Philosophical 11

Greetings...

Another step was made by her for rehabilitation back to the family fold. Her sister in law lives nearby...She who had a badly broken leg in a RTA. She has a 15 month old girl on whom my wife dotes. Anyway...we visited them this morning and it was good to the smiles and joy on my wifes face. Its slow progress....but at least it has started. Her uncle pitched up this morning and went to pay our water bill. He also brought back some water for us. He is the gofor of the family sadly suffering from TB. A very lovely man.

One thing I failed to mention is that we no longer sit with our ex-pat friends on the beach. She feels embarrassed and it will take some time for things to return to normality. I have explained the situation to them privately and they understand.......although they do not have a problem with her.

Another important omission. I thought I mentioned at some point previously about her 2 daughters from her first relationship. I have scrolled back and can find no mention of them. I found out about that from one of her friends whilst I was away. I guess I had other burning issues on my mind at the time. I apologize for that. Anyway, I cannot elaborate on that further other than what I wrote here yesterday. It seemed sad from what she tells me.

And something else.... One of the two women with whom I confided whilst away, (and then betrayed my confidence on FB causing acute embarrassment to us both) owes me 122k for about 2yrs after I help pay the medical bill for her sadly deceased American partner. She had started paying small installments a few months ago. But now she refuses to pay. Why? Because I am back with my wife. She and her friend both urged me not to return to her and because I went against her demands has now refused to meet her obligations. I think I mentioned that my wife is taking action with NBI for cyber bullying against them both. I am now looking into taking the case up with the Small Claims Procedure here. Best of luck with that I can hear you say...

I want to comment on a few points raised here. Thanks for the responses by the way. Constructive comments are always welcome....positive or negatives. Jibes are not....sorry.

Rete...

I am not going to enter into the discussion about female anatomy. Not my cup of tea quite frankly....however I will say this. Asian women are a lot smaller than European women and leave it at that. As far as the care and welfare of children are concerned, you may not have read my account of when the 3rd girl was born into the family here, she was promptly given away at birth to a relative....because she was not a boy. We met the sister last year when we arrived back in the Philippines after my visa run out of the country. My wife had not seen that sister for many years and I expected a tearful. joyous reunion. No....it was as cordial as a check out girl with a customer at a supermarket. I was aghast. Although we were in Manila for most of the day, the meeting lasted about 2 hrs I reckon. Contrast that with how Filipino families are a lot closer knit than ours in the UK and elsewhere. They will give each other their last peso if necessary. The children also seem to belong to all the relatives. It really is a vast contrast of values. Takes some getting used to. It really is a huge subject, but I have just touched on the point you have raised.

E1983....

There are many foreigners banged up in jail on trumped up charges by the likes of scorned Filipinos. They can also be reported to BI for deportation, or conversely...not allowed to leave the country until these charges are answered. There is a foreigner here who dared to complain about the karaoke noise from his neighbours. They got a petition to have him removed and he is currently fighting that. He has just had his house built here. As far as I am concerned, the family here assumed I was the one to blame for all problems between me and the wife. They know different now. Thankfully.

And finally.....

I cannot help noticing comments that I am making all this up. Trust me...it is all true. But how do I prove that? It is difficult. But I will make a suggestion. I can prove that my wife was in a second long term relationship that produced the two boys. But I will need help from one of my fb friends here that I can trust. I have that person in mind....assuming he is willing to go along with this....and Admin approve. I will ask him to go to a fb profile and look up a name. He will see my wife of many years ago with her then partner and the two boys. I will ask him to verify that here. So....anyone who has doubts....then here is your chance. I do not expect an apology afterwards. ADMIN....your thoughts on this please.

I will leave my piece on the ATM subject until next time. But I wanted to make these comments first otherwise they may have just got lost in this thread.

Regards

tooboocoo

I'm with P11 on this one - no-one would make up a story which makes them look THIS gullible.

Jerseygirl

So, let me get this right, she has 2 boys and 3 girls that you only found out about by accident? I honestly and truthfully cannot imagine anyone staying with their girlfriend/wife when that little secret comes to light. She didn’t even come clean to you about them in one go. You had to find out in drips and drabs. I wonder how many more kids are going to surface?

Your comment about Asian women being ‘smaller’ than European women says it all really.

Millhouse

Philosophical 11

JG...

No. 2 girls from the first relationship and 2 boys (living here) from the second relationship. The 3rd girl to which you refer I think you have confused with is my wifes sister who was given away at birth because she was not a boy. Perhaps my explanation wasn't clear...

Regards

thistlehollyberry

5 kids would be a deal breaker!

Jerseygirl

Ok your LL had 4 children...not 5...that she didn’t tell you about. That is 4 too many in my book. Sorry P11 but I am at a loss to understand why you stay with her, apart from the fact that she is ‘small’ and provides you with a never ending supply of watermelon.


1 child whose existence had been hidden from me would be a deal breaker.

christmasoompa

Ditto. I feel desperately sorry for the OP, as it appears he has no idea what behaviour is normal in a successful marriage and has no idea just how far from a trusting/happy/fulfilling relationship his own is.

He seems happy that things are getting 'back to normal' now, yet the rest of us would have considered 'normal' a terrible relationship, and would have run for the hills a long time ago. It's so sad that anybody will put up with being in a relationship like this, when your spouse is supposed to be your best friend and the one person you can trust above all others.

scot47

Time to quit and seek refuge in England ?

Jerseygirl

Part of me feels sorry for him. I think he has backed himself into a corner that he can’t get out of. She and her family have bled him dry, making it almost impossible for him to start again elsewhere. Her behaviour IMO is unforgivable, but all she has to do is pretend to be a vulnerable young lover and all is forgiven.

The other part of me wants to slap him around the head. What on earth do elderly men think attracts young women in their 20’s/30’s to them? Like the saying goes...’what does the young woman see in the rich old man’ ‘there is no fool, like an old fool’.

Stokkevn

I have seen a couple of guys who have thrown their lot in with a much younger Filipina girl and come out badly due to can't afford to leave/can't afford to stay. A German friend split with his wife, lost his kid, set up home with house keeper who poisoned him as the house keeper was a distant relative to the wife. The other was a Dutch guy who eventually had to leave the country with loans/assistance from the Dutch embassy, he is lucky in that some time later he managed to get his two kids back to Holland with him, but is struggling under the loan repayments, but at least they are safe.

Millhouse

Bit harsh. I'm thinking what does P11 see in a 30 year old woman with 4 kids - on a fixed income he could buy something much better.

Gazza-d

In the Philippines the take up of contraceptives is very low so if your girlfriend/wife was not still a virgin when you met her there is a very high probability that there is a child/children somewhere in the background. Just some food for thought.

Philosophical 11

JG....

***but I am at a loss to understand why you stay with her******. This is in reference to the children. I found out about the first 2 sons about 2 yrs ago now, and we had already been in a relationship for 2 years. Yes....it was a deep shock as you can imagine, and it took a while to come to terms with this revelation. However, you don't just fall out of love overnight after it has taken 2 years to build. The boys were part of her flesh and blood and I guess it made it easier for me because I had already knew them as beautiful kids.....but not as sons. Why did she keep it a secret from me? Because she was scared of losing me. She was urged to from the outset, but it became more difficult. Guess its like going to the dentist. I do however find her apparent lack of maternal instincts toward them most strange, but that is not uncommon here in the Philippines.

Would I have struck up a relationship with her knowing she had 4 children? Probably not. But I was never averse to taking on a small family if the woman in question was right for me. Many ex pats take the same view. Despite the difficulties over the past year or so, and those now facing us in the medium term, the traumas have brought us closer together. The children are not an issue. I can understand her keeping that a secret from me, but not that I approve.

I have not touched on the ATM subject here, that is for later. This is in reply to your comment about the phantom children.

Regards

Philosophical 11

JG...and others.

***her family have bled him dry***** or words to that effect.... Where did you get that fact from? I await you reply with interest.

Regards