Me and My Family
Oct 6th 2019, 7:08 am
#2883
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Posts: 466
Oct 6th 2019, 7:12 am
#2884
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Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
P11,
I've been reading/lurking with your story for the last 1.5 yrs. Everyone of your posts, further prove I did the right thing moving on from the RP...LoL.
I spent 4.5 yeas in the RP (2 hrs north of MNL) and while I honestly question if all your problems are the truth (because I can't imagine anyone putting up with all that drama), I can vouch that over the years, I've already heard all your stories that have effected you. The only difference... it's always been spread out between a number of different people...not just one person. My decision to move on from the RP had nothing to do with the X-girl friend, but...basically I decided it was time to move on because I was waking up every morning Pissed Off. This then spread into the rest of my day. (too much "This is how we do things in the Philippines").
My time since I moved to Malaysia is100% less stressful, and actually costs are about the same. PM me if you want more info on MY or other countries where I think you should head.
Hopefully you have finally... seen the light. It's time to go, get out, cut your losses, etc....
This is how I'd take this for action:
1. Purchase a plane ticket to XYZ country (AirAsia under $100), It's fairly easy to find a room for rent very cheap with very little effort. Most countries have 30 - 90 day tourist visa's (and easy options to extend).
2. Pack your bag (s). Anything you leave behind, just write it off as "A fresh start". .
3.Pay off, or a large portion of your LL/wife's debt. If you feel you have to send the leaches of here family a few peso...do it. Call this a final Love payment.
4. Send you wife (CC) her family an email why you a leaving. State that something like "because so much on our relationship seems to be about MONEY, I have given you my last love to you/family by paying off your debt. Since this will be the final payment, so ends my love for you". Tell her not to write you, and you will contact her in a few weeks/months where your relationship stands.
5. Send this email while waiting for your plane. And then just let it go. move on.
With you pension, you should have no problem starting over...or at least taking a long refresh to evaluate how much better (or worse) things are once you've broken the Chain.
For what it's worth...Best of luck.
I've been reading/lurking with your story for the last 1.5 yrs. Everyone of your posts, further prove I did the right thing moving on from the RP...LoL.
I spent 4.5 yeas in the RP (2 hrs north of MNL) and while I honestly question if all your problems are the truth (because I can't imagine anyone putting up with all that drama), I can vouch that over the years, I've already heard all your stories that have effected you. The only difference... it's always been spread out between a number of different people...not just one person. My decision to move on from the RP had nothing to do with the X-girl friend, but...basically I decided it was time to move on because I was waking up every morning Pissed Off. This then spread into the rest of my day. (too much "This is how we do things in the Philippines").
My time since I moved to Malaysia is100% less stressful, and actually costs are about the same. PM me if you want more info on MY or other countries where I think you should head.
Hopefully you have finally... seen the light. It's time to go, get out, cut your losses, etc....
This is how I'd take this for action:
1. Purchase a plane ticket to XYZ country (AirAsia under $100), It's fairly easy to find a room for rent very cheap with very little effort. Most countries have 30 - 90 day tourist visa's (and easy options to extend).
2. Pack your bag (s). Anything you leave behind, just write it off as "A fresh start". .
3.Pay off, or a large portion of your LL/wife's debt. If you feel you have to send the leaches of here family a few peso...do it. Call this a final Love payment.
4. Send you wife (CC) her family an email why you a leaving. State that something like "because so much on our relationship seems to be about MONEY, I have given you my last love to you/family by paying off your debt. Since this will be the final payment, so ends my love for you". Tell her not to write you, and you will contact her in a few weeks/months where your relationship stands.
5. Send this email while waiting for your plane. And then just let it go. move on.
With you pension, you should have no problem starting over...or at least taking a long refresh to evaluate how much better (or worse) things are once you've broken the Chain.
For what it's worth...Best of luck.
Yes, this has been suggested before by many contributors here and I can understand why. If things go permanently pear shaped here, these will be plans in order of priority:
1). Stay insitu.
2) Move elsewhere within Phils
3). Go to another country within Asia.
What happens and which route to take depends on circumstances here.
Thanks again....and welcome to the thread!
Moving on.....
Taking a few subsequent points raised....
When I mentioned coming to her senses, it was referring to being open in our relationship and not covering up or lying about her problems. Will that ever happen....most probably not. Sadly.
Mikek1 suggested I believed her lies. Really? How wrong can you be.
Again, I will re-iterate, these major problems started about one year ago due to debts covered up by her by lies and deceit. Filipina pride to the extreme in her case. But that is no excuse. How will it end? No idea. Playing it by ear at the moment. However, if she delivers with her promise to help with her wages, then we have a chance. It should also be remembered that these debts have impacted on her also. We had no holiday this year, she had to give up her beloved scooter, she has lost the private pension I had set up for her and my life insurance. She no longer has an allowance from me, nor does she have control over household budget. She has to ask for every peso....and I ask questions. The final ignominy is that she has to get a job. This all a far cry from our first 3 yrs here.
Finally.....Very early this morning she disappeared somewhere for an hour or so after busying herself outside. The tampo has continued and she has now disappeared again. Most probably with her mate. I guess she wont be back until this evening at some point. I wont be here....I will be down the beach having a beer or three.
Regards
Oct 6th 2019, 7:33 am
#2885
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Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
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Re: Me and My Family
Oct 6th 2019, 9:45 am
#2886
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 466
Re: Me and My Family
Greetings...
This will be short and sweet for now.
My wife arrived back un-expectantly late yesterday afternoon. She had been given a 10 day sick note from the hospital and decided to come home. Again she never informed me.
She quickly started breathing fire hotter than Satans jock strap in hell. First, she complained about the dog smell in the house, and when she saw me remove my money clip from the table to put in my pocket in preparation to go to the beach, she accused me of hiding my money because I don't trust her. Ornaments went flying in the usual manner. She didn't want to come to the beach with me for something to eat. I then found I could not find my phone. She denied seeing it. I eventually found it under her pillow.
Needless to say, she slept in her own bedroom and I with the dog and puppies in the main bedroom. Guess I can call that the dog house.
She spent this morning cleaning the house from top to bottom and accusing me of treating her like a maid.
I think this has been caused by pressure....probably by her creditor(s). I have seen it all before. Anyway, I have asked her to sit down with me and tell me what is going on. Exit left and now in her bedroom.
I have taken the precaution to switch on my voice recorders on both lap-top and mobile.
All for now
Regards
This will be short and sweet for now.
My wife arrived back un-expectantly late yesterday afternoon. She had been given a 10 day sick note from the hospital and decided to come home. Again she never informed me.
She quickly started breathing fire hotter than Satans jock strap in hell. First, she complained about the dog smell in the house, and when she saw me remove my money clip from the table to put in my pocket in preparation to go to the beach, she accused me of hiding my money because I don't trust her. Ornaments went flying in the usual manner. She didn't want to come to the beach with me for something to eat. I then found I could not find my phone. She denied seeing it. I eventually found it under her pillow.
Needless to say, she slept in her own bedroom and I with the dog and puppies in the main bedroom. Guess I can call that the dog house.
She spent this morning cleaning the house from top to bottom and accusing me of treating her like a maid.
I think this has been caused by pressure....probably by her creditor(s). I have seen it all before. Anyway, I have asked her to sit down with me and tell me what is going on. Exit left and now in her bedroom.
I have taken the precaution to switch on my voice recorders on both lap-top and mobile.
All for now
Regards
I have hit the wine after Reading P11’s latest forgiving sentiments. My conclusion is that he is better off sleeping with the dogs......they don’t lie, use deceit, ask for money, and do not throw household fixtures.Watermelon not required.
Last edited by mikek1; Oct 6th 2019 at 10:17 am.
Oct 6th 2019, 10:53 am
#2887
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2016
Location: Penang - Chiangmai
Posts: 90
Re: Me and My Family
P11,
Well I've given you my 2 centavos of advice, so I can sleep good at night knowing I didn't have a part in your Block Buster End of Season conclusion to this soap opera....Just Joking.
One last coin for the pot... If your plan of action is to send you loving wife back to her family, and cut her off of all Peso Love (money) installments....well get ready for a whole new bunch of problems. I predict the friendly father in-law, and other pinoy friends will dry up quick. After all...you married the WHOLE Family just not your wife. As for any type of "help" from the local PNP or other Friends...you better have deep pockets, or plan on a couple nights in jail, before your pinoy friend let you out..."oh sorry, someone made a mistake". And that's if a family member doesn't bump you off first (Pino Pride).
Admittedly I'm a bit bias..."This is how we do things in the Philippines"...Western reasoning usually doesn't work that well in the RP. In my opinion....
Best of Luck.
Well I've given you my 2 centavos of advice, so I can sleep good at night knowing I didn't have a part in your Block Buster End of Season conclusion to this soap opera....Just Joking.
One last coin for the pot... If your plan of action is to send you loving wife back to her family, and cut her off of all Peso Love (money) installments....well get ready for a whole new bunch of problems. I predict the friendly father in-law, and other pinoy friends will dry up quick. After all...you married the WHOLE Family just not your wife. As for any type of "help" from the local PNP or other Friends...you better have deep pockets, or plan on a couple nights in jail, before your pinoy friend let you out..."oh sorry, someone made a mistake". And that's if a family member doesn't bump you off first (Pino Pride).
Admittedly I'm a bit bias..."This is how we do things in the Philippines"...Western reasoning usually doesn't work that well in the RP. In my opinion....
Best of Luck.
Oct 7th 2019, 12:19 am
#2891
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,387
Re: Me and My Family
I hate to say it but I don't believe there is a job.
I believe it was all a front to cover up her having a friend in the 'big city' and that somehow either the friend
has dropped her or is traveling and not available for her to remain in their apartment. Thus, she is home.
You have no number to reach her at. She has had no paycheck. You do not know the office she is working
in. What proof do you have that she is working?
As for her tantrum, let her rave. Leave the house and go wherever you want. If you, wish tell her you
will return when she grows up and stops acting like a 3 year old.
Last edited by Rete; Oct 7th 2019 at 12:21 am.
Oct 7th 2019, 2:21 am
#2892
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,020
Re: Me and My Family
I hate to say it but I don't believe there is a job.
I believe it was all a front to cover up her having a friend in the 'big city' and that somehow either the friend
has dropped her or is traveling and not available for her to remain in their apartment. Thus, she is home.
You have no number to reach her at. She has had no paycheck. You do not know the office she is working
in. What proof do you have that she is working?
As for her tantrum, let her rave. Leave the house and go wherever you want. If you, wish tell her you
will return when she grows up and stops acting like a 3 year old.
I am also very sceptical about this so called ‘illness’. Of course it’s nothing you can actually see, but she can act the part. As for any hospital notes/reports she may have, together with meds she may produce, she can get them all off the internet without a great deal of trouble. She could probably find work in LA, as she seems to be a damned good actress, with a very vivid imagination.
Oct 7th 2019, 6:18 am
#2893
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 466
Re: Me and My Family
Without wanting to appear cynical........P11 did you pay for the tests at the hospital on your visit to the big City ? Have you seen the contract of employment or paperwork for your wifes new occupation ? Even in the Philippines there is paperwork involved when employment in larger companies is carried out.The Philippine government are extremely diligent and strict where employment of staff is involved.
Oct 7th 2019, 7:27 am
#2894
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Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Without wanting to appear cynical........P11 did you pay for the tests at the hospital on your visit to the big City ? Have you seen the contract of employment or paperwork for your wifes new occupation ? Even in the Philippines there is paperwork involved when employment in larger companies is carried out.The Philippine government are extremely diligent and strict where employment of staff is involved.
Interesting about the contract of employment. Nope....never seen it but there again, I never thought about it.
Moving on....
The speculation about her job. Yes, it is a possibility that no job exists, but from her debriefing it does seem very real. The proof of the pudding will be when and if she brings home wages. I am not going to speculate further on this but the truth will out soon enough.
Finally....
Now getting pressure from the creditor and she has been in touch also with my wife. I am to blame for that of course. She announced this morning that she was going back to the big city today "to get some money" to pay the creditor. She was distressed. After speaking to her she appears to have changed her mind and now is back in her bedroom not very happy. Lots of mood swings from her today. From being a "happy chappy" on FB,,,singing in the bedroom....but always a very cold shoulder for me. I got back in last night at about 11.00. She followed about 20 mins later. But dressed in a bathing costume and wet. Not sure what that was about. Maybe trying to provoke a reaction from me. It didn't work.
As you can imagine, these are now very difficult times for me but remaining cool, calm and collected on the outside. The strain is building not knowing how she is going to react next. I think her anger is not because of the house smelling of dogs nor me moving my money clip. Its because I berated her for losing 1k. She probably realizes that she has been rumbled.
Regards
Oct 7th 2019, 7:44 am
#2895
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Posts: 466
Re: Me and My Family
So its back to normal ( what is normal in this sorry saga). At least P11 is holding his ground and not paying her substantial debts....for now.
Like to know How going to the big City is going to end up with the wife returning with new funds. Nevermind, her salary will be due soon.
Like to know How going to the big City is going to end up with the wife returning with new funds. Nevermind, her salary will be due soon.