Living the dream

Old Dec 5th 2011, 10:18 pm
  #16  
`
 
BEVS's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,595
BEVS has disabled reputation
Default Re: Living the dream

Originally Posted by dfjordan
Sounds like a pretty weak excuse for having mad such an insufficiently planned major decision.
Not at all. I'll stand by this.
vv
Originally Posted by BEVS
Of course, the 'homework' & recce (s) you do at the time are only good for then.
I think it would be best to hear from the OP about their own circumstances & what led them there before you pronounce judgement.

I will say though that 'starting again' is not possible for some as I have seen. Life is just not like that for many.
BEVS is offline  
Old Dec 5th 2011, 11:44 pm
  #17  
BE Forum Addict
 
Assanah's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: In the middle of the continent
Posts: 2,405
Assanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Living the dream

Originally Posted by dfjordan
Sounds like a pretty weak excuse for having mad such an insufficiently planned major decision. The circumstances we are talking about don´t change overnight, eg salaries don´t become too low to live on over say a one year period, or at least not in stable economies like NZ, neither do housing, schooling, food costs change dramatically. Ok it´s possible that you move to NZ to what sounds a nice job but subsequently it´s found not to be so good, but that applies everywhere, and it´s not as if there´s only one job suitable for each person. Too many UK expats shoot off to places like NZ, the arab states, and even more so , Spain, having based their decisions on "dreams". Reality is somewhat different. If you find you´ve made the wrong decision, then rather accept it and start again, this time with your eyes wide open, and don´t look for excuses as you were the one who made the decision; nobody forced you onto a plane.
Is there a study that proves that well-planned lives are happier than the ones lived spontaneously? I know expats that came to NZ without ever being here and they have settled successfully and others that have planned well but have "failed".
I personally don't think that outer life can be controlled. Things can simply happen, circumstances change, marriages fail, businesses go bankrupt, health issues arise etc. pp. It is better to go with the flow and be prepared on a psychological level for worst-case scenarios. Which is also true for the ones that stayed home.

Last edited by Assanah; Dec 5th 2011 at 11:48 pm.
Assanah is offline  
Old Dec 6th 2011, 12:50 am
  #18  
*********
 
Catchafire's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2008
Location: Up in dem hills.........
Posts: 1,458
Catchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Living the dream

The OP complained that your holiday choices are camping by the beach, in a tent! For me, not a bad way to spend a week!

The glass is either half full or empty. Which is the crux of most of these type of post.
Catchafire is offline  
Old Dec 6th 2011, 7:50 am
  #19  
Banned
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 114
tweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud of
Default Re: Living the dream

Originally Posted by Catchafire
The OP complained that your holiday choices are camping by the beach, in a tent! For me, not a bad way to spend a week!

The glass is either half full or empty. Which is the crux of most of these type of post.
Catchafire we love camping, but it is hobson’s choice for us now. And I dont intend to be camping at 91 without a pension!
To everyone else, Thanks for the interest.
Here is my whinge!!
Firstly, having travelled and lived in many different countries since a child, I have often packed a suitcase, and gone to live somewhere without pondering on it. I have never researched anywhere that I have moved to and it has always turned out fine, I have always found work, made friends and settled in, and had happy times.
But unfortunately it has been very hard for us coming here. Lonely, unhappy experience, tough to find work, made to feel unwelcome. (whinge whinge)
Sadly the Chch earthquake and the world recession have not helped things. Additionally, a job will always go to a Kiwi before the token immigrant. Skills are not taken into account and experience counts for nothing.
Finally despite all the logistic problems of work, finances,
I want to ask, how difficult is it to make a foreigner feel at home?
The few people who have made us welcome and given us some hope are greatly appreciated and due to that, I will always endeavour to make foreigners feel welcome in any country I live.
I try to look on the humorous side but that can be hard at times!
And finally, life is too short, but this is a hard nut to crack!
That is the end of the whinge!
tweetweet is offline  
Old Dec 6th 2011, 9:19 pm
  #20  
Banned
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 114
tweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud of
Default Re: Living the dream

Originally Posted by concretepump
hi so tell me why dont you move back then and start again
we came here for two reasons:

1. so that my husband could spend some time with his Grandfather before Grandfather died as he was getting on

2. for a change in lifestyle and a good place to start a family.

The choice was Africa or New Zealand. Due to the instability in Africa we decided on NZ. Having lived in 8 different countries, I thought nothing of moving from UK (where we were living) to the other side of the world. I guess I am an expat brat. In addition to this, My husband is from NZ and has family here so we thought it would be a welcoming positive experience with a solid network.

But we could not have been more wrong.

People have tried to break up our marriage (we have been married 7 years), saying that I had affairs (which I have definitely not), they spread rumours saying that I had an affair with my boss at the time (pathetic rumours and totally unoriginal), people have tried to stop me from getting work, and we have had threats from people saying that we will have to move out of our house (which we bought!!), I have had a stalker, we have had threats and intimidation. It has been the worst experience of my life aside from when my parents died.

However, we have put a lot of money and effort into moving to NZ and we intend to battle it out. Each of us has moved around the world and been rootless for so long and we want to put down roots. This is where we are and this is where we will stay.
But I would like people to be aware of our experiences because it will make them realise that it is not all Sauvignon Blanc in the Sounds and swimming with the dolphins at sunset.

We can put it down to 'life's rich tapestry'

Last edited by tweetweet; Dec 6th 2011 at 9:29 pm.
tweetweet is offline  
Old Dec 6th 2011, 9:28 pm
  #21  
BE Forum Addict
 
luvwelly's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,285
luvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Living the dream

Sounds like having OH'S family here was a total downside then? I can see why it would have looked like an easy=peasy move on paper though. I do think it is usually easier for those with family here.
luvwelly is offline  
Old Dec 6th 2011, 10:06 pm
  #22  
`
 
BEVS's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,595
BEVS has disabled reputation
Default Re: Living the dream

I actually heartily dislike phrases like this .....but.... are you able to move elsewhere in New Zealand at all ? I appreciate this costs money & employment is a huge consideration. It's just that you say NZ is where you will do your utmost to put roots down.

I'll also add a whinge can be cathartic. BE is a place to share, even more so if one has no support network around them, so you share away.
BEVS is offline  
Old Dec 6th 2011, 10:44 pm
  #23  
Account Closed
 
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 0
scrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond reputescrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond reputescrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond reputescrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond reputescrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond reputescrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond reputescrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond reputescrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond reputescrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond reputescrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond reputescrubbedexpat094 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Living the dream

Originally Posted by BEVS
I actually heartily dislike phrases like this .....but.... are you able to move elsewhere in New Zealand at all ? I appreciate this costs money & employment is a huge consideration. It's just that you say NZ is where you will do your utmost to put roots down.

I'll also add a whinge can be cathartic. BE is a place to share, even more so if one has no support network around them, so you share away.
I was thinking this too BEVS.
scrubbedexpat094 is offline  
Old Dec 7th 2011, 5:37 pm
  #24  
Banned
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 114
tweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud of
Default Re: Living the dream

Originally Posted by BEVS
I actually heartily dislike phrases like this .....but.... are you able to move elsewhere in New Zealand at all ? I appreciate this costs money & employment is a huge consideration. It's just that you say NZ is where you will do your utmost to put roots down.

I'll also add a whinge can be cathartic. BE is a place to share, even more so if one has no support network around them, so you share away.
thanks for advice (whinge whinge)!
tweetweet is offline  
Old Dec 8th 2011, 5:31 am
  #25  
Banned
 
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 1,010
Expat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Living the dream

Originally Posted by dfjordan
Sounds like a pretty weak excuse for having mad such an insufficiently planned major decision. The circumstances we are talking about don´t change overnight, eg salaries don´t become too low to live on over say a one year period, or at least not in stable economies like NZ, neither do housing, schooling, food costs change dramatically. Ok it´s possible that you move to NZ to what sounds a nice job but subsequently it´s found not to be so good, but that applies everywhere, and it´s not as if there´s only one job suitable for each person. Too many UK expats shoot off to places like NZ, the arab states, and even more so , Spain, having based their decisions on "dreams". Reality is somewhat different. If you find you´ve made the wrong decision, then rather accept it and start again, this time with your eyes wide open, and don´t look for excuses as you were the one who made the decision; nobody forced you onto a plane.
Depends what sort of work you're doing dfjordan things can change dramatically beyond one's control in a very short space of time.

For instance, you could come over to New Zealand as a carpenter or roofer and overnight the company you work for could go belly-up, or reduce your hours, or change your contractual working to something a lot less favourable.

New Zealand is a small country and times are hard, its not that easy to just switch from employer to employer if the work isn't around, or they prefer to employ a local whose family they've known for years.

Word of mouth being what it is if you fall out with one employer they could very easily make it their life's work ensuring that you don't get another job.

I can't see how any amount of planning is going to avoid that happening.
Expat Kiwi is offline  
Old Dec 8th 2011, 5:35 am
  #26  
Banned
 
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 1,010
Expat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond reputeExpat Kiwi has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Living the dream

Originally Posted by Assanah
Is there a study that proves that well-planned lives are happier than the ones lived spontaneously? I know expats that came to NZ without ever being here and they have settled successfully and others that have planned well but have "failed".
I personally don't think that outer life can be controlled. Things can simply happen, circumstances change, marriages fail, businesses go bankrupt, health issues arise etc. pp. It is better to go with the flow and be prepared on a psychological level for worst-case scenarios. Which is also true for the ones that stayed home.
You're right sometimes it is better to go with the flow, being prepared on a financial level and well as a psychological one is important too. Its always easier to be optimistic when you've got something to fall back on.
Expat Kiwi is offline  
Old Dec 8th 2011, 5:54 pm
  #27  
Banned
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 114
tweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud oftweetweet has much to be proud of
Default Re: Living the dream

Originally Posted by Expat Kiwi
Depends what sort of work you're doing dfjordan things can change dramatically beyond one's control in a very short space of time.

For instance, you could come over to New Zealand as a carpenter or roofer and overnight the company you work for could go belly-up, or reduce your hours, or change your contractual working to something a lot less favourable.

New Zealand is a small country and times are hard, its not that easy to just switch from employer to employer if the work isn't around, or they prefer to employ a local whose family they've known for years.

Word of mouth being what it is if you fall out with one employer they could very easily make it their life's work ensuring that you don't get another job.

I can't see how any amount of planning is going to avoid that happening.
The more people who speak out about the problems they are encountering as immigrants, a more true picture will be given.
However, these problems usually escalate if they speak out - thus the 'silence'.

I have encountered the following here not on a scale in any other country I have lived.

xenophobia
intimidation
threats
bullying
nastiness
exclusion
isolation
being forced out of jobs
intimidation to prevent one from creating one's own business
creation of rumours to ruin you
attempts to break up your marriage
jealousy if you happen to have more of anything than anyone else
and finally, people prone to schadenfreude

Immigrants who gloss over any problems they have and say that it is all dolphins and sauvignon blanc at sunset are pulling the wool over the eyes of those who are considering a move to NZ.
It is an expensive procedure and upsetting if it goes wrong. So I feel it my duty to let people know what has happened to me here.
I would recommend - work here for 3 years - that will give you a fair idea. The images of a clean green safe country are images. Look at the judicial system, economy, society, and geography. It is miles away from anywhere and hence isolated and the inhabitants can create their own rules and woe betide if you speak out or even dare compare it to another country.

Last edited by tweetweet; Dec 8th 2011 at 6:06 pm.
tweetweet is offline  
Old Dec 8th 2011, 6:12 pm
  #28  
*********
 
Catchafire's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2008
Location: Up in dem hills.........
Posts: 1,458
Catchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond reputeCatchafire has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Living the dream

It sounds a awful situation. I am so sorry, it must be really hard for you guys.

Which part of Marlborough are you living in? Are you guys up in the Sounds? I can imagine it can be a bit "inbred" there.
Catchafire is offline  
Old Dec 13th 2011, 5:48 pm
  #29  
Beach bums :)
 
Boogieboard's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2011
Location: Whangaparaoa, Auckland
Posts: 45
Boogieboard is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Living the dream

Originally Posted by tweetweet
xenophobia
intimidation
threats
bullying
nastiness
exclusion
isolation
being forced out of jobs
intimidation to prevent one from creating one's own business
creation of rumours to ruin you
attempts to break up your marriage
jealousy if you happen to have more of anything than anyone else
and finally, people prone to schadenfreude
Wow - so sorry to hear of your nightmare
All these things you list, are these from a specific group of people or in general from the area you live in?
I have never come across this, or heard anyone list these as 'NZ issues' - so perhaps, as Bevs suggested, it would be a worthwhile consideration to look at relocating within NZ?
Best of luck eitherway
Boogieboard is offline  

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.