Me and My Family

Old May 16th 2018, 11:59 pm
  #1516  
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MikeNZ:

"going through the motions" This refers to going through a procedure of buying a house which I know is unrealistic. Perhaps you did not understand that? I am not bothered about buying a house.

"walk away with no care" Refers to not having to contribute to house payment if our marriage breaks down.

"Your Island Paradise has become your prison." If ever you or any other contributor is in my area, I welcome you to stay and you will see exactly what "prison life" is like. And you will see what a great life it is here with my lovely lady and our friends.

Thanks for your heart lifting comments.

Regards
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Old May 17th 2018, 12:54 am
  #1517  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11 View Post
MikeNZ:

"going through the motions" This refers to going through a procedure of buying a house which I know is unrealistic. Perhaps you did not understand that? I am not bothered about buying a house.

"walk away with no care" Refers to not having to contribute to house payment if our marriage breaks down.

"Your Island Paradise has become your prison." If ever you or any other contributor is in my area, I welcome you to stay and you will see exactly what "prison life" is like. And you will see what a great life it is here with my lovely lady and our friends.

Thanks for your heart lifting comments.

Regards
Hi Philosophical. Call it intuition but I'm guessing your 'heart lifting comments' was meant sarcastically.

But really, what comments could be made in response to your posts?

People can wish you well, which I'm sure everyone who's posted does.

They can agree with the occasional positive comment you make about your life in the Philippines with your partner (sorry, I find 'Lovely Lady' a bit twee).

After doing those things, all that's really left is for people to attempt to point out what is blindingly obvious to any reasonable person.

The bulk of your posts describe situations and incidents that do not occur in a happy, trusting relationship. If you want to think they do then that's your prerogative, it is after all your life and your relationship. But the fact remains that by any reasonable measure, they are not.

You've said that 99% of the time everything between you and your partner is wonderful. How can that be? Do all the other things that have pinged your radar and caused you to distrust her not matter 99% of the time? Do those things just disappear, or do you just forget them? Are they not lurking in the background, ready to jump up and bite you on the arse again?

I dunno. I'm reminded of a friend of my husband and I. He lived about 400 kms from us in Australia. He'd be on the phone to us nearly every night, long, convoluted phone calls about the current state of his relationship with his partner. Some of his angst came from financial issues, he'd 'caught her out' pulling a few swifties. Several other trust issues which involved him telling us about some pretty horrible tricks she'd pulled.

Next time we visited him, his girlfriend was there. I wasn't rude to her, but I didn't fall all over her either. That resulted in her storming off in a huff, and our friend wondering out loud why I wasn't my usual warm self.

That'd be because I'd spent months listening to him talking about every negative, devious, hurtful thing she'd done. He has his faults, as we all do, but he's our mate. If someone hurts a mate, you don't run up and throw your arms around that person. And if a mate expects you to do that, to smile along as though everything he's told you doesn't matter a toss, that him crying down the phone means nothing to you - then the mate's an idiot.
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Old May 17th 2018, 1:14 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post
Hi Philosophical. Call it intuition but I'm guessing your 'heart lifting comments' was meant sarcastically.

But really, what comments could be made in response to your posts?

People can wish you well, which I'm sure everyone who's posted does.

They can agree with the occasional positive comment you make about your life in the Philippines with your partner (sorry, I find 'Lovely Lady' a bit twee).

After doing those things, all that's really left is for people to attempt to point out what is blindingly obvious to any reasonable person.

The bulk of your posts describe situations and incidents that do not occur in a happy, trusting relationship. If you want to think they do then that's your prerogative, it is after all your life and your relationship. But the fact remains that by any reasonable measure, they are not.

You've said that 99% of the time everything between you and your partner is wonderful. How can that be? Do all the other things that have pinged your radar and caused you to distrust her not matter 99% of the time? Do those things just disappear, or do you just forget them? Are they not lurking in the background, ready to jump up and bite you on the arse again?

I dunno. I'm reminded of a friend of my husband and I. He lived about 400 kms from us in Australia. He'd be on the phone to us nearly every night, long, convoluted phone calls about the current state of his relationship with his partner. Some of his angst came from financial issues, he'd 'caught her out' pulling a few swifties. Several other trust issues which involved him telling us about some pretty horrible tricks she'd pulled.

Next time we visited him, his girlfriend was there. I wasn't rude to her, but I didn't fall all over her either. That resulted in her storming off in a huff, and our friend wondering out loud why I wasn't my usual warm self.

That'd be because I'd spent months listening to him talking about every negative, devious, hurtful thing she'd done. He has his faults, as we all do, but he's our mate. If someone hurts a mate, you don't run up and throw your arms around that person. And if a mate expects you to do that, to smile along as though everything he's told you doesn't matter a toss, that him crying down the phone means nothing to you - then the mate's an idiot.
Bang on. I do wish the OP well, he seems a genuine and nice fella.

I find the latest saga of the kids byond perplexing. Its gone from "She has no bond with them" to playing happy families. What the actual %$^&!
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Old May 17th 2018, 1:18 am
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Greetings!

Off to renew my visa so I can spend another great 6 months in this tropical paradise "prison" and will be back tomorrow.

Will reply to you Scouse on my return.

My lovely lady has had a serious falling out with her family over....yes you guessed it. Money. She may stay away a few days or more but I will write when I get back.

Guards are now coming to release me from my prison.

Regard
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Old May 17th 2018, 1:20 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11 View Post
Greetings!

Off to renew my visa so I can spend another great 6 months in this tropical paradise "prison" and will be back tomorrow.

Will reply to you Scouse on my return.

My lovely lady has had a serious falling out with her family over....yes you guessed it. Money. She may stay away a few days or more but I will write when I get back.

Guards are now coming to release me from my prison.

Regard


Enjoy your trip!
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Old May 17th 2018, 1:31 am
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Thanks Scouse. You made some very valid points in your comments. It deserves a proper reply which I will do on return.

Lovely lady off to purgatory now for a few days to clear her mind. Bless her cotton socks.

Regards
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Old May 17th 2018, 6:33 am
  #1522  
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Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post
Hi Philosophical. Call it intuition but I'm guessing your 'heart lifting comments' was meant sarcastically.

But really, what comments could be made in response to your posts?

People can wish you well, which I'm sure everyone who's posted does.

They can agree with the occasional positive comment you make about your life in the Philippines with your partner (sorry, I find 'Lovely Lady' a bit twee).

After doing those things, all that's really left is for people to attempt to point out what is blindingly obvious to any reasonable person.

The bulk of your posts describe situations and incidents that do not occur in a happy, trusting relationship. If you want to think they do then that's your prerogative, it is after all your life and your relationship. But the fact remains that by any reasonable measure, they are not.

You've said that 99% of the time everything between you and your partner is wonderful. How can that be? Do all the other things that have pinged your radar and caused you to distrust her not matter 99% of the time? Do those things just disappear, or do you just forget them? Are they not lurking in the background, ready to jump up and bite you on the arse again?

I dunno. I'm reminded of a friend of my husband and I. He lived about 400 kms from us in Australia. He'd be on the phone to us nearly every night, long, convoluted phone calls about the current state of his relationship with his partner. Some of his angst came from financial issues, he'd 'caught her out' pulling a few swifties. Several other trust issues which involved him telling us about some pretty horrible tricks she'd pulled.

Next time we visited him, his girlfriend was there. I wasn't rude to her, but I didn't fall all over her either. That resulted in her storming off in a huff, and our friend wondering out loud why I wasn't my usual warm self.

That'd be because I'd spent months listening to him talking about every negative, devious, hurtful thing she'd done. He has his faults, as we all do, but he's our mate. If someone hurts a mate, you don't run up and throw your arms around that person. And if a mate expects you to do that, to smile along as though everything he's told you doesn't matter a toss, that him crying down the phone means nothing to you - then the mate's an idiot.
Google the term: askhole
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Old May 17th 2018, 6:34 am
  #1523  
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Originally Posted by Gazza-d View Post
"and the marriage hits the rocks, I will not "employ" her and she will lose a significant amount of income. She would not be able to afford the repayments."

Having a small experience with the filipino culture it would not be a concern. If the marriage hits the rock and she can't afford the payments she will just shrug her shoulders and walk away with no care.
Not quite true... she will also mention something about God and that it wasn't meant to be this time...
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Old May 17th 2018, 11:10 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Gazza-d View Post
This is a big grey area and you will get many answers, the only one that will count is the one you get should the event happen. For you to inherit your partner must die intestate and then you are into the whole circus of compulsary heirs. The husband is far from the top of the list. I'm not sure owning the building would be much protection in the event you are driven off.
Agreed, nothing is certain here, but i have taken whatever steps that I can to try to protect myself. My name mentioned on the title to the land and house registered in my name. Mt wife family are all pretty good guys, so Im hoping all will be OK. Probably won't need more than 15-20 years, after that its all theirs.
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Old May 17th 2018, 11:22 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post
Hi Philosophical. Call it intuition but I'm guessing your 'heart lifting comments' was meant sarcastically.

But really, what comments could be made in response to your posts?

People can wish you well, which I'm sure everyone who's posted does.

They can agree with the occasional positive comment you make about your life in the Philippines with your partner (sorry, I find 'Lovely Lady' a bit twee).

After doing those things, all that's really left is for people to attempt to point out what is blindingly obvious to any reasonable person.

The bulk of your posts describe situations and incidents that do not occur in a happy, trusting relationship. If you want to think they do then that's your prerogative, it is after all your life and your relationship. But the fact remains that by any reasonable measure, they are not.

You've said that 99% of the time everything between you and your partner is wonderful. How can that be? Do all the other things that have pinged your radar and caused you to distrust her not matter 99% of the time? Do those things just disappear, or do you just forget them? Are they not lurking in the background, ready to jump up and bite you on the arse again?

I dunno. I'm reminded of a friend of my husband and I. He lived about 400 kms from us in Australia. He'd be on the phone to us nearly every night, long, convoluted phone calls about the current state of his relationship with his partner. Some of his angst came from financial issues, he'd 'caught her out' pulling a few swifties. Several other trust issues which involved him telling us about some pretty horrible tricks she'd pulled.

Next time we visited him, his girlfriend was there. I wasn't rude to her, but I didn't fall all over her either. That resulted in her storming off in a huff, and our friend wondering out loud why I wasn't my usual warm self.

That'd be because I'd spent months listening to him talking about every negative, devious, hurtful thing she'd done. He has his faults, as we all do, but he's our mate. If someone hurts a mate, you don't run up and throw your arms around that person. And if a mate expects you to do that, to smile along as though everything he's told you doesn't matter a toss, that him crying down the phone means nothing to you - then the mate's an idiot.
Very well put SOS. 11 must think that we are ganging up on him as he has become somewhat defensive of late. Fact remains, that no matter how you sugar coat it, the situation is an absolute disaster and very few people here, that have followed the thread, can understand 11's laid back attitude. It's as if 11 believes that he has no other options in life and trying to make the best of what he has. Sorry 11, but at no time does this thread give the impression that 99% of the time, everything is a Paradise. It takes more than a few beers on a beach when the LL allows.
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Old May 17th 2018, 11:35 am
  #1526  
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When OP returns with his visa extension I will get the popcorn, put my feet up and enjoy all the contributions to this thread. LOL
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Old May 17th 2018, 11:47 am
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Originally Posted by David Mashael View Post
Very well put SOS. 11 must think that we are ganging up on him as he has become somewhat defensive of late. Fact remains, that no matter how you sugar coat it, the situation is an absolute disaster and very few people here, that have followed the thread, can understand 11's laid back attitude. It's as if 11 believes that he has no other options in life and trying to make the best of what he has. Sorry 11, but at no time does this thread give the impression that 99% of the time, everything is a Paradise. It takes more than a few beers on a beach when the LL allows.
I always misread LL as landlord. Soon, it won't be a misread.
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Old May 17th 2018, 11:52 am
  #1528  
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Originally Posted by Millhouse View Post
I always misread LL as landlord. Soon, it won't be a misread.
I had to chuckle at that, because at first I thought it meant landlady Gender bias, I'm guilty
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Old May 19th 2018, 3:50 am
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Greetings and Salutations...

Back from BI yesterday and I am sad to say they have increased my sentence in this prison for another 6 months.

Before I try to answer any comments, you may be interested in the furious confrontation the family had with my lovely lady that left her distraught.

About a week or so ago, her mother developed a pain in the lumbar region and as the family had neither the wit nor money to admit her to hospital here, it fell upon my lovely lady to organize a trip to the local semi-private hospital here. She stayed there for 3 days and of course the medical expenses were all paid by her. Her family has no money you see. However, the pain didn't disappear and she was told she required a CT scan cost of which was 3k. The first I heard about that was when her father saw me at the ATM and told me that I was to take his wife for a CT scan today at a hospital 2 hrs away....pay the 3k....which he will pay back later this month. I was a touch taken aback about all this and told him to speak to my lovely lady.

Long story shortened. Lovely lady gets irate phone call from her father and she goes to their house. The whole family were there waiting. She apparently had told them previously, that she did not have the 3k for the CT scan. (What??!!!!!). They tore into her and lambasted her for not doing enough for the family. I was mentioned also. She came back home completely distraught and after I got the story from her, she also said that she told the family that she and I are going to leave the area and let them fend for themselves. This is the second time she has made that threat. She also said she was shy to ask me for the 3k.

Now. I am normally a mild mannered happy chappy but this irked me somewhat. I told her that I will lend them the 3k, and have a few words of advice for them.

I got to the house (lovely lady stayed home) and fortunately they were all still there. Her mother was crying bless her. I gave her a hug and a kiss and gave her the 3k and comforted her. Then I rounded on the family. Waddly speaks the best English so I used her to explain to all the others. I asked her a simple question. Why cannot you and the family budget for such situations. Her answer was that they were all poor. The fuse was then lit. I pointed to the new furniture, new tv, two dogs, fish tanks, lechon for worm boy on his last birthday. And they are poor? I asked Sloth why wasn't she at a call centre earning 30k pm after lovely lady and I financed her 4yrs at college. I reminded her that she has a poorly paid job earning 5k pm and she has a phone with a 12 month contract costing 2.2k pm. She also has a mother who cannot pay for medical treatment. She ran out of the room. I turned on two more and asked them what happened to the 2 small business that my lovely lady had set up? They were too bone idle and preferred hand outs. Sadly...I think I overdid it a touch. I mentioned non-payment of loans and said the money was not important as respect for me. And I went on.....too much to type here. They were quiet with mouths dropping to the floor. The father stood with the demeanor of Manny Pacquio about to fight for a world title. The mother was weeping again. I asked if there was anything they wanted to say to me. Total silence. I turned and hugged the mother, dried her tears and wished her well. I shook the fathers very flaccid hand as I walked out and asked Waddly to let me know the outcome of the scan.

But I had made matters worse.

I got home and lovely lady was packing. She received a call from her father that I was very angry and I think disrespecting their culture was mentioned. She was not happy that I was a bit strong with them and she needed to go away for a while to clear her mind. I accepted that and told her to take her time and come back when she was ready.

I went for lunch on my own and made a mental note of buying a bottle of something nice to enjoy this evening. I then received a msg after about 20 mins from my lovely lady asking me to bring home a take out for her. Bless her.

We went to renew my prison sentence next day...a 5 hr bus journey. I came back yesterday and I have received a msg this morning that lovely lady will come back today. I also received a curt msg from Waddly that the scan was clear. I noticed the absence of any thanks.

The father said he will repay me tomorrow. We will see,...I wont hold my breath. If he tries to pay me back, I will tell him to keep the money as my contribution to their family budget and they must build on it.

Finally. Waddly didn't stay at her house here last night. She came...grabbed a few things and stayed at her mothers house. One of the kids pitched up this morning to grab a few things from her house and after a cheery good morning....away he went. I don't know how all this is going to pan out, but I hope normal relations will be resumed after a while and all is back to normal. With lessons learnt. Well..... we all can all hope. Cant we?

Rgards
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Old May 19th 2018, 4:31 am
  #1530  
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Originally Posted by Philosophical 11 View Post
Greetings and Salutations...



Long story shortened. Lovely lady gets irate phone call from her father and she goes to their house. The whole family were there waiting. She apparently had told them previously, that she did not have the 3k for the CT scan. (What??!!!!!). They tore into her and lambasted her for not doing enough for the family. I was mentioned also. She came back home completely distraught and after I got the story from her, she also said that she told the family that she and I are going to leave the area and let them fend for themselves. This is the second time she has made that threat. She also said she was shy to ask me for the 3k.

Now. I am normally a mild mannered happy chappy but this irked me somewhat. I told her that I will lend them the 3k, and have a few words of advice for them.

I got to the house (lovely lady stayed home) and fortunately they were all still there. Her mother was crying bless her. I gave her a hug and a kiss and gave her the 3k and comforted her. Then I rounded on the family. Waddly speaks the best English so I used her to explain to all the others. I asked her a simple question. Why cannot you and the family budget for such situations. Her answer was that they were all poor. The fuse was then lit. I pointed to the new furniture, new tv, two dogs, fish tanks, lechon for worm boy on his last birthday. And they are poor? I asked Sloth why wasn't she at a call centre earning 30k pm after lovely lady and I financed her 4yrs at college. I reminded her that she has a poorly paid job earning 5k pm and she has a phone with a 12 month contract costing 2.2k pm. She also has a mother who cannot pay for medical treatment. She ran out of the room. I turned on two more and asked them what happened to the 2 small business that my lovely lady had set up? They were too bone idle and preferred hand outs. Sadly...I think I overdid it a touch. I mentioned non-payment of loans and said the money was not important as respect for me. And I went on.....too much to type here. They were quiet with mouths dropping to the floor. The father stood with the demeanor of Manny Pacquio about to fight for a world title. The mother was weeping again. I asked if there was anything they wanted to say to me. Total silence. I turned and hugged the mother, dried her tears and wished her well. I shook the fathers very flaccid hand as I walked out and asked Waddly to let me know the outcome of the scan.

But I had made matters worse.

I got home and lovely lady was packing. She received a call from her father that I was very angry and I think disrespecting their culture was mentioned. She was not happy that I was a bit strong with them and she needed to go away for a while to clear her mind. I accepted that and told her to take her time and come back when she was ready.

I went for lunch on my own and made a mental note of buying a bottle of something nice to enjoy this evening. I then received a msg after about 20 mins from my lovely lady asking me to bring home a take out for her. Bless her.

We went to renew my prison sentence next day...a 5 hr bus journey. I came back yesterday and I have received a msg this morning that lovely lady will come back today. I also received a curt msg from Waddly that the scan was clear. I noticed the absence of any thanks.

The father said he will repay me tomorrow. We will see,...I wont hold my breath. If he tries to pay me back, I will tell him to keep the money as my contribution to their family budget and they must build on it.

Finally. Waddly didn't stay at her house here last night. She came...grabbed a few things and stayed at her mothers house. One of the kids pitched up this morning to grab a few things from her house and after a cheery good morning....away he went. I don't know how all this is going to pan out, but I hope normal relations will be resumed after a while and all is back to normal. With lessons learnt. Well..... we all can all hope. Cant we?

Rgards
Well done, did the same myself a few years ago. Short term pain is far outweighed by the long term gain. I also included in my rant a question of how they thought I got my money - by working or sitting around begging from family. The adding of the word begging hit home to nearly all of them.
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