Philosophical 11

RedApe....

Correct. Which is why I am dealing with the debt in the only way possible.

J.....

****how have you allowed yourself to get here?***** The story is there to read. But I shall re-emphasize my perspective later.

MikeK1....

*****The concrete facts disprove any concoction that you are dreaming up****** I hope that is not inferring that I am going to try and wriggle my way out of your perception of your idea that I am here to be solely treated as an ATM. After I have written my piece later, we will see if you will change your tune. But I doubt it.

Moving on.....

And now some good news. She is now at last in normal dialogue with her family. I say normal...perhaps near normal is more apt. As usual, they have a problem and want her to help. It is regarding some 4000 mangoes that the extended family have on land which they are finding difficult to sell. I wont go into detail. Also mentioned was that school starts on 4 june and her 4 children require new outfits for the new term. I have no problem with that, and off to the big city we will go in the next few days.

But special to me was that she spied pictures of her two daughters on FB and sat down and talked for the first time of that first relationship. It was strange seeing her daughters for the first time but it wasn't something I was going to raise first. I would never dream of prying into her previous relationships. She told me that the father was a drunk...spent most of his time unemployed and what little money he acquired was spent on booze and cock fighting. She eventually left him with her belongings in two buckets and made her way to a nearby relatives house. It was hosing down with rain apparently when she left and you can imagine the state of her belongings when she eventually arrived. The story goes on which I wont bore with you here, I understand that they believe she is working abroad somewhere now and the father is ill with kidney or liver problems. All very poignant and sad.

One of the great things about overcoming problems or major disputes in a relationship is the fact that it brings you closer together. I suspect she has seen previous photos of her daughters, but never brought them to my attention. I guess that proves that point.

Regards

Jerseygirl

She has 4 children now? Forgive me if I have had a memory lapse...but have you mentioned 4 before?

TBH when you first discovered she had 2 sons that she hadn’t told you about...that’s when I would have got the hell out of Dodge.

Maybe everything is hunky dorey in the P11 house, but to the rest of us it’s yet more deceit and lies as your life spiral downwards. I hope we are wrong.

Rete

When she finally admitted to be the mother of the two sons living with her relatives, I was aghast that a mother in a relationship with someone that she loved and respected would not have been forthwith with the information that she has living children. You seemed then to be very naïve about a woman's anatomy or a male who does not really see their lover's nether region or never sexually joined with a woman who has not borne children before. There is a marked difference between a woman's anatomy when she has had children. And now to discover there are more children never disclosed to you in the four years you have been in a close relationship with her makes me angry with her and marveling at your calm acceptance of her duplicity.

Yes, I am judging her on Western standards of a mother who cares about the children she has given life to. Even those who have given up their children for adoption because of circumstances love their children, worry about them and wonder about their lives and pray that they are well cared for and happy. She will 95% of the time disclose this information to the person they love.

I am sitting here just shaking my head, bewildered and befuddled. If this is normal behavior of mothers in the Philippines, then all I have learnt about their culture, which is basically all negative, is true.

Jingsamichty

Rete, do not fall into the same trap that P11 has of actually believing that this mid-30s Filipina woman actually loves a 71 year old English man she met on Facebook. She is simply doing what she has to do for her own family to survive. It's a long-term commercial transaction. Harsh but true.

Elgin1983

This is a most fascinating and readable thread. Many thanks to the author. My interested was particularly piqued by the father's recent legal case against P11 (which may or may not indeed exist), and notably the fact that he was not after money (that in itself is incredible given what we know about these people) but rather wanted to have him "removed". Is legally enforced banishment a thing in the Philippines? How wonderfully medieval!

You said that you wouldn't be kicked out of the entire country, so how big is the area of banishment? If such a case is successful, are you only prevented from having a residence there but can still visit, or could you be arrested simply for setting foot in the banishment zone? Presumably it is a civil rather than criminal case, so would the police even be involved if you were to re-enter? What would the punishment be? Simply a forcible escort out, or something worse?

spouse of scouse

I don't think what you've said is harsh Jingsamichty, I think it's just the reality.

Probably not a popular point of view, but I feel some compassion for both P11 and his wife. Whether or not their relationship survives is entirely dependent on whether P11 believes that what he considers to be the advantages of being together outweighs any negatives, and similarly, whether his wife believes that what she considers to be the advantages of being together outweighs any negatives. Which if we think about it is the same for any couple, of any gender, in any country. The 'drivers' may differ, but the concept is the same - either it's worth it or it isn't.

Catchafire

Wait....What? 4 kids now! I am sure we will have a alien abduction story soon.

Bealinehx

I'm convinced that P11 casually mentioned the newly discovered two step daughters to garner incredulity and astonishment . Does anyone think its just attention seeking and a plot to keep the saga alive?

Dorothy

There is? It's been a good number of years since I first gave birth, but I'm 99% sure my anatomy hasn't undergone a "marked difference" since having children. Can you elaborate on what changes about a woman's genitals that would be visible to P11?

Rete

Yes, there is a difference. The labia is larger and darker in a woman who has given birth than one who has not. There might also be scarring or a tear adjacent to the vagina where you have been cut or torn during the birthing process.

Stokkevn

Seemingly there is a bit of difference

RedApe

This seems to be a popular Filipino civic custom, though of questionable legality. Perhaps it derives from the practice of excommunication (which itself, derives from the custom of expulsion from a group as a substitute for imprisonment or execution- creating the "outlaw"). Here's an interesting piece on placing people as "persona non grata" in the Philippines.
https://philippinelegal.wordpress.co...ole-confusion/

I typed in "persona non grata"+ city into a search engine and almost all recent cases that came up were in the Philippines.

Another approach (perhaps more within the realm of reality) would be to ask a Court to issue a "Non-Contact" order that applied to members of a family. With a large extended family in a town that would essentially be equivalent to an expulsion order. Of course, from all appearances it seems that P11 would be the one who would be most eligible for asking for such a Court Order. Maybe one should read the tea leaves though and realize that social ostracism is imminent and simply move on.

mikek1

moneypenny20

No disrespect but I didn't take photos before children and whilst I can imagine my genitals could look different than they did pre children, there is no way you can look at female genitals and say whether a child has passed through. We are all different shapes and sizes and tones. Many women are lucky enough not to tear and many others heal up with little to no scaring.

Expecting a man in a new relationship to see from her genitalia that she's had kids is a bit far fetched imo.

Pollyana