair and using the good old German phrase of we have ways of making you talk, I probably will never know the truth behind this. However, she is aware of my suspicions and her cards are marked.
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I went to check the receipts when I saw your post and they have gone missing.
24 June 2015
And you may be right. However, lines have been drawn and her cards have been marked. I think they have creamed off some of the college fees like other expenses in the past regarding the refurbishment
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Forgot to mention, she is thinking of getting a local p/t job to supplement my income. Hoping that wont be required.
28 June 2015
Then Fireworks. Gf produced a 1000 note a few days ago which according to my calculations she could not have had. It was in her back pocket...not her purse which was unusual. Challenged her later about it. I said that I think she and her family creamed off about 8K from the 30k I paid for tuition fees. Also false receipts which have since disappeared. How did her sister pay for a 3k new mobile phone and who works in school and handles petty cash....no doubt requiring a receipt book.
Told her if anything like this happens again...she goes
1 July 2015
In a way, I think I hold the aces. I am the one supporting my gf for 8k pm which saves her going to work....doubt if she would get more than that if she worked. I am the one supporting her sister at college at 5k pm. I am the one allowing her other sister live rent free and using my electricity, water and Wi-Fi. I am the one that was giving her father free beer most nights which I know he misses. He is secretly frequenting other bars and has to pay for it. It is a case of killing the goose that lays the golden eggs. They all know the score. Try it again and all ties will be severed.
1 August 2015
Only one small "beef" if you forgive the pun. She is buying frozen food which goes in the freezer but every now and then her sister (who pays no rent, utilities etc ) and lives on my property pops in every now and then and helps herself to the sausages in the freezer. On enquiring about this, I am told they belong to her. Funny that...I see no food going into the freezer from her....but plenty coming out. So I provide her accommodation, utilities and Wi-Fi etc free of charge and now I have to feed her and her son also? Gf as I said denied this, but the other night caught her handing some chips she was frying to her sisters son.
15 August 2015
I have given her a "loan" of 10k peso for a dabble in the rice business. She and her uncle (a pastor) reckon there is money to be made in buying rice from the farmer at harvest time later this month and selling it on. Not particularly convinced there is a lot to be made in this, but it gives her another sense of purpose which she thrives on. Who knows...we might be millionaires next year... :-) We shall see.
26 August 2015
Father has borrowed 5k from me for one week. The reasons for which went over my head. She has asked for 3k advance of next months allowance. Again the reason went over my head. Doesn't matter.... I don't like to be seen as interrogating. I know I will be repaid.
2 September 2015
Sister who owes 5k asked to borrow another 5k mainly for her sons birthday party today. She says she will repay the 10k in the 3rd week of September.
Last night we had a bit of drama. Walking home from the beach at dusk (we normally take a tricycle) but she wanted to walk and a young boy in his mid teens ran from behind us and as he overtook us, tried to grab her purse and phone. He failed and ran on into the night. It happened too quick for me to react. A trip to the police station followed where we were advised to get CCTV cameras fitted inside and outside the house. I thought that was irrelevant to the case but never mind. But I was deeply hurt by what she said. She asked why I did nothing at the time. After all I am a big man and he was a kid. Explaining that it happened in a split second and I could not run after him in my flip flops. The fact that he could have a knife did not seem to matter and nothing was stolen. She said that she no longer feels safe with me. That hurt.
30 September 2015
Had a disturbing episode a week ago which puts doubt on my stay here
Gf asked me again to buy and again I explained I could not at the moment. This resulted in one upset gf leaving the house to go to mothers house and saying she will leave and go back to Kuwait to earn money for her own house.
She came back a couple of hours later and apologised the next day. She is very prone to these sort of tantrums although 95% of the time she is a very caring and loving lady.
However, it certainly has put a question mark over my future here and with her. We shall see.
2 October 2015
I have now found that if she goes quiet...pinay pout warning... then ignoring her for a couple of hours does the trick. She comes around and all is well. Problem really is that she will not speak to me about the issue that causes her grief which is normally caused by cultural/language misunderstanding. But, in the past she will not speak to me but will post the issue on fb to her friends. That makes me angry. She always retracts the post after we have "spoken" and she apologises. Prior to meeting here, she has on two occasions threatened self harm when due to a misunderstanding she thinks I am not coming here.
5 October 2015
Think food is still disappearing. Saw pictures on fb of gf sister and son munching prawns which probably were the ones gf bought in bulk I mentioned and could not sell. Visited their house this morning and saw a couple of kids chomping on what looked like our meat which she bulk bought a couple of weeks ago.
7 October 2015
Yesterday her father asked her to ask me to take on his loan which he has with another person. She did not say how much. However, I believe it to be in the region of 70k and he would repay monthly. I would guess that to be about 5k pm due to his small salary. I said I did not have the means to do this (although I do) and this resulted in her locking herself in the bedroom for a couple of hours. She emerged on her mobile enquiring about her old job in Kuwait which is open to her complete with pay rise. After she decided to talk to me, I ended up with a sobbing pinay and she has been ok since. In fact she has been purring away next to me on the sofa this morning. But, I think I have had enough. Next time she does this, I shall just let her go and see what happens. After all, I am already supporting her and her family to the tune of 16k per month with education, allowances and medicine. I think the "wall" episode described in an earlier post was probably a means for her family to get money and work from our landlady which back-fired dramatically. Guess I was half expecting this request because I have heard them discussing it over the previous months. Anyway, I have stood firm....they all know where they stand. The next big issue will be house purchase but as I have said, I have a cunning plan for that. But that is a long way off yet. That's if we get there.
8 October 2015
Yes, she maybe is very immature. I have seen her have rows with her father but she will not do that with me. No idea why, because it makes it impossible to understand each others points of view. We just get the Pinay pout. She has also thrown her ATM card and money at me once in the past. But it always ends up in her tears. I find that very distressing. 95% of the time she is the most beautiful, caring and loving woman. It is a shame the 5% overshadows the 95%.
Never understand her logic. Last month she saw a tv on promo for about 28k over 12 months. Big thing it was. Said we could watch it in bed. I said no.... cue Pinay pout. 2 weeks ago, she said she wanted to buy it from her allowance. She did. End result is now of the tv I bought a few months ago stands idle in bedroom. No aerial. I think there is a nefarious reason behind this. Cannot think what it is. Might be a cunning plan. Oh, and disappointingly she has asked for a 3k advance of allowance. Why? Because she paid the first instalment of her tv. As previously mentioned in a post, they have the money today...so spend it.
10 October 2015
Couple of days ago, I saw get a pack of meat out of the freezer which I assumed was lunch. We were at the market later and she said we will have curried chicken for dinner and proceeded to buy a chicken. I asked what the meat was de-frosting if it was not chicken. I got a convoluted answer. I have since learned not to press any further because it becomes an interrogation and she gets upset. I reckoned, the meat was to be given to her family although I could be wrong. They have just bought a fridge freezer for 4500 peso which I loaned them and that was where the meat was going. I wondered if I should also give them the shirt off my back. Strangely enough, the meat was put back in the freezer when we got home.
Anyway, all is sweetness and light at the moment. But I wonder when the next thunderbolt will strike.
17 October 2015
I support her sister at college to the tune of 5k for bed and board per month Her fathers medicine is just over 2k per month. I could charge her other sister 2k per month for rent etc. Been doing that since May of this year. You can do the sums.
Consider this. When she was working in Kuwait for 4 years, she earned a very good wage and most of it was sent home to her family. She gave up her 1 months paid holiday after 2 years and sent all the money home. She only went to Kuwait to earn good money for her family. That is how strong family bonds are out here. She was due to return for a months holiday in March but then she was torn between settling down at age 33 or continue her support of the family. She loved the Kuwait family she was working for. They treated her like a daughter. She was effectively a mother to their young 9 month old boy. She was there at his birth. I know she agonised over what to do. Her employer did not want her to quit and offered a large payrise. That offer is still open now. She misses baby Ali and is in contact with him and her co-workers in Kuwait.
She provided the money for her sisters education and medicines for her father. Plus food.... and more. I have now taken on that mantle.... if I didn't, she would have to go back to Kuwait. She offered to get a job in Bacolod to help finances but I declined that. It would mean we only see each other at weekends
21 October 2015
Which makes me wonder again about my gf. She has a good 8k allowance each month and spends it all on herself. Mainly jewellery and clothes. Oh, and 28k tv! I think she could do more to help her family monetary wise. But maybe she thinks its her turn to enjoy life now after sacrificing so much for so long.
She saw a motor bike a few days ago and asked again if we could have one. I said no. See no point....plenty of tricycles about here. Father said he could arrange a brand new car for us also. Again I said no. We only need to do a long journey every 2 months to renew the visa. He questioned the safety of the taxis and drivers. Again, I said no. I think it would be used as a family run-about.
23 October 2015
Re the car and her father. Yes, I know there will be something in it for him...that's the way it works out here. When we arrived out here together, I had to pay 5k peso for the hire of a mini bus for one day which I paid directly to her father prior to arriving. I paid the same again two months later to renew my visa. It was originally just for me and gf with father driving. It ended up full with about 8 - 10 pax with family and friends who suddenly had the need to also go to Bacolod. No thank yous or contribution toward cost were offered. Since found out that the local taxi drivers hire the same vehicle for 2k peso per day. I don't mind people taking a small cut... but 3k cut is pure greed in my opinion. Unless taxi drivers can hire at a cheaper rate than me that is.....
Ps....should have mentioned the rate is exclusive of fuel. I reckon that to be an additional 1k peso for the return journey consisting of about 360 km. So cut would be about 2k peso for her father.
23 October 2015
Gf received a gold chain this afternoon which costs 8900 peso. Bearing in mind she gets 8k monthly I mentioned that it was a lot of money. She said it was cheap considering how much it weighed. Also, it was over 3 "gives". Bearing in mind she has other items on "gives" including this 28k tv which she bought last month, it will be interesting to see how long she runs out of her allowance pm bearing in mind she was 3k short this month which will be deducted in November.
5 November 2015
Got a convoluted story the other day. I seem to get a lot of these. Will cut out all the tales of woe involved and try to make a long story short. And even now, I do not fully understand it or the logic behind it.
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Anyway... she is not happy at the moment. Gf cheerfully announces that Palawan the pawnshop is auctioning jewellery today and we should go there and get a bargain......and they take credit cards! I said I was in no position to buy jewellery and pointed out that the jewellery would have a reserve price and doubted if there was much of a bargain to be had anyway.
Cue Pinay pout. Slightly different from the others in that she is feeling sorry for herself and will not talk about it. Not had one of those for a few weeks now. They only seem to come when it involves money. My money.
7 November 2015
Yes, I have the patience of a saint. The only time I got angry and threatened her with eviction if it happened again was when I think she and her family creamed off 8k from her sisters 30k tuition fees I paid.
Gf told me this morning that her ex-Kuwait employer is pregnant again and wants her back. I think the crunch will come when the owner of this house demands I buy or leave. Then we will see who she cares for more.
Finally, I have said before, I trust her 99.9% but the .1% weighs on my mind. Have they got a cunning plan for me to buy her parents a house, pay off her fathers debt, then she b.....s off back to Kuwait mission accomplished? Doubt it. But the doubt is very real in my mind.
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Interestingly enough which places the doubt in my mind is a message a received a few months ago. It was one of her fb friends who "befriended" me much to my gf annoyance. She said she was a trouble maker and she likes to break up relationships. She sent a message to say that my gf accepts that I am old, but she does not care because once she has all my money, she will leave me. She had many bf in Manila before going to Kuwait apparently. She also said she had the messages to prove her real intentions toward me. I did not see the messages and then she blocked me. My gf thought it was amusing and copied the message to me on fb much to the mirth and merriment of her friends.
Anyway...that's how it hangs
10 November 2015
Had a very bad day yesterday with her. At a click of a switch she became very upset about a remark I made on fb. (Too long a story for here). I managed to get out of her she does not think I am serious about our relationship and she was definitely going back to Kuwait. She will consider coming back after I have divorced my wife. Despite all my re-assurances she would not listen and I saw her messaging her friend in Kuwait that she wants to go back out there on a 2 year contract. I honestly understand how she feels and sympathise with her. She gave up her job for me... and "her" baby. Plus the family she adores. They have asked her back to take care of another baby which I believe is due in about 8 months. Last night she was leaving me. This morning, although morose she was her loving self. Cooked breakfast and we took our morning walk along the beach and talked about what to buy for Xmas amongst other things. She is fine now, but my re-assurances appear to be doing no good. I feel that this relationship is sadly coming to an end.
11 November 2015
I have a suspicion that you may think she is a scammer! Seriously though, there is that possibility that you may be right and my confidence in her is unfounded. Time will tell I guess. But however hard she may try if she is a scammer, she will not succeed.
12 November 2015
I mentioned her latest upset the other day. I posted a story on fb which had to involve her personal details. Wishing to keep her anonymous I merely referred to this person as a "friend". About an hour later I found her in the bedroom very sad and a bit tearful. It took me a while to find out what was wrong during which time she vowed she was leaving me and going back to Kuwait. She said because I referred to her as a "friend" only, this proved I had no feelings toward her and I had no long term intentions. This shows her sensitivity towards my past. She eventually understood why I used the term friend and now its all sweetness and light.
23 November 2015
We have been buying Xmas gifts for her family. Nothing too expensive such as Rhum or cigarettes or clothes etc. I had in mind a budget of 10k for my gf so she can buy a gold something or other. That went out of the window when she pointed excitedly at something which cost 17k. Well....its Xmas after all. It had been reduced by 40% according to the sign which she believed. Yeah right!
When something involving money is brought up.... my conspiracy theories inside my brain instantly wake up and put on full alert. She mentioned a few days ago that she/her previous employers let her SSS contributions toward her pension lapse for the past few years. It was about 300 peso pm back then....and a bit more now. Her friend told her she will not get a state pension unless these missed payments were made up. I quickly worked out that would be about 20 - 25k in arrears that require paying. I researched to find out that back payments are not accepted but she could be now listed as self employed and we pay max contributions of about 1.8k pm for 10 years and she would be eligible for the pittance they call pension out here. No idea if she wanted me to stump up the missed payments....she never really asked. Except to say, I could take it out of her monthly allowance! Anyway, I am also looking into a private pension plan for her. She seems happy enough. Maybe looking forward to Xmas Day when she can show off her Xmas present.
4 December 2015
Talking about gold, I was miffed the other day when she took the gold necklace I bought her for Xmas down to the pawnshop for valuation. I had asked her to put it away for Xmas. She was surprised and disappointed that they valued it at about half the price I paid for it. She could not understand that I bought it at 40% off and it was from a Mall. She contends you never get ripped off in a Mall. Oh...the innocence of youth. Told her that the value they gave was scrap value and the intricate design made it worth the price I paid. That went a little way to assuage her disappointment. But....I have never had a person who wanted to value a gift that was given to them from me before.
19 December 2015
If a pinay says she has a headache, then that is fair warning that s..t will soon be hitting the fan. This for me has been due to simple money issues. Such as can you buy my father a house. It is only 750k. Or can you take on his debts....pocket money at 80k. This has resulted in many pages written here and more pinay pouts. So far, no more headaches have been forthcoming. But her father is rather upset that the 50k Xmas bonus from the Government is not being paid this year. He spoke to me about it the day. I just made a sad face. He has just been round this morning chatting to my gf. Never understood what was said. But I heard salient words. 3k...4k ...7k He did not say a cheery good morning as he usually does. Maybe I can expect a pinay headache soon.
22 December 2015
Why cannot they respect budgeting for tomorrow and not just for today? Ok, she is very good but others just spend as though there is no tomorrow. Her sisters young son wanted a lechon for his birthday...so a lechon he had. That's another 2500 peso she owes me. That debt has been outstanding for a few months now. And why if they cannot repay on the due date they do not say sorry and explain why?
28 December 2015
However, there was a black spot. I said to the gf that I would buy 100 small gifts for Santa to distribute on Xmas Day plus treats when they ran out. Instead we bought 50 I think and she said it was enough. I thought that was strange. She then carefully wrapped the gifts which I thought was not necessary but she insisted. Who am I to argue? But I thought it too was strange. Anyway, a few days before Xmas she dropped in conversation that the gifts that I had bought would be used for her and her sisters childrens street party. Now, maybe I was wrong but I protested. I had bought the presents for my use on Xmas Day not for her use for the party the previous day. It made sense now why she only bought 40 and wrapped them carefully. She relented, but I thought it was a devious plan of hers. Or maybe just a misunderstanding. I like to think the latter. But, I get the sense that her family thinks I have reneged on a deal. Maybe I am wrong. Once that was sorted I again offered to help sponsor the street party. I gave her 500 peso to help buy some more presents. They brought treats instead. I did originally offer 1000 peso when I first heard of the street party a couple of months ago. They were lucky to get the 500.
10 January 2016
The loan honeymoon is over. Yes, I was warned. Loans appear to be gifts now. Before, loans were repaid but now I have about 15k outstanding with little likely hood of getting it back it seems. I just get sweet smiles and excuses. No more loans unless its proven dire emergencies. Her uncle who lives nearby came down with some dreaded lurgy and I told him to see a doc and I would take care of the prescription. Thought that would be about 500p. It came to just over 2k. I didn't mind...I helped him and that is what matters. One guy is a friend of the family and he cuts my hair plus family members. He charges me 350p. Seems a lot for 20 mins work. I wonder if he is having me over. He owes 2k for the last few months and I just get sweet smiles from him and excuses. Will tell my gf that I will not use him again until the loan is repaid. He therefore has a choice. Either repay the loan or he loses his income from me.
I seem to be in the family's bad books since New Year. They and the kids have not come around in the evenings....normally when I try to eat my dinner. Where the father sits next to me and obviously wants a beer. We do not pass their house in the morning en-route to the beach. And I think I know why. Gf has two brothers and did not come home for Xmas. But were here for the New Year. I saw fb conversations with one who was asking about his Xmas gift. We bought modest gifts for all except the brothers. Gf was not bothered about them. I suggested we get a bottle of Emperador (sp) for each and she agreed. On arrival here they both immediately asked where their gift was. That got up my nose and told them it was probably in the same place where their gift to me was. I.E. still in the shops. Gf gave them their gifts that night. Next morning, I was told by them that they got a gift from my gf and where was the gift from me. They got the same answer as before. One apparently lost his wallet and had no money to get back home. Yeah right. Gf gave him 300 peso for his fare back. So it could be that the family think I have shunned the brothers. But I am not bothered. I can eat in peace and my house does not become a play ground for 4 - 5 kids.
I realised that deep down you always knew what she was like, but you didn't want to acknowledge it. I hope you acknowledge it now, because it may save you from making another mistake. There's no shame in making a mistake, lord knows we've all made tons of them. The shame is when you don't reflect and learn from that mistake. So have a read, reflect and learn is my advice (which of course you're free to ignore!)8 April 2015
One thing I am not getting used to is being "sponged off" if I can put it like that. Ok, I was forewarned by reading the articles on this forum.
Lines are now being drawn.
23 April 2015
The house we have rented is having some refurbishment by her father and two relatives. I was alarmed at being given bills for work done that did not have my prior approval.
Now I have got a grip of that situation.
I previously noted that my gf sister moved into the empty small building next to the house.
She seems to be enjoying using our water, electricity and wifi etc. Oh....and tv of course!
Maybe I am being cynical but I have noticed gf father has acquired a new motor-cycle at 2500 peso pm I believe. Asked why gf was signing all these forms was told she was a witness. Hmmmm....maybe. Oh...her family are moving to a more expensive place this month. Problems with landlord and landowner I am led to believe.
I shall draw up a monthly budget
25 April 2015
Been asked for 2 small loans. One was for 1000 peso which was offered back 2 weeks later and told him to keep it. The other was for 5000 peso as described earlier in the thread by my gf for education fees at college for her sister. At the time I told her this was the first and last time I would make a loan like this. Do not expect any repayment....or further requests.
Next month I will introduce the topic of house hold budget into the conversation
28 April 2015
I casted aspersions about her family before but although I reckon they are skimming my expenses on the house refurb I have put that down to their culture.
3 June 2015
Gf surprised me the other day to say that she wants to work to support her sister who is at college and needs 30000 php for her last years studies.
I was not too pleased with this so volunteered to pay the 30k myself.
5 June 2015
Gf announced this morning that her family has to move house again because the house they are renting is being sold. She and her father think it would be a wonderful idea if I bought them a house going for sale at 250k so they never need move again. Her father would pay something each month for the privilege. I said I do not have the money to buy and indeed I would not be able to own the property. Gf is now in a "huff". Dont like the way this is going.... We will see.
5 June 2015
The problem with her is that she will not talk about it or any other issues she may have. She is still saying nothing is wrong but has a face like a lost orphan in the snow. Sadly, in the past when we have issues it is the same scenario and ends with her posting something on fb which reflects badly on me. That is unacceptable in my view and I then issue ultimatums which ends with floods of tears and everything is good again. No way can I back down on this. I can turn my back and go elsewhere.
7 June 2015
Alls well in the household now after I brought matters to a head. She had been moping about most of the day in the bedroom with a face similar to that of a bulldog that had been stung by a wasp. Told her that I thought she should start looking for another foreigner with a bigger ATM than me. This had the desired effect. I then had a weeping pinay on my hands which really distresses me but she apologised and has been her usual loving, caring self again.
9 June 2015
I mentioned that I was going to pay the 30k tuition fee for gf sister who is on her last year of study on a I.T. course at college. Gf had paid the previous 2 years. I also said I would pay 1k each week living allowance and 1k pm for boarding. The 30k was a discounted rate if paid up front instead of 48k in monthly instalments.
This is what happened....and my "conspiracy mind" attitude toward paying money out here came into play.
-------
Gf said sister will receive a receipt for the money and show me when she next visits Sipalay. So, this is what I will do. The question is this.... I trust my gf 100%. Am I right to do so?!!
10 June 2015
So, there it hangs. There is an uneasy peace here at the moment. I am not sure if I will see a receipt but will probably stop her sisters allowance until I do.
11 June 2015
We discussed allowances yesterday and she agreed on my suggestion of 8k pm. I gave her 6k for the rest of the month. She was very thankful and said yet again she is too shy to ask for anything.
If she has conned me out of money and I probably wont know for sure unless I see a receipt I think it was because she was desperate for money and too shy to ask. Maybe I am wrong. Anyway, she knows that I am on to her and I like to think it will not happen again.
I think she also needed money for an on-line pyramid business. USANA which sells vitamin tablets. I think I have proof of that but she denies it. She..or father suggested I go into a bridging loan business for Govt Employers. Lend money between paydays. I dismissed that.
14 June 2015
I now have two cashier receipts for the 30k college fees. However I have doubts about the authenticity. If I was in the uk I would have no reason to have doubts. Short of tying her to a wooden chair and using the good old German phrase of we have ways of making you talk, I probably will never know the truth behind this. However, she is aware of my suspicions and her cards are marked.
---------
I went to check the receipts when I saw your post and they have gone missing.
24 June 2015
And you may be right. However, lines have been drawn and her cards have been marked. I think they have creamed off some of the college fees like other expenses in the past regarding the refurbishment
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Forgot to mention, she is thinking of getting a local p/t job to supplement my income. Hoping that wont be required.
28 June 2015
Then Fireworks. Gf produced a 1000 note a few days ago which according to my calculations she could not have had. It was in her back pocket...not her purse which was unusual. Challenged her later about it. I said that I think she and her family creamed off about 8K from the 30k I paid for tuition fees. Also false receipts which have since disappeared. How did her sister pay for a 3k new mobile phone and who works in school and handles petty cash....no doubt requiring a receipt book.
Told her if anything like this happens again...she goes
1 July 2015
In a way, I think I hold the aces. I am the one supporting my gf for 8k pm which saves her going to work....doubt if she would get more than that if she worked. I am the one supporting her sister at college at 5k pm. I am the one allowing her other sister live rent free and using my electricity, water and Wi-Fi. I am the one that was giving her father free beer most nights which I know he misses. He is secretly frequenting other bars and has to pay for it. It is a case of killing the goose that lays the golden eggs. They all know the score. Try it again and all ties will be severed.
1 August 2015
Only one small "beef" if you forgive the pun. She is buying frozen food which goes in the freezer but every now and then her sister (who pays no rent, utilities etc ) and lives on my property pops in every now and then and helps herself to the sausages in the freezer. On enquiring about this, I am told they belong to her. Funny that...I see no food going into the freezer from her....but plenty coming out. So I provide her accommodation, utilities and Wi-Fi etc free of charge and now I have to feed her and her son also? Gf as I said denied this, but the other night caught her handing some chips she was frying to her sisters son.
15 August 2015
I have given her a "loan" of 10k peso for a dabble in the rice business. She and her uncle (a pastor) reckon there is money to be made in buying rice from the farmer at harvest time later this month and selling it on. Not particularly convinced there is a lot to be made in this, but it gives her another sense of purpose which she thrives on. Who knows...we might be millionaires next year... :-) We shall see.
26 August 2015
Father has borrowed 5k from me for one week. The reasons for which went over my head. She has asked for 3k advance of next months allowance. Again the reason went over my head. Doesn't matter.... I don't like to be seen as interrogating. I know I will be repaid.
2 September 2015
Sister who owes 5k asked to borrow another 5k mainly for her sons birthday party today. She says she will repay the 10k in the 3rd week of September.
Last night we had a bit of drama. Walking home from the beach at dusk (we normally take a tricycle) but she wanted to walk and a young boy in his mid teens ran from behind us and as he overtook us, tried to grab her purse and phone. He failed and ran on into the night. It happened too quick for me to react. A trip to the police station followed where we were advised to get CCTV cameras fitted inside and outside the house. I thought that was irrelevant to the case but never mind. But I was deeply hurt by what she said. She asked why I did nothing at the time. After all I am a big man and he was a kid. Explaining that it happened in a split second and I could not run after him in my flip flops. The fact that he could have a knife did not seem to matter and nothing was stolen. She said that she no longer feels safe with me. That hurt.
30 September 2015
Had a disturbing episode a week ago which puts doubt on my stay here
Gf asked me again to buy and again I explained I could not at the moment. This resulted in one upset gf leaving the house to go to mothers house and saying she will leave and go back to Kuwait to earn money for her own house.
She came back a couple of hours later and apologised the next day. She is very prone to these sort of tantrums although 95% of the time she is a very caring and loving lady.
However, it certainly has put a question mark over my future here and with her. We shall see.
2 October 2015
I have now found that if she goes quiet...pinay pout warning... then ignoring her for a couple of hours does the trick. She comes around and all is well. Problem really is that she will not speak to me about the issue that causes her grief which is normally caused by cultural/language misunderstanding. But, in the past she will not speak to me but will post the issue on fb to her friends. That makes me angry. She always retracts the post after we have "spoken" and she apologises. Prior to meeting here, she has on two occasions threatened self harm when due to a misunderstanding she thinks I am not coming here.
5 October 2015
Think food is still disappearing. Saw pictures on fb of gf sister and son munching prawns which probably were the ones gf bought in bulk I mentioned and could not sell. Visited their house this morning and saw a couple of kids chomping on what looked like our meat which she bulk bought a couple of weeks ago.
7 October 2015
Yesterday her father asked her to ask me to take on his loan which he has with another person. She did not say how much. However, I believe it to be in the region of 70k and he would repay monthly. I would guess that to be about 5k pm due to his small salary. I said I did not have the means to do this (although I do) and this resulted in her locking herself in the bedroom for a couple of hours. She emerged on her mobile enquiring about her old job in Kuwait which is open to her complete with pay rise. After she decided to talk to me, I ended up with a sobbing pinay and she has been ok since. In fact she has been purring away next to me on the sofa this morning. But, I think I have had enough. Next time she does this, I shall just let her go and see what happens. After all, I am already supporting her and her family to the tune of 16k per month with education, allowances and medicine. I think the "wall" episode described in an earlier post was probably a means for her family to get money and work from our landlady which back-fired dramatically. Guess I was half expecting this request because I have heard them discussing it over the previous months. Anyway, I have stood firm....they all know where they stand. The next big issue will be house purchase but as I have said, I have a cunning plan for that. But that is a long way off yet. That's if we get there.
8 October 2015
Yes, she maybe is very immature. I have seen her have rows with her father but she will not do that with me. No idea why, because it makes it impossible to understand each others points of view. We just get the Pinay pout. She has also thrown her ATM card and money at me once in the past. But it always ends up in her tears. I find that very distressing. 95% of the time she is the most beautiful, caring and loving woman. It is a shame the 5% overshadows the 95%.
Never understand her logic. Last month she saw a tv on promo for about 28k over 12 months. Big thing it was. Said we could watch it in bed. I said no.... cue Pinay pout. 2 weeks ago, she said she wanted to buy it from her allowance. She did. End result is now of the tv I bought a few months ago stands idle in bedroom. No aerial. I think there is a nefarious reason behind this. Cannot think what it is. Might be a cunning plan. Oh, and disappointingly she has asked for a 3k advance of allowance. Why? Because she paid the first instalment of her tv. As previously mentioned in a post, they have the money today...so spend it.
10 October 2015
Couple of days ago, I saw get a pack of meat out of the freezer which I assumed was lunch. We were at the market later and she said we will have curried chicken for dinner and proceeded to buy a chicken. I asked what the meat was de-frosting if it was not chicken. I got a convoluted answer. I have since learned not to press any further because it becomes an interrogation and she gets upset. I reckoned, the meat was to be given to her family although I could be wrong. They have just bought a fridge freezer for 4500 peso which I loaned them and that was where the meat was going. I wondered if I should also give them the shirt off my back. Strangely enough, the meat was put back in the freezer when we got home.
Anyway, all is sweetness and light at the moment. But I wonder when the next thunderbolt will strike.
17 October 2015
I support her sister at college to the tune of 5k for bed and board per month Her fathers medicine is just over 2k per month. I could charge her other sister 2k per month for rent etc. Been doing that since May of this year. You can do the sums.
Consider this. When she was working in Kuwait for 4 years, she earned a very good wage and most of it was sent home to her family. She gave up her 1 months paid holiday after 2 years and sent all the money home. She only went to Kuwait to earn good money for her family. That is how strong family bonds are out here. She was due to return for a months holiday in March but then she was torn between settling down at age 33 or continue her support of the family. She loved the Kuwait family she was working for. They treated her like a daughter. She was effectively a mother to their young 9 month old boy. She was there at his birth. I know she agonised over what to do. Her employer did not want her to quit and offered a large payrise. That offer is still open now. She misses baby Ali and is in contact with him and her co-workers in Kuwait.
She provided the money for her sisters education and medicines for her father. Plus food.... and more. I have now taken on that mantle.... if I didn't, she would have to go back to Kuwait. She offered to get a job in Bacolod to help finances but I declined that. It would mean we only see each other at weekends
21 October 2015
Which makes me wonder again about my gf. She has a good 8k allowance each month and spends it all on herself. Mainly jewellery and clothes. Oh, and 28k tv! I think she could do more to help her family monetary wise. But maybe she thinks its her turn to enjoy life now after sacrificing so much for so long.
She saw a motor bike a few days ago and asked again if we could have one. I said no. See no point....plenty of tricycles about here. Father said he could arrange a brand new car for us also. Again I said no. We only need to do a long journey every 2 months to renew the visa. He questioned the safety of the taxis and drivers. Again, I said no. I think it would be used as a family run-about.
23 October 2015
Re the car and her father. Yes, I know there will be something in it for him...that's the way it works out here. When we arrived out here together, I had to pay 5k peso for the hire of a mini bus for one day which I paid directly to her father prior to arriving. I paid the same again two months later to renew my visa. It was originally just for me and gf with father driving. It ended up full with about 8 - 10 pax with family and friends who suddenly had the need to also go to Bacolod. No thank yous or contribution toward cost were offered. Since found out that the local taxi drivers hire the same vehicle for 2k peso per day. I don't mind people taking a small cut... but 3k cut is pure greed in my opinion. Unless taxi drivers can hire at a cheaper rate than me that is.....
Ps....should have mentioned the rate is exclusive of fuel. I reckon that to be an additional 1k peso for the return journey consisting of about 360 km. So cut would be about 2k peso for her father.
23 October 2015
Gf received a gold chain this afternoon which costs 8900 peso. Bearing in mind she gets 8k monthly I mentioned that it was a lot of money. She said it was cheap considering how much it weighed. Also, it was over 3 "gives". Bearing in mind she has other items on "gives" including this 28k tv which she bought last month, it will be interesting to see how long she runs out of her allowance pm bearing in mind she was 3k short this month which will be deducted in November.
5 November 2015
Got a convoluted story the other day. I seem to get a lot of these. Will cut out all the tales of woe involved and try to make a long story short. And even now, I do not fully understand it or the logic behind it.
-------
Anyway... she is not happy at the moment. Gf cheerfully announces that Palawan the pawnshop is auctioning jewellery today and we should go there and get a bargain......and they take credit cards! I said I was in no position to buy jewellery and pointed out that the jewellery would have a reserve price and doubted if there was much of a bargain to be had anyway.
Cue Pinay pout. Slightly different from the others in that she is feeling sorry for herself and will not talk about it. Not had one of those for a few weeks now. They only seem to come when it involves money. My money.
7 November 2015
Yes, I have the patience of a saint. The only time I got angry and threatened her with eviction if it happened again was when I think she and her family creamed off 8k from her sisters 30k tuition fees I paid.
Gf told me this morning that her ex-Kuwait employer is pregnant again and wants her back. I think the crunch will come when the owner of this house demands I buy or leave. Then we will see who she cares for more.
Finally, I have said before, I trust her 99.9% but the .1% weighs on my mind. Have they got a cunning plan for me to buy her parents a house, pay off her fathers debt, then she b.....s off back to Kuwait mission accomplished? Doubt it. But the doubt is very real in my mind.
-------------
Interestingly enough which places the doubt in my mind is a message a received a few months ago. It was one of her fb friends who "befriended" me much to my gf annoyance. She said she was a trouble maker and she likes to break up relationships. She sent a message to say that my gf accepts that I am old, but she does not care because once she has all my money, she will leave me. She had many bf in Manila before going to Kuwait apparently. She also said she had the messages to prove her real intentions toward me. I did not see the messages and then she blocked me. My gf thought it was amusing and copied the message to me on fb much to the mirth and merriment of her friends.
Anyway...that's how it hangs
10 November 2015
Had a very bad day yesterday with her. At a click of a switch she became very upset about a remark I made on fb. (Too long a story for here). I managed to get out of her she does not think I am serious about our relationship and she was definitely going back to Kuwait. She will consider coming back after I have divorced my wife. Despite all my re-assurances she would not listen and I saw her messaging her friend in Kuwait that she wants to go back out there on a 2 year contract. I honestly understand how she feels and sympathise with her. She gave up her job for me... and "her" baby. Plus the family she adores. They have asked her back to take care of another baby which I believe is due in about 8 months. Last night she was leaving me. This morning, although morose she was her loving self. Cooked breakfast and we took our morning walk along the beach and talked about what to buy for Xmas amongst other things. She is fine now, but my re-assurances appear to be doing no good. I feel that this relationship is sadly coming to an end.
11 November 2015
I have a suspicion that you may think she is a scammer! Seriously though, there is that possibility that you may be right and my confidence in her is unfounded. Time will tell I guess. But however hard she may try if she is a scammer, she will not succeed.
12 November 2015
I mentioned her latest upset the other day. I posted a story on fb which had to involve her personal details. Wishing to keep her anonymous I merely referred to this person as a "friend". About an hour later I found her in the bedroom very sad and a bit tearful. It took me a while to find out what was wrong during which time she vowed she was leaving me and going back to Kuwait. She said because I referred to her as a "friend" only, this proved I had no feelings toward her and I had no long term intentions. This shows her sensitivity towards my past. She eventually understood why I used the term friend and now its all sweetness and light.
23 November 2015
We have been buying Xmas gifts for her family. Nothing too expensive such as Rhum or cigarettes or clothes etc. I had in mind a budget of 10k for my gf so she can buy a gold something or other. That went out of the window when she pointed excitedly at something which cost 17k. Well....its Xmas after all. It had been reduced by 40% according to the sign which she believed. Yeah right!
When something involving money is brought up.... my conspiracy theories inside my brain instantly wake up and put on full alert. She mentioned a few days ago that she/her previous employers let her SSS contributions toward her pension lapse for the past few years. It was about 300 peso pm back then....and a bit more now. Her friend told her she will not get a state pension unless these missed payments were made up. I quickly worked out that would be about 20 - 25k in arrears that require paying. I researched to find out that back payments are not accepted but she could be now listed as self employed and we pay max contributions of about 1.8k pm for 10 years and she would be eligible for the pittance they call pension out here. No idea if she wanted me to stump up the missed payments....she never really asked. Except to say, I could take it out of her monthly allowance! Anyway, I am also looking into a private pension plan for her. She seems happy enough. Maybe looking forward to Xmas Day when she can show off her Xmas present.
4 December 2015
Talking about gold, I was miffed the other day when she took the gold necklace I bought her for Xmas down to the pawnshop for valuation. I had asked her to put it away for Xmas. She was surprised and disappointed that they valued it at about half the price I paid for it. She could not understand that I bought it at 40% off and it was from a Mall. She contends you never get ripped off in a Mall. Oh...the innocence of youth. Told her that the value they gave was scrap value and the intricate design made it worth the price I paid. That went a little way to assuage her disappointment. But....I have never had a person who wanted to value a gift that was given to them from me before.
19 December 2015
If a pinay says she has a headache, then that is fair warning that s..t will soon be hitting the fan. This for me has been due to simple money issues. Such as can you buy my father a house. It is only 750k. Or can you take on his debts....pocket money at 80k. This has resulted in many pages written here and more pinay pouts. So far, no more headaches have been forthcoming. But her father is rather upset that the 50k Xmas bonus from the Government is not being paid this year. He spoke to me about it the day. I just made a sad face. He has just been round this morning chatting to my gf. Never understood what was said. But I heard salient words. 3k...4k ...7k He did not say a cheery good morning as he usually does. Maybe I can expect a pinay headache soon.
22 December 2015
Why cannot they respect budgeting for tomorrow and not just for today? Ok, she is very good but others just spend as though there is no tomorrow. Her sisters young son wanted a lechon for his birthday...so a lechon he had. That's another 2500 peso she owes me. That debt has been outstanding for a few months now. And why if they cannot repay on the due date they do not say sorry and explain why?
28 December 2015
However, there was a black spot. I said to the gf that I would buy 100 small gifts for Santa to distribute on Xmas Day plus treats when they ran out. Instead we bought 50 I think and she said it was enough. I thought that was strange. She then carefully wrapped the gifts which I thought was not necessary but she insisted. Who am I to argue? But I thought it too was strange. Anyway, a few days before Xmas she dropped in conversation that the gifts that I had bought would be used for her and her sisters childrens street party. Now, maybe I was wrong but I protested. I had bought the presents for my use on Xmas Day not for her use for the party the previous day. It made sense now why she only bought 40 and wrapped them carefully. She relented, but I thought it was a devious plan of hers. Or maybe just a misunderstanding. I like to think the latter. But, I get the sense that her family thinks I have reneged on a deal. Maybe I am wrong. Once that was sorted I again offered to help sponsor the street party. I gave her 500 peso to help buy some more presents. They brought treats instead. I did originally offer 1000 peso when I first heard of the street party a couple of months ago. They were lucky to get the 500.
10 January 2016
The loan honeymoon is over. Yes, I was warned. Loans appear to be gifts now. Before, loans were repaid but now I have about 15k outstanding with little likely hood of getting it back it seems. I just get sweet smiles and excuses. No more loans unless its proven dire emergencies. Her uncle who lives nearby came down with some dreaded lurgy and I told him to see a doc and I would take care of the prescription. Thought that would be about 500p. It came to just over 2k. I didn't mind...I helped him and that is what matters. One guy is a friend of the family and he cuts my hair plus family members. He charges me 350p. Seems a lot for 20 mins work. I wonder if he is having me over. He owes 2k for the last few months and I just get sweet smiles from him and excuses. Will tell my gf that I will not use him again until the loan is repaid. He therefore has a choice. Either repay the loan or he loses his income from me.
I seem to be in the family's bad books since New Year. They and the kids have not come around in the evenings....normally when I try to eat my dinner. Where the father sits next to me and obviously wants a beer. We do not pass their house in the morning en-route to the beach. And I think I know why. Gf has two brothers and did not come home for Xmas. But were here for the New Year. I saw fb conversations with one who was asking about his Xmas gift. We bought modest gifts for all except the brothers. Gf was not bothered about them. I suggested we get a bottle of Emperador (sp) for each and she agreed. On arrival here they both immediately asked where their gift was. That got up my nose and told them it was probably in the same place where their gift to me was. I.E. still in the shops. Gf gave them their gifts that night. Next morning, I was told by them that they got a gift from my gf and where was the gift from me. They got the same answer as before. One apparently lost his wallet and had no money to get back home. Yeah right. Gf gave him 300 peso for his fare back. So it could be that the family think I have shunned the brothers. But I am not bothered. I can eat in peace and my house does not become a play ground for 4 - 5 kids.
Doubt it will make a difference though. P11 is blind to reality.
"The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it."
George Bernard Shaw
Jan 25th 2020, 10:15 pm
#3949
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 10,005
Re: Me and My Family
You state that from day 1 that I have been taken advantage of. Perhaps you can give me examples and I will deal with them in the same way as I have when a another poster made the same comment.
Also explain to me how the family members may be softening me up for later handouts?
Your comment about gaining help from other family members has been dealt with by other members here. I do not require to add to their comments.
Perhaps you can explain to me what their angle is? Or how they are softening me up for later handouts ? Also explain to me how things will get worse as far as their family is concerned.
Also explain to me how the family members may be softening me up for later handouts?
Your comment about gaining help from other family members has been dealt with by other members here. I do not require to add to their comments.
Perhaps you can explain to me what their angle is? Or how they are softening me up for later handouts ? Also explain to me how things will get worse as far as their family is concerned.
I am not the only posting this opinion about truly ending the relation with your Ex and all that comes with it. How many times you posted some idiotic story from your Ex, then actually wondered it might be true.
Yes could get worse the unexpected or unimaginable could happen to someone of your age in a place like the Philippines,
Didn't you already post you have already given money to someone in your new location ?
You are not 'required' to respond for my advice./opinion you may need a guardian of some sort from your family just trying to be helpful not offensive.
Jan 25th 2020, 10:22 pm
#3950
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 10,005
Re: Me and My Family
I admire you for doing that, but you obviously have way too much time on your hands, and I can't imagine what's its like to read through all this 2nd time round!! Once was bad enough....
Doubt it will make a difference though. P11 is blind to reality.
"The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it."
George Bernard Shaw
Doubt it will make a difference though. P11 is blind to reality.
"The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it."
George Bernard Shaw
Jan 25th 2020, 10:47 pm
#3951
In the pink
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,324
Re: Me and My Family
In the UK last year there was a river with a lot of swans. We would take old bread and feed them, tried to give all a piece of bread. Makes you feel good to be the one holding the bread. After a few days you begin to feel guilty because you know it is not right. The swans will wait for you every day, and stop foraging for their own food. You are enabling them, and taking away their independence, so you reluctantly stop feeding them, and they go back to feeding themselves. Then you feel good because you did the right thing. Same with enabling people whom have less than you. It makes you feel good, but it is wrong.
Jan 25th 2020, 10:51 pm
#3952
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
SOS...
Thanks for your expansive post...I am not going to quote it here again..(scroll time). It occurs to me that you and perhaps other armchair critics do not live in the Philippines otherwise you will realize that the events you reproduced are due to culture. And nothing else. Having lived here for nearly 5 yrs, I know what the culture is (despite what others may claim). Basically the average Filipino family share whatever they have. As my wife once put it to me....If God has given you a gift, it must be shared. They live in each others houses, come and go as they wish and help themselves to whatever is on offer. They share the responsibilities of their children and if a family is down on its luck, relatives will give their last peso to help. That is their culture. Now, you have outlined the problems I had with the culture, and how I dealt with it. But the credit must go to my wife. She helped me deal with this by fielding their requests after she saw the problems it was causing me. She protected me and the family soon realized how formidable she could be. I had very little problems with the cultural aspect thereafter.
Now these cultural problems pale into insignificance on what has happened over the past year or so. That is a different kettle of fish. I have now dealt with it to my satisfaction and although it may not be over yet, I am well armed to deal with future events.
Finally on a broader aspect, I have constantly stated that my time here has been just about perfect except for the past year or so. What you and others see posted here is what I think may be of interest to the readers, The readers are not interested in the very happy times me and my wife had together as I found out. What sells newspapers? Generally its down to headlines. Readers will not be interested in the mundane. Interesting headlines whether great or bad news sells newspapers.
Regards
Thanks for your expansive post...I am not going to quote it here again..(scroll time). It occurs to me that you and perhaps other armchair critics do not live in the Philippines otherwise you will realize that the events you reproduced are due to culture. And nothing else. Having lived here for nearly 5 yrs, I know what the culture is (despite what others may claim). Basically the average Filipino family share whatever they have. As my wife once put it to me....If God has given you a gift, it must be shared. They live in each others houses, come and go as they wish and help themselves to whatever is on offer. They share the responsibilities of their children and if a family is down on its luck, relatives will give their last peso to help. That is their culture. Now, you have outlined the problems I had with the culture, and how I dealt with it. But the credit must go to my wife. She helped me deal with this by fielding their requests after she saw the problems it was causing me. She protected me and the family soon realized how formidable she could be. I had very little problems with the cultural aspect thereafter.
Now these cultural problems pale into insignificance on what has happened over the past year or so. That is a different kettle of fish. I have now dealt with it to my satisfaction and although it may not be over yet, I am well armed to deal with future events.
Finally on a broader aspect, I have constantly stated that my time here has been just about perfect except for the past year or so. What you and others see posted here is what I think may be of interest to the readers, The readers are not interested in the very happy times me and my wife had together as I found out. What sells newspapers? Generally its down to headlines. Readers will not be interested in the mundane. Interesting headlines whether great or bad news sells newspapers.
Regards
Jan 25th 2020, 11:02 pm
#3954
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Marikina Philippines
Posts: 885
Re: Me and My Family
My word from post 3937 onwards I have never read such angst. People must have nothing better to do over a weekend. Maybe restricted their normal movements because of the Coronavirus.
Jan 25th 2020, 11:09 pm
#3955
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
So the first 3 years were bliss. Read carefully your posts that were entered on this site over those years .You call that bliss .....personally I think the water melon got to your grey matter.
Further, if the first 3 years were so wonderful, why don’t you go back to your L/L , I am sure you could make up some excuses for her behavior, your very good at making up excuses.
With reference to her family being toe rags, are you so blind
as to not realize you were used by the whole crowd of these scroungers.....paying their rent, tuition fees, medicine, vaping ingredients, and a whole lot more.
i know you will come up with some more absurd excuses, but really it’s time you woke up and realized what a fool your making of yourself.
Further, if the first 3 years were so wonderful, why don’t you go back to your L/L , I am sure you could make up some excuses for her behavior, your very good at making up excuses.
With reference to her family being toe rags, are you so blind
as to not realize you were used by the whole crowd of these scroungers.....paying their rent, tuition fees, medicine, vaping ingredients, and a whole lot more.
i know you will come up with some more absurd excuses, but really it’s time you woke up and realized what a fool your making of yourself.
Furthermore, you stated earlier your opinion on why some Filipinas prefer to enter a relationship with ex-pats. Money. Yes, that happens but more often that not it is because foreigners look after their women better than the average pinoy. The foreigner will also take on children if they care enough about the woman. Pinoys will not. I will give you two examples. My wife had a relationship with two pinoys and on both occasions they were lazy and spent much of their time boozing. Her first partner physically assaulted her on more than one occasion. She left them both. My second example is this.....Where I used to live I know of a dozen ex-pats all in the same age range as me. They have partners/wives all of the same age range as my wife. Some have taken on their kids. All have been living happily together since I have known them and do so today. I see the love and care they give to their man and will protect them fiercely. No. Its not just about money as you suggest.
Regards
Jan 25th 2020, 11:18 pm
#3956
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Looking at your posts for several years and the responses my impression is you are very gullible and have paid out a lot of money unnecessarily. I don't know what their angle is but being the Philippines planting a seed to get on your good side may just be preparing in the future to also get a handout from you- or in a mischievous way to be in position perhaps to get information for your ex.
I am not the only posting this opinion about truly ending the relation with your Ex and all that comes with it. How many times you posted some idiotic story from your Ex, then actually wondered it might be true.
Yes could get worse the unexpected or unimaginable could happen to someone of your age in a place like the Philippines,
Didn't you already post you have already given money to someone in your new location ?
You are not 'required' to respond for my advice./opinion you may need a guardian of some sort from your family just trying to be helpful not offensive.
I am not the only posting this opinion about truly ending the relation with your Ex and all that comes with it. How many times you posted some idiotic story from your Ex, then actually wondered it might be true.
Yes could get worse the unexpected or unimaginable could happen to someone of your age in a place like the Philippines,
Didn't you already post you have already given money to someone in your new location ?
You are not 'required' to respond for my advice./opinion you may need a guardian of some sort from your family just trying to be helpful not offensive.
Regards
Jan 25th 2020, 11:23 pm
#3957
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 466
Re: Me and My Family
Your explanation is that Filipino men treat there women badly is not true. Where we live there are Filipino families that treat their women very well, probably better than most foreigners. Admittedly (as you know) we live in a prosperous sub division so this may be different to your circumstances. On the other hand, in my wife’s province, the same goes, they treat their wife’s with respect.
I will reiterate, it’s time you went back to your L/L and her wonderful family, you are clearly missing them and all the shenanigans that transpire.
I will reiterate, it’s time you went back to your L/L and her wonderful family, you are clearly missing them and all the shenanigans that transpire.
Last edited by mikek1; Jan 25th 2020 at 11:26 pm.
Jan 25th 2020, 11:45 pm
#3958
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: Me and My Family
I admire you for doing that, but you obviously have way too much time on your hands, and I can't imagine what's its like to read through all this 2nd time round!! Once was bad enough....
Doubt it will make a difference though. P11 is blind to reality.
"The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it."
George Bernard Shaw
Doubt it will make a difference though. P11 is blind to reality.
"The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it."
George Bernard Shaw
Jan 26th 2020, 12:07 am
#3959
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: Me and My Family
SOS...
Thanks for your expansive post...I am not going to quote it here again..(scroll time). It occurs to me that you and perhaps other armchair critics do not live in the Philippines otherwise you will realize that the events you reproduced are due to culture. And nothing else. Having lived here for nearly 5 yrs, I know what the culture is (despite what others may claim). Basically the average Filipino family share whatever they have. As my wife once put it to me....If God has given you a gift, it must be shared. They live in each others houses, come and go as they wish and help themselves to whatever is on offer. They share the responsibilities of their children and if a family is down on its luck, relatives will give their last peso to help. That is their culture. Now, you have outlined the problems I had with the culture, and how I dealt with it. But the credit must go to my wife. She helped me deal with this by fielding their requests after she saw the problems it was causing me. She protected me and the family soon realized how formidable she could be. I had very little problems with the cultural aspect thereafter.
Now these cultural problems pale into insignificance on what has happened over the past year or so. That is a different kettle of fish. I have now dealt with it to my satisfaction and although it may not be over yet, I am well armed to deal with future events.
Finally on a broader aspect, I have constantly stated that my time here has been just about perfect except for the past year or so. What you and others see posted here is what I think may be of interest to the readers, The readers are not interested in the very happy times me and my wife had together as I found out. What sells newspapers? Generally its down to headlines. Readers will not be interested in the mundane. Interesting headlines whether great or bad news sells newspapers.
Regards
Thanks for your expansive post...I am not going to quote it here again..(scroll time). It occurs to me that you and perhaps other armchair critics do not live in the Philippines otherwise you will realize that the events you reproduced are due to culture. And nothing else. Having lived here for nearly 5 yrs, I know what the culture is (despite what others may claim). Basically the average Filipino family share whatever they have. As my wife once put it to me....If God has given you a gift, it must be shared. They live in each others houses, come and go as they wish and help themselves to whatever is on offer. They share the responsibilities of their children and if a family is down on its luck, relatives will give their last peso to help. That is their culture. Now, you have outlined the problems I had with the culture, and how I dealt with it. But the credit must go to my wife. She helped me deal with this by fielding their requests after she saw the problems it was causing me. She protected me and the family soon realized how formidable she could be. I had very little problems with the cultural aspect thereafter.
Now these cultural problems pale into insignificance on what has happened over the past year or so. That is a different kettle of fish. I have now dealt with it to my satisfaction and although it may not be over yet, I am well armed to deal with future events.
Finally on a broader aspect, I have constantly stated that my time here has been just about perfect except for the past year or so. What you and others see posted here is what I think may be of interest to the readers, The readers are not interested in the very happy times me and my wife had together as I found out. What sells newspapers? Generally its down to headlines. Readers will not be interested in the mundane. Interesting headlines whether great or bad news sells newspapers.
Regards
Jan 26th 2020, 12:35 am
#3960
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Regards
.