Me and My Family

Old May 25th 2016, 6:31 am
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this sounds harsh but it is true... beautiful, caring and kind ladies are ten a penny in the emerging markets. You've made too many mistakes with this one and she is broken. Replace her with a new one and start as you mean to go on - you will not be able to reverse the tide on this one.

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Old May 25th 2016, 9:25 am
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Originally Posted by Millhouse
this sounds harsh but it is true... beautiful, caring and kind ladies are ten a penny in the emerging markets. You've made too many mistakes with this one and she is broken. Replace her with a new one and start as you mean to go on - you will not be able to reverse the tide on this one.
Absolutely spot on. Pete move on there are many many more girls out there. Find yourself a new G/F and don't repeat the same mistakes.


The money you have laid out in the allowances and the 25K food etc is far more than she will earn in Kuwait. Your GF is obviously very immature and financially inept.

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Old May 26th 2016, 3:06 am
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Greetings and salutations,

Many thanks for your responses especially the new contributors. Not what I want to hear, but expected. In fact, if I was commenting on such a story....I would say exactly the same.

However, I am the man on the ground and with her 24/7. I see other sides to her which I do not report. This morning for example, she took time to cut leaves off a bush, rearranged them in bunches and gave them to one of the kids now visiting to take to the market to sell. He has just come back with 68 peso. Happy as Larry. Just one small example. Yes, she can be immature, illogical and subject to sudden mood changes. But she is also very loving and generous to her family and I. It is true, she needs patient understanding....but my patience tank is now very low after the episode of the last few weeks. I can forgive...but never forget what happened. It will take time to get over that mini drama which shook my confidence in her. I hope I am given that time. Can I live with such a woman with these faults? The answer most probably is no as it stands. But over the last year or so, she has made many changes to accommodate my wishes. I never demand and only once I laid the law down. I make my feelings known and she more often complies. Those changes are documented in these many pages of "Retiring to Sipalay".

But she is in between a rock and a hard place. She wants to satisfy the needs of her family, me....and her personal needs after giving up on 7 years of her life for her families sake. The secret is striking the right balance. She needs to work on that.

But, I hear what you all say. I thank you for your advice and more so for your continual support. Thanks again.

She received her money today for housekeeping etc. 39k. The first thing she did was to pay the months rent as she normally does and we came back with a few weeks shopping. Not the actions of a person about to leave.

Her eldest sister (worm boys mum and she who used to waddle freely throughout the house and lives rent free etc) uses FB to post subjects of a religious nature. She is a devout Christian. She posted a poster that said "Thank you Lord for all I have". Nearly posted a comment as follows: "No problem...but stop calling me Lord"

All for now

Thanks

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Old May 26th 2016, 3:26 am
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Yea your correct It's easy for us on the outside to make comments but your on the inside.

I hope it all works out for you. Your patience should be rewarded.

Best wishes,
Kevin

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Old May 26th 2016, 4:45 am
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Just wondering about the jewellery. How is it an investment? I don't know about gold in the PPPs, but normally, the only way gold can be an investment is if you buy the bars and the global price goes up.

If you pawn a necklace, you'll only get the melted down value.

IME gold is never pawned, unless the owner is in dire straights.

I'm presuming it is gold we're talking about. Apologies if it's something else.
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Old May 26th 2016, 4:56 am
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Greetings and salutations,

Many thanks for your responses especially the new contributors. Not what I want to hear, but expected. In fact, if I was commenting on such a story....I would say exactly the same.

However, I am the man on the ground and with her 24/7. I see other sides to her which I do not report. This morning for example, she took time to cut leaves off a bush, rearranged them in bunches and gave them to one of the kids now visiting to take to the market to sell. He has just come back with 68 peso. Happy as Larry. Just one small example. Yes, she can be immature, illogical and subject to sudden mood changes. But she is also very loving and generous to her family and I. It is true, she needs patient understanding....but my patience tank is now very low after the episode of the last few weeks. I can forgive...but never forget what happened. It will take time to get over that mini drama which shook my confidence in her. I hope I am given that time. Can I live with such a woman with these faults? The answer most probably is no as it stands. But over the last year or so, she has made many changes to accommodate my wishes. I never demand and only once I laid the law down. I make my feelings known and she more often complies. Those changes are documented in these many pages of "Retiring to Sipalay".

But she is in between a rock and a hard place. She wants to satisfy the needs of her family, me....and her personal needs after giving up on 7 years of her life for her families sake. The secret is striking the right balance. She needs to work on that.

But, I hear what you all say. I thank you for your advice and more so for your continual support. Thanks again.

She received her money today for housekeeping etc. 39k. The first thing she did was to pay the months rent as she normally does and we came back with a few weeks shopping. Not the actions of a person about to leave.

Her eldest sister (worm boys mum and she who used to waddle freely throughout the house and lives rent free etc) uses FB to post subjects of a religious nature. She is a devout Christian. She posted a poster that said "Thank you Lord for all I have". Nearly posted a comment as follows: "No problem...but stop calling me Lord"

All for now

Thanks
I think we can tell from reading your posts, that you are fundamentally happy in your relationship, it's just the culture clash which sometimes takes its toll. I'm sure it's the same for your lovely lady too. But you do seem to have a lot of respect for each other and that's the most important thing if a relationship is to endure.

It is funny to read your stories, though. You're a kind of Peter Mayle in the Philippines!

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Old May 26th 2016, 6:05 am
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Greetings and salutations,

Many thanks for your responses especially the new contributors. Not what I want to hear, but expected. In fact, if I was commenting on such a story....I would say exactly the same.

However, I am the man on the ground and with her 24/7. I see other sides to her which I do not report. This morning for example, she took time to cut leaves off a bush, rearranged them in bunches and gave them to one of the kids now visiting to take to the market to sell. He has just come back with 68 peso. Happy as Larry. Just one small example. Yes, she can be immature, illogical and subject to sudden mood changes. But she is also very loving and generous to her family and I. It is true, she needs patient understanding....but my patience tank is now very low after the episode of the last few weeks. I can forgive...but never forget what happened. It will take time to get over that mini drama which shook my confidence in her. I hope I am given that time. Can I live with such a woman with these faults? The answer most probably is no as it stands. But over the last year or so, she has made many changes to accommodate my wishes. I never demand and only once I laid the law down. I make my feelings known and she more often complies. Those changes are documented in these many pages of "Retiring to Sipalay".

But she is in between a rock and a hard place. She wants to satisfy the needs of her family, me....and her personal needs after giving up on 7 years of her life for her families sake. The secret is striking the right balance. She needs to work on that.

But, I hear what you all say. I thank you for your advice and more so for your continual support. Thanks again.

She received her money today for housekeeping etc. 39k. The first thing she did was to pay the months rent as she normally does and we came back with a few weeks shopping. Not the actions of a person about to leave.

Her eldest sister (worm boys mum and she who used to waddle freely throughout the house and lives rent free etc) uses FB to post subjects of a religious nature. She is a devout Christian. She posted a poster that said "Thank you Lord for all I have". Nearly posted a comment as follows: "No problem...but stop calling me Lord"

All for now

Thanks
Thanks I don't want to sound like an asshole either

I wouldn't give too much sympathy to her 7 years in the Gulf. Many of them are more than happy to go and not return (my maid was gutted when I had to let her go - no more good food, hot showers, and wifi for smurfville) - I helped her find another job so she didn't have to go back and she was very happy with that.

Also don't confused being religious with being a good person. From what I see, many people use religion to justify being an asshole - a quick thanks to God and the slate is clean.

Still loving the posts, only stumbled on it by accident (no idea why I even opened the thread as I'm not in phills and not near retirement!) - but I've really enjoyed reading it. When I read your first post, I had an expatiation of how it would pan out - so far, I wasn't wrong

Am I right to also assume that your g/f is very easy to get jealous and uses these fact in a controlling way? Jealously being justified as love?

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Old May 26th 2016, 6:08 am
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Originally Posted by InVinoVeritas
you do seem to have a lot of respect for each other and that's the most important thing if a relationship is to endure.
I struggle to see the respect when there is pouting and drama to get her own way - and the wider family is put well ahead of him
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Old May 26th 2016, 6:52 am
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Originally Posted by Millhouse
I struggle to see the respect when there is pouting and drama to get her own way - and the wider family is put well ahead of him
If you read the entire thread then it is clear she is not just out for what she can get nor does the family always come first.
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Old May 26th 2016, 7:10 am
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Originally Posted by InVinoVeritas
If you read the entire thread then it is clear she is not just out for what she can get nor does the family always come first.
what like post 315?
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Old May 26th 2016, 8:30 am
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Greetings and salutations,

Many thanks for your responses especially the new contributors. Not what I want to hear, but expected. In fact, if I was commenting on such a story....I would say exactly the same.

However, I am the man on the ground and with her 24/7. I see other sides to her which I do not report. This morning for example, she took time to cut leaves off a bush, rearranged them in bunches and gave them to one of the kids now visiting to take to the market to sell. He has just come back with 68 peso. Happy as Larry. Just one small example. Yes, she can be immature, illogical and subject to sudden mood changes. But she is also very loving and generous to her family and I. It is true, she needs patient understanding....but my patience tank is now very low after the episode of the last few weeks. I can forgive...but never forget what happened. It will take time to get over that mini drama which shook my confidence in her. I hope I am given that time. Can I live with such a woman with these faults? The answer most probably is no as it stands. But over the last year or so, she has made many changes to accommodate my wishes. I never demand and only once I laid the law down. I make my feelings known and she more often complies. Those changes are documented in these many pages of "Retiring to Sipalay".

But she is in between a rock and a hard place. She wants to satisfy the needs of her family, me....and her personal needs after giving up on 7 years of her life for her families sake. The secret is striking the right balance. She needs to work on that.

But, I hear what you all say. I thank you for your advice and more so for your continual support. Thanks again.

She received her money today for housekeeping etc. 39k. The first thing she did was to pay the months rent as she normally does and we came back with a few weeks shopping. Not the actions of a person about to leave.

Her eldest sister (worm boys mum and she who used to waddle freely throughout the house and lives rent free etc) uses FB to post subjects of a religious nature. She is a devout Christian. She posted a poster that said "Thank you Lord for all I have". Nearly posted a comment as follows: "No problem...but stop calling me Lord"

All for now

Thanks

I think I've only passed a comment once many many posts ago .... and as like others I don't feel I should be telling you how to run your life but only support you with a smile.
I look forward to every post that you write not because I want to judge or comment but just because your life is almost a mirror of what I've experienced with my GF (albeit I'm not in the Philippines yet !!) also you put a smile on my face
I've had many a discussion on how I'm not a "money tree" and how when I retire in August, the 2 or 3 apples she plucks regularly from said Money Tree, can not be replaced like they are now, whilst I'm working. I think my g/f has no concept of money as she has never had the experience of ever having any. She was brought up in a slum area in Quezon, so how can I expect her to understand the value of savings, when she has, in her life lived day to day or sometimes week to week .... The other week I sent some money over to get her roof fixed .... that money was used to pay "extended Family" medical bills and put food on the table ..... Now its been raining and she's getting wet !! How can I get angry ?? All I try to do is point out that that money was all you are getting and if your priority is extended family, then you don't get a repaired roof !!
Thanks again for all you've ever written ... All I offer you is my best wishes with the conundrum that seemingly is Filipino Women

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Old May 26th 2016, 2:15 pm
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In trying to explain the differences in Asian and Western cultures the issue of a pension is perhaps a good example and has cropped up in Pete's stories. In the West we are accustomed to a pension sustaining us in our later years (often a state pension as well as an occupational pension). In Asia, pensions are still quite uncommon and the custom is for older members of the family to be supported by the younger members. In Thailand, it is particularly the daughters who are expected to support their parents and the financial pressures put upon the daughters can be quite intense.

He has endeavoured to inculcate in his girlfriend this very western approach to planning for the future but has to compete with the alternative of marrying, having children and being looked after by them. This Asian way must be so ingrained in the local culture that the alternative is probably regarded with a great degree of suspicion by all and sundry.

Extracting money from a Sugar-Daddy has long been seen as an attractive alternative to working for a living especially since Western men are relatively wealthy when compared with local wages. Often, it is the parents who push their daughters to find a suitable fellow irrespective of age, nationality or emotion. The concept of saving money for a rainy day is anathema to the parents as their needs are very much of the moment.

None of this necessarily, means that there is a lack of affection, loyalty or respect which generally are expected of the wife in these circumstances but it may be more difficult to distinguish these noble qualities when the financial necessities always take the front seat. However a husband who provides will normally receive such blessings. In some ways, Asian women are more open about this than their Western counterparts. A Pinay pout as an instant response is probably preferable to a petition for divorce years later by a wife who can "endure" no more but who wants a settlement large enough to make her independent. In the West this is the long game which is often played by the wives and their divorce advisers.

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Old May 26th 2016, 10:06 pm
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Very well put InVino Veritas!

your blogs are amusing, honest and courageous.
You have come a long way in your short time in the Philippines and like most who chose to live here find the transition from a first world to a developing world culture challenging.

I have read some of the responses to your blog with a degree of disgust. Keep true to your values and never forget that the family is the core of Filipino life. Once you fully appreciate that and you have gone a long way in doing so never forget we are in their country. When in Rome et al.

Money doesn't buy respect, respect begets respect.

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Old May 27th 2016, 2:40 am
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Greetings again,

This post may be in two parts. My lap top has a habit of crashing thus losing what I have typed. Most frustrating when typing a long post!

First, many thanks for your replies here and pm's. All replies are most appreciated whether negative or positive.

I shall answer a few points in the order they have been received.

Jewelry: It appears that most Filipinos cannot keep hold or save money. If they come into money, it is spent....hence a term that was used here..*One day millionaires* Those who want to save and resist temptation to spend, buy gold jewelry. Gold is rising in price and they cannot spend the money invested in it. It is there in emergencies and the pawnable value is about 75%. Scrap value. The jewelry is redeemed at a later date and interest is paid on the loan each month. That's how it works. Opening a savings account seems more logical to me. But the word logic does not exist in their vocabulary.

Yes, an OFW lives well assuming they have a good employer. She had two. The first treated her badly. The second family she lived with treated her very well and she became part of their family. She was a nanny to her employers son and was there at birth to help bonding. She was heartbroken to leave the little boy when she came back to the Philippines. To all intents and purposes it was her son. She told me later that she was going to spend about a month in the Philippines to see how it works out with me. She is still here. Another boy is due very soon....they want her back. She was an OFW for 4 yrs. Prior to that she spent 3 yrs in Manila sending money home. Hence the 7 years away

Yes....she is jealous and suspicious. Most pinays are so I am told. In fact, I think its funny sometimes. If I am on tricycle with her, I must keep my legs closed and pull my shirt over the groin region! She goes into my fb and messages but fortunately I have nothing to hide. If I am chatting to someone on fb....she has a sixth sense and in a nano-second is perched on my shoulder. She saw a friend request from a delicious looking pinay (albeit nefarious looking) and I was told I do not want to be friends with her and she deleted the request. If a pinay pops up for a fb chat who she does not recognize....she wants to take over the chat on my behalf and I think she wants to try and discover a hidden affair! I have had to delete 2 pinays who could not accept I had a gf. It certainly darkens her mood when that happens! In fact, it has come to the point that if a pinay pops up for a chat.....its bum clenching time for me!

I will close this post now and come back with part 2...

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Old May 27th 2016, 2:41 am
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Originally Posted by Bealinehx
Very well put InVino Veritas!
your blogs are amusing, honest and courageous.
You have come a long way in your short time in the Philippines and like most who chose to live here find the transition from a first world to a developing world culture challenging.

I have read some of the responses to your blog with a degree of disgust. Keep true to your values and never forget that the family is the core of Filipino life. Once you fully appreciate that and you have gone a long way in doing so never forget we are in their country. When in Rome et al.

Money doesn't buy respect, respect begets respect.
I don't disagree with what you have said..family is key and all that...So I guess my question is how transition from ATM to family member before all this drama wears him down?

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