Me and My Family

Old Aug 29th 2019, 12:44 pm
  #2521  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11
Greetings,

I casted aspersions about when/if she was going back to work. I was wrong to do so. Going back tomorrow for 5 days final training. Apparently they sent a msg 3 days ago to report today but never received it.

Happy days...

Regards
Great! Looking forward to reading that's she's paying off her debts and contributing to the household finances.
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Old Aug 29th 2019, 12:55 pm
  #2522  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

P11, may I be so bold as to interject a suggestion into your and your wife's financial problems, since the bulk of your finances are being used to house and care for her family (albeit she normally does this with her allowance that comes from you) and to try and clear her many debts, she should be giving you at minimum 50% of her earned income per paycheck. You can use it as you wish to replenish your outgoing on her behalf or to save it away (secretly?) for whatever future use might arise.

Personally, our finances are not joint but completely separate. After making a listing of all monthly expenses and some annual ones, i.e. medical and car insurances, we agreed on a 50-50 split of those expenses which goes into one account which pays for all expenses, i.e. mortgage, water, power, etc.

I do believe she owes you more than 50% but she does need spending money for traveling and living away from home.

Think about it.
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Old Aug 29th 2019, 1:05 pm
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Default Re: Me and My Family

What do they say about pride, something about a fall .

See this so much around SE Asia, all about face.

People buy a nice car in finance so everyone sees them around as successful. Meanwhile they live in a shack.

Black Community in South Africa has exactly the same mentality.

Cars go down in value, houses go up. Go figure.

If she still cares about what people think of her at her age , she needs a wake up call, pronto.

And yet she still keeps things from the family because she's worried about what they think.

IME it's not just the pride, it's also the glee the others get at seeing her downfall, as she's probably been queening it up over the past few years .

Something I've noticed amongst Asians over the years, they can't be happy for you. If you have something they don't have and they can't get it, they'd rather you didn't have it. Nothing delights them more than seeing someone brought down a peg or two.

They're all just crabs in a bucket .
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Old Aug 29th 2019, 1:18 pm
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by nonthaburi
What do they say about pride, something about a fall .

See this so much around SE Asia, all about face.

People buy a nice car in finance so everyone sees them around as successful. Meanwhile they live in a shack.

Black Community in South Africa has exactly the same mentality.

Cars go down in value, houses go up. Go figure.

If she still cares about what people think of her at her age , she needs a wake up call, pronto.

And yet she still keeps things from the family because she's worried about what they think.

IME it's not just the pride, it's also the glee the others get at seeing her downfall, as she's probably been queening it up over the past few years .

Something I've noticed amongst Asians over the years, they can't be happy for you. If you have something they don't have and they can't get it, they'd rather you didn't have it. Nothing delights them more than seeing someone brought down a peg or two.

They're all just crabs in a bucket .
Had to google crabs in a bucket. What a beautiful description - and sums it up perfect.
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Old Aug 29th 2019, 2:30 pm
  #2525  
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by nonthaburi
What do they say about pride, something about a fall .

See this so much around SE Asia, all about face.

People buy a nice car in finance so everyone sees them around as successful. Meanwhile they live in a shack.

Black Community in South Africa has exactly the same mentality.

Cars go down in value, houses go up. Go figure.

If she still cares about what people think of her at her age , she needs a wake up call, pronto.

And yet she still keeps things from the family because she's worried about what they think.

IME it's not just the pride, it's also the glee the others get at seeing her downfall, as she's probably been queening it up over the past few years .

Something I've noticed amongst Asians over the years, they can't be happy for you. If you have something they don't have and they can't get it, they'd rather you didn't have it. Nothing delights them more than seeing someone brought down a peg or two.

They're all just crabs in a bucket .
Brits have that mentality to a certain extent so maybe it's just human nature and the jealousy thing about being a success or failure.
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Old Aug 30th 2019, 11:57 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Rete...

Many thanks for your kind advice!

To be fair, we have not discussed the ins and outs of any future financial arrangement just yet but she knows the score. However, I would envisage that with her earnings she takes care of her family and pays off say 10k pm capital of the 190k owed. I will deal with the interest payments and anything left over each month will go toward paying off the capital. However, if push comes to shove, the remaining 5 wage earners can take care of her family regarding rent and meds and we will look after ourselves. However, its early days yet and I need to persuade her where I think our priorities lie.

Best regards
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Old Aug 30th 2019, 1:46 pm
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11
Rete...

Many thanks for your kind advice!

To be fair, we have not discussed the ins and outs of any future financial arrangement just yet but she knows the score. However, I would envisage that with her earnings she takes care of her family and pays off say 10k pm capital of the 190k owed. I will deal with the interest payments and anything left over each month will go toward paying off the capital. However, if push comes to shove, the remaining 5 wage earners can take care of her family regarding rent and meds and we will look after ourselves. However, its early days yet and I need to persuade her where I think our priorities lie.

Best regards
Wishful thinking. The L/Ls salary will be spent on everything bar helping to pay off her debts. After 4 years P11 still has not grasped the nettle........ I would bet my last centavo the only change in her or his finances will be more debt revelations.
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Old Aug 30th 2019, 2:00 pm
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Mikek1....

********The L/Ls salary will be spent on everything bar helping to pay off her debts******* To be fair that always remains a possibility. But it will remain her debt and no longer mine. Including the crippling interest paid each month. I will walk free.....

Regards
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Old Aug 31st 2019, 5:50 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

P11,

Is it legal for someone to charge 10% per month in the Philippines ? Does your wife have any legal documentation for the loan. If there is no documentation, why not just pay the loan back without the interest.
Incidentally, the 130k you are owed ,did you take it to the small claims court, and have you had any feedback from them ? As mentioned we have a legal case running at the moment and are using an attorney, however I do wonder how effective the legal system in the Philippines is.
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Old Aug 31st 2019, 7:27 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Mikek1.....

It is illegal for someone to charge 10% per month on a loan, and to loan money, a license is required. I doubt if she has a license. My wife has no legal document for the loan except for a hand written note outlining brief details of the loan and interest rate. Yes I could very well just repay the loan without any further interest and that indeed is my final resort. But....the woman involved is a relation to my wife and I can imagine the problems that will arise if I went down that route. Also, the woman obtained a large amount of cash from an insurance payout on her husbands death who was gunned down a couple of years ago in mysterious circumstances. I don't like the sound of that. She is using the proceeds to lend out at 10%.

The Small Claims Court is due to take place here mid September. The warrant has been issued and confirmation that it has been served has been received. She was given ten days to respond which she has not done. If she fails to pitch up on the due day then a process is then set in place to recover the monies owed either by a claim on her bank account or seizure of goods. The Court Secretary is not clear on how that is achieved. I don't have her bank account details nor do I know exactly where she lives. It seems similar to that of the UK system which I have used countless times with limited success. She lives a couple of islands away and it is possible that she may come to some sort of voluntary arrangement to repay a day or so prior to the hearing. However, I am pessimistic that I will receive not one cent of the money owed.

Regards
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Old Aug 31st 2019, 9:33 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Philosophical 11
Mikek1.....

It is illegal for someone to charge 10% per month on a loan, and to loan money, a license is required. I doubt if she has a license. My wife has no legal document for the loan except for a hand written note outlining brief details of the loan and interest rate. Yes I could very well just repay the loan without any further interest and that indeed is my final resort. But....the woman involved is a relation to my wife and I can imagine the problems that will arise if I went down that route. Also, the woman obtained a large amount of cash from an insurance payout on her husbands death who was gunned down a couple of years ago in mysterious circumstances. I don't like the sound of that. She is using the proceeds to lend out at 10%.

The Small Claims Court is due to take place here mid September. The warrant has been issued and confirmation that it has been served has been received. She was given ten days to respond which she has not done. If she fails to pitch up on the due day then a process is then set in place to recover the monies owed either by a claim on her bank account or seizure of goods. The Court Secretary is not clear on how that is achieved. I don't have her bank account details nor do I know exactly where she lives. It seems similar to that of the UK system which I have used countless times with limited success. She lives a couple of islands away and it is possible that she may come to some sort of voluntary arrangement to repay a day or so prior to the hearing. However, I am pessimistic that I will receive not one cent of the money owed.

Regards
I have seen a couple of cases like this here where Filipinos are trying to recover money through the ( small claims ) court, exactly the same as you they did not respond in time and when it came to recover of monies/goods the bank account had been closed and they had moved away and nobody knows where. Apparently not that unusual.
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Old Aug 31st 2019, 11:11 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Stokkevn
I have seen a couple of cases like this here where Filipinos are trying to recover money through the ( small claims ) court, exactly the same as you they did not respond in time and when it came to recover of monies/goods the bank account had been closed and they had moved away and nobody knows where. Apparently not that unusual.
And you can't get .money from someone who hasn't got any.
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Old Aug 31st 2019, 12:24 pm
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Originally Posted by Stokkevn
I have seen a couple of cases like this here where Filipinos are trying to recover money through the ( small claims ) court, exactly the same as you they did not respond in time and when it came to recover of monies/goods the bank account had been closed and they had moved away and nobody knows where. Apparently not that unusual.
What a surprise.
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Old Sep 23rd 2019, 8:07 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

Greetings....

Well....I think the "doom and gloomers" are correct. The last couple of weeks or so have not been in the best of marital harmony and I believe she has mostly probably engaged in a scam against me for 15k. This involves the 2 debts I have already outlined for 30 and 11k with the same person and will certainly impact on the 19k pm interest due later this month. I believe I have proof of the scam which will be revealed to her when the 19k is due and I reckon the you know what will hit the fan in a big way. Its looking terminal now. It is a very cunning (devious) scam and will reveal tomorrow most probably, but I want to deal briefly with other things first.....But if I am right, the 19k will not be paid on her behalf which will create all sorts of problems and I can see a big escalation to our problems.

The dog has had pups a couple of days ago. 4 were born and one was sadly still-born. Father is a street dog I think. It was on her first heat unfortunately but she is coping well. My wife inadvertently left the door open.....then the gate whilst chin wagging to the next door neighbor. I failed to see her go out of the door......so of course it was my fault,

Saw father-in-law a few days ago sporting a brand new mobile. 15k it costs he said proudly....at 1.25k pm. And I am paying his rent and meds......

She has been out gallivanting quite often coming in late. Birthday parties...wakes....etc. Being on my own during the evening, I nip down to the beach for a few beers which she does not like. On one occasion, I appeared unannounced at a local Brgy festival where I knew she was. She and her mates saw me first and I got a text from her demanding to know why I was there. Spying apparently. Cue her sleeping in the spare bedroom for a few days. Did the same the next night but with a mate. Got chatting to a group of people one of which unknown to me to be the local Brgy bike. Obviously she thought we were soliciting and cue a few more days in the dog house. And addressed by her as a "dirty old man".

On my birthday, all I received from her was a cold shoulder. She was still living in the spare bedroom. Went to the beach to my local resto bar where the staff chorused me with happy birthday and one of the girls bought me a beer. She decorated it accordingly bless her. That touched me. Next day I sent her a thankyou msg which the wife spotted and now I am accused of having a gf.

We were going to have a small wedding anniversary party at home with close friends earlier this month. She had ordered a cake as well. For no reason, she cancelled it. I saw no cake either. Nor wedding gift. I got her one....and what a disappointing story that is. In the past 18 months or so she she has lost/thrown away/ or whatever 4 or 5 wedding/engagement rings. She wanted another one as an anniversary gift. Stupidity I relented but got the price down from 10 to 7k. I made her promise that it will be given to her on the our anniversary day. About a week before, I mentioned I had not seen the package arrive. But it had....and she was wearing the ring. Didn't hear a thank you. But I suspect that could have been a scam. I don't recognize one ring from another.....

Now....perhaps the most damming which rocked me with her lie. Couple of days ago, we were still living separately in the same house, I knew her 2 kids weekly allowance was due. So, I placed 500 peso on the table so she could see it and there was no need for her to ask. It was there the next day. The following day, when we were back together, I noticed the money had gone and asked if she had picked it up. No....she hadn't and was adamant about it. No-one has been in the house except us. Guess the dog ate it, or it blew out of the window. Cant think of any other reason.....can you?

Regards

Last edited by Philosophical 11; Sep 23rd 2019 at 8:11 am.
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Old Sep 23rd 2019, 8:37 am
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Default Re: Me and My Family

I don't think the people on this thread who thought the worst (including myself) are 'doom and gloomers'. I think they could just see what unfortunately you couldn't. Sounds like the rose tinted glasses are being taken off now though, I'm sorry for that but in all honesty I'm quite glad that you might finally get yourself out of this situation.

I hope you have people around you that can support you and give you a sounding board in the weeks/months ahead, as well as BE of course.

Good luck.
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