8 years in

Old May 24th 2011, 10:03 am
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Been in Auckland with my kiwi husband for 8 years now. At first it was really great.....nice weather, lovely scenery, beaches everywhere and I enjoyed the relaxed outdoor lifestyle. I had a group of Scottish friends and we hung out a lot with my husbands friends. I found it really difficult though to make friends with kiwi women.

Over the years, my Scottish friends all moved back home and my husbands friends got married and had kids and drifted away. We've had 2 kids ourselves and things are not so good now. My husbands family don't live close by, so we have no support system to help out with the kids. We've been out together 4 times in the past 3 years. if the kids are sick, I get sick and have no one to look after us. I love my kids but I have no life anymore.

I want to go home. I imagine how great it would be to have my family to help out, to babysit, to enjoy my kids with. My husband won't even discuss it though. Anyone been in the same situation?
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Old May 24th 2011, 10:23 am
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Hi there and welcome to our NZ forum.

sorry to read you are feeling down and having a tough time of it. Hopefully you'll feel you're getting some support from our friendly bunch here and maybe even some new friends.
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Old May 24th 2011, 1:35 pm
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Default Re: 8 years in

Originally Posted by monsterpie
Been in Auckland with my kiwi husband for 8 years now. At first it was really great.....nice weather, lovely scenery, beaches everywhere and I enjoyed the relaxed outdoor lifestyle. I had a group of Scottish friends and we hung out a lot with my husbands friends. I found it really difficult though to make friends with kiwi women.

Over the years, my Scottish friends all moved back home and my husbands friends got married and had kids and drifted away. We've had 2 kids ourselves and things are not so good now. My husbands family don't live close by, so we have no support system to help out with the kids. We've been out together 4 times in the past 3 years. if the kids are sick, I get sick and have no one to look after us. I love my kids but I have no life anymore.

I want to go home. I imagine how great it would be to have my family to help out, to babysit, to enjoy my kids with. My husband won't even discuss it though. Anyone been in the same situation?
Sorry to hear about your situation.

After the birth of our first daughter, you really understand how isolated you can be here. Not just from relatives, but also good friends that you can trust and socialise with (and babysit).

I love my wife and I do not want to see her unhappy. So I started a business that allowed me to work from home and not always have to work 40 hours a week. So my wife has some time off and I get quality time with our kids. And it's really been worth it, we work better as a team, my wife gets some "sanity" time, we have met some cool people and we have become closer as a result.

Your husband does seem to have his head in the sand a bit. There maybe many reasons why he won't entertain going back, but pride is probably the big one.

But he SHOULD be willing to discuss the fact that you are unhappy.

Maybe you guys should consider a radical change. Are you living in Auckland? Move! Is your husband "tied" into his work? Can he do it elsewhere, change his career? What were your hopes and dreams about coming to NZ and how close is the reality to that? Can you face carrying on the way things are or does something have to change?

If he loves you, then at least he should listen to you.

Good luck!
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Old May 24th 2011, 2:54 pm
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My husband is a kiwi and has come with me to Glasgow for a visit a few times, but he doesn't like it and doesn't understand why I'd want to move back there. He thinks it's dirty, the people are rude and the weather is rotten. He loves going to the beach everyday and playing outdoor sports. He thinks NZ is a better place to bring up kids.
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Old May 24th 2011, 3:38 pm
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Hi monsterpie, and welcome to BE.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down and isolated. Hopefully you can try and resolve something with the hubby, maybe some sort of compromise.

I didn't have any family or relatives supporting me in the UK as far as babysitting etc goes, so I used one of the girls who worked in the nursery that my youngest went to for babysitting etc. Do any of your friends use a babysitter? How about a local gym or pool with a creche for some "you" time?
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Old May 24th 2011, 4:27 pm
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Default Re: 8 years in

Originally Posted by monsterpie
I want to go home. I imagine how great it would be to have my family to help out, to babysit, to enjoy my kids with.
Have you ever considered getting a babysitter once a month? It works for us.

Check out the "moving back to the UK" part of this forum, plenty of support there from people in your situation.
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Old May 24th 2011, 4:34 pm
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Default Re: 8 years in

Have a young English friend who moved back last year for similar reasons. Hasn't all been as rosy as she hoped. The sister who promised babysitting while she worked changed her mind and after the initial getting together with friends she has really had to start all over again as people had moved on. On the positive side her children have met grandparents and cousins. She is still settling and thinks she might come back here some day as both places have attractions for her. At least she has the coice of NZ or UK. Not an easy decision. Hope things work out for you.
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Old May 25th 2011, 12:36 am
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Hi monsterpie, sorry you are having a tough time. It can be the hardest job in the world looking after kids, I agree with am-loolah, try a new exercise class at the gym or go for a swim, the gyms even have a creche here north of aberdeen so you should find one in Auckland, I hope. Just getting out and talking to people will help you make some friends and you only need one good friend to start with ~ I 'm sure there are plenty other mum's would love to swap babysitting with you, even just once a month. What age are your kids? Like you I have had very little in the way of support with the kids from family and have now found it easier that they are at school to get a bit of me time. Hope it gets easier for you and as a small consolation it is absolutely freezing in Scotland right now, horizontal rain and all! Keep posting, there a lot of lovely folk on this site
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Old May 30th 2011, 12:01 pm
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Hi monsterpie, I know exactly how you feel and how difficult it is...whereabouts in Auckland are you?
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Old May 30th 2011, 1:10 pm
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Originally Posted by Loubielou
Hi monsterpie, I know exactly how you feel and how difficult it is...whereabouts in Auckland are you?
I'm in Hillcrest on the shore.
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Old May 31st 2011, 9:33 pm
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Hi Monsterpie

Sorry to hear that you are feeling down its hard we have only been here 6mnths & hubbie wants to go back!!! I don't know how old your kids are but my youngest are 6yr old twins then 11 yr, 20 & 21 [ who has gone back to the UK] It sounds like you are in very much need of some me time do you go to the gym or any classes?? I found it really hard to start with but have slowly started making friends mostly ex pats but a friend is a friend at the end of the day, not quite sure where Hillcrest is but if you ever fancy meeting up for ma coffe & a chat just send me a message. x Tracy
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Old Jun 5th 2011, 8:51 pm
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Hi Monsterpie,
I felt that reading your post, is like looking into my life! So I thought I would post- my first one- been lurking for months.
I'm in a similar situation, been here 8 years, long to go home (Wales) DH is not at all interested. He is from UK too but loves his life here- job, friends etc. It's very difficult - as I don't want to drag him back kicking and screaming but I have felt this way for the whole time we've been here. Just know there are people who know exactly how you're feeling and I hope you manage to find some resolution.
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Old Jun 5th 2011, 9:16 pm
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ahh as i thought all along, children are the root of all evil....
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Old Jun 6th 2011, 12:19 pm
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Default Re: 8 years in

Originally Posted by monsterpie
Been in Auckland with my kiwi husband for 8 years now. At first it was really great.....nice weather, lovely scenery, beaches everywhere and I enjoyed the relaxed outdoor lifestyle. I had a group of Scottish friends and we hung out a lot with my husbands friends. I found it really difficult though to make friends with kiwi women.

Over the years, my Scottish friends all moved back home and my husbands friends got married and had kids and drifted away. We've had 2 kids ourselves and things are not so good now. My husbands family don't live close by, so we have no support system to help out with the kids. We've been out together 4 times in the past 3 years. if the kids are sick, I get sick and have no one to look after us. I love my kids but I have no life anymore.

I want to go home. I imagine how great it would be to have my family to help out, to babysit, to enjoy my kids with. My husband won't even discuss it though. Anyone been in the same situation?
omg! I could have written that message - in fact i almost have done in the meet-ups forum! I have been here nearly 6 years, have 2 young kids, a kiwi husband, i'm starting to feel homesick and miss my Scottish friends that went back home - i'm English though (don't hold it against me lol) =0)

I too have struggled to make kiwi friends, the only one i have (and we have grown apart since the kids have come along) could only be described as a loud Scot trapped in a kiwi body :0) lol

Anyway's I too am in Auckland and homesick, but due to a number of reasons - many financial no chance of going home any time soon, would love to catch up sometime if your keen just let me know
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Old Jun 10th 2011, 2:02 pm
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Default Re: 8 years in

Originally Posted by monsterpie
Been in Auckland with my kiwi husband for 8 years now. At first it was really great.....nice weather, lovely scenery, beaches everywhere and I enjoyed the relaxed outdoor lifestyle. I had a group of Scottish friends and we hung out a lot with my husbands friends. I found it really difficult though to make friends with kiwi women.

Over the years, my Scottish friends all moved back home and my husbands friends got married and had kids and drifted away. We've had 2 kids ourselves and things are not so good now. My husbands family don't live close by, so we have no support system to help out with the kids. We've been out together 4 times in the past 3 years. if the kids are sick, I get sick and have no one to look after us. I love my kids but I have no life anymore.

I want to go home. I imagine how great it would be to have my family to help out, to babysit, to enjoy my kids with. My husband won't even discuss it though. Anyone been in the same situation?
I know how you feel, been living in New Zealand (Northland) for 8yrs, kind of feel like its unfair on the maori people for me to be here. Was in a relationship with a maori partner but that didnt work out very well AT ALL.. His family did not like me because of my english accent and this countries history with some greedy english people. Kindf feel ashamed being here, espeacially after learning about The Maori version of The Treaty of Waitangi!! Am of home to my family before christmas and I am soo Exited to be returning Home sweet home This is the best decition I have made for myself in a loong time

Last edited by Ahazel101; Jun 10th 2011 at 2:05 pm. Reason: spelling
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