spouse of scouse

I don't know why you buy into her crap P11. Just tell her to f*** off and change your sim card.

scrubbedexpat019

I've followed your thread for a long time, PII. Posted only once. I figured, enough have already given you advice, some of it good. You don't need any from me.

Except this once. Being me, a couldn't resist. So let's call it, "a few observations". With all the usual disclaimers, of course. An agony aunt, I surely isn't!!

I'm early 60s and in a long-term, very stable and happy relationship with someone (Malaysian Chinese) who is younger by quite a few years, which makes no difference whatsoever to us. We live in Bali. I'm retired and I potter around, travel a bit, fill my days with hobbies, read lots, try to watch the gazillion old movies I didn't have time for until YouTube hit the airwaves, and in general just enjoy life.

I have an expat neighbor here in Sanur who reminds me of you, PII. Older than me, middle-middle class suburban Austalian, retired, has some health problems, was unhappy back home so took early retirement, sold everything, cashed up and left. He was in a relationship similar to yours for two years, and it fell apart much as yours did, for many reasons, mostly to do with different cultures and lack of understanding (or 'life experience') in their dealings with each other. She is too Indonesian and he is too Australian. A lovely lady, very friendly, and we had high hopes for their success as a couple - until it fell apart, and she turned. Did she!!

For the last six months we've watched them go hammer and tongs at each other by phone SMSs and on social media. Two of the biggest mistakes he has made. She baits him, he responds, a few days pass, he baits her back and she responds. Her father, brothers, cousins, maybe even kids (she is of that age) call on him, unannounced, now and then. Last week they turned up with a friend, loud and acting in an authoritarian, vaguely threatening way, in a sort of uniform - to me it looked cobbled together from odd bits, as if he was a sort of security guard with pasted-on military trim. Which intimidated our neighbor no end, but after a few beers we worked through his fears and he was fine again. He went home and what did he do - he emailed her again and they continued the battle by SMS.

Indonesia is not the Philippines, but there are similarities. Corruption for one. Bali is a tourist economy, and every scam you can imagine takes root and grows like bamboo in the monsoon season here. Changing money or buying credit for your mobile phone becomes an adventure. Every taxi you take turns into an expectation from the driver that you will be a useful supplement to his personal finances. Uber and Grab have changed this landscape a lot and just about eveerything one wants can be done online. But our neighbor hasn't quite worked this out yet, his 'missus' did all those things for him (probably with very nice markups for her purse, but never mind).

They are at one another hammer and tongs every day now. Mostly by phone or email. When he comes over for a Bintang beer in the evening his latest tale of woe sounds very much like yours did. I bite my tongue and try not to give advice - or laugh.

Why do you two go on baiting each other like you do? It almost seems to be a game - who can get to the other with the latest ploy to annoy...

Do yourself a humungus favor in 2020 and CUT HER OFF. If you must make contact, refuse to rise to the bait of her latest little game(s), and respond only in legal tones. Fact for fact. Nothing else. Ignore what she makes up or tries to make you believe. Fact, fact, fact!!

As so many others have suggested, change your SIM card to a new number. Also close your old Facebook and open a new one, or severely restrict it to only YOUR close friends. Anyone who knows her or is in contact with her, block them. Under NO circumstances have anything to do with anyone from her family. They are her kin, after all - not yours. Loyalties and such.

Your life will improve a millionfold and you will then be more free to move on to, we are all hoping, great contentment and a new life with the happiness you deserve.

And good luck...

Best wishes to you for the new year.

Limit her to say at most, one email a week.

Gazza-d

Well said JDW.

Bealinehx

Seconded.
P11 haven't you learnt anything? Do please follow spouse of Scouse's advice. Or are you some kind of masochist?

Philosophical 11

Nope.. As I have mentioned before I keep lines open so I know what she is planning. I never contact her and any response I give is short and to the point. Some msgs I just ignore. In short.. I do not want any surprises when I pitch up again at BI next time.

Regards

Red_Wine_Fairy

Damn right she is trying to get your address. She's about to be homeless at the end of the month, right? Is there a PO Box system and/or post forwarding service you could rent for her to forward correspondence to?

Thairetired2016

I know you follow your military principle of knowing what the enemy is up to. However, sometimes the military ends up in an ambush. She is out to do just that. Stay alert. Better, keep out of enemy's reach.

Stokkevn

You can always use my address and I can forward on to where ever you are.

Philosophical 11

As I said, she wants my address and is not interested in forwarding on either by e.mail or whatever.

Rgards

spouse of scouse

That was a very nice offer Stokkevn

Stokkevn

I suppose it only helps if he is now living no where near where I do.

Rete

Oh my, she is in contention for the prize of the year for most devious and thought fanciful woman of the year. Sure don't show the full report.....why? Simple, it is someone else's report and/or she had taken an old police report and through manipulation cleared the box that includes the info, typed in what she wanted it to say, and photo snapped it for your benefit. As for the subpoena it cannot be considered delivered if the address it is sent to is an address where you are not living and that is public knowledge.

Give her points for balls!

christmasoompa

Totally agree with this. There's nothing she can do to P11 anyway, if she tries anything she'll end up losing due to her bigamy which she'll be well aware of. There are no children involved, not even any property to divvy up, so I can't for the life of me fathom why all contact hasn't just been cut off. It's just playing right in to her hands by keeping in touch.

Philosophical 11

Thank you Rete. The report looks genuine to me and concerns physiological violence against her. She thinks I have left her for another woman and she refers to that in the part of the report which is signed by her. In fact she has spread that to her friends. As far as the subpoena is concerned, the police will be aware I am no longer living there...but they will also know that I am in contact which is in my favour. it may well be that the police report is a requirement to Initiate court action via an attorney and taking the point you raised about bigamy... it may well go no further. its just scare tactic to either get me back or to obtain my whereabouts. I am also mindful that her rumoured bf is a police man and could be having a hand in all this.

Hope to get to Psa soon to scrutiny her signature.


kind regards.

Bealinehx

Well that could make for an interesting visit to BI !
How are you going to get PSA to scrutinise her signature?