Me and My Family
Dec 12th 2018, 3:51 am
#1966
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Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Greetings..
In amongst all the doom and gloom, I forgot to mention some unexpected good news.
You may remember I provided 122k (from memory) last year to the wife of an ex-pat who died last year. It was to pay off his meds to release the death certificate. I never got repaid from a savings fund that was found to be empty but repayment was promised in due course. I received 5k a few months ago and last month she sent 20k. A very welcome surprise.
Update on sister in law in hospital. My wife has now wiped her hands off the whole episode due to the intense flak she has been receiving. However, the last I heard, she still remains in hospital without an operation. However, her dressing was changed yesterday I suspect due to her intervention with 8888. However, she has not been receiving blood tests to check for infection as enquired by 8888. I fear that the hospital will deem it more cheaper for them to remove her leg rather than undergo the repair.
She is still receiving demands and threats from the creditors. The BIR will be informed, Brgy Capt and DTI as examples. Last week she wanted to go to a nearby resort to relax which we did. Whilst there, she received a msg from her sister that an unknown bloke was trying to find her. He found our empty house. No idea who it was....but it spoilt her day. Yesterday, she received a msg to say that a relative of a creditor will arrive on Friday to get the money owed. Very trying and adds to the stress.
Chatting to an ex-pat last night who was present during the last violent episode where she went beserk and collapsed on the floor that her father who was angry with them, later joined them for a beer on the beach. It was there that he angrily told my ex pats friends partner how I mistreat his daughter. I was shocked when I heard this and I assumed it came from my wife. After all, it was her who was going to report me to the police for assaulting her and she merely defended herself with a knife. Very difficult to reconcile all this whilst trying to help her with her mental and financial problems.
Anyway....that's all for now.
In amongst all the doom and gloom, I forgot to mention some unexpected good news.
You may remember I provided 122k (from memory) last year to the wife of an ex-pat who died last year. It was to pay off his meds to release the death certificate. I never got repaid from a savings fund that was found to be empty but repayment was promised in due course. I received 5k a few months ago and last month she sent 20k. A very welcome surprise.
Update on sister in law in hospital. My wife has now wiped her hands off the whole episode due to the intense flak she has been receiving. However, the last I heard, she still remains in hospital without an operation. However, her dressing was changed yesterday I suspect due to her intervention with 8888. However, she has not been receiving blood tests to check for infection as enquired by 8888. I fear that the hospital will deem it more cheaper for them to remove her leg rather than undergo the repair.
She is still receiving demands and threats from the creditors. The BIR will be informed, Brgy Capt and DTI as examples. Last week she wanted to go to a nearby resort to relax which we did. Whilst there, she received a msg from her sister that an unknown bloke was trying to find her. He found our empty house. No idea who it was....but it spoilt her day. Yesterday, she received a msg to say that a relative of a creditor will arrive on Friday to get the money owed. Very trying and adds to the stress.
Chatting to an ex-pat last night who was present during the last violent episode where she went beserk and collapsed on the floor that her father who was angry with them, later joined them for a beer on the beach. It was there that he angrily told my ex pats friends partner how I mistreat his daughter. I was shocked when I heard this and I assumed it came from my wife. After all, it was her who was going to report me to the police for assaulting her and she merely defended herself with a knife. Very difficult to reconcile all this whilst trying to help her with her mental and financial problems.
Anyway....that's all for now.
Dec 12th 2018, 7:11 am
#1967
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,611
Re: Me and My Family
I have spent some quite considerable length of my free time on this thread to tidy up as was requested by P11.
I would hope that he would not have wasted a huge amount of my volunteer time just to 'wind up' & I have to say that I do hope that this is not the case now.
With regard to gyn./PMS/hormonal probs. I actually do have quite some experience and knowledge in more ways than one.
Dec 12th 2018, 10:18 am
#1969
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Re: Me and My Family
Moneypenny...
She has been taken care of at the hospital primarily by my mother - in - law for the past 10 days or so. Her grandmother/father cant be asked to take over the reins probably because they are poor (2hr bus ride) or most probably they expect my wifes family to take the responsibility. M-in-L bless her has a few days relief by other members of the S - in - L family. I have no further updates on her condition except that I think she has been discharged. Updates have dried up because my wife is now NFI after the flak she has taken. S - in - Law has had the operation.....no idea on how it went.
Regards
She has been taken care of at the hospital primarily by my mother - in - law for the past 10 days or so. Her grandmother/father cant be asked to take over the reins probably because they are poor (2hr bus ride) or most probably they expect my wifes family to take the responsibility. M-in-L bless her has a few days relief by other members of the S - in - L family. I have no further updates on her condition except that I think she has been discharged. Updates have dried up because my wife is now NFI after the flak she has taken. S - in - Law has had the operation.....no idea on how it went.
Regards
Dec 12th 2018, 10:20 am
#1970
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Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Capiz
Posts: 1,646
Re: Me and My Family
Not unusual here, next doors daughter came home to have her baby about 6 months ago, within weeks left the baby with the new granny and went off and got work somewhere, never seen her or the father since.
Last edited by Stokkevn; Dec 12th 2018 at 11:05 am.
Dec 12th 2018, 12:48 pm
#1972
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,383
Re: Me and My Family
P11, in all honesty, if you truly love her and she, you, then you both need to divorce this family and move the hell out of Dodge. If there is anything left to sell, do so, pay off her and your debts as quickly as possible, and leave no forwarding address. Like MP, we westerners have difficulty with understanding the mentality and attitude of this culture that thinks nothing of having throw away children and mooching lifestyles. To many of us they are seen as parasites whose lives are lived only by feeding off of others and it is very hard to grasp and accept as a way of life.
Dec 12th 2018, 1:59 pm
#1973
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Buraydah , Saudi Arabia
Posts: 2,863
Re: Me and My Family
Just curious, and I'm asking this as someone who spent many years in SE Asia, although not the Philippines. What makes it so great that you want to live there?
I read all these comments about what's normal there, and how the people are. I'm wondering what the positives are, and is it really worth it.
seems like a lot of hassles. Am I just picking up on the negatives, and missing the positives.
I'm also not knocking anyone's lifestyle choices btw. I'm currently living in one of the most conservative areas in Saudi, so we all do strange things!
I read all these comments about what's normal there, and how the people are. I'm wondering what the positives are, and is it really worth it.
seems like a lot of hassles. Am I just picking up on the negatives, and missing the positives.
I'm also not knocking anyone's lifestyle choices btw. I'm currently living in one of the most conservative areas in Saudi, so we all do strange things!
Dec 12th 2018, 5:50 pm
#1974
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Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 10,006
Re: Me and My Family
Greetings All,
Prompted by the recent posts, I have decided to stick my head over the parapet once again. I was going to post an update in a few days time to conclude a terrible story that has hit my wifes family.
First.... Since we have been away for a few days break, she has calmed down a lot and has been the loving wife I know she can be. No tampos and obviously no acts of violence. Things were going fine.....then I was hit by a bombshell......albeit half expected.
About ten days ago, I received a msg from the husband of the landlady here who is an OFW working in Saudi. He apologetically and very politely informed me that we were behind with the rent to the tune of 42k. I did half expect this because there were rent receipts missing and excuses were made by my wife on why they were missing. However it was 12k more than I thought and looking back through the receipts, I can see that 12k was unpaid about 2 yrs ago. The debt had been carried forward. He went on to say that he was sure I was unaware of the non-payments which tells me what he thinks of my wife and possibly his. His wife (the landlady) is a close friend of the family here as you probably know. Obviously, I tackled my wife about it and I got the usual tears and remorse. She used the money to try and buy back her pawned jewelry. The pawned jewelry came about for those who have not kept up, to pay back a failed deal last year which cost her a considerable amount. I do not know/remember the exact figure. She has decided to lose the remainder of her jewelry which is still in pawn. That remains to be seen. I agreed a repayment plan with the landlady's husband on which he very politely accepted.
My wifes health. I am concerned. She is still having severe women's problems which has been going on for over two months and has been back to the Gyno. She has again confirmed that her hormonal problems are due to extreme stress. She can do no more. About a week ago, she sought a second opinion and after yet another ultra sound/scan, the diagnosis was confirmed. For further treatment she will need to see a psychiatrist. We have discussed that briefly but that's as far as it goes. With great patience, I am trying to take care of her medical condition the best I can with sympathy and trying to relieve the pressures on her by fielding the demands of her creditors personally. I believe her illness started late last year (December probably) with the failure of a deal with a customer that caused her to pawn her jewelry and then juggle her finances to keep up the payments. Then came the wedding which she wanted to be as perfect as possible and now the latest crises with a failed business deal. For those detractors out there, no....I am not making excuses for her. Just stating facts. I don't know how her mental health is going to develop...but I do fear for her. As an example, last night one of her creditors posted something on fb which was uncomplimentary. Something went flying across the room and she broke down. Took an hour to get her to calm down.
Her brother has a one yr old daughter currently in a hospital 2 hrs away. Been there nearly a week and suffering from seizures/convulsions. He and his wife went to visit last Saturday night on a m/cycle and were involved in a RTA. She has a compound fracture of the leg and he escaped with lacerations which required stitches and an overnight stay in hospital. It took the rescue services 10 hrs to find a hospital to accommodate them. She is still there three days later awaiting an operation. Her dressings have not been changed from day 1 and is in pain and great discomfort. Her husband (wifes brother) has no money to pay for medicines, nor does the family. His wifes family has no money either. So it has fallen upon my wife to pay.....but she has no money either. So you guess who is picking up the tab. Ok...its a Govt hosp and so far it is only 5k. There are a few things here that appall me. Firstly the conditions that this woman has to endure. Time to get to hospital and the conditions she is enduring. Her bandages have never been changed since admittance and from the pics she appears to be laying in her own blood and possibly urine. Her husband (my wifes brother) got discharged from the same hospital as her and came home here. I am disgusted with that. He should be there by his wifes side giving her all the comfort and support she undoubtedly needs and creating hell to get his wife properly treated. His excuse? He wanted to go home because he did not want to see his wife suffering. I am disgusted with that and shows the mentality of the family I am ashamed to call in laws. My wife has been by her side for 2 days and today has now gone to see their baby daughter in a different city. My wife has now received the anger from her family, her brother and her sister - in - laws family. Why? She, like me was appalled at the lack of proper medical treatment to her sister in law and called 8888 to complain. The hospital is angry that a complaint has been made, and they (family etc) all think this might compromise her treatment. She was bitterly upset about the criticism .....adding to her stress. We have heard that the operation is now planned for this morning. I stand by her actions and woe betide anyone who complains to her in my presence. If I see her brother whilst she is still in hospital, I shall be asking him pointed questions. He should be there with her....and doing the complaining. Not my wife.
Anyway...I have finished on a rant. And I shall leave it there.
Regards
Prompted by the recent posts, I have decided to stick my head over the parapet once again. I was going to post an update in a few days time to conclude a terrible story that has hit my wifes family.
First.... Since we have been away for a few days break, she has calmed down a lot and has been the loving wife I know she can be. No tampos and obviously no acts of violence. Things were going fine.....then I was hit by a bombshell......albeit half expected.
About ten days ago, I received a msg from the husband of the landlady here who is an OFW working in Saudi. He apologetically and very politely informed me that we were behind with the rent to the tune of 42k. I did half expect this because there were rent receipts missing and excuses were made by my wife on why they were missing. However it was 12k more than I thought and looking back through the receipts, I can see that 12k was unpaid about 2 yrs ago. The debt had been carried forward. He went on to say that he was sure I was unaware of the non-payments which tells me what he thinks of my wife and possibly his. His wife (the landlady) is a close friend of the family here as you probably know. Obviously, I tackled my wife about it and I got the usual tears and remorse. She used the money to try and buy back her pawned jewelry. The pawned jewelry came about for those who have not kept up, to pay back a failed deal last year which cost her a considerable amount. I do not know/remember the exact figure. She has decided to lose the remainder of her jewelry which is still in pawn. That remains to be seen. I agreed a repayment plan with the landlady's husband on which he very politely accepted.
My wifes health. I am concerned. She is still having severe women's problems which has been going on for over two months and has been back to the Gyno. She has again confirmed that her hormonal problems are due to extreme stress. She can do no more. About a week ago, she sought a second opinion and after yet another ultra sound/scan, the diagnosis was confirmed. For further treatment she will need to see a psychiatrist. We have discussed that briefly but that's as far as it goes. With great patience, I am trying to take care of her medical condition the best I can with sympathy and trying to relieve the pressures on her by fielding the demands of her creditors personally. I believe her illness started late last year (December probably) with the failure of a deal with a customer that caused her to pawn her jewelry and then juggle her finances to keep up the payments. Then came the wedding which she wanted to be as perfect as possible and now the latest crises with a failed business deal. For those detractors out there, no....I am not making excuses for her. Just stating facts. I don't know how her mental health is going to develop...but I do fear for her. As an example, last night one of her creditors posted something on fb which was uncomplimentary. Something went flying across the room and she broke down. Took an hour to get her to calm down.
Her brother has a one yr old daughter currently in a hospital 2 hrs away. Been there nearly a week and suffering from seizures/convulsions. He and his wife went to visit last Saturday night on a m/cycle and were involved in a RTA. She has a compound fracture of the leg and he escaped with lacerations which required stitches and an overnight stay in hospital. It took the rescue services 10 hrs to find a hospital to accommodate them. She is still there three days later awaiting an operation. Her dressings have not been changed from day 1 and is in pain and great discomfort. Her husband (wifes brother) has no money to pay for medicines, nor does the family. His wifes family has no money either. So it has fallen upon my wife to pay.....but she has no money either. So you guess who is picking up the tab. Ok...its a Govt hosp and so far it is only 5k. There are a few things here that appall me. Firstly the conditions that this woman has to endure. Time to get to hospital and the conditions she is enduring. Her bandages have never been changed since admittance and from the pics she appears to be laying in her own blood and possibly urine. Her husband (my wifes brother) got discharged from the same hospital as her and came home here. I am disgusted with that. He should be there by his wifes side giving her all the comfort and support she undoubtedly needs and creating hell to get his wife properly treated. His excuse? He wanted to go home because he did not want to see his wife suffering. I am disgusted with that and shows the mentality of the family I am ashamed to call in laws. My wife has been by her side for 2 days and today has now gone to see their baby daughter in a different city. My wife has now received the anger from her family, her brother and her sister - in - laws family. Why? She, like me was appalled at the lack of proper medical treatment to her sister in law and called 8888 to complain. The hospital is angry that a complaint has been made, and they (family etc) all think this might compromise her treatment. She was bitterly upset about the criticism .....adding to her stress. We have heard that the operation is now planned for this morning. I stand by her actions and woe betide anyone who complains to her in my presence. If I see her brother whilst she is still in hospital, I shall be asking him pointed questions. He should be there with her....and doing the complaining. Not my wife.
Anyway...I have finished on a rant. And I shall leave it there.
Regards
Dec 12th 2018, 11:40 pm
#1975
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Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Marikina Philippines
Posts: 885
Re: Me and My Family
Just curious, and I'm asking this as someone who spent many years in SE Asia, although not the Philippines. What makes it so great that you want to live there?
I read all these comments about what's normal there, and how the people are. I'm wondering what the positives are, and is it really worth it.
seems like a lot of hassles. Am I just picking up on the negatives, and missing the positives.
I'm also not knocking anyone's lifestyle choices btw. I'm currently living in one of the most conservative areas in Saudi, so we all do strange things!
I read all these comments about what's normal there, and how the people are. I'm wondering what the positives are, and is it really worth it.
seems like a lot of hassles. Am I just picking up on the negatives, and missing the positives.
I'm also not knocking anyone's lifestyle choices btw. I'm currently living in one of the most conservative areas in Saudi, so we all do strange things!
P11 experiences are not typical. I know some can recount horror stories that they have witnessed. Usually most of these incidents originate with the expatriate lacking respect and/or an understanding of the issues involved, or, through the bottom of a beer bottle.
The extended family as in most of Asia and Africa is at the centre of society. The lack of any meaningful social security system means that the working members of the family provide for all. What P11 relates is a snapshot of the less positive side of family life in the poorer provinces. I am not referring to his marital issues. You may have read from other contributors that they have happy marriages with their Filipina partners. In general life is good so long as local customs and traditions are respected. As in all developing countries the expatriate is seen as a human ATM it is just part of life. My key to a happy life here is to greet everybody with a smile and also to say no with a smile.
The Philippines has overwhelming natural beauty and it is a joy to go around and explore the islands.
Dec 13th 2018, 12:14 am
#1976
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Joined: Feb 2014
Location: Marikina Philippines
Posts: 885
Re: Me and My Family
As a follow up to my previous post. The standard of education is low, even at the expensive fee paying schools. As a benchmark in the latest 2019 Times Higher Education World University Ranking only two Philippine Universities featured in the top 1500. The University of the Philippines featured between 501-600 (Rank among Asian universities at 156) and De La Salle University ranked between 801-1000.
So with this in mind it may help people understand the machinations of P11's in-laws. Education leads to greater understanding among other things.
So with this in mind it may help people understand the machinations of P11's in-laws. Education leads to greater understanding among other things.
Dec 13th 2018, 2:59 am
#1977
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Morpeth...
** i get the impression you enjoy the drama *** You cannot be more wrong. I came to the Philippines over 3 yrs ago to the land of milk and honey and meet my lovely lady. Now, the milk and honey has morphed into Beirut and my lovely lady has turned into a wife with a severe stress disorder prone to suicidal and violent behavior. Her family who once loved me now probably see me as a drunk wife beater who gives her no money. I am also faced with debts which will take about 6 months or so clear ...at best. It has affected my health over the past couple of months and I live from day to day wondering what else is going to rear its ugly head. Trying to keep a calm disposition and help my volatile wife is not easy. I think I have made my point.
My detractors here will say that I have made my bed and I must lay in it. Correct. I shamefully left my last wife in circumstances on which I am not proud. As I lay in this metaphorical bed I can see the bedroom door. It wont take much now to get up...open the door....and walk away. But this time without any shame.
Regards
** i get the impression you enjoy the drama *** You cannot be more wrong. I came to the Philippines over 3 yrs ago to the land of milk and honey and meet my lovely lady. Now, the milk and honey has morphed into Beirut and my lovely lady has turned into a wife with a severe stress disorder prone to suicidal and violent behavior. Her family who once loved me now probably see me as a drunk wife beater who gives her no money. I am also faced with debts which will take about 6 months or so clear ...at best. It has affected my health over the past couple of months and I live from day to day wondering what else is going to rear its ugly head. Trying to keep a calm disposition and help my volatile wife is not easy. I think I have made my point.
My detractors here will say that I have made my bed and I must lay in it. Correct. I shamefully left my last wife in circumstances on which I am not proud. As I lay in this metaphorical bed I can see the bedroom door. It wont take much now to get up...open the door....and walk away. But this time without any shame.
Regards
Dec 13th 2018, 4:26 am
#1978
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,017
Re: Me and My Family
Morpeth...
** i get the impression you enjoy the drama *** You cannot be more wrong. I came to the Philippines over 3 yrs ago to the land of milk and honey and meet my lovely lady. Now, the milk and honey has morphed into Beirut and my lovely lady has turned into a wife with a severe stress disorder prone to suicidal and violent behavior. Her family who once loved me now probably see me as a drunk wife beater who gives her no money. I am also faced with debts which will take about 6 months or so clear ...at best. It has affected my health over the past couple of months and I live from day to day wondering what else is going to rear its ugly head. Trying to keep a calm disposition and help my volatile wife is not easy. I think I have made my point.
My detractors here will say that I have made my bed and I must lay in it. Correct. I shamefully left my last wife in circumstances on which I am not proud. As I lay in this metaphorical bed I can see the bedroom door. It wont take much now to get up...open the door....and walk away. But this time without any shame.
Regards
** i get the impression you enjoy the drama *** You cannot be more wrong. I came to the Philippines over 3 yrs ago to the land of milk and honey and meet my lovely lady. Now, the milk and honey has morphed into Beirut and my lovely lady has turned into a wife with a severe stress disorder prone to suicidal and violent behavior. Her family who once loved me now probably see me as a drunk wife beater who gives her no money. I am also faced with debts which will take about 6 months or so clear ...at best. It has affected my health over the past couple of months and I live from day to day wondering what else is going to rear its ugly head. Trying to keep a calm disposition and help my volatile wife is not easy. I think I have made my point.
My detractors here will say that I have made my bed and I must lay in it. Correct. I shamefully left my last wife in circumstances on which I am not proud. As I lay in this metaphorical bed I can see the bedroom door. It wont take much now to get up...open the door....and walk away. But this time without any shame.
Regards
Dec 13th 2018, 5:46 am
#1979
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Nonthaburi.......
***I'm wondering what the positives are, and is it really worth it.***** Good question. I thought about coming here initially for 2 reasons. With my pensions I can live here comfortably whereas in the UK I could not. Then of course we have the tropical climate. Gone are the days of the cold, wind, sleet, snow and ice. However, the downside is that this a developing country ....and I use that phrase kindly. Many ex-pats try to retire here but fail because they have not done their homework, cannot adapt nor possess the patience and humour required to integrate successfully. Accepting the culture can be difficult and trying, also remember the average IQ is 86. Commonsense and logic appears to be in short supply. But this is all forgotten with their friendliness and happy nature despite the woes that beset their country.
Worth it? Well.....when I go down to the beach each evening with my beautiful wife and a few good friends having a few very cold beers watching another lovely sunset, the answer is yes. How idyllic is that?
Regards
***I'm wondering what the positives are, and is it really worth it.***** Good question. I thought about coming here initially for 2 reasons. With my pensions I can live here comfortably whereas in the UK I could not. Then of course we have the tropical climate. Gone are the days of the cold, wind, sleet, snow and ice. However, the downside is that this a developing country ....and I use that phrase kindly. Many ex-pats try to retire here but fail because they have not done their homework, cannot adapt nor possess the patience and humour required to integrate successfully. Accepting the culture can be difficult and trying, also remember the average IQ is 86. Commonsense and logic appears to be in short supply. But this is all forgotten with their friendliness and happy nature despite the woes that beset their country.
Worth it? Well.....when I go down to the beach each evening with my beautiful wife and a few good friends having a few very cold beers watching another lovely sunset, the answer is yes. How idyllic is that?
Regards
Dec 13th 2018, 7:19 am
#1980
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Joined: Aug 2015
Location: Penang
Posts: 959
Re: Me and My Family