Me and My Family

Old Feb 1st 2020, 6:52 pm
  #4126  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by JDW
Your life strikes me as being a three-act drama play on a colorful tropical stage. You are now in Act Two. The next act will be the clincher...

Far be it for me to offer you any advice at this stage - can we just call it "suggestions"??

What is your Plan B? Every expat in Asia should have a Plan B as part of a basic survival kit.

Of all the advice you've been given, I can think of no better than for you to take a holiday from the Philippines for a while.

Chiangmai (Thailand) and Penang (Malaysia) would be two attractive destinations for a short-term 'break' from all your recent dramas.

I have just returned from an extended stay in Penang and I would recommend it as the cheapest (also the easiest to move in and out of on a 90 day Malaysian tourist visa) and with a little care, the cost of living is not particularly high. Much cheaper than Thailand, and Malaysians are friendly folks. With a little care, your UK pension and savings will see you through, all the more so as you won't be shelling out 'gifts' in the thousands to someone you no longer have a romantic connection or a logical future with.

Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam are probably your cheapest options, but the 'grab the cash mentality for tourist visas (pay in US$, for 30 days only) would put me off these three otherwise most pleasant countries.

The Change Your Name/New Passport option in the UK may be easier said (or thought of) than done. Me, I would get some good professional (or legal) advice before doing this. Much like personal bankruptcy, the doing is much more complex and complicated than the thinking about.

Overthinking the situation will only create more doubts and stall your plan of action. Just do it. The emotional angst will disappear after a few days and a late afternoon-early evening Tiger beer or two in one of the many pleasant (and affordable) dives in Georgetown, Penang will ease any stress you may feel for a (one hopes short) while until you settle in and work out a new daily routine.

I've just returned from Penang. A large Tiger beer costs MYR 20.00 in one of many second-level bars on the side streets (not far from the tourist hustle) and a double shot of good 20 year old Puerto Rican rum set me back RMY 12.00. My small hotel on Chulia Street, very popular with Malaysians and half a block from the (in)famous Love Lane in the cente of georgetown, was for me, luxury at RMY 150.00 a night with a good breakfast, two free drinks at the bar, and ice cream available 24/7 - there are cheaper options for a longer stay. Several local agencies handle longer term accommodation ranging from serviced suites to small rooms, with many more available online directly from the owners. Food is good and inexpensive.

And as my Australian and Canadian friends who reside long-term on the island (all on 90 day visas) tell me, the ladies in Penang are in every way as nice as those you already know, and they speak much better English.

Food for thought. Just sayin'...
Hi JDW, Penang sounds interesting. Can I ask about the 90 day visa for Brits? Is it visa on arrival, or do you need to go to a foreign embassy? If it's the former I imagine it would make things simpler and less costly, as you can just book the cheapest flight to a neighbouring country every 90 days, and come back the same day.

Maybe it's even renewable in country? When I was in Bahrain in the 2000s I knew a guy who lived there for several years on 3 month visas on arrival, which could be renewed for another 3 months at the immigration directorate, so he only had to leave every 6 months.

Others have mentioned neighbouring countries cracking down on long-stayers on tourist visas (not sure why countries would want to do this: it's not like the stayers are demanding welfare benefits as migrants do in the West; they're spending their own money, but I digress). Have you or the long term penang expats you know heard any rumblings of this on the horizon?

Your hotel was RMY 150, which is about US$40 per night, so $1200 a month. A bit steep, but you mentioned cheaper long term options? Are there nice, civilised condos with good facilities (pool, gym, etc) for a reasonable rent? And is it possible to get things like internet, cable tv, club memberships etc without a residence permit?

<snip>

I'm always interested in new places to visit during my escapes from the sandpit and your post gave me food for thought. If there's any possibility of a little more information I'm sure that many readers would be most grateful.

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Old Feb 1st 2020, 7:54 pm
  #4127  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 1:48 am
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Originally Posted by Mallory
Because you are so open with your life, I do not want to appear to be nosy, but do you have grandchildren back in the UK? You have never mentioned it.
No grandchildren yet. My two sons are in long term relationships and both couples are not interested in having kids. As a matter of interest, one of them is getting married in a few months but I wont be going to the wedding. Mainly for financial reasons, but as my ex-wife will be there it could cause embarrassment. She now has a partner which I am pleased about

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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 1:55 am
  #4129  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11
No grandchildren yet. My two sons are in long term relationships and both couples are not interested in having kids. As a matter of interest, one of them is getting married in a few months but I wont be going to the wedding. Mainly for financial reasons, but as my ex-wife will be there it could cause embarrassment. She now has a partner which I am pleased about

Regards
Wow. That’s really sad. I suggest you find a way to go. The flight is insignificant to the amount of money you have pissed away on drink and cheap women that turned out to be expensive.

My mum found all sorts of excuses to not come to my wedding in kenya despite me offering to pay. She felt absolutely awful and regrets it to this day once she realised my step mum made it.
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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 2:15 am
  #4130  
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Originally Posted by Elgin1983
Hi P11, in the event that it does go to court, do you think your newfound lawyer/mayor friend might step in for you for a cut-price fee?

Personally I think LL is full of shit as usual, and if you block her and her family you will never hear from her again. It would be useful to ask lawyer/mayor if he would be willing to step in, in the event she actually does go to the effort and expense of hiring a lawyer and tracking you down.

As you said, it is difficult for a foreigner to win against a 3rd world national in the 3rd world. But her case is quite weak, given that you have no kids with her, plus the evidence of her insane messages, plus the bigamy.

Ultimately, if she is hell bent on finding you and starting a court case, she will probably be able to do so at great cost to herself. You need to make sure she knows she will gain nothing from it, because even if she wins, and is able to avoid the bigamy charge, all that will happen is that you will be deported. I think you already told her that?

In which case, there is nothing more to be gained from thinking about her, much less communicating with her. If she really wants to undertake the huge effort and expense of finding you and serving you legal papers, and expose herself the risk of being imprisoned for bigamy, let her do it. But I doubt she will.

Get your mayor/lawyer onside just in case, and if worst comes to worst, head over to Penang, which doesn't seem like the end of the world.


It would be impractical to use any lawyer here because the case will be held back where I used to live. This involves a flight from Manila. I do have one recommended back there but I hope it doesn't come to that. She claims she is using a free lawyer...not sure if that means "No win..No fee". Hope not. Because that attorney will fight harder for his client to obtain a fee. I have been told by more than one attorney that she has no cases against me. I suspect this why she is now prepared to tell lies to help bolster her case.

As far as the bigamy is concerned, that is the case at the moment. But I now tend to believe her that the marriage was faked. Her signature is completely different to what it is now. It is someone elses signature. I know signatures evolve over time but I cannot see them changing completely.

I have quickly got used to having her blocked both on messenger and fb and I can see no reason why that should change. So all ties have now been cut. Ok...she has my phone number so she could text me but that could be blocked also. As you stated, by now cutting off all links after having gained what info I required as far as her threatened plans are concerned, plus the fact that she probably has been advised privately that she has no case.....she may well just give up. Also she cannot try to intimate me anymore. Time will tell.....but I am prepared.

Yes...she knows the worst that can happen to me is deportation. I blocked her too quickly to blunt that threat by stating that I was planning to go back to the UK anyway (not true) to see my family and I could come back under a different ID etc...

Thanks for your interesting comments.

Regards


Last edited by Philosophical 11; Feb 2nd 2020 at 2:48 am.
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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 2:28 am
  #4131  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Millhouse
Wow. That’s really sad. I suggest you find a way to go. The flight is insignificant to the amount of money you have pissed away on drink and cheap women that turned out to be expensive.

My mum found all sorts of excuses to not come to my wedding in kenya despite me offering to pay. She felt absolutely awful and regrets it to this day once she realised my step mum made it.

Not quite sure how it was ***** pissed away on drink and cheap women******as you quaintly put it. But yes....I agree with you. My sons and ex-wife will be aware of my dilemma and if they can persuade me otherwise, I will definitely stay away. I don't want to spoil my sons wedding by being an embarrassment or a distraction from the main event.

Regards
Spoiler:




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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 2:35 am
  #4132  
 
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Originally Posted by Philosophical 11
[QU0TE=Millhouse;12800149]Wow. That’s really sad. I suggest you find a way to go. The flight is insignificant to the amount of money you have pissed away on drink and cheap women that turned out to be expensive.

My mum found all sorts of excuses to not come to my wedding in kenya despite me offering to pay. She felt absolutely awful and regrets it to this day once she realised my step mum made it.[/QU0TE] <--- HERE

Not quite sure how it was ***** pissed away on drink and cheap women******as you quaintly put it. But yes....I agree with you. My sons and ex-wife will be aware of my dilemma and if they can persuade me otherwise, I will definitely stay away. I don't want to spoil my sons wedding by being an embarrassment or a distraction from the main event.

Regards
Please edit your post and restore the "E]" that you have deleted from the end QUOTE tag.
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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 3:31 am
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P11...
"Yes...she knows the worst that can happen to me is deportation. I blocked her too quickly to blunt that threat by stating that I was planning to go back to the UK anyway (not true) to see my family and I could come back under a different ID etc."

I'm no immigration lawyer...but I think a correct definition would be "denied entry, or... denied an extension of your current visa". One way around this... leave the country for a few days/weeks/months and see it you are allow entry again.

The actual immigration officer (supervisor) has a wide latitude for allowing or denied entry. You might even be taken to a private back room and have a personal conversation with this supervisor. After you've convinced the officer that you are a good person (Wink), you might be all good. Also does your vice-mayor/lawyer have any contacts (cousin's) at the BI department ??? a few weeks before renewing you visa... have the lawyer inquire (wink) if their are any problems. Or... use an agent to process you visa request (most agents are located at regular travel offices). Their jobs are to get your visa approved. It's in the agents best interest to smooth over any bumps in the visa process.

Also... If you are hypothetically thinking about changing you name or PP info... Pretty sure BI would see that as Fraud. And... if someone was to report that you are Hypothetically thinking about this...this could also be further ammo to denied your entry or extension.


.


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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 3:44 am
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Could someone please explain how it would be possible to change your name, apply for a new passport, new ID, etc. I would have thought there would be very stringent rules applied. What is there to stop criminals, fraudsters applying the same tactics?
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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 3:59 am
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Originally Posted by mikek1
Could someone please explain how it would be possible to change your name, apply for a new passport, new ID, etc. I would have thought there would be very stringent rules applied. What is there to stop criminals, fraudsters applying the same tactics?
Yes.. This was mentioned before by me and someone else. Change of name is easy by deed poll but I suspect the old passport with the old name will be linked to new passport. I gathered that from my recent passport application.

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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 6:31 am
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Originally Posted by Elgin1983
Hi JDW, Penang sounds interesting. Can I ask about the 90 day visa for Brits? Is it visa on arrival, or do you need to go to a foreign embassy? If it's the former I imagine it would make things simpler and less costly, as you can just book the cheapest flight to a neighbouring country every 90 days, and come back the same day.

Maybe it's even renewable in country? When I was in Bahrain in the 2000s I knew a guy who lived there for several years on 3 month visas on arrival, which could be renewed for another 3 months at the immigration directorate, so he only had to leave every 6 months.

Others have mentioned neighbouring countries cracking down on long-stayers on tourist visas (not sure why countries would want to do this: it's not like the stayers are demanding welfare benefits as migrants do in the West; they're spending their own money, but I digress). Have you or the long term penang expats you know heard any rumblings of this on the horizon?

Your hotel was RMY 150, which is about US$40 per night, so $1200 a month. A bit steep, but you mentioned cheaper long term options? Are there nice, civilised condos with good facilities (pool, gym, etc) for a reasonable rent? And is it possible to get things like internet, cable tv, club memberships etc without a residence permit?

<snip>

I'm always interested in new places to visit during my escapes from the sandpit and your post gave me food for thought. If there's any possibility of a little more information I'm sure that many readers would be most grateful.
Why not ask about the 90 day visa and border runs on the Malaysia forum? From what our friends in KL told us you can do it a few times but then eyebrows will be raised. No sameday return recommended.
And which border do you intend to cross? Thailand by land you can do max. twice. Singapore overnight stay?


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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 6:45 am
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Originally Posted by Philosophical 11
Yes.. This was mentioned before by me and someone else. Change of name is easy by deed poll but I suspect the old passport with the old name will be linked to new passport. I gathered that from my recent passport application.

Regards
Linked on the UK system, yes. Linked on the pips system, probably not.

I have a (non UK) passport that works everywhere in the world, except the UK. I always get questioned in the UK as it's somehow been linked to a blocked passport from one of the delightful 'stan countries.

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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 7:17 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

I am responding to two posts, so I'll try (a loaded keyword for me) to be brief (defined by my partner as "usually no less but often more than ten paragraphs"). I've not copied the original posts in keeping with my new minimalist approach...

To elgin1983 (#4126), your query was specifically Malaysia, but as PII could easily adapt my info to his situation, I will comment here. (PII, think flying to Bali for 30 days, then mabe to Singapore for a new 60 day Indonesian visa, making your Bali stay 90 days - that is, assuming you'd be making Bali a temporary stay). The Malaysian 90 tourist visa is granted on arrival. Yes, it is subject to the 'discretion' (= mood or whim) of the immigration officer you front up to, which is theory can be anxiety-provoking but in reality (in my case and also many others) has never caused any problems. I have friends in KL and Ipoh who've lived in Malaysia for a few years and fly out/in every 89 days without any worries. Admittedly they are both late 70s and look 'prosperous' but both assure me they have never been asked to pay any hush money at KLIA. In Indonesia, maybe. In Malaysia, highly unlikely.

A few younger visitors I've talked to have reported hassles from immigration. None was denied entry, but there were questions asked. Being 70+, I've not had any hassles, but in this insecure world it's good to have a Plan B Mine is to carry printed copies of my ongoing airfare (ex Singapore) and all my hotel bookings, also $500 in Australian dollars. For the latter, small notes are fine, $20s and $50s (moneychangers will accept these but not $10s or $5s). Never flash $100s, those could be too tempting to a corrupt immi bully...

After two 90 day stays, you will surely be thinking about a quiet return to the Philippines. If not, a longer stay in another destination (maybe two-three-four weeks in Bali) is advisable before you return for two more 90 day visas, after which an extended period of travel elsewhere is highly recommended. The important thing is to not indicate you intend to stay there permanently, altho again, I know some who have, without any problems. As in most situations in life, the guiding rule here is, It Depends. Mostly on careful planning and a degree of good luck.

All this of course will be more expensive than just hanging on where you are, but alas, it's the sad truth that most Asian destinations nowadays are no longer cheap. As someone wrote, sensibly cutting back on wine, comely wenches in shady bars and spirited nights of karaoke for a while will save you a lot of money you can use to fund your (temporary or otherwise) new lifestyle in, say, Malaysia.

Ideally you should have an ongoing air ticket out of the country. I book to fly out of Singapore and have only had to assure an immigration officer one time that my plan was to travel down by bus after a few nights in Melaka. There were no problems and I was allowed into the country without fuss or bother. You could try Bali wih Air Asia as there are often low fares. In Bali you get a free 30 day tourist visa. Stay one or two weeks, enjoy the laid back life, then fly back to Malaysia for another 89 day life in lotus land. Of course there is a (small) risk, but it seems to work.

Assuming you are a bonafide tourist, not working or looking for work, and not involved in anything shady beyond maybe sharing a beer with a naughty lady in a shady bar... Malaysia is keen to get tourist dollars flowing in and usually they are welcoming.

Am not sure about the British visa situation as I travel on an Australian passport. Technically you need an ongoing ticket, but I often enter Malaysia (at KLIA) without as my plan is always to enjoy myself in one or two locations and then travel by bus to Singapore for a new 60 day Indonesian visa, not exactlycheap but easily obtained via a Chinatown agency on a six-hour service. I stay one night at an Ibis hotel, then fly out of Changi the next evening. My usual costs for this 'jaunt' (the Singapore part) average $S400 plus another $A80-$100 for the Surabaya airfare. Not cheap, but necessary, and I budget for all this lavish living by what I save by living sensibly if not exactly frugally in Indonesia, where costs are low, yes, even in Bali.

PII (#4130), elgin1983 in his post (#4126) makes some interesting observations. You have talked several times about 'a free lawyer' acting for LL. Rest assured there is no such thing anywhere in the world - lawyers always get paid, beyond one introductory 'free consulation' they work for hard cash. My guess is your LL availed herself of this freeby and was told a few truths she didn't cae for, also advised as to what threats she should make to get you good and scared. Beyond that, she knows fully well she will have to fork out the pesos for a lawyer to act on her behalf, and if she doesn't have the dosh, then no cigar, honey.

IM(LT)HO, you should have blocked her a long time ago and maintained the silence. Now you have (or you say you have), but at the cost of not only egging her on but also giving her a lot of valuable ammunition to use against you. As any criminal lawyer will tell you, the prisons of the world are full of inmates who have talked their way to behind bars. I am not saying you are in any way a criminal, but indiscreet and at time very unwise, yes. Your big mouth and your emotional need to maintain contact with this obviously disturbed woman, may have done you a dgreat isservice.

As part of your Plan B, why not check Traveloka or some other such travel web site every few days for updated airfares to your first escape point and one place beyond, to be used if and when. Maybe Penang and Bali. Bali and Penang. It's worth noting that Indonesia and Malaysia are among very few in Asia to NOT charge fees for basic tourist visas - all the others pick your pocket either prior to or when you land at the airport and they want their visa grab in US$$.

Ten paragraphs, ha!! But I've tried to cover several issues, which meant many words. If anyone wants more information and I can assist in any way, just post.

And elgin1983, if you want more info on Malaysian visas, please start a new thread and PM me. I will happily join in. BTW I am also ofay with a few things about living in Bali where we are now (in Sanur), tho it's starting to look as if our stay in the land of Hindu gods, gorgeous polychrome temples and lavish cremations may be running down to its end...

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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 7:55 am
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Originally Posted by Philosophical 11
I don't want to spoil my sons wedding by being an embarrassment or a distraction from the main event.

How sad you feel that way. Your absence will be felt much worse, especially as they will just assume you are pissing it up with some asian mail-order hooker (harsh and that's how it is largely viewed). Go and face your problems rather than hide from them... solid advice that would have applied about 3-4 years ago too.

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Old Feb 2nd 2020, 8:03 am
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Originally Posted by JDW
I am responding to two posts, so I'll try (a loaded keyword for me) to be brief (defined by my partner as "usually no less but often more than ten paragraphs"). I've not copied the original posts in keeping with my new minimalist approach...

To elgin1983 (#4126), your query was specifically Malaysia, but as PII could easily adapt my info to his situation, I will comment here. (PII, think flying to Bali for 30 days, then mabe to Singapore for a new 60 day Indonesian visa, making your Bali stay 90 days - that is, assuming you'd be making Bali a temporary stay). The Malaysian 90 tourist visa is granted on arrival. Yes, it is subject to the 'discretion' (= mood or whim) of the immigration officer you front up to, which is theory can be anxiety-provoking but in reality (in my case and also many others) has never caused any problems. I have friends in KL and Ipoh who've lived in Malaysia for a few years and fly out/in every 89 days without any worries. Admittedly they are both late 70s and look 'prosperous' but both assure me they have never been asked to pay any hush money at KLIA. In Indonesia, maybe. In Malaysia, highly unlikely.

A few younger visitors I've talked to have reported hassles from immigration. None was denied entry, but there were questions asked. Being 70+, I've not had any hassles, but in this insecure world it's good to have a Plan B Mine is to carry printed copies of my ongoing airfare (ex Singapore) and all my hotel bookings, also $500 in Australian dollars. For the latter, small notes are fine, $20s and $50s (moneychangers will accept these but not $10s or $5s). Never flash $100s, those could be too tempting to a corrupt immi bully...

After two 90 day stays, you will surely be thinking about a quiet return to the Philippines. If not, a longer stay in another destination (maybe two-three-four weeks in Bali) is advisable before you return for two more 90 day visas, after which an extended period of travel elsewhere is highly recommended. The important thing is to not indicate you intend to stay there permanently, altho again, I know some who have, without any problems. As in most situations in life, the guiding rule here is, It Depends. Mostly on careful planning and a degree of good luck.

All this of course will be more expensive than just hanging on where you are, but alas, it's the sad truth that most Asian destinations nowadays are no longer cheap. As someone wrote, sensibly cutting back on wine, comely wenches in shady bars and spirited nights of karaoke for a while will save you a lot of money you can use to fund your (temporary or otherwise) new lifestyle in, say, Malaysia.

Ideally you should have an ongoing air ticket out of the country. I book to fly out of Singapore and have only had to assure an immigration officer one time that my plan was to travel down by bus after a few nights in Melaka. There were no problems and I was allowed into the country without fuss or bother. You could try Bali wih Air Asia as there are often low fares. In Bali you get a free 30 day tourist visa. Stay one or two weeks, enjoy the laid back life, then fly back to Malaysia for another 89 day life in lotus land. Of course there is a (small) risk, but it seems to work.

Assuming you are a bonafide tourist, not working or looking for work, and not involved in anything shady beyond maybe sharing a beer with a naughty lady in a shady bar... Malaysia is keen to get tourist dollars flowing in and usually they are welcoming.

Am not sure about the British visa situation as I travel on an Australian passport. Technically you need an ongoing ticket, but I often enter Malaysia (at KLIA) without as my plan is always to enjoy myself in one or two locations and then travel by bus to Singapore for a new 60 day Indonesian visa, not exactlycheap but easily obtained via a Chinatown agency on a six-hour service. I stay one night at an Ibis hotel, then fly out of Changi the next evening. My usual costs for this 'jaunt' (the Singapore part) average $S400 plus another $A80-$100 for the Surabaya airfare. Not cheap, but necessary, and I budget for all this lavish living by what I save by living sensibly if not exactly frugally in Indonesia, where costs are low, yes, even in Bali.

PII (#4130), elgin1983 in his post (#4126) makes some interesting observations. You have talked several times about 'a free lawyer' acting for LL. Rest assured there is no such thing anywhere in the world - lawyers always get paid, beyond one introductory 'free consulation' they work for hard cash. My guess is your LL availed herself of this freeby and was told a few truths she didn't cae for, also advised as to what threats she should make to get you good and scared. Beyond that, she knows fully well she will have to fork out the pesos for a lawyer to act on her behalf, and if she doesn't have the dosh, then no cigar, honey.

IM(LT)HO, you should have blocked her a long time ago and maintained the silence. Now you have (or you say you have), but at the cost of not only egging her on but also giving her a lot of valuable ammunition to use against you. As any criminal lawyer will tell you, the prisons of the world are full of inmates who have talked their way to behind bars. I am not saying you are in any way a criminal, but indiscreet and at time very unwise, yes. Your big mouth and your emotional need to maintain contact with this obviously disturbed woman, may have done you a dgreat isservice.

As part of your Plan B, why not check Traveloka or some other such travel web site every few days for updated airfares to your first escape point and one place beyond, to be used if and when. Maybe Penang and Bali. Bali and Penang. It's worth noting that Indonesia and Malaysia are among very few in Asia to NOT charge fees for basic tourist visas - all the others pick your pocket either prior to or when you land at the airport and they want their visa grab in US$$.

Ten paragraphs, ha!! But I've tried to cover several issues, which meant many words. If anyone wants more information and I can assist in any way, just post.

And elgin1983, if you want more info on Malaysian visas, please start a new thread and PM me. I will happily join in. BTW I am also ofay with a few things about living in Bali where we are now (in Sanur), tho it's starting to look as if our stay in the land of Hindu gods, gorgeous polychrome temples and lavish cremations may be running down to its end...
Thanks for the interesting info. Much appreciated.

Yes... I think you could be right about the free lawyer. Free initial consultation may be... But then I wonder how she Obtained a copy of of her first marriage certificate. She also makes jibes about me affording an attorney to defend myself.

The only thing I may have to do is attend a family court where they will determine how much alimony she is entitled to. I suspect very little or nothing. But unless she can prove that she is not a bigamist by legal process... Then nothing. I think she knows that.

Thinking about change of identity etc. I suspect the new passport will have the former name included. Ie... Smith formerly Jones.

Regards
Philosophical 11 is offline  

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