Millhouse

May 2nd 2018 you posted on here that she came clean. A year ago - to the month.

How old are all these crotch goblins?

Millhouse

also from May 2018

I don't think you did.

Philosophical 11

Millhouse....

****May 2nd 2018 you posted on here that she came clean. A year ago - to the month***** Thanks for that. Time obviously flies. I believe they are about 10 and 12 respectively.

****I don't think you did****** Very fair point. As far as debts and loans were concerned, I was thinking in terms of the usual debts and loans which can be repaid by her out of her allowance. However, these business debts are impossible to be repaid by her. I therefore had two choices. But more on that later.

Regards

Jerseygirl

You always seem to be forking out money for your wife and her family, for one reason or another. You have also inferred that if you relocate it needs to be somewhere with a low cost of living.

Apologies if I am wrong and you have enough money to keep bailing them out of one mess after another.

Millhouse

10 / 12 -- Is that the boys? what about the girls?

Philosophical 11

JG...

Haven't forked out money for the family now for a very long time. My wife has in the past kept them at bay. Here in the Philippines they appear to have a culture of "if God has given you a gift....then you must share" I guess they assumed the British culture was the same. All their needs in the past has come from her business earnings and she has supplied them with a TV, m/cycle (now repossessed), bed and salle set (sp). Also clothes..food, business opportunities and the list goes on. Most of her business earnings went to them. She has supplied for them since a school girl with selling banana que....helping the fishermen haul in their catch for a few fish to supplement their diet of mainly rice. But...I am in danger of putting her in good light.

Millhouse...

Not sure of their ages but from the pics I have seen they appear to be in their teens. Probably 15/16 at a guess.

Regards

spouse of scouse

Well that's about to change, again
And now some good news. She is now at last in normal dialogue with her family. I say normal...perhaps near normal is more apt. As usual, they have a problem and want her to help. It is regarding some 4000 mangoes that the extended family have on land which they are finding difficult to sell. I wont go into detail. Also mentioned was that school starts on 4 june and her 4 children require new outfits for the new term. I have no problem with that, and off to the big city we will go in the next few days.

Philosophical 11

SOS....

The mango problem required her advice on whether to sell now in a market which is flooded with ripe mangoes or to hold onto them until they become mature enough to be sold to restaurant outlets as mango shake. She has contacts in that area.

I have always stated I will support her children as much as I can. She normally takes care of all that with proceeds from her previous business. She no longer has that. This is also puts to bed the theory here that she has "abandoned her children". Perhaps you think that as a step father I should not help in any way possible? Furthermore, by "the family" I am referring to her family here....parents etc. Anything else?

Regards

Dorothy

Has she started looking for that job she keeps saying she's going to get?

moneypenny20

No disrespect meant but you only found out about the sons a year ago so you haven't always stated you'll support her children. No one's telling you not to help her with upkeep for them as a step father, however from outside perspective children keep appearing out of the woodwork and you keep telling us you have limited funds. You also state she's been supporting her family (and apparently her sons, not sure about the daughters) from her business but you also have repeatedly said that you've had to bail her out of financial difficulties and told us how you've paid for stuff for the family whether direct from your pocket or by upping her allowance. You say you're happy, I sincerely hope you are and you remain that way but you can't be surprised by some of the comments you get from well meaning folk when you tell us things that sound, to us outside the situation, to be very wrong.

Philosophical 11

*****She only wants you as an ATM******

This statement is often used here and means that she is only after my money for herself or for her family

Lets examine the facts and put this to bed once and for all.

I met her on FB about one year before meeting her here in the Philippines, and she knew what I was...a pensioner with two small pensions. Ok...I had a joint owned house and small savings. Not rich pickings then for a person who wants me only as an ATM then. During our time on FB, she never asked for money....indeed she was very polite and personable. Not the MO for a scammer then.

We rented this house and made numerous changes which required much expense. She was in charge of that and I paid her family and relatives for labour and materials. She meticulously demanded receipts and there was hell to play if one was not forthcoming.

Her family quickly assumed that I was made of money being a foreigner and requests for help started coming in. She fielded all those requests and indeed decided to earn her own money to help her family out. Something she has been doing since she was at school. No evidence of being an ATM leech there....
But she did try once. Those who have followed this thread from the start will remember when she tried to scam me out of fees for her younger daughter to attend college. I found out immediately and warned her never to try that again... She never did.

Then disaster. My divorce came through and I lost my part share in the house and most of my small savings. Did she run off for richer pickings? No.

Because of this, I decided to invest in a small pension for her to help supplement widows benefits etc if and when I kicked the bucket.

During this time, she continued to help the family with profits from her business. She paid the rent, St Peters, bought furniture and paid extra rent for them to move into a bigger and better house. She helped her step sister into running a small business and also her elder sister. And much much more. I only contributed by paying for her fathers medicines at 3k pm. The family, being typical Filipinos were one day millionaires and only lived for today. I frowned on all this help she was giving and suggested educating them instead. But....it wasn't coming from my pocket, so I didn't push the issue. But she was following the maxim...."If God has given you a gift...then you must share it" Very little of the money she earned was spent on her. She bought gold jewelry as an investment for us which she rarely wore. She is a proud woman and spent money on her appearance and bought all my clothes and small gifts of appreciation. I had to maintain a high standard of dress which she financed. Me? I preferred knocking about in old clothes and flip flops and admit I preferred her in a more natural look. But....she was happy. Which was fine by me. But where is this ATM scammer?

And then a series of disasters struck. The first happened a year or so ago, when a customer in Australia failed to pay for a large order of jewelry. Cant remember the amount....but think its in excess of 100k. She was too proud to tell me or anyone for that matter but dealt with it herself. She took out small loans from a micro finance company and began pawning and selling her jewelry. I was none the wiser. Then a bigger disaster....this time about 200k. She tried to deal with it herself by again pawning what she had. But she could not pay back quick enough and she was beset with very angry customers. Nor did she have enough assets. I eventually found out about it when those customers starting contacting me. Then the sorry truth came out. I now had a once proud Filipina wife break down and as I said in a reply a couple of comments ago, I had two choices. If your partner had a business failure....would you leave them? That is a rhetorical question. I then bailed her out...slowly on what I have. She had now lost all creditability in the jewelry business and packed it in. She stupidly had already moved into money lending unknown to me. And that is where we are today.

For the last 6 months or so, nasty rumours flowed about my wife. None of them proven. I wont go into them here, they are already documented. But also, she was "losing money" each month. About 20 - 30k each month. I could not prove...and lets get this straight...that they were lies. But why would she do this? Perhaps the rumours were true. She was scamming me for a secret bf....or maybe paying someone off because we had a bogus wedding. Or worse. I stopped posting here and haven't told of how money was being lost each month. I had enough problems with the rumours, money repayments....and didn't want to add to all that with flak from here.

Once I had proof, she was scamming money from me, I had to find out why. Because of the nature of the some of the rumours, I felt the need to leave here for the sake of safety. During this period, she was under severe stress which affected her health. I was also under severe stress because I did not know what was happening due to the money loss and rumours. It was a difficult time. ..... for both of us. So...could that episode be described as just using me as an ATM? I think not. She was a desperate woman seeking a way out. But that could never work for ever. She never used that money for her own personal gain, nor for her family. Does that make it any better? Maybe not. Have I forgiven her? Yes, I have. Will I ever forget....No. Of course not. But if she had used that money for other purposes, then the marriage would be over. She has been seriously wounded in all this mainly because of confidences betrayed. She feels isolated. She has lost her dignity. She learnt the lesson the hard way....so indeed have I.

My wife has been very busy this afternoon. No...not wheeling and dealing. She is baking cakes and all manner of things as she once did. I have my lovely lady back. I intend to make sure it stays that way.

Thanks for reading

spouse of scouse

There wasn't anything else I cared to say before, but given your reply then yes, there is something else now.

Why do you post here? Why do you detail every appalling instance of your wife's behaviour and your response to that behaviour? It can't be to get the perspective of other people, because you almost invariably either ignore those perspectives or argue with them, jumping to your wife's and your own defense. What's the point?

Philosophical 11

MP 20....

I have always told HER that I will help support her children. Maybe that was not reported here....or maybe it was.

Her allowances have always remained the same since arrival here.

The only times I helped the family out in rent arrears or whatever was last year. When her business failures began to manifest itself.

Regards

Philosophical 11

SOS....

Contrary to what you think, I do listen to advice. But I make my own decisions. I am always grateful for any inputs. Jumping to my wifes defence.....only where necessary. Indeed I have also criticized her here on these pages.

Sorry for arguing the point. Debating is the better word.

Regards

Dorothy

So, that's a no then. She hasn't started looling for a job to help pay HER debts. Why not? She doesn't have young children who she's raising. What's stopping her from getting out and working