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Fair play to you and your family.

It's as brave to return as it is to emigrate in the first place & life is far too short to be wishing you were somewhere else.

I 'spect the excitement is setting in and you'll be busy, busy with all the arrangements.

Don't be a stranger around here. You're part of the furniture. ;)

All the best for the return journey and settling upon your return. Do keep us updated please. We....read that as nosey ole me....want to know how you get on .

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Good luck with your new life where ever that may be. What do you think made your little one so unhappy in NZ by the way? By the way excellent post. Really measured and will give those coming some food for thought. Too many people are too happy to rip into whatever country they tried relocating too..don't know why as most if not all countries are full of problems and in many cases it has little to do with the place its what's in out heads and hearts that matters aye? Good luck again!!:thumbsup:

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Stoof, just got around to reading your post and wanted to wish you good luck & safe return to UK.
As Bev's said 'don't be stranger on the forum'.....keep in touch:lol:
B x

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After today i,m thinking of coming with u :thumbdown: really starting to piss me off that i cant get straight answers over here

Neil

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Don't think it matters really. It matters that the 3 yrs old is settled, thriving and happy.

I so totally remember being 3 for my sins . I know this is uncommon but some of us, even at 3, are more aware & attuned than a parent realises.
Of course, I can quite see that the inference may be that the parents were unsettled so the 3 yr old was unsettled. I have to tell you , as someone who remembers being 3, that this isn't always the case. Sometimes, you can just miss something and someone who you no longer see. I did.
Of course, parents play a part but isn't that family life. You all need to be happy and settled.

Or where they left for that matter. :sneaky:

Best thing about a BE community like this is being surrounded by all manner of like minded people. We've all been out there .

You can all share the ups and the downs. You just gotta understand that what suits one will not suit another & understand that we are all different in our needs, wants, aspirations and what suits us as people at that moment in time.

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Iz tough . I know. Can't do with the poncing myself. Does my head in.

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Sorry things haven't worked out for you all, wishing you and your family a safe trip back home.

Dannigirl

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[QUOTE=BEVS;8459205]Don't think it matters really. It matters that the 3 yrs old is settled, thriving and happy.


I asked as I wondered would the move back 'home' make their young child happy? What can such a small child remeber of its 1st 2 odd years on earth? I have never heard of such a young child being so adversly affected by a move like this. I got the impression this was one of the main reasons for returning because of the unhappy child. My point is that there is no guarantee that a return back will ensure 'settled thriving and happy'.

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[QUOTE=Genesis;8460909]Our kids would have been very unhappy if we had come here at that age, with all the fun they used to have with Grandma & Grandad, while we were working!!. Even at 3 they had big circles of friends. I'm always glad ours spent most of their childhood in the UK, they couldn't have seen & done a fraction of things here as they did there.

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[QUOTE=mickey_d;8460973]By contrast my kids were happy when they left the UK at aged 2 (Elise and Isabelle twins) and Felix who was aged 4. They have been happy ever since we arrived. Felix does have some attitudinal issues (we thought were ADDesque) but now it just appears to be the latter and the fact that he has be assessed by a psychologist as being 'gifted' but all this would have happened either here or in the UK. I guess we had little contact with rellies and thus it made our move way easier. I am just surprised that 2-3 year olds can be so sensitive to change. Adapting was what I thought little ones did best. I stand corrected.

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that's good to hear BEVS, about your memories I mean - it's surprised us, and continues to, that she has such a long memory for things - myself, I can vaguely remember being about 7 or 8, but only have really proper memories I think from being about 10!

Genesis, on the being settled thing - LO isn't the main reason we're going back - we're all equally unhappy - I only mentioned it really because it's surprised us so much - we too naively assumed that 'at that age' she would be more adaptable than us! The first 4 months or so we were very careful to make sure that our doubts etc were kept between the two of us, and that home life here was as settled and 'normal' as it was in the UK, but she was still very unhappy - a couple of examples…

about 2 months in, sitting at the breakfast table she piped up with 'Mum, I want to go home - not this one, the one on the other side'

At the start of the summer we went away for a few days, it was quite a long journey home, and when we turned the corner just before our house here, she burst into tears and said 'oh no, not this home, I want to be at our proper home'

She also regularly 'answers' the phone and chats with her uncles, cousins and nursery friends, and of course Grandad! These 'conversations' are nearly always about what they'll be doing together at the weekend etc and she apologises for not being there! She also sits with their photos and chats to them - the same sort of conversations...

This makes her sound like a little brat - but she really isn't - she's lovely and caring and very bothered about how everyone else is - maybe that's why she's been so unsettled? Like Mickey_d's kids she had a wide circle of 'friends' that she'd been with for 2 years at nursery and spent regular time every week being cared for by her Nan.

Anyway, we've had good long talks now about what we're doing as a family, and where we're going and why - and she's very excited about getting home and seeing people and doing familiar things (she loved going to london last spring to see friends and has asked if we can go on the train again to see x and y and see the big wheel again!!) We've got her back into the nursery she went to, and we're really hoping that in a few months, we'll all be settled back in (and have jobs and somewhere to live of course!!)

sorry, that's a bit of a brain dump isn't it?! just trying to explain!

btw - thanks for all the good wishes!

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Au contraire. It makes her sound like an extremely switched on child who is well contected with her feelings. She sounds wonderful!! You should be very proud of her!!

We will not return to the UK mainly because our kids DONT want to return..very little family involvement from both sides of the marriage in their formative years. So I understand how you feel. If my kids were not happy here I would be off. Their happiness is paramount. And even if I hated my life here I would stay here for them. We could not give them the life we have here back in the UK for many a reason so I am more than happy to stay in NZ just for the kids. Very best of luck to you again. We gotta do whats right for the littlies aye??:thumbsup:

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Don't be. It is how it is for some.

Thanks for that mate.

Not all of us 'little ones' adapt. Some of us form bonds that tie & we pine. Some of us hide the worry we feel at change but our parents sometimes do not see. Some of us display the worry and some of us just don't give it a 2nd thought.
Yes mate. A 3 year old can be very sensitive to change .

edit here...
Stoof. I can see this through her eyes entirely. You do right for you and yours.

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well this is deffo the right decision… much happier bunny here now (in fact, all 4 of us!) anyway… we heard LO singing yesterday (to the tune of 'the farmers in the den') "we're going home, we're going home, ee aye addio, we're going home" repeat, ad infinitum!!! bless

on another note $236 for a blinkin baby passport!!! :eek:

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Ah wow, best of luck stoof! as you know I didnt settle very well on my 1st stay here with my boys. Sorry I didnt keep in better contact with you! Keep in touch! Congrats on baby stoof too xx