Me and My Family
Oct 7th 2019, 1:06 pm
#2911
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Re: Me and My Family
I am waiting to see how this develops and to do this, the best policy in my view is to remain calm under very difficult circumstances. A question of wait and see, then decide the next course of action. I have been through similar and after a few days of tampo she suddenly decides to snap out of it. The best way to deal with a tampo is to ignore it. She has often told me that when she is in that mood, she needs to be left alone. On those occasions, as now, I just act normally being civil and polite. Ok....this time its different. There are continuing pressures behind the scenes which does not help matters.
I am not playing games as you suggest. When she is away during the evening, I am alone in the house. It gets depressing if I am in the house all day. The beach is a 10 min walk away, and although not vibrant, it offers company. I might have a max of 2 or 3 beers whilst I am there and a bite to eat.
Her swimming cossie .....Yes, I was dumbfounded by that. But if I asked a question, about it, the answer would be that she was with friends ....at the beach. She has done it before ....but during the heat of the afternoon. In fact, as she is in the middle of a tampo, she might just not hear the question and retire to her bedroom. Maybe she was trying to provoke a reaction...no idea.
Today she has been in all day. In her bedroom. At lunch and dinner time under these circumstances, I always enquire if she would like to go out to eat. Eventually she will just get ready to go out without saying a word. On the way to the beach, she will always take my hand or arm. I know then that the tampo is finished.
Regards
I am not playing games as you suggest. When she is away during the evening, I am alone in the house. It gets depressing if I am in the house all day. The beach is a 10 min walk away, and although not vibrant, it offers company. I might have a max of 2 or 3 beers whilst I am there and a bite to eat.
Her swimming cossie .....Yes, I was dumbfounded by that. But if I asked a question, about it, the answer would be that she was with friends ....at the beach. She has done it before ....but during the heat of the afternoon. In fact, as she is in the middle of a tampo, she might just not hear the question and retire to her bedroom. Maybe she was trying to provoke a reaction...no idea.
Today she has been in all day. In her bedroom. At lunch and dinner time under these circumstances, I always enquire if she would like to go out to eat. Eventually she will just get ready to go out without saying a word. On the way to the beach, she will always take my hand or arm. I know then that the tampo is finished.
Regards
Oct 7th 2019, 1:13 pm
#2912
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Halfway between Ricard & Absynthe
Posts: 4,291
Re: Me and My Family
Phill11, I recall you were in your mid 60’s when this saga started. That would now put you at approaching 70. An old adage says, 'The older you get the wiser you become'. But over the years you sadly disprove this theory.
In the early days of your saga I was sympathetic to your cause - until you decided to get married, which appeared madness at the time (floods of ‘crocodile’ tears in the early days, total dishonesty regarding her children, the start of the scams etc) those were clear signs of a deranged LL. It was so obvious to many of us that it was a marriage made in hell, with so many warnings as early as 2015 to, ‘Cut & run’, ‘A stoney road not worth travelling down’ etc.
And then came even more deceit and shameful scams, college fees, highly exaggerated dentist’s fees etc, etc, which you fell for hook, line & sinker. And then with all the odds for future happiness loaded against you, still later decided to get married!
To quote another adage, clearly ‘There’s no fool like an old fool'.
Things now having gone from bad, abysmal, to-off-the-scale, watch your back very carefully, and sleep with one eye open. But of course with so many well meaning warnings in the past, you'll probably ignore this post too.
Bon chance, God knows you need it for the future!
In the early days of your saga I was sympathetic to your cause - until you decided to get married, which appeared madness at the time (floods of ‘crocodile’ tears in the early days, total dishonesty regarding her children, the start of the scams etc) those were clear signs of a deranged LL. It was so obvious to many of us that it was a marriage made in hell, with so many warnings as early as 2015 to, ‘Cut & run’, ‘A stoney road not worth travelling down’ etc.
And then came even more deceit and shameful scams, college fees, highly exaggerated dentist’s fees etc, etc, which you fell for hook, line & sinker. And then with all the odds for future happiness loaded against you, still later decided to get married!
To quote another adage, clearly ‘There’s no fool like an old fool'.
Things now having gone from bad, abysmal, to-off-the-scale, watch your back very carefully, and sleep with one eye open. But of course with so many well meaning warnings in the past, you'll probably ignore this post too.
Bon chance, God knows you need it for the future!
Oct 7th 2019, 1:19 pm
#2913
In the pink
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,324
Re: Me and My Family
The wife is bipolar I suspect. Moods up and down. Throwing things. Drama, not talking, off to separate bedroom, etc. Classic symptoms.
Also sounds like she is a narcissist. She is most important person in household. Wants to be beautiful and exotic. White skin. Auburn hair. Face treatments. Gets nails done when broke. Baby doll nightie, new bras and panties when not needed. New wedding rings every five minutes. Extravagant wedding. Expensive dogs. Rings, bracelets, necklaces - constantly. All about her.
PII is afraid of being lonely - which is not something that is very nice. He is in his early 70s, so you know - only about 10 years or so to put up with shenanigans. Rather put up with the soap opera life than be off by himself on another island or in Thailand. It works for him because he likes the life. Nothing wrong with that. He has only got a limited amount of money coming in, so as long as he has a roof over his head, food, and a few beers at the beach - well he can afford it.
The only problem I see is that people with bipolar disease can go off the deep end, I.e. the knife episode.
One other problem might be if the nightie episode causes a fifth pregnancy with the probable boyfriend. Who is going to pay for that?
Also sounds like she is a narcissist. She is most important person in household. Wants to be beautiful and exotic. White skin. Auburn hair. Face treatments. Gets nails done when broke. Baby doll nightie, new bras and panties when not needed. New wedding rings every five minutes. Extravagant wedding. Expensive dogs. Rings, bracelets, necklaces - constantly. All about her.
PII is afraid of being lonely - which is not something that is very nice. He is in his early 70s, so you know - only about 10 years or so to put up with shenanigans. Rather put up with the soap opera life than be off by himself on another island or in Thailand. It works for him because he likes the life. Nothing wrong with that. He has only got a limited amount of money coming in, so as long as he has a roof over his head, food, and a few beers at the beach - well he can afford it.
The only problem I see is that people with bipolar disease can go off the deep end, I.e. the knife episode.
One other problem might be if the nightie episode causes a fifth pregnancy with the probable boyfriend. Who is going to pay for that?
Oct 7th 2019, 1:54 pm
#2914
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 1,646
Re: Me and My Family
Just looked up this debt thing on a few sites and if a spouse incurs debts of any kind while married both are responsible for the repayment and either may be required to repay the debts in full depending upon circumstances. This continues to be the case after you have separated.
I hate to say it P11, BUT, I would start packing for a long trip, i.e. visa trip run with no return so there is no block put on you leaving the country.
I hate to say it P11, BUT, I would start packing for a long trip, i.e. visa trip run with no return so there is no block put on you leaving the country.
Oct 7th 2019, 2:15 pm
#2915
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Buraydah , Saudi Arabia
Posts: 2,863
Re: Me and My Family
Just looked up this debt thing on a few sites and if a spouse incurs debts of any kind while married both are responsible for the repayment and either may be required to repay the debts in full depending upon circumstances. This continues to be the case after you have separated.
I hate to say it P11, BUT, I would start packing for a long trip, i.e. visa trip run with no return so there is no block put on you leaving the country.
I hate to say it P11, BUT, I would start packing for a long trip, i.e. visa trip run with no return so there is no block put on you leaving the country.
Oct 7th 2019, 2:22 pm
#2916
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 1,646
Re: Me and My Family
Oct 7th 2019, 2:57 pm
#2918
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Just looked up this debt thing on a few sites and if a spouse incurs debts of any kind while married both are responsible for the repayment and either may be required to repay the debts in full depending upon circumstances. This continues to be the case after you have separated.
I hate to say it P11, BUT, I would start packing for a long trip, i.e. visa trip run with no return so there is no block put on you leaving the country.
I hate to say it P11, BUT, I would start packing for a long trip, i.e. visa trip run with no return so there is no block put on you leaving the country.
Regards
Oct 7th 2019, 3:10 pm
#2920
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 1,646
Re: Me and My Family
Loan was taken out prior to marriage. Only her signature on the scrappy piece of paper. Also, loan was illegal because the lender is not registered as such. To compound the illegality, the interest rates are also illegal iaw Philippine law. Just waiting for illegal harassment,,,
Regards
Regards
Oct 7th 2019, 3:12 pm
#2921
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Disneyland, Dubai
Posts: 15,887
Re: Me and My Family
Loan was taken out prior to marriage. Only her signature on the scrappy piece of paper. Also, loan was illegal because the lender is not registered as such. To compound the illegality, the interest rates are also illegal iaw Philippine law. Just waiting for illegal harassment,,,
Regards
Regards
It’s ok; the next batch of kids that aren’t yours will be after the marriage
Oct 7th 2019, 3:19 pm
#2922
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Buraydah , Saudi Arabia
Posts: 2,863
Oct 7th 2019, 3:20 pm
#2923
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,138
Re: Me and My Family
Loan was taken out prior to marriage. Only her signature on the scrappy piece of paper. Also, loan was illegal because the lender is not registered as such. To compound the illegality, the interest rates are also illegal iaw Philippine law. Just waiting for illegal harassment,,,
Regards
Regards
Oct 7th 2019, 5:01 pm
#2924
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,013
Re: Me and My Family
Yes, I paid for the tests and the subsequent meds. All receipts provided.
Interesting about the contract of employment. Nope....never seen it but there again, I never thought about it.
Moving on....
The speculation about her job. Yes, it is a possibility that no job exists, but from her debriefing it does seem very real. The proof of the pudding will be when and if she brings home wages. I am not going to speculate further on this but the truth will out soon enough.
Finally....
Now getting pressure from the creditor and she has been in touch also with my wife. I am to blame for that of course. She announced this morning that she was going back to the big city today "to get some money" to pay the creditor. She was distressed. After speaking to her she appears to have changed her mind and now is back in her bedroom not very happy. Lots of mood swings from her today. From being a "happy chappy" on FB,,,singing in the bedroom....but always a very cold shoulder for me. I got back in last night at about 11.00. She followed about 20 mins later. But dressed in a bathing costume and wet. Not sure what that was about. Maybe trying to provoke a reaction from me. It didn't work.
As you can imagine, these are now very difficult times for me but remaining cool, calm and collected on the outside. The strain is building not knowing how she is going to react next. I think her anger is not because of the house smelling of dogs nor me moving my money clip. Its because I berated her for losing 1k. She probably realizes that she has been rumbled.
Regards
Interesting about the contract of employment. Nope....never seen it but there again, I never thought about it.
Moving on....
The speculation about her job. Yes, it is a possibility that no job exists, but from her debriefing it does seem very real. The proof of the pudding will be when and if she brings home wages. I am not going to speculate further on this but the truth will out soon enough.
Finally....
Now getting pressure from the creditor and she has been in touch also with my wife. I am to blame for that of course. She announced this morning that she was going back to the big city today "to get some money" to pay the creditor. She was distressed. After speaking to her she appears to have changed her mind and now is back in her bedroom not very happy. Lots of mood swings from her today. From being a "happy chappy" on FB,,,singing in the bedroom....but always a very cold shoulder for me. I got back in last night at about 11.00. She followed about 20 mins later. But dressed in a bathing costume and wet. Not sure what that was about. Maybe trying to provoke a reaction from me. It didn't work.
As you can imagine, these are now very difficult times for me but remaining cool, calm and collected on the outside. The strain is building not knowing how she is going to react next. I think her anger is not because of the house smelling of dogs nor me moving my money clip. Its because I berated her for losing 1k. She probably realizes that she has been rumbled.
Regards
Why do you stay to find out? I assume the gate is not locked, no high security fence round the property. Why not just leave? Or do you enjoy the constant "what's next" situation?
Oct 7th 2019, 8:32 pm
#2925
`
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,611
Re: Me and My Family
PII is afraid of being lonely - which is not something that is very nice. He is in his early 70s, so you know - only about 10 years or so to put up with shenanigans. Rather put up with the soap opera life than be off by himself on another island or in Thailand. It works for him because he likes the life. Nothing wrong with that. He has only got a limited amount of money coming in, so as long as he has a roof over his head, food, and a few beers at the beach - well he can afford it.