Millhouse

scrubbedexpat142

Yes, to be fair transactional relationships are very common, & not just in the east - although few are as public & dramatic as this one!

I suppose that as long as both sides can keep their side of the bargain...

Bealinehx

P11, as one of the more cynical posters I will point out one thing that supports some of the virulent posts. I seem to recall that recently you are reducing your contact with other expats because LL is ashamed. Is this not yet another ploy to control and isolate you from the real world. Posting on FB and on here is no substitute for face to face contact with reality.

Jerseygirl

Those are my very thoughts. That is exactly what she is doing...isolating him. LL is extremely manipulative and cunning...ie pretending to be sick, ashamed etc. Maybe she could get a job in Hollywood.

Elgin1983

I can tell you're not a guy

If P11 ran back home to UK, what would his life be? A 70 year old divorced non-homeowner on a small fixed income. Most of that would be spent on rent, bills, taxes, etc. He would spend most of his time sitting wasting away looking out the window at the rain. In his current life, he has drama, excitement, risk; he has an interactive audience here; he has sunshine and the beach; his money goes further than back home (even despite the scams); and he enjoys the kind of "small" (ahem), watermelon-fuelled delights with a 30-something LL (who by all accounts is still quite Lovely) that a pensioner could only dream about back home.

Keep riding the snake of life, P11! And keep your LL riding....well, you get the idea

Elgin1983

PS I saw you mentioned something about shifting your pension into a widow's pension. Don't put all your eggs into one basket: make sure she (and the family) know that you're worth more alive than otherwise.

PPS Still got no idea about how that whole banishment thing works, but never mind.

Philosophical 11

B and JG...

****That is exactly what she is doing...isolating him. LL is extremely manipulative and cunning****** Obviously I disagree. She knows that I can do as I wish, but in this case I am wholly supporting her because I take part of the blame for her being crucified on FB. Obviously, she is embarrassed by this and "lost face" which here for a Filipina is a major problem. The instigator of these FB posts who betrayed my confidence has yesterday posted that my wife did not want to go on honeymoon with me and therefore made up stories about her hormonal problems. Lies. She also stated that I thought she was a virgin when I met her. More lies. I find this despicable and support my wife fully against these lies and innuendos.

But...I have previously stated I am not here to mix with ex-pats. Yes...I enjoy their company over a swift half on the beach during the cool of the evening. And that's it. Hearing about Herr Dumph and Brexit every time we meet is not my cup of tea. But despite that I enjoy the repartee and conversation. My wife does not like me to drink too much and we normally leave after 2 or maybe 3 beers. I accept that on most occasions because I know her 2nd long term partner spent all his money on booze (which she mostly earned) and just recently found out that her 1st partner used to slap her (her words) when drunk. I also know that her father can be like a wild animal when drunk. I am the opposite. I just get emotional and fall over. But I do sometimes speak my mind which doesn't go down well sometimes.

Some of the expats here like to live in each others pockets. They tried that on me. I have come to live in the Philippines to retire...enjoy the culture....I see them occasionally on my walk abouts and we have a general chin wag. That's good enough for me. But my wife and I enjoy each others company on the beach watching the sunset go down.

I prefer to mix with the locals. They all know me as Santa and the Candyman Runner. The kids all come out running when they see me and I am overwhelmed with blessings. They call me Daddy for some unknown reason. Their parents always wave and greet me with big smiles. All the other locals are ultra friendly. Just one of many reasons why I love this place and will be loathe to leave.

Anyway...I have rambled. My wife is away with visiting friends. More on that later....

Regards. Life is good....

Philosophical 11

E1983.....

You put life back in the UK for me in a nutshell. Couldn't have put it better. Thanks!

Re Widows Pension. I haven't transferred or shifted anything. I was trying to make the point that when I kick the bucket in maybe 30 or 40 yrs time, she will be entitled to UK Widows Benefits. There is no longer a Widows Pension btw... I did have a life insurance here but can no longer afford that. She knows that. I do however have a St Peters Plan which is basically a funeral plan.

Thanks

RedApe

And thus the glee and the grand effort by LL to get married. There can be no "widows" pension without marriage, I believe. As well. I think that there is a time frame for any widow to receive a pension from government funded sources. Several years? Anyone know for UK?

RedApe

I don't think that she would be eligible for UK Widow's Benefits any more. The regulations have changed.
https://www.gov.uk/bereavement-allowance
She would be allowed to receive a one-off payment of £2000 (maybe lower as there is some reduction based upon country). It's called a "Breavement Allowance". The Philippines is apparently one of the countries on the list that the UK will disburse such a payment. That's not age related (so you could pass next year or 30 years from now- doesn't matter), BTW. Once she reaches 45 years, and provided you've paid enough UK State Insurance payments, she's eligible. If she applies before she is remarried, isn't divorced, isn't in jail, etc. Not sure how you've "set up" another pension for her. Odd that you would do this but not have the funds to maintain your Life Insurance?

Since your divorce has gone through your ex-spouse would likely have little claims on any other assets you have. Your children from that marriage might. That likely depends on any provisions you stipulate in your will. You say that you feel a responsibility to support your step-children from LL. Do you feel the same toward your natural born children? If not, make sure you have that stipulated in your will. I think, as well, that it could be stipulated for certain things (school expenses, hospital costs). Suggest that you have identical copies placed on file in a solicitors office in both the Philippines and UK, and that a local (PH Resident) UK citizen of some status act as the witness (they need not know the content, just that you were of sound mind and body, and that you signed the will without coercion).

Oh and sit down and actually work out all the money you have provided to your wife and her family. Things that would not have been expended except FOR the fact you got involved in this relationship. Allowances, money for her businesses, money for her fathers and LL healthcare, loans that were forgiven (or have not been paid back), jewelry, motorbikes (that were resold and then rebought), bicycles, gifts, wedding costs. Even the house and the renovations (minus some amount you'd have paid for a small condo). Now add in the P196k Loan at 10% MONTHLY interest. Your future obligations too the step-children. Don't make excuses or rationales for any of these. The point of this is to see the benefits that are accruing to LL and the Family. Now, write down any loans, gifts of financial value, services, tangible benefits that you have received. Yes LL as live-in cook, Waddle as housekeeper, etc. Does it balance?

What would happen if your pension was all eaten up by debts and obligations incurred by LL and the family? Would the Family and LL support you in your own debts and obligations? Would they pull together and say "P11 helped us for years...we must find a way of paying off his P100k debt". Or would the relationship end.

And don't deceive yourself in claiming that LL could always find another richer, younger expat. There is no guarantee that she'd meet one that would accept her having children, tolerate her business demands, cover her debts, pay her families medical bills, etc. That would tolerate her aggression towards them, suicide attempts, and personality disorder. One that wouldn't date her for a year and walk away for a younger, prettier gal.

moneypenny20

So the bottom line is the LL can do pretty much what she wants, her family can smile and all is good because P11 is living his twilight years in a way that keeps him alive in all senses of the word. He lives for the drama, the discussions, even the abuse (which it is of course) because it brings colour to his life.

Nuff said.

Philosophical 11

Redape....

According to the link to which you refer, she is not eligible for Bereavement Allowance as you have suggested. It appears that she is entitled to Bereavement Support Payment instead. I have a letter copied from another group which suggests she will be entitled to £2500 and then £100 pm for 18 months. More for dependent children....but I wont complicate the issue. I have waited to register her as my NOK until after this recent crisis has been resolved and will be sending off the paperwork soon. They will also confirm exactly what she will be entitled to when I go to the big expat beach in the sky. Further....she is already registered as NOK for my Military Pension and receives a proportion of that for life.

MP20...

***So the bottom line is the LL can do pretty much what she wants****** Really? Where did I say that?

Regards

Bealinehx

P11, I think you will discover that the Bereavement Allowance for dependants in Phils is GBP1800 then GBP100 per month for 18 months.
Have a great weekend.

Tweedpipe

According to legend Adam just took a single bite from the Apple, but despite all the valuable advise provided here and multiple red warning flags, P11 is obviously enjoying chocking himself to death on a lethal poisonous fruit. As they say there’s no fool like an old fool.
Should we have a whip round now to purchase him a straight-jacket, or leave him free to continue on his path to self entanglement and final destruction?

P11, I agree with what's been posted previously. You obviously love the drama which stimulates you, the abuse and your technicolour world.
I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that those of us living in 'black & white' without the rose-tinted spectacles, in pleasant climates elsewhere in the world, with sincere partners, without the lies, money-worries, and especially stress, are a thousand times more content and sleep peacefully at night. You reap what you sow. Sweet dreams!

Bealinehx

Tweedpipe, There are plenty of us living very happily, in good mutually respecting relationships in the Philippines. So do not let the experiences of P11 cloud your view of this wonderful group of islands.
Have a wonderful weekend.