Me and My Family

Old May 8th 2019, 12:43 pm
  #2191  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11
I have asked for this thread to be resurrected and will post an update soon. Thanks for the all the pm's and the very kind offers of help

I m back here with my wife and safe. My 17 day absence was very traumatic for her but it focused her mind. She explained all, deeply regrets whats happened and has agreed to my terms.
Thank you.
ah yes. Until next time.
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Old May 8th 2019, 1:17 pm
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11
I have asked for this thread to be resurrected and will post an update soon. Thanks for the all the pm's and the very kind offers of help

I m back here with my wife and safe. My 17 day absence was very traumatic for her but it focused her mind. She explained all, deeply regrets whats happened and has agreed to my terms. We are working together to resolve a situation that caused all these problems over the last few months but these may be insurmountable if I am honest.

I will explain all soon.

Thank you.
In the nicest possible way, I think you are mad but that is just my opinion.

Anyway good luck because I think you will need it.
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Old May 8th 2019, 2:38 pm
  #2193  
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Morning P11 Good to see you. Was going to PM but now I know you are alive and working it out.

We all have our thoughts on what is happening in your life. The life belongs to you and can only pray and hope that you remain safe physically, mentally and emotionally. Aren't we all guilty of making decisions that in hindsight we would have decided differently. I know I am.

Rita
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Old May 9th 2019, 12:09 am
  #2194  
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P11

Elaborate !
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Old May 9th 2019, 7:17 am
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Pleased to hear at least you're safe (if not completely sane).
Just wondering if you have noble blood. Whatever, I'm renaming you Phil de Sade 11
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Old May 9th 2019, 7:23 am
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Greatest suspense since "who shot JR?".
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Old May 9th 2019, 10:10 am
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P11 is like a cat. Just worry how many escapes he's got left in him and if he's been counting.


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Old May 9th 2019, 12:24 pm
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Ahhhh, I've been waiting for the propreantepenultimatum
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Old May 10th 2019, 7:19 am
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Greetings...

I have known and lived with my lovely lady, now my wife for over 4 yrs and during that time, she has been the perfect partner and our life together has been just about perfect in every way. I live in a beautiful setting and my retirement was as perfect as you could wish. A beautiful country, a beautiful wife and my life could not have been better. That changed about 6 months ago.

To recap: Money started getting "lost" by her and the excuses, although possible were bordering on the extreme. Until I had proof that she was skimming money, there was not a lot a could do. The proof came last month. Without going into detail, there was an incident here at the local bank here where she "lost" a large amount of money, and then what appears to be a false receipt. I proved that the bank incident was false and therefore the time to confront her was now. But therein lay a problem. She would probably not admit to anything, refuse to speak or perhaps lose her mind and then try to commit self harm or worse. I had to focus her mind. So I left to a safe house.

In the ensuing 17 days, I had the usual threats of legal action, suicide, admittance to hospital, and then finally begging me to come back. She would explain all. We met at a hotel on neutral ground where the unpalatable truth came out. After the collapse of her on line business, she decided to go into money lending in a very big way. She borrowed a huge amount from a distant relative at an eye watering 10% per MONTH. The money was re-lent at 12% per month to two of her friends. And you can probably guess the rest, the two friends disappeared after a few months and she was left holding the debt plus monthly interest payments. The interest payments are substantial and about 25% of my pensions. Rather than tell me, she skimmed and scammed from me. She didn't tell me because I already had my hands full with paying off debtors from her collapsed business. She knew I was already under pressure, and didn't want to add to it. Filipina logic I guess. But the "you know what" hit the fan two days later.....

Whilst I was away, I was stupidly messaging and confiding with two dear Filipina friends of ours to help resolve our problem and also, during her staged suicide attempt, her brief hospital stay and her legal threats against me for abandonment. But that back fired. They insisted, I do not go back to her. They were appalled at her behavior. When I failed to comply with their demands, they did the most despicable thing. They released all my messages on FB which includes a lot of stories told here. Hell has no wrath as a woman scorned goes the saying. And I got it. We were away together at a resort, trying to recuperate from our ordeals when this hit fb. She felt betrayed, She became a laughing stock to her friends and lost many of them and her batch mates. I was aghast at the treachery. For the next couple of days, I took it all on the chin and I felt desperately sorry for her. She did not deserve this humiliation. And then her family saw the fb posts.....

She was away one evening and I got a msg from her family. They wanted to talk to me about what had been posted. Basically I did not elaborate, but stressed the rumours were just rumours and to take no heed. Now, it is me that has always been perceived as the villain here. That has changed. Her family are angry with her, and they have offered me full support. However, despite me saying to disregard the rumours, her father and brother went looking for a drug running cop the next day. I don't know the full story, but they caused problems and a police report has been submitted. Still awaiting details. Then of course it was all my fault according to her. Another day in purgatory followed...

Where are we now? I have got my lovely lady of old back. But very bruised and self esteem damaged. She has agreed to all of my conditions, and voluntarily given up all of her allowance. She does not want any money to be given to her as before for household bills etc, ....but instead will just ask when needed. She will get a job if required. Because, she has now become isolated, we may move from here. Me? Just a bit poorer....but with shattered nerves.

We haven't discussed how to deal with this debt. I wanted to wait until she had calmed and settled down. And the storms had passed. Soon will be the time. As it stands at the moment, I will never be able to pay off the capital owed. Which means the monthly interest payments will strangle my pension for ever. Now, she says she signed a contract with this lender, and as far as I can ascertain, it is an illegal contract. The lender most probably is not licensed and the interest rate is illegal. What I hope to do is to regularize the loan, and repay with current market interest rates. As I said, the lender is a member of her extended family. I will not have extortionate monthly interest rates hanging over my head for the rest of my natural life. I could as most do here, just not repay. But I am allergic to lead poisoning.

I need the backing of my wife for this, and if necessary, we may move elsewhere. If things go pear shaped, then I will wash my hands of the whole thing and head back to the UK which holds nothing for me. I love where I am now, and that will be difficult to give up....... but Cambodia looks foreigner and visa friendly....

Regards
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Old May 10th 2019, 10:10 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

So she has embezzled money from you in multiple ways, blames you repeatedly for doubting her, has threatened to kill you, attempted suicide and tried to foist that off on you, and is in debt to a criminal element that may kill you (although a member of her family). Now you say that you will try and pay off her debts (though this will require negotiating with said criminal element)...something I recall you said you would not do. You say she is talking about getting a job...to pay you back for all that she stole?

Meantime you are on the outs with your Filipino friends because they embarrassed her...you sound like you cannot commiserate with anyone neutral because you can't trust them to keep the conversation private. You are just as isolated as her...if she is actually telling the truth about being alienated. Remember all the stuff about her families illnesses and needed pharma, and education, etc. How much of that was "real" and how much part of the scam, too? How much did they know? These things can't be secret within Filipino families. Especially when the money lender is a relative...the demands reach down to them to pressure the daughter as well.

Other than the fact that she is your LL why are you responsible for her debts which have, up to now, largely been paid off by embezzled money from you. Aren't her two friends (another bad deal, or just another story) responsible. Isn't your wife also an extortionate money lender (at 12%/month interest)? Maybe she should shake down her friends or THEIR relatives? Meantime Cambodia or Laos on a lengthy solo visit to check out the terrain sounds imminently reasonable. Send for her when the debt is settled.

Fortunately she isn't pregnant, I hope you are snipped.
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Old May 10th 2019, 12:12 pm
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Greetings,

One important thing I failed to mention in my last post. She had been suffering from "hormonal" problems for the past 5 months which was obviously of great concern to us both...not to mention a drain on my wallet with visits to three different gyno's who advocated various medicines and procedures. The first gyne and indeed the initial visit to the doctor thought it was due to stress. I am pleased to say the symptoms have now ceased. They ceased about 10 days ago.

Regards
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Old May 10th 2019, 12:32 pm
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11
Greetings...

I have known and lived with my lovely lady, now my wife for over 4 yrs and during that time, she has been the perfect partner and our life together has been just about perfect in every way. I live in a beautiful setting and my retirement was as perfect as you could wish. A beautiful country, a beautiful wife and my life could not have been better. That changed about 6 months ago.

To recap: Money started getting "lost" by her and the excuses, although possible were bordering on the extreme. Until I had proof that she was skimming money, there was not a lot a could do. The proof came last month. Without going into detail, there was an incident here at the local bank here where she "lost" a large amount of money, and then what appears to be a false receipt. I proved that the bank incident was false and therefore the time to confront her was now. But therein lay a problem. She would probably not admit to anything, refuse to speak or perhaps lose her mind and then try to commit self harm or worse. I had to focus her mind. So I left to a safe house.

In the ensuing 17 days, I had the usual threats of legal action, suicide, admittance to hospital, and then finally begging me to come back. She would explain all. We met at a hotel on neutral ground where the unpalatable truth came out. After the collapse of her on line business, she decided to go into money lending in a very big way. She borrowed a huge amount from a distant relative at an eye watering 10% per MONTH. The money was re-lent at 12% per month to two of her friends. And you can probably guess the rest, the two friends disappeared after a few months and she was left holding the debt plus monthly interest payments. The interest payments are substantial and about 25% of my pensions. Rather than tell me, she skimmed and scammed from me. She didn't tell me because I already had my hands full with paying off debtors from her collapsed business. She knew I was already under pressure, and didn't want to add to it. Filipina logic I guess. But the "you know what" hit the fan two days later.....

Whilst I was away, I was stupidly messaging and confiding with two dear Filipina friends of ours to help resolve our problem and also, during her staged suicide attempt, her brief hospital stay and her legal threats against me for abandonment. But that back fired. They insisted, I do not go back to her. They were appalled at her behavior. When I failed to comply with their demands, they did the most despicable thing. They released all my messages on FB which includes a lot of stories told here. Hell has no wrath as a woman scorned goes the saying. And I got it. We were away together at a resort, trying to recuperate from our ordeals when this hit fb. She felt betrayed, She became a laughing stock to her friends and lost many of them and her batch mates. I was aghast at the treachery. For the next couple of days, I took it all on the chin and I felt desperately sorry for her. She did not deserve this humiliation. And then her family saw the fb posts.....

She was away one evening and I got a msg from her family. They wanted to talk to me about what had been posted. Basically I did not elaborate, but stressed the rumours were just rumours and to take no heed. Now, it is me that has always been perceived as the villain here. That has changed. Her family are angry with her, and they have offered me full support. However, despite me saying to disregard the rumours, her father and brother went looking for a drug running cop the next day. I don't know the full story, but they caused problems and a police report has been submitted. Still awaiting details. Then of course it was all my fault according to her. Another day in purgatory followed...

Where are we now? I have got my lovely lady of old back. But very bruised and self esteem damaged. She has agreed to all of my conditions, and voluntarily given up all of her allowance. She does not want any money to be given to her as before for household bills etc, ....but instead will just ask when needed. She will get a job if required. Because, she has now become isolated, we may move from here. Me? Just a bit poorer....but with shattered nerves.

We haven't discussed how to deal with this debt. I wanted to wait until she had calmed and settled down. And the storms had passed. Soon will be the time. As it stands at the moment, I will never be able to pay off the capital owed. Which means the monthly interest payments will strangle my pension for ever. Now, she says she signed a contract with this lender, and as far as I can ascertain, it is an illegal contract. The lender most probably is not licensed and the interest rate is illegal. What I hope to do is to regularize the loan, and repay with current market interest rates. As I said, the lender is a member of her extended family. I will not have extortionate monthly interest rates hanging over my head for the rest of my natural life. I could as most do here, just not repay. But I am allergic to lead poisoning.

I need the backing of my wife for this, and if necessary, we may move elsewhere. If things go pear shaped, then I will wash my hands of the whole thing and head back to the UK which holds nothing for me. I love where I am now, and that will be difficult to give up....... but Cambodia looks foreigner and visa friendly....

Regards
I thought I got the sharp end of the stick occasionally but you seem to be consistently sitting on it, you get scammed & stolen from by LL and in part by her family and you come out the other side as the bad boy ( fb is your problem as I have never understood that ).

I do understand the hormonal problems a bit, my missus went through them like a bull in a china shop but now she is 60 she seems to have emerged unscathed, it will take me a few more years to get to that point.

If my missus got herself into that much debt without my knowledge, I would, just to ensure she understood, make her get a local job ( here they pay P200 a day ) until she had paid it off, even if it was only the capital.

Sorry P11, if it was not for bad luck you would have no luck at all.
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Old May 10th 2019, 1:43 pm
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Stokkevn
I

If my missus got herself into that much debt without my knowledge, I would, just to ensure she understood, make her get a local job ( here they pay P200 a day ) until she had paid it off, even if it was only the capital.
Yes. LL doesn't stand for Lady of Leisure. I can't see any reason for her to not have a job.

P11, I don't know how many times I've read that you have suspicions or proof of something dodgy going on, but don't confront your wife with this because you're worried that she'll clam up, or make threats, or do away with herself. She is, of course, well aware of this and it's what has allowed her to get away with so much, for so long.

It's nonsense that she didn't tell you about the money lending business and its fallout because she knew you already had your hands full, because she knew you were under pressure, because she didn't want to add to it. She didn't want you to know because of what that might mean for her, not for you.

Yes, you've got your lovely lady of old back, exactly the same as she's always been.
The one who lies to you, steals from you, emotionally blackmails and manipulates you, and then lies some more and steals some more and manipulates some more in an effort to cover her tracks.
The one who doesn't consider you or your well-being at all while she's doing all of that, and who, when she gets caught out, reverts to temporarily playing the good little wife and agreeing to whatever you say.
Until the time comes when she considers the immediate danger of being left to fend for herself has passed, and then the lying and stealing and manipulation starts all over again.

It's a destructive cycle that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I've written this post in the faint hope that something will strike a chord with you.
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Old May 10th 2019, 3:28 pm
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11;[i
'If things go pear shaped, then I will wash my hands of the whole thing and ….. ’
Glad you cleared that one up for us P11! If what you’ve already written about doesn't qualify as a definition of ‘things going pear shaped’, then I don’t know what would.

I surmise that as other members have previously implied, it is highly probable that your posts are based on that potential soap opera deal; let’s be honest, it’s difficult to believe anyone would tolerate such deceit in real life and keep going back for more. Yes, yes, I know, you only tell us about the rough times because readers aren’t interested in good news and 99% of the time you are ‘living in paradise’.

So, good luck on striking that soap deal. In the meantime, however fictitious many of the events may seem, members such as myself still enjoy a good tale. At the end of the day, similar to reading a book, if we don’t like the story, we don’t have to read it. So don’t take offence, just keep those creative juices flowing and see where it takes you.
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Old May 10th 2019, 3:36 pm
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Defo a reconciling weekend trip to HK is needed where after 3 days of **** jobs you dump her at the airport. It’s the only right thing to do.

Hormone issues were always going to resolve themselves when she couldn’t scheme any more doctor cash.

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