Millhouse

I like your friend.

Of course always helpful to have a new girl around within a couple of days to really focus the mind too.

Crystal Dale

Im wondering if the lovely lady in particular, has the same misunderstandings of the English language that my wife has? For example, she has absolutely no grasp of plurals, nor of the tenses even though I've tried to explain to her they are an essential element of English and without them, it can make little or no sense. She says that we are 'couples' because there are two of us? She might ask what foods I bought from the supermarket, or she will say that her underwears needed washing, so I might ask when did she do but then she will reply she already did?? These are two very basic examples and not really a problem anymore. However, if I ask her to explain better a sentence she has types during our mobile phone instant messenger conversations, she will usually get mad and accuse me (again) of criticising her knowledge of the language? Maybe that's just the Filipina way? Other things she says are, what did you ated for your dinner, or she might type something like she will go somewhere, when in fact she has already been there? I have many more examples, but you get the picture and it's her lack of understanding the plurals in particular, that really had (as she would put it), rather than has (present tense), me scratching my head sometimes. Of course, as I've got to know her better over the 6 years since we first met online, I can understand her better, and often I find her way of wording things quite amusing but not in a critical sense, and even a bit cute perhaps, but because we're not actually living together, it means we have to send lots of messages for our communication, and we can't always fit in a webcam chat due to the time difference (differences in her case), and our busy lives. When I'm over there and we're actually talking face to face, it's easier (sometimes) for me to tell her how to correctly word a sentence or whatever, without her getting mad at me everytime. Also, she really doesn't like it if I type lots of text even when it's necessary. Finally, do all Filipinos say they will close/open the light, rather and switch it on/off? I actually find that a 'cool' way of describing that action for some reason.

mikemike

Dale,

Only question is how good is your tagalog? When I try it is treated as center stage comedy central. I expect my lot could run an equivalent Bulletin board on us!!
''What?? he does not know about Wak wak!!!'' tittertitter

Philosophical 11

Greetings,

D-V. You are spot on regarding language difficulties which certainly lead to misunderstanding. My lovely lady has a reasonable command of the English language but I never try to teach or correct her. Unless she asks of course which is rare. Yes, she has the same problem with plurals and tense etc but I know what she is trying to say most of the time. Sometimes I try to help with what she is trying to say without being condescending. With misunderstandings which sometimes end with an argument, she always says..."I heard what you said". Yes, maybe....but she did not understand what I said. And therein lies the problem. But I remember this.....she speaks English far better than I can speak Illongo. So I never criticize. And yes...off/on the light is quaint. No idea where it comes from.

Re my gf behavior. I would never treat a person in a dictatorial way....never mind a woman. Ok we all have our ways of doing things but she has changed a fair few things over the past year or so by patience and understanding and not ultimatums.. An ultimatum would be used as a last resort for a very serious misdemeanor.

I think the 10k my gf gave to her friend was not a loan but she has bought something from her.....probably gold jewelry which her American bf bought her. That would go some way towards the money she needs. Makes more sense.

Found out today that her parents roof has been fixed and they do not need to move. Her father and landlord went halves on it. Wonder where he got the money from? Didn't cost much apparently....so I am told. I shall leave it like that for now. Wonder what 2 + 2 = ?

G/f's "monk" disappeared yesterday afternoon. Headache apparently....

I mentioned a while back that my lovely lady paid impromptu visits to her families house. That has now stopped for the past month or so. No idea why...never asked as its her business.

As you know, I am going through a divorce and trying to reach a financial settlement. I am reluctant to hire a solicitor at the moment (cost). My estranged wife has been living in the house (mortgage free) and presented me with a bill for repairs. Roof and heating. Can I charge her some sort of rent for the last 16 months? Answers here or pm's would be good. Thanks.

Just seen a post on fb from waddly sister. "Thank you Lord for everything I have". Seems I have reached deity status now.

All for now

Bazza070958

.


Must agree Millhouse ..... that would be my stand too ... I'm prepared to accept the life change and the nuances .... but sulking .... not for me. No disrespects but if I'm improving her life by providing security and decent roof to live under fresh food not rice porridge, then all I expect in return is little politeness and a smile. With regards the finances .... I'm very lucky that my g/f understands that 60k per month is our budget ..... if that gets spent on niceties before month end then we go with out. I also make her in charge of finances although really its me, but I give her, her reins and we never over spend.(albeit this was on holiday but I have discussed that it will be the same scenario when we are together) I'm sure Pete has laid out ground rules etc and has more experience than me about Filipino life ... I just don't like moody woman Filipino, African or English ..... 18 days to go till I move over can't wait .... as an aside .... the immigration office in Terminal 2 @ manila .... is it easily found ??? cheers Bazza

scot47

Do not underestimate the complexity of English.


Consider


Do you work ?
Did you work ?
Have you worked ?
Are you working ?
Had you worked ?


And try to see these different verb forms from the vantage of a speaker of another language !

Stokkevn

What is this word 'work'?

I am lucky or something I left school having spent many years having to learn Latin, French and Spanish and could order 'black coffee please' and 'three beers please' in Spanish by the time I left school. Pretty dismal really but since then I have learnt 3 languages fluently, a couple that will get you by on a day to day basis and a dismal amount of Filipino. My excuse with the Filipino is that I have no idea what they are speaking Visayan, Aklanon, Ilocano or Tagalog, none of whom seem to understand the other. The best way to normally learn a language is from kids TV or the wife, wrong, my wife speaks Tagalog as do most TV programs, here they speak a mixture of Visayan or Aklanon with a bit of Ilocano thrown in, even the wife struggles with the local language and most of them are her relatives.

Gazza-d

The wife's family live in Luzon where they speak pampangan and tagalog but are from Negros so speak Visayan in the house. No sure which one I need to learn

Crystal Dale

I bought a Tagalog phrase book a few years back but gave up trying to learn even the basics, and my wife said there was no need to bother as everyone I need to communicate with there, can speak English. I know some words can be picked up without the help of a phrase book, and perhaps if I lived in Phils, I would become at least a little bit competent in speaking the local language. However, I remember no even wanting to say the words that are used when you want those on a jeepney who are nearer to the driver, to hand him your fare coins due to embarrassment even though she was encouraging me.

Crystal Dale

I've only tried to correct her, if I really haven't understood something she has typed or said, but as mentioned, she thinks I am just criticising her English so it can often be a problem and she has little patience but her life is stressful for reasons that wouldn't sit well on this thread and I don't want to start a separate one because I don't know if anyone would be interested to read it, and give their opinion/advice (or advices as she would say)? Anyway, it's good of course if the 10k wasn't a loan (I bet you're tired of that word), rather it was to help the friend and her and although we're all just outsiders looking in, I don't think she is being deceitful at all or to a point where you need to be worried. It seems that some or even most Filipinos don't understand what gratitude is, when it comes to showing appreciation/saying thank you to a foreign living there, and just see it as normal, in exchange for them choosing PHils as their home. I'm talking about the waddling sister, but perhaps in some ways you find her an amusing and interesting character and she is of course, a topic for discussion on here. Also, it's probably best to just go with the flow, but to speak up when it's really necessary. When you said your gf had a monk,(new word on me but I knew what you meant), I immediately thought it was her 'time of the month' (typical narrow mindedness for a guy, and no offence meant), and would you believe that no less than three times when I have visited Vaness, it has been just that, but no need of course to go into any detail how unlucky it is for us. Perhaps after the first time, I should have asked her first, when it was due again? However, I have to plan my trip there around work and any promos the carriers might be offering. OUt of interest, which airline did you fly there with although you might have mentioned it at the time? Last year, I flew there for just £395 return with CAthay Pacific. All the best.....

Gazza-d

Time of the year make a big difference in airfares. We fly in on Qatar in October for just over £500 each. To keep the cost down at Christmas we have flow to HK then use Cebu Pacific and save a few hundred £.

mikemike

gazza if flying from the UK PAL is really ok they often are less than half full so we usually ask for the middle seat in in the middle row, one row each(not next to the toilets!!) and get our heads down on 4 seats once the seat belt sign is off

return flights to Uk for two is about 1300£

Raffin

Thinking of your estranged wife back in the UK reminds me of the response of a well known British politician involved in the recent EU Referendum campaign. He was asked by a reporter that something he had said was akin to "..having his cake and eating it..". His response was "...I like cake and eating it"!

I think you have to choose between coming to a deal on the mortgage payments or on the repairs, as from what you have said so far in your posts your EW doesn't sound like the sort who wants to deal with things amicably, in that she didn't offer to share the payments from the start.

Refusing funds for mortgage payments could lead to penalties and finally to eviction and forced sale if your EW can't make up the difference or perhaps negotiate with the mortgage provider, which may in itself also be eventually costly and complicating. Obviously that would not be advantageous to either of you.

It might have been better to get your EW to share the mortgage payments from the start, but from where you are now it seems to me to complicate matters unnecessarily to now start linking repairs to mortgage payments.

You say you haven't engaged a solicitor yet, so it seems that this could drag on for some time. In all that time your EW is enjoying the property and, if those repairs are done, her enjoyment for, perhaps years, will be at a higher level of comfort. The roof is the more worrying issue as a leaking one can cause a lot of internal damage, whereas defective CH usually just leads to having to wear more warm clothing!

I don't know whether your EW is planning to buy you out after the divorce or move. If she is planning to buy you out maybe she is willing to put up with some problems there to lower the valuation of the property? In which case you will lose out somewhat.

But if she is planning to move post divorce you will both benefit if the house is sold with sound roofing and fully working CH. But, in the meantime, she is the one to benefit from those repairs being done.

So your leverage here depends a bit on her intentions...but.. assuming she needs to eventually move out my suggestion is that you use an argument along those lines to offer her less than 50% of the repair cost.

An extra leverage you have is that winter is not far away!

Philosophical 11

Greetings,

Thanks again for your interest. I would like to respond to two specific people which are Dale and Raffin. I only have the time to properly respond to only one tonight so that will be Raffin. I will take the time to respond to Dale probably the day after tomorrow.

Raffin. I should have explained that the house is in joint ownership and the mortgage was paid off a few years ago. She is currently living in it on her own and obviously paying for maintenance etc. The house value is near enough to the value of my military pension and she wants to trade one off against the other. She keeps the house, I keep my pension. I would accept that reluctantly but would prefer 50% of the house for 50% of my pension. Or a % up to 50%. I prefer to have the capital to pay of debts and have spending money to maybe buy a house, a car or whatever. Her solicitor has stated that she has had to pay for repairs and I am aware that as its joint owned, I am part responsible. I accept that. But I am wondering if I can claim some sort of rent during her sole tenancy. I am in the process of trying to engage a solicitor to take this further. But the galling thing is this.... she wants a monetary settlement also. She owes me a fair bit of money which she has ignored. Now, her solicitor has stated that I may need to go back to the UK to fight this in court. Something I am reluctant to do because of the cost involved. My lovely lady on hearing this has said she does not want me to go back but to accede to her requests. I think she still believes I want to get back with my wife. Seems she is accepting now that I will not be able to purchase this house without a % share of my ex marital home. That I must admit was a surprise.

In a nutshell....I want to fight and claim whats mine...I am hoping that I do not need to go back to the UK to do that and I can get legal representation to do that for me.

Anyway...pinay about to perch.

Regards

Raffin

I see, the mortgage is paid off...but I don't see you ever getting any rent, especially back rent. She's not a tenant under an agreement, she's your wife who's still living in the marital home. And she hasn't voluntarily offered to pay anything up to now and that seems unlikely to change.

You say she's been paying for repairs and maintenance up to now, but they may have been minor things. Now she's asking you to pay for some major repairs - is it a share or all? Whichever it is I wouldn't offer anything at present. There must be many cases where husbands and wives both living in a house have a dispute about payments for repairs..one doesn't hear about anyone taken to court over it.

Perhaps the fact that she has been living there rent free and the cost of major repairs will be taken into account in some mediation process at a later date?

You certainly do need some capital here to set yourself up. Otherwise the future life for you both will continue in very much the same way as now. But unless you know someone there who you can trust and rely upon 100pc to do things for you I don't see how you can fight your case without going back to the UK. In any case you may need to be physically present to sign documents etc. Can you get some cheap accommodation there for a period in which you can at least start the legal process off?

Aren't there usually some cheaper air fares to the UK offered later this year in October?