Living the dream
#16
Re: Living the dream
vv
Originally Posted by BEVS
Of course, the 'homework' & recce (s) you do at the time are only good for then.
I will say though that 'starting again' is not possible for some as I have seen. Life is just not like that for many.
#17
Re: Living the dream
Sounds like a pretty weak excuse for having mad such an insufficiently planned major decision. The circumstances we are talking about don´t change overnight, eg salaries don´t become too low to live on over say a one year period, or at least not in stable economies like NZ, neither do housing, schooling, food costs change dramatically. Ok it´s possible that you move to NZ to what sounds a nice job but subsequently it´s found not to be so good, but that applies everywhere, and it´s not as if there´s only one job suitable for each person. Too many UK expats shoot off to places like NZ, the arab states, and even more so , Spain, having based their decisions on "dreams". Reality is somewhat different. If you find you´ve made the wrong decision, then rather accept it and start again, this time with your eyes wide open, and don´t look for excuses as you were the one who made the decision; nobody forced you onto a plane.
I personally don't think that outer life can be controlled. Things can simply happen, circumstances change, marriages fail, businesses go bankrupt, health issues arise etc. pp. It is better to go with the flow and be prepared on a psychological level for worst-case scenarios. Which is also true for the ones that stayed home.
Last edited by Assanah; Dec 5th 2011 at 11:48 pm.
#18
Re: Living the dream
The OP complained that your holiday choices are camping by the beach, in a tent! For me, not a bad way to spend a week!
The glass is either half full or empty. Which is the crux of most of these type of post.
The glass is either half full or empty. Which is the crux of most of these type of post.
#19
Banned
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 114
Re: Living the dream
To everyone else, Thanks for the interest.
Here is my whinge!!
Firstly, having travelled and lived in many different countries since a child, I have often packed a suitcase, and gone to live somewhere without pondering on it. I have never researched anywhere that I have moved to and it has always turned out fine, I have always found work, made friends and settled in, and had happy times.
But unfortunately it has been very hard for us coming here. Lonely, unhappy experience, tough to find work, made to feel unwelcome. (whinge whinge)
Sadly the Chch earthquake and the world recession have not helped things. Additionally, a job will always go to a Kiwi before the token immigrant. Skills are not taken into account and experience counts for nothing.
Finally despite all the logistic problems of work, finances,
I want to ask, how difficult is it to make a foreigner feel at home?
The few people who have made us welcome and given us some hope are greatly appreciated and due to that, I will always endeavour to make foreigners feel welcome in any country I live.
I try to look on the humorous side but that can be hard at times!
And finally, life is too short, but this is a hard nut to crack!
That is the end of the whinge!
#20
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 114
Re: Living the dream
we came here for two reasons:
1. so that my husband could spend some time with his Grandfather before Grandfather died as he was getting on
2. for a change in lifestyle and a good place to start a family.
The choice was Africa or New Zealand. Due to the instability in Africa we decided on NZ. Having lived in 8 different countries, I thought nothing of moving from UK (where we were living) to the other side of the world. I guess I am an expat brat. In addition to this, My husband is from NZ and has family here so we thought it would be a welcoming positive experience with a solid network.
But we could not have been more wrong.
People have tried to break up our marriage (we have been married 7 years), saying that I had affairs (which I have definitely not), they spread rumours saying that I had an affair with my boss at the time (pathetic rumours and totally unoriginal), people have tried to stop me from getting work, and we have had threats from people saying that we will have to move out of our house (which we bought!!), I have had a stalker, we have had threats and intimidation. It has been the worst experience of my life aside from when my parents died.
However, we have put a lot of money and effort into moving to NZ and we intend to battle it out. Each of us has moved around the world and been rootless for so long and we want to put down roots. This is where we are and this is where we will stay.
But I would like people to be aware of our experiences because it will make them realise that it is not all Sauvignon Blanc in the Sounds and swimming with the dolphins at sunset.
We can put it down to 'life's rich tapestry'
1. so that my husband could spend some time with his Grandfather before Grandfather died as he was getting on
2. for a change in lifestyle and a good place to start a family.
The choice was Africa or New Zealand. Due to the instability in Africa we decided on NZ. Having lived in 8 different countries, I thought nothing of moving from UK (where we were living) to the other side of the world. I guess I am an expat brat. In addition to this, My husband is from NZ and has family here so we thought it would be a welcoming positive experience with a solid network.
But we could not have been more wrong.
People have tried to break up our marriage (we have been married 7 years), saying that I had affairs (which I have definitely not), they spread rumours saying that I had an affair with my boss at the time (pathetic rumours and totally unoriginal), people have tried to stop me from getting work, and we have had threats from people saying that we will have to move out of our house (which we bought!!), I have had a stalker, we have had threats and intimidation. It has been the worst experience of my life aside from when my parents died.
However, we have put a lot of money and effort into moving to NZ and we intend to battle it out. Each of us has moved around the world and been rootless for so long and we want to put down roots. This is where we are and this is where we will stay.
But I would like people to be aware of our experiences because it will make them realise that it is not all Sauvignon Blanc in the Sounds and swimming with the dolphins at sunset.
We can put it down to 'life's rich tapestry'
Last edited by tweetweet; Dec 6th 2011 at 9:29 pm.
#21
Re: Living the dream
Sounds like having OH'S family here was a total downside then? I can see why it would have looked like an easy=peasy move on paper though. I do think it is usually easier for those with family here.
#22
Re: Living the dream
I actually heartily dislike phrases like this .....but.... are you able to move elsewhere in New Zealand at all ? I appreciate this costs money & employment is a huge consideration. It's just that you say NZ is where you will do your utmost to put roots down.
I'll also add a whinge can be cathartic. BE is a place to share, even more so if one has no support network around them, so you share away.
I'll also add a whinge can be cathartic. BE is a place to share, even more so if one has no support network around them, so you share away.
#23
Account Closed
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 0
Re: Living the dream
I actually heartily dislike phrases like this .....but.... are you able to move elsewhere in New Zealand at all ? I appreciate this costs money & employment is a huge consideration. It's just that you say NZ is where you will do your utmost to put roots down.
I'll also add a whinge can be cathartic. BE is a place to share, even more so if one has no support network around them, so you share away.
I'll also add a whinge can be cathartic. BE is a place to share, even more so if one has no support network around them, so you share away.
#24
Banned
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 114
Re: Living the dream
I actually heartily dislike phrases like this .....but.... are you able to move elsewhere in New Zealand at all ? I appreciate this costs money & employment is a huge consideration. It's just that you say NZ is where you will do your utmost to put roots down.
I'll also add a whinge can be cathartic. BE is a place to share, even more so if one has no support network around them, so you share away.
I'll also add a whinge can be cathartic. BE is a place to share, even more so if one has no support network around them, so you share away.
#25
Banned
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 1,010
Re: Living the dream
Sounds like a pretty weak excuse for having mad such an insufficiently planned major decision. The circumstances we are talking about don´t change overnight, eg salaries don´t become too low to live on over say a one year period, or at least not in stable economies like NZ, neither do housing, schooling, food costs change dramatically. Ok it´s possible that you move to NZ to what sounds a nice job but subsequently it´s found not to be so good, but that applies everywhere, and it´s not as if there´s only one job suitable for each person. Too many UK expats shoot off to places like NZ, the arab states, and even more so , Spain, having based their decisions on "dreams". Reality is somewhat different. If you find you´ve made the wrong decision, then rather accept it and start again, this time with your eyes wide open, and don´t look for excuses as you were the one who made the decision; nobody forced you onto a plane.
For instance, you could come over to New Zealand as a carpenter or roofer and overnight the company you work for could go belly-up, or reduce your hours, or change your contractual working to something a lot less favourable.
New Zealand is a small country and times are hard, its not that easy to just switch from employer to employer if the work isn't around, or they prefer to employ a local whose family they've known for years.
Word of mouth being what it is if you fall out with one employer they could very easily make it their life's work ensuring that you don't get another job.
I can't see how any amount of planning is going to avoid that happening.
#26
Banned
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 1,010
Re: Living the dream
Is there a study that proves that well-planned lives are happier than the ones lived spontaneously? I know expats that came to NZ without ever being here and they have settled successfully and others that have planned well but have "failed".
I personally don't think that outer life can be controlled. Things can simply happen, circumstances change, marriages fail, businesses go bankrupt, health issues arise etc. pp. It is better to go with the flow and be prepared on a psychological level for worst-case scenarios. Which is also true for the ones that stayed home.
I personally don't think that outer life can be controlled. Things can simply happen, circumstances change, marriages fail, businesses go bankrupt, health issues arise etc. pp. It is better to go with the flow and be prepared on a psychological level for worst-case scenarios. Which is also true for the ones that stayed home.
#27
Banned
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 114
Re: Living the dream
Depends what sort of work you're doing dfjordan things can change dramatically beyond one's control in a very short space of time.
For instance, you could come over to New Zealand as a carpenter or roofer and overnight the company you work for could go belly-up, or reduce your hours, or change your contractual working to something a lot less favourable.
New Zealand is a small country and times are hard, its not that easy to just switch from employer to employer if the work isn't around, or they prefer to employ a local whose family they've known for years.
Word of mouth being what it is if you fall out with one employer they could very easily make it their life's work ensuring that you don't get another job.
I can't see how any amount of planning is going to avoid that happening.
For instance, you could come over to New Zealand as a carpenter or roofer and overnight the company you work for could go belly-up, or reduce your hours, or change your contractual working to something a lot less favourable.
New Zealand is a small country and times are hard, its not that easy to just switch from employer to employer if the work isn't around, or they prefer to employ a local whose family they've known for years.
Word of mouth being what it is if you fall out with one employer they could very easily make it their life's work ensuring that you don't get another job.
I can't see how any amount of planning is going to avoid that happening.
However, these problems usually escalate if they speak out - thus the 'silence'.
I have encountered the following here not on a scale in any other country I have lived.
xenophobia
intimidation
threats
bullying
nastiness
exclusion
isolation
being forced out of jobs
intimidation to prevent one from creating one's own business
creation of rumours to ruin you
attempts to break up your marriage
jealousy if you happen to have more of anything than anyone else
and finally, people prone to schadenfreude
Immigrants who gloss over any problems they have and say that it is all dolphins and sauvignon blanc at sunset are pulling the wool over the eyes of those who are considering a move to NZ.
It is an expensive procedure and upsetting if it goes wrong. So I feel it my duty to let people know what has happened to me here.
I would recommend - work here for 3 years - that will give you a fair idea. The images of a clean green safe country are images. Look at the judicial system, economy, society, and geography. It is miles away from anywhere and hence isolated and the inhabitants can create their own rules and woe betide if you speak out or even dare compare it to another country.
Last edited by tweetweet; Dec 8th 2011 at 6:06 pm.
#28
Re: Living the dream
It sounds a awful situation. I am so sorry, it must be really hard for you guys.
Which part of Marlborough are you living in? Are you guys up in the Sounds? I can imagine it can be a bit "inbred" there.
Which part of Marlborough are you living in? Are you guys up in the Sounds? I can imagine it can be a bit "inbred" there.
#29
Re: Living the dream
xenophobia
intimidation
threats
bullying
nastiness
exclusion
isolation
being forced out of jobs
intimidation to prevent one from creating one's own business
creation of rumours to ruin you
attempts to break up your marriage
jealousy if you happen to have more of anything than anyone else
and finally, people prone to schadenfreude
intimidation
threats
bullying
nastiness
exclusion
isolation
being forced out of jobs
intimidation to prevent one from creating one's own business
creation of rumours to ruin you
attempts to break up your marriage
jealousy if you happen to have more of anything than anyone else
and finally, people prone to schadenfreude
All these things you list, are these from a specific group of people or in general from the area you live in?
I have never come across this, or heard anyone list these as 'NZ issues' - so perhaps, as Bevs suggested, it would be a worthwhile consideration to look at relocating within NZ?
Best of luck eitherway