Me and My Family
May 24th 2018, 12:52 pm
#1546
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: Suffolk UK
Posts: 1,179
Re: Me and My Family
Unless you are particularly attached to your current house I think I would be looking to move away a bit, even just the next town down the coast. Just to get a bit air between you and the family.
May 25th 2018, 6:42 am
#1547
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2016
Location: Davao
Posts: 260
Re: Me and My Family
May 25th 2018, 2:45 pm
#1548
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Buraydah , Saudi Arabia
Posts: 2,863
Re: Me and My Family
Just bought another house 700km away, purely for the sake of the elephant in the room.
my wife thinks it's a great idea, which highlights why as a couple you need to be on the same page, which I'm not sure the OP and his SO are.
IMO they put up with too much family crap for far too long. A few harsh words recently don't make up for it.
the OP has been a soft touch, and his Mrs needs to work out which side her bread is buttered on.
my wife thinks it's a great idea, which highlights why as a couple you need to be on the same page, which I'm not sure the OP and his SO are.
IMO they put up with too much family crap for far too long. A few harsh words recently don't make up for it.
the OP has been a soft touch, and his Mrs needs to work out which side her bread is buttered on.
May 25th 2018, 8:28 pm
#1549
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,139
Re: Me and My Family
Just bought another house 700km away, purely for the sake of the elephant in the room.
my wife thinks it's a great idea, which highlights why as a couple you need to be on the same page, which I'm not sure the OP and his SO are.
IMO they put up with too much family crap for far too long. A few harsh words recently don't make up for it.
the OP has been a soft touch, and his Mrs needs to work out which side her bread is buttered on.
my wife thinks it's a great idea, which highlights why as a couple you need to be on the same page, which I'm not sure the OP and his SO are.
IMO they put up with too much family crap for far too long. A few harsh words recently don't make up for it.
the OP has been a soft touch, and his Mrs needs to work out which side her bread is buttered on.
I think giving the father the 3k back was a mistake. What's the use of having a huge dust up and reading the family the riot act about borrowing money, only to do a complete about face and end up financing the scan after all? No wonder they think you're an easy touch!
Philosophical, you're giving mixed messages and you're not being consistent. As long as you continue to show that you're a possible source of money, you can't really blame the family for asking.
May 25th 2018, 8:42 pm
#1550
Concierge
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,388
Re: Me and My Family
Totally agree. The family stuff can easily be sorted out if Philosophical and his partner decide between them what is and isn't acceptable - and stick to this plan in a united, consistent and firm manner.
I think giving the father the 3k back was a mistake. What's the use of having a huge dust up and reading the family the riot act about borrowing money, only to do a complete about face and end up financing the scan after all? No wonder they think you're an easy touch!
Philosophical, you're giving mixed messages and you're not being consistent. As long as you continue to show that you're a possible source of money, you can't really blame the family for asking.
I think giving the father the 3k back was a mistake. What's the use of having a huge dust up and reading the family the riot act about borrowing money, only to do a complete about face and end up financing the scan after all? No wonder they think you're an easy touch!
Philosophical, you're giving mixed messages and you're not being consistent. As long as you continue to show that you're a possible source of money, you can't really blame the family for asking.
May 25th 2018, 9:00 pm
#1551
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,022
Re: Me and My Family
Totally agree. The family stuff can easily be sorted out if Philosophical and his partner decide between them what is and isn't acceptable - and stick to this plan in a united, consistent and firm manner.
I think giving the father the 3k back was a mistake. What's the use of having a huge dust up and reading the family the riot act about borrowing money, only to do a complete about face and end up financing the scan after all? No wonder they think you're an easy touch!
Philosophical, you're giving mixed messages and you're not being consistent. As long as you continue to show that you're a possible source of money, you can't really blame the family for asking.
I think giving the father the 3k back was a mistake. What's the use of having a huge dust up and reading the family the riot act about borrowing money, only to do a complete about face and end up financing the scan after all? No wonder they think you're an easy touch!
Philosophical, you're giving mixed messages and you're not being consistent. As long as you continue to show that you're a possible source of money, you can't really blame the family for asking.
I agree. Would have made better sense to take the repayment of the loan and then bank it to be used again if the family needs another loan "like next week". Like telling your kid they are punished for an abuse of the house rules and can't play with their video games for 48 hours and then giving the game back in 4 hours. The only thing the family and the kid learned is that daddy is a soft touch and doesn't mean a bloody thing he says and there are no repercussions for bad behavior.
May 26th 2018, 1:31 am
#1552
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 2,352
Re: Me and My Family
I agree P11 and LL do need to decide on this "family stuff", basically how they should be helped..... but not if.
Previous posters have said their in laws aren't seeing them as an atm, I can also add mine to that group...but obviously these in laws are not in that category, which judging from what one reads and hears is a significant one here. Yes, P11's translated speech may have made one or two of them think to get off their butts and earn some money, cut down spending etc, but essentially their financial situation is likely to continue much the same. Not surprisingly, millions of households here are in the same boat. In developed countries too. I read that most British households are just 3 paychecks away from not being able to pay their bills, and also half of all US households live paycheck to paycheck. British and US households have the fallback of some decent Social Security help, with UK households also getting the benefit of the NHS. Yes, it has many faults..but in an emergency!
Very little help seems to be available to the family here, apart from LL and P11..with the latter being the major source, as one doesn't read of any rich aunties in the US, on which one hears some here rely on. P11 didn't hesitate to help when he learned a CT scan was needed. I think that is right and that one should make help for family members with genuine medical costs, in P11's words "a priority". Of course, they must decide who is included in "family". If the scan had come back showing something which needed to be investigated further and/or treated then I think he would have again opened his wallet. But I wouldn't have called it a loan..not just for the practical reason that often they won't get repaid but simply because it is for medical purposes. There will be other requests for money in other areas and one can then consider them on a case by case basis, even making them loans, although good luck with that!
Moving house, even to the Batanes Islands, won't isolate him from requests for help with big things like medical bills. Then, if you give, as I am recommending you automatically should, you are away from being able to check on how your help is used.
And who knows, the family may well be a valuable source of assistance to him in the future?
Previous posters have said their in laws aren't seeing them as an atm, I can also add mine to that group...but obviously these in laws are not in that category, which judging from what one reads and hears is a significant one here. Yes, P11's translated speech may have made one or two of them think to get off their butts and earn some money, cut down spending etc, but essentially their financial situation is likely to continue much the same. Not surprisingly, millions of households here are in the same boat. In developed countries too. I read that most British households are just 3 paychecks away from not being able to pay their bills, and also half of all US households live paycheck to paycheck. British and US households have the fallback of some decent Social Security help, with UK households also getting the benefit of the NHS. Yes, it has many faults..but in an emergency!
Very little help seems to be available to the family here, apart from LL and P11..with the latter being the major source, as one doesn't read of any rich aunties in the US, on which one hears some here rely on. P11 didn't hesitate to help when he learned a CT scan was needed. I think that is right and that one should make help for family members with genuine medical costs, in P11's words "a priority". Of course, they must decide who is included in "family". If the scan had come back showing something which needed to be investigated further and/or treated then I think he would have again opened his wallet. But I wouldn't have called it a loan..not just for the practical reason that often they won't get repaid but simply because it is for medical purposes. There will be other requests for money in other areas and one can then consider them on a case by case basis, even making them loans, although good luck with that!
Moving house, even to the Batanes Islands, won't isolate him from requests for help with big things like medical bills. Then, if you give, as I am recommending you automatically should, you are away from being able to check on how your help is used.
And who knows, the family may well be a valuable source of assistance to him in the future?
May 26th 2018, 6:51 am
#1553
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Buraydah , Saudi Arabia
Posts: 2,863
Re: Me and My Family
I agree P11 and LL do need to decide on this "family stuff", basically how they should be helped..... but not if.
Previous posters have said their in laws aren't seeing them as an atm, I can also add mine to that group...but obviously these in laws are not in that category, which judging from what one reads and hears is a significant one here. Yes, P11's translated speech may have made one or two of them think to get off their butts and earn some money, cut down spending etc, but essentially their financial situation is likely to continue much the same. Not surprisingly, millions of households here are in the same boat. In developed countries too. I read that most British households are just 3 paychecks away from not being able to pay their bills, and also half of all US households live paycheck to paycheck. British and US households have the fallback of some decent Social Security help, with UK households also getting the benefit of the NHS. Yes, it has many faults..but in an emergency!
Very little help seems to be available to the family here, apart from LL and P11..with the latter being the major source, as one doesn't read of any rich aunties in the US, on which one hears some here rely on. P11 didn't hesitate to help when he learned a CT scan was needed. I think that is right and that one should make help for family members with genuine medical costs, in P11's words "a priority". Of course, they must decide who is included in "family". If the scan had come back showing something which needed to be investigated further and/or treated then I think he would have again opened his wallet. But I wouldn't have called it a loan..not just for the practical reason that often they won't get repaid but simplybecause it is for medical purposes. There will be other requests for money in other areas and one can then consider them on a case by case basis, even making them loans, although good luck with that!
Moving house, even to the Batanes Islands, won't isolate him from requests for help with big things like medical bills. Then, if you give, as I am recommending you automatically should, you are away from being able to check on how your help is used.
And who knows, the family may well be a valuable source of assistance to him in the future?
Previous posters have said their in laws aren't seeing them as an atm, I can also add mine to that group...but obviously these in laws are not in that category, which judging from what one reads and hears is a significant one here. Yes, P11's translated speech may have made one or two of them think to get off their butts and earn some money, cut down spending etc, but essentially their financial situation is likely to continue much the same. Not surprisingly, millions of households here are in the same boat. In developed countries too. I read that most British households are just 3 paychecks away from not being able to pay their bills, and also half of all US households live paycheck to paycheck. British and US households have the fallback of some decent Social Security help, with UK households also getting the benefit of the NHS. Yes, it has many faults..but in an emergency!
Very little help seems to be available to the family here, apart from LL and P11..with the latter being the major source, as one doesn't read of any rich aunties in the US, on which one hears some here rely on. P11 didn't hesitate to help when he learned a CT scan was needed. I think that is right and that one should make help for family members with genuine medical costs, in P11's words "a priority". Of course, they must decide who is included in "family". If the scan had come back showing something which needed to be investigated further and/or treated then I think he would have again opened his wallet. But I wouldn't have called it a loan..not just for the practical reason that often they won't get repaid but simplybecause it is for medical purposes. There will be other requests for money in other areas and one can then consider them on a case by case basis, even making them loans, although good luck with that!
Moving house, even to the Batanes Islands, won't isolate him from requests for help with big things like medical bills. Then, if you give, as I am recommending you automatically should, you are away from being able to check on how your help is used.
And who knows, the family may well be a valuable source of assistance to him in the future?
Very important point. Are the funds being used in the right way. But this goes back to my point above, it's the wife's job to weed out the chancers and the jokers. At the end of the day, she knows her family, and whether someone is likely to be telling the truth or not.
Financially, probably not, but IME it's made up for in other ways. Small gifts and presents that go some way to showing their appreciation of what you've done in the past. Looking after you when you get sick. Cooking some of your favourite foods and so on. Bringing over a few beers one afternoon. Planting a fruit tree of some kind. Helping to fix the car. Doing some maintenance work on the house. Looking after the kids for the weekend so you can get away together. Just generally thinking of you as one of them, a part of the family.
May 26th 2018, 7:59 am
#1554
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Greetings!
Some very good positive and constructive responses ...thank you.
I will try and take the points raised in order.
Moving to another Island. I will only move if my life here becomes untenable. I am reluctant to do so because I love the place and have established some very good friends. But what about her family? Moving elsewhere would not solve any problems as far as I can see. They would not have to pitch up to the gate but instead send a message if they require financial help. And as has been stated, it would be good to be here to check the validity of problems. We have a gate. It has a lock. That's good enough for me. My lovely lady has not mentioned moving again which is as I had thought. She visits her family...and two sons daily but it appears when Waddly or her father are not there. If she is happy with that...then so am I.
It has been stated that I am a "soft touch". Lets remember its because of my stance on lending money that has caused this family break up. They wanted money for a scan and she was too shy to ask me because she knows how I would react. I laid the law down last year when they got behind on their rent (documented here). My lovely lady has been fielding all requests for money and for that I am grateful. I have mentioned that they appear to come here 2 or 3 times per week and I see her giving them a few hundred peso each time. I suspect she eventually got tired of it and refused the 3000 peso for the scan. And then the you know what hit the fan.
As far as the 3k loan I gave them....perhaps I have not explained it properly judging by a comment that was made. The Old Boy pitched up to repay the loan. That is a first....so we are getting somewhere. I thanked him for repaying the loan. He understood that. I then said I was going to give him 3k to start his emergency fund and the family was to add to it each month. Even if its only a few hundred peso. He understood that also. Now, I am not naïve to believe he will stick to that plan, but I will tell you this.....it gives me a big stick to beat him over the head if future requests occur. But as stated, medical emergencies should be dealt with immediately and questions asked later. Finally on this point. Even if this family were getting an additional 10k per month ....they would still be broke. They are as dysfunctional as they come. Hopefully, this episode will be a lesson for them and I pray that the family will be reunited at some point.
Moving on....
It appears that both boys have birth certificates which I expected. Lovely lady would not have it any other way. It would be interesting to see the relevance of that in due course.
Whilst discussing the boys one afternoon on the beach...as you do, she mentioned that she will go into the "big town" 5 hrs away to obtain the necessary school requirements. She is going there anyway for a family "wake". I told her that I would be happy to pay half of the cost. She politely turned me down and said it was not my responsibility. I will leave that with you.
Regards
Some very good positive and constructive responses ...thank you.
I will try and take the points raised in order.
Moving to another Island. I will only move if my life here becomes untenable. I am reluctant to do so because I love the place and have established some very good friends. But what about her family? Moving elsewhere would not solve any problems as far as I can see. They would not have to pitch up to the gate but instead send a message if they require financial help. And as has been stated, it would be good to be here to check the validity of problems. We have a gate. It has a lock. That's good enough for me. My lovely lady has not mentioned moving again which is as I had thought. She visits her family...and two sons daily but it appears when Waddly or her father are not there. If she is happy with that...then so am I.
It has been stated that I am a "soft touch". Lets remember its because of my stance on lending money that has caused this family break up. They wanted money for a scan and she was too shy to ask me because she knows how I would react. I laid the law down last year when they got behind on their rent (documented here). My lovely lady has been fielding all requests for money and for that I am grateful. I have mentioned that they appear to come here 2 or 3 times per week and I see her giving them a few hundred peso each time. I suspect she eventually got tired of it and refused the 3000 peso for the scan. And then the you know what hit the fan.
As far as the 3k loan I gave them....perhaps I have not explained it properly judging by a comment that was made. The Old Boy pitched up to repay the loan. That is a first....so we are getting somewhere. I thanked him for repaying the loan. He understood that. I then said I was going to give him 3k to start his emergency fund and the family was to add to it each month. Even if its only a few hundred peso. He understood that also. Now, I am not naïve to believe he will stick to that plan, but I will tell you this.....it gives me a big stick to beat him over the head if future requests occur. But as stated, medical emergencies should be dealt with immediately and questions asked later. Finally on this point. Even if this family were getting an additional 10k per month ....they would still be broke. They are as dysfunctional as they come. Hopefully, this episode will be a lesson for them and I pray that the family will be reunited at some point.
Moving on....
It appears that both boys have birth certificates which I expected. Lovely lady would not have it any other way. It would be interesting to see the relevance of that in due course.
Whilst discussing the boys one afternoon on the beach...as you do, she mentioned that she will go into the "big town" 5 hrs away to obtain the necessary school requirements. She is going there anyway for a family "wake". I told her that I would be happy to pay half of the cost. She politely turned me down and said it was not my responsibility. I will leave that with you.
Regards
Last edited by Philosophical 11; May 26th 2018 at 8:01 am.
May 26th 2018, 5:10 pm
#1555
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,139
Re: Me and My Family
Well, I'll put my hand up and say I really don't see any point in reading and responding to posts on this thread.
It seems to comprise a litany of dodgy doings, villains, suspicions and mistrust, with a smattering of 'nudge nudge wink wink I have sex with a woman half my age' thrown in.
Replies expressing concern or caution are dismantled and explained away, often with the expressed or implied defence that the person replying just doesn't get it.
There's a reason I don't watch soap operas on TV, and soap operas on forums are now off the list too! Best of luck to the stalwarts who remain, OP and responders. I'm out.
It seems to comprise a litany of dodgy doings, villains, suspicions and mistrust, with a smattering of 'nudge nudge wink wink I have sex with a woman half my age' thrown in.
Replies expressing concern or caution are dismantled and explained away, often with the expressed or implied defence that the person replying just doesn't get it.
There's a reason I don't watch soap operas on TV, and soap operas on forums are now off the list too! Best of luck to the stalwarts who remain, OP and responders. I'm out.
May 26th 2018, 5:17 pm
#1556
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: Italy
Posts: 2,669
Re: Me and My Family
Well, I'll put my hand up and say I really don't see any point in reading and responding to posts on this thread.
It seems to comprise a litany of dodgy doings, villains, suspicions and mistrust, with a smattering of 'nudge nudge wink wink I have sex with a woman half my age' thrown in.
Replies expressing concern or caution are dismantled and explained away, often with the expressed or implied defence that the person replying just doesn't get it.
There's a reason I don't watch soap operas on TV, and soap operas on forums are now off the list too! Best of luck to the stalwarts who remain, OP and responders. I'm out.
It seems to comprise a litany of dodgy doings, villains, suspicions and mistrust, with a smattering of 'nudge nudge wink wink I have sex with a woman half my age' thrown in.
Replies expressing concern or caution are dismantled and explained away, often with the expressed or implied defence that the person replying just doesn't get it.
There's a reason I don't watch soap operas on TV, and soap operas on forums are now off the list too! Best of luck to the stalwarts who remain, OP and responders. I'm out.
May 27th 2018, 12:42 am
#1557
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 466
Re: Me and My Family
Well, I'll put my hand up and say I really don't see any point in reading and responding to posts on this thread.
It seems to comprise a litany of dodgy doings, villains, suspicions and mistrust, with a smattering of 'nudge nudge wink wink I have sex with a woman half my age' thrown in.
Replies expressing concern or caution are dismantled and explained away, often with the expressed or implied defence that the person replying just doesn't get it.
There's a reason I don't watch soap operas on TV, and soap operas on forums are now off the list too! Best of luck to the stalwarts who remain, OP and responders. I'm out.
It seems to comprise a litany of dodgy doings, villains, suspicions and mistrust, with a smattering of 'nudge nudge wink wink I have sex with a woman half my age' thrown in.
Replies expressing concern or caution are dismantled and explained away, often with the expressed or implied defence that the person replying just doesn't get it.
There's a reason I don't watch soap operas on TV, and soap operas on forums are now off the list too! Best of luck to the stalwarts who remain, OP and responders. I'm out.
Agree 100%. The OPs constant excuses are becoming tiresome, painful,and pathetic. The whole discussion indicates that the OP has lost his marbles and is desperate to hang onto a girl less than half his age.Dispite his revelations that all is rosey, this is certainly not the case, and in due course the OP will come to realize that the majority of the replies to this saga were founded on experience and knowledge of living in the Philippines. He will learn also, but it will be too late.
How is it possible to trust someone who has kept two illegitimate children from her partner ? There must be numerous other ‘skeletons in the closet’ that no doubt will appear in due course. The L/L is clearly, a compulsive liar, and a Oscar winning actress, which is so evident to posters, with the exception of the OP.
I too will call it a day, and no longer waste my time replying to a thick skinned individual who obviously knows better.
Last edited by mikek1; May 27th 2018 at 12:58 am. Reason: additional script
May 27th 2018, 1:18 am
#1558
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,853
Re: Me and My Family
Greetings again.
Sorry to hear these negative comments. As I have stated before, I am posting here because of the interest it has created. If this story creates no interest then this thread will die a natural death. It is no big deal for me.
Regards
Sorry to hear these negative comments. As I have stated before, I am posting here because of the interest it has created. If this story creates no interest then this thread will die a natural death. It is no big deal for me.
Regards
May 27th 2018, 7:53 am
#1559
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2016
Location: Davao
Posts: 260
Re: Me and My Family
Well, I'll put my hand up and say I really don't see any point in reading and responding to posts on this thread.
It seems to comprise a litany of dodgy doings, villains, suspicions and mistrust, with a smattering of 'nudge nudge wink wink I have sex with a woman half my age' thrown in.
Replies expressing concern or caution are dismantled and explained away, often with the expressed or implied defence that the person replying just doesn't get it.
There's a reason I don't watch soap operas on TV, and soap operas on forums are now off the list too! Best of luck to the stalwarts who remain, OP and responders. I'm out.
It seems to comprise a litany of dodgy doings, villains, suspicions and mistrust, with a smattering of 'nudge nudge wink wink I have sex with a woman half my age' thrown in.
Replies expressing concern or caution are dismantled and explained away, often with the expressed or implied defence that the person replying just doesn't get it.
There's a reason I don't watch soap operas on TV, and soap operas on forums are now off the list too! Best of luck to the stalwarts who remain, OP and responders. I'm out.
May 27th 2018, 2:36 pm
#1560
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Buraydah , Saudi Arabia
Posts: 2,863
Re: Me and My Family
Well, I'll put my hand up and say I really don't see any point in reading and responding to posts on this thread.
It seems to comprise a litany of dodgy doings, villains, suspicions and mistrust, with a smattering of 'nudge nudge wink wink I have sex with a woman half my age' thrown in.
Replies expressing concern or caution are dismantled and explained away, often with the expressed or implied defence that the person replying just doesn't get it.
There's a reason I don't watch soap operas on TV, and soap operas on forums are now off the list too! Best of luck to the stalwarts who remain, OP and responders. I'm out.
It seems to comprise a litany of dodgy doings, villains, suspicions and mistrust, with a smattering of 'nudge nudge wink wink I have sex with a woman half my age' thrown in.
Replies expressing concern or caution are dismantled and explained away, often with the expressed or implied defence that the person replying just doesn't get it.
There's a reason I don't watch soap operas on TV, and soap operas on forums are now off the list too! Best of luck to the stalwarts who remain, OP and responders. I'm out.
Seeya! Don't let the door slam on the way out.