Stokkevn

As an expert in relationships, two ex-wives makes one that and having traveled the World for nearly 50 years and seen absolute failures and resounding successes in marriages/relationships from different backgrounds etc. The only advise I could give anyone is follow your nose and if you are worried, there is most likely a problem.

morpeth

No reason to go back over all the advice you received over a quite a bit of time. You could have left much earlier and avoid much of what you have gone through.

Philippines is not the only third world country that can offer the sort of advantages you are seeking. Just hope you have learned a bit about the Philippines and maybe next time around avoid the same mistakes and perhaps maybe consider other points of view who know more about the Philippines or have more experience of the country you are in.

I do wish you all the best and hope you can settle this case and put all this behind you.

Ten

It would appear your expectations are for P11 to live his life as yourself and a few other posters dictate. To give advice is fine, P11 is a grown man and well aware of the pros and cons of his decisions. I believe he has considered all advice given here and is going with his gut instinct well aware of the consequences which could be sever.

Every situation is different and only P11 can fully understand to what degree his ex LL can and will stoop to. His decision to stay and fight for what he believes is justice is ultimately his and his alone, We should be wishing him well and offering encouragement. As previously mentioned if I was in a similar situation my endevour would be to find a compromise and I would do everything in my power to ovoid the case going to trial.

One mention from P11 i find strange is reference to a cold bed sit in UK, thought he mentioned somewhere he has 2 sons in the UK, no doubt hey could offer something better than a cold bed sit, regardless its preferable to local prison.

Raffin

I think prison would be unlikely. Under the penal code age can be a mitigating factor for under 18s and over 70s. For the latter as long as they didn't commit the offence before they were 70. If he did offend, it was when he was over 70. His lawyer has surely advised him on this jail chances..

mikek1

If P11 had taken posters advice much earlier on he would not be in this ridiculous state of affairs. The warnings were there for all to see ( except him)......now it’s that venomous women from the lovely LL1 who can do no wrong.

marmaduke

Look, P11 definitely fell victim to a sunk cost fallacy on the relationship that he has paid and is still paying, compounded by his wife's extreme and constant shifting emotional state.

I'm sure that most of us have fallen victim to the former, if not in a relationship then in a material object like a house or car (I've spent this much fixing the bloody thing, I'm not taking it to the wreckers now).

People who have not experienced the latter don't know the power of it over an otherwise sane individual. Anyone who has the slightest tendency to codependency, perhaps because of things they have suffered much earlier in life, will fall for it twice as hard. When someone is an angel six days a week and a devil on the seventh, it really does unbalance your better judgement. Behaviour that would make some people run screaming for the hills in the first week will have others trying all manner of methods and excuses to 'fix it', at least until they assert hard boundaries (realistically, ultimatums) that the other person then merrily crosses.

P11 is learning a hard lesson and sharing it in good faith. I don't think he really needs to hear the Greek chorus of 'I told you so', I'm pretty sure he's worked it out by now.

Ten

Remember google is your friend, use it. Being over 70 years at time of an offence does not necessary preclude one from interment.

Ten

So true

Feidlimid

I think you’re being more than a tad disingenuous here. I don’t see any members expecting P11 to live his life as they dictate. As part of a discussion, Millhouse and Nonthaburi in #4954/ #4955, very succinctly highlighted just some of the indicators of a relationship going wrong. These were only some of the indicators previously provided by P11 himself relating to his own relationship, all of which he chose to ignore or thought he could resolve (let’s not forget all the scams his LL was involved in under the guise of ‘business’).

Of course P11 is a grown man and responsible for making his own decisions, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s aware of the pros and cons or his decisions. How could he be when so many of those decisions have landed him in the precarious situation he finds himself in today? P11 is in this situation because as you suggest, he was making decisions based on ‘his gut instinct’. Perhaps if he’d listened to some of the advice from well-meaning members, he wouldn’t be where he is today, nor would there be any talk of a cold bedsit in UK.

We don’t have to go too far back either to see an example of P11’s denials, where he writes in #4893, …. ‘I did NOT cave into any demands’ and then goes on to convince himself that he ‘voluntarily tried to help with her debts …’ Who in their right mind could read this thread and conclude that P11 did not cave into any of LL’s demands?

Whilst the majority, if not all members, wish P11 all the best going forward and hope that he comes out of this intact, that is no reason to ignore all the foolishness and poor decision-making that has led to his current situation.

Members are not without empathy but it is difficult to ignore the fact that it is only through his own stubbornness that he now finds himself in this unfortunate situation. Even now, P11 seems oblivious to accepting any responsibility for his actions to date and rather than read over his own posts, we see him regularly posting: ‘Explain to me what I should have done differently … etc., etc.‘ Really!

I think it was Dr Phil who used to say to deniers on his famous chat show, ‘You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge’. On that basis, I think we can expect to hear more of the same from P11.

Enjoyed your post overall Marmaduke but regarding the above, it’s hardly surprising when P11 not only fails to acknowledge any wrongdoing throughout this whole saga but continues to justify it.

Raffin

I wrote "can". Please read my posts more carefully. And it is internment.

marmaduke

Point taken and I've certainly bashed my own head against the virtual wall at a few of P11's decisions and obstinacy, but on the flip side he's dealing with it all now. In his place and with my own earlier relationship naivety, I may well have stayed up to the point that the knives started waving about, especially as P11 has indicated that he's only showing us the bad side of LL and shorthanding all the good.

I guess when you've played the game via the British ruleset all your life, it takes some adjusting to incorporate a whole new set of house rules. That, and as I've mentioned I have my suspicions that LL has many symptoms of a cluster B personality disorder. I spent two years dealing with a partner who had the same, and trust me you don't understand how gradually you sink into the quicksand without even noticing it. It's only in hindsight that you can see more red flags than a Chinese military parade.

mikek1

Excellent post. Straight to the point and so true.

Philosophical 11

Greetings...

For all you "I told you so-ers" It is BECAUSE I left her that I am in this position now. Now if I had listened to some of your advice I would be in a far worse position.....or back in the UK where i precisely do not wish to be. Also some of you were gloating that I would be back with her within a few months. Wrong again. Furthermore, if you deeply care for your wife I am sure you would help her out also. I solved her first problem, but gave up on her second problem. Maybe I have more patience than you but as it stands now, I have been told that I have a very good defence against her. Ok, that is not a guarantee, but if I had taken some of your advice I would have no chance. It is because of my diligence and doing things the correct way that I have a very good chance of getting my life back to normal in the Philippines.

For all the others.....Thank you for your support and encouragement. Very much appreciated in this difficult and stressful time.

Keep safe

BEVS

Yes.

Gazza-d

The advice goes much further back than your bogus marriage. If you had taken that advice you would still be single and drinking a cold beer on the beach.