8 months in Auckland...
 

It's just come around to our 8 month mark in Auckland - we really wanted to emigrate to Canada, I have since being a child, but my husband and I found our qualification not valid there... and through a friend got offered jobs in the same company here in Auckland so thought we'd escape working for the NHS as we were so knackered, and have a bit of an adventure.

Feel grateful for the opportunity and that we have done it, but miss home (and owning a nice home) horribly. We are renting our house out in Yorkshire and keeping our options open.

While I think the North Shore and its beaches can be lovely at times, and I've made a couple of good friends, this just doesn't feel like home (i don't know if it ever will). I also used to be quite bubbly and confident in the UK and feel like I spend every day 'pretending' to be ok and its like the whole experience has decimated my old personality. My husband on the other hand has really progressed his skills at work and seems to be a lot more happy and confident. I worry that he hasn't really made many friends though.
I don't enjoy work very much at all and spend hours considering what else I can do with my qualification but don't really know after spending 8 years doing the same thing since leaving uni.

I made friends very easily in the UK and saw friends all the time, yet have only really clicked with a couple of people here and think its probably down to feeling low and insecure here, but it is painfully lonely sometimes.

We've applied for residency in the hope that if i carry on with the 'pretending to be ok' charade, that after a few more months it will become true, but its been tough. I wonder if we need to get down to the south island and see how we feel there before throwing in the towel and heading home - has anyone experienced queenstown compared to auckland?

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Only experienced Queenstown as a visitor and I remember having a nice time. It's hellishly touristy and as such didn't seem to have much fabric to it. It didn't seem to have much about it.

Auckland, IMO is a place to visit not a place to live. Even then the visits are only to see the out-laws. Irrespective of the hoopla and the froth regarding the housing market and the infrastructure. I can't help but think, 'yeah, it's a town'. I've heard it said on more than one occasion that it's got no heart. It's got it's central areas and it's busy districts but no heart.

I've experienced just about everything you mentioned in your post.

I've noticed when reading this thread and others regarding other countries is that it doesn't get any better.

Not last year, not this year, not next year. I'm sometimes :eek: at how many years people have left it before returning to Britain e.g. 40 years in one case. OK, one could be sceptical and suggest they have returned to Britain to access the NHS.

I ask myself, why am I expecting it to get any better ? What am I waiting for ? For it to feel better ? For someone to tell me it's ok now ?

I had a random conversation with an acquaintance in the supermarket in late December last year. She's from Germany. I said how do you get on with Christmas in the summer ? She said, 'it's not Christmas'. She's been here in NZ 27 years.

My point is that, I understand, it's never ending. This feeling of disconnect. This feeling of not really being here.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I hear it all the time and had a similar conversation Snap Shot with someone today who has been here decades and still calls England 'home' - its a multitude of little things that get to people and they linger just under the surface ready to pounce when you least expect it.

But the stoic keep calm and carry on mentality gets us through until the situation becomes normalised; the issues and things that bother us wax and they wane and sometimes feel better than others. We get placated by the other nagging doubts and chatter in our mind that says 'give it time', 'it's only been x amount of time', 'we must stay longer', try harder blah, blah blah.

Before you know it ten years have passed and thoughts of packing it all up and starting all over again somewhere else seem equally difficult and insurmountable.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I hear what you are saying and can personally sympathise as I also find things in NZ not to my taste and unfortunately like you the OH likes it as do the kids - but what do they know :o

My unhappiness and health got so bad that I have had to go to the Dr and am now on antidepressants just to get through the day. Its not the case for me that I miss friends/family, and I know that sounds odd but the things I miss and have trouble getting over is the structured way of life in the UK. I really don't have a "she'll be alright" attitude.
But I have come to the conclusion after being here since 2012 that we just cannot afford to go back to the UK. It would mean starting all over again with a hell of a lot less funds than we bought with us with the exchange rate. So my initially thoughts and agreement with MrF to try it for 5yrs and take it from there seem now to be unrealistic and naive. We had enough money back in the UK initially but things come up, having to move from one area to another - money needed there, me eldest had a near fatal bike accident in the UK so funds were spent there.

NZ is a beautiful place, we live in a nice area now, but it lacks the standards of living we had built up in the UK. Work is hard to come by, although we can manage on MrF wage as we did do for a few years in the UK but in the UK we also could of save on that one wage. We also didn't have to worry about the standard of housing in the UK as we do here.

I have some lovely friends here, mostly expats through BE but who wants to hear about someone going on about not liking the place that lots of them love. I do say to them that we have come from different backgrounds from the UK and it might be better for them it just isn't for me.
I now believe that I have to put myself out there, try and find a hobby (what I have no idea) and try to broaden the social aspects of our lives, again like you most of the people we know we know because I met up with people.

Pretending is not going to help you, you need to voice your feelings, believe me I know, if you don't you will end up a wreck. firstly speak to you husband - I didn't and it got really bad that I frightened myself which made me decide to see the Dr who told me I must tell my husband as it would bring some relief and also enable my husband to see signs of me having bad days and helping out.

please feel free to PM me if you ever want to open up or discuss the matter or just a general chit chat.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I hear you too. Been here 9 years tomorrow and I have times of feeling settled and other times of feeling really lonely and disconnected. It doesn't help that my closest friend has just left to go and live in Australia.
I have some lovely friends here but none like I had in the UK who would just pop round for a cuppa or a glass of wine. It's all meeting up for a coffee somewhere, never anything impromptu. And some of my favourite people here don't live close by.

It struck me this morning that if anything ever happened to me, no-one would find me for weeks. Neither of my brothers have ever phoned me since I've been here. I rarely get any phone calls or texts, unless someone wants me to do something for them or to borrow something off me. Husband used to be happy here but even he is becoming disillusioned now, so I'm hoping that there may be a chance of escape in the not too distant future.

Sorry I'm feeling a lot maudlin just lately. Feel free to PM me too. Mrs F, sorry you are on the 'happy pills', me too but I'm never convinced they really help because the underlying cause is that lack of belonging feeling. I just feel on the outskirts of lots of groups of friends. I don't feel that I fit in and that I'm not being myself with others. Not working doesn't do any good for my self-esteem either.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

It's still never too late to move to the UK and maybe cheaper areas in the UK might be an option for you that you haven't considered before. For me Ireland was the perfect solution, as I like space, great scenery, but wanted to be close to the UK/Europe. Yes, it doesn't sound that exciting for most Brits, but you can have the same lifestyle and are close to family. New Zealand is beautiful, but really is the end of the world.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

if it was just me and MrF then I wouldn't have a problem starting all over again, but the kids need to be considered. being that bit older now makes education a bit of a minefield.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I understand completely where you are coming from. I've been in Auckland 16 months and it feels like every day I plaster on the fake smile and the fake happiness and just get on with things. It's so exhausting. Every day I desperately just want to go home to a normal life instead of being in this place.

But I've agreed to stay till residency, one year of depression left.

As for Queenstown, we've just come back from our tour of the South Island and while it is lovely (really, really lovely), it was seriously overcrowded with tourists. The roads were backed up with traffic and the number of people on the streets were reminiscent of London. Very, very busy.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

It's comforting to hear I'm not alone in feeling like this - feel a bit less mental!
Why are you staying til your residency is through- my husband thought about us doing that too just to keep the door open.
However he's pretty much agreed we can head back home this summer providing there's jobs, hoorah!

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

my agreement was 5 years to get the kids citizenship, just seemed like a good idea and not to long a time :(

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Well husband really loves it here so he wants to keep the door open just in case I change my mind and decide to stay. Plus we spent so much money coming over here it feels wasteful to not get something out of it.

At least that's what I keep telling myself as I plaster on my happy face for the day.

Also congrats on getting your hubby to agree to going back. I am very envious.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I agree with you on both points. Or, to put it another way, I'm comin' right back atcha !

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I understand what you say, but I think people worry unnecessarily about the effect on their kids. Perhaps they wont want to live in NZ anyway? Careerwise, they would no doubt be better off in the UK. we can all criticise tne UK , just as everywhere else, but to me, it and its people have character; they have far more ob opportunties than in NZ; Europe on their doorstep, etc. To me, NZ lacks soul; in general , its people have ittle interest in anything that's going on in the world, and there has to be a reason why its young people, get up and shoot off to somewhere else, as soon as they can.
Returning to the UK and starting over again, would be no fun at all, but its temporary. You need to think long term, and at least you know , if all goes wrong, you wouldnt be without a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and the NHS, which with all its faults, is still a wonderful service and free. My kids have grown up now, but we made sure they had a UK education in their back pockets, and the ability to stay or leave. Once educated in NZ, their opportunities are very restricted.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Rubbish, it's got as much soul as anywhere else and the same interest in the rest of the world - don't you watch/listen/read the news?

They go to travel, and to avoid their student loans, same as all the UK kids here in NZ and Oz!


Crap - every industry in the UK has its share of kiwi educated workers at all levels, it's a highly regarded education system.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Sorry you didnt like to read my opinion, but you need to remember that each has his own ideas . You are obviously sold on NZ, and good luck to you. My daughter and her family also love it there, for their own reasons, but for me, one week a year is sufficient.
To comment that NZ has as much soul as anywhere else, is very exaggerated.
You made me laugh when you asked if I read newspapers etc, as without the internet while I'm there, I'd have no way of knowing what's happening anywhere else. The NZ press and TV news are a joke!
You seem to have misunderstood my point about education. Quite right that there are kiwi educated workers in the UK. That was my point: they have very limited opportunities in NZ so have to go elsewhere, whereas those educated in the UK, dont need to leave home country to find a suitable job. That's not the fault of NZ education; it's just a matter of the size of the economy.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Totally normal to have not settled yet.
We have been here 19 months and we have been very up and down about being here.
4 months ago we were looking at one way tickets home.
Things have settled a bit more and we are taking the country for what it is.
:thumbsup: this ain't a bad ole place. Attitude to life is everything !

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

My unhappiness and health got so bad that I have had to go to the Dr and am now on antidepressants just to get through the day.

Mrs fychan and vitalstatistix i'm in the same boat. I have been on antidepressants for 2.5 years. The homesickness hit 3 years ago and i struggle every day with it. I have tried to come off them several times to no avail. It is hard for some to understand this but i have never been treated for depression before.

Thankfully for me i am heading home soon and have little money to take back with us but we decided to just cut our loses after 8+ years so we can settle and move forward.

Good luck and take care x

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I find although I still take prozac daily I find depression has eased a lot since being here. Certainly the sunnier brighter atmosphere seems to help.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Thats great if it has helped.

I can only speak for myself but my issues are around belonging and mortality. I know a lot of people find that morbid but between my age and my job (palliative care) i dont want to stay here forever and have decided to act on these feelings.

Take care

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Totally get the belonging thing. I will settle here but I will still be british in my heart and the uk will always be home.
I think nz gives people the reflection they perhaps need to realise that uk is home.
I will never say if never move back but for now it's going ok.
Hope your plans for the future run smoothly x

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Thank you :).

Take care x

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I think job opportunities depend on your area of expertise. My current career is dead in the water in both the UK and NZ. The new career I'm training for offers more opportunity in NZ than UK. MrH's current career has opportunities in both countries but he's hit a salary barrier in the UK that he can go through if we make it to NZ. There's also more opportunity for flexible work arrangements over there.
There's more jobs in the UK but I would think there's also more applicants. For a graduate level job on offer where I currently work we can have up to 70 applicants. For jobs that don't need a degree but do need A levels we've had in excess of 500 applicants. How does that compare with NZ?

ETA I wouldn't worry too much about children. I moved educational place a couple of times and ended up with a good degree, albeit I was a couple of years older than my fellow uni students, and I've been accumulating PG certificates in different disciplines ever since. The main thing I see with kids is the loss of friends. Being willing and able to be mobile and cope with making new friends is an enormous life skill though and will open up the world once they graduate. It's a tough experience to move mid-education but it's a valuable one.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I think those in the immigration game tend to over-egg the demand for labour and give a lot of false hope to folks regarding how much they are needed. This time of year is always buoyant with a busy turnaround and seems to be lots if jobs advertised, as everyone has held vacancies through December and early January with approvals to recruit having been on hold whilst the bosses were on holidays at the bach. So it might appear that there are more jobs but not really as they are not new jobs as such, just more people circulating through the system.

Job market skewed in favour of employers, Trade Me says | Stuff.co.nz

In that kind of environment the new kid on the block doesn't actually have much of a chance as most employers will favour the local / Kiwi experienced talent.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Maybe the answer to why NZ employers prefer Kiwi's over Pom's is actually in this thread.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Hi,

Moving somewhere else in NZ may be the answer - I do not particularly like Auckland although never lived there but could not imagine being happy there. However, whilst Queenstown is beautiful and lovely to visit, I would think twice about moving there. In South Island terms it is very expensive, it is tiny and you almost do not feel you are in NZ as almost everyone is foreign. Somewhere like Dunedin would be a better option as it is bigger and has more to offer if you wanted to try somewhere else but coming from Auckland it would be quite a shock to the system! Much smaller and you hardly ever see traffic ;)

I know people say that if you stay for a bit, you will settle - I am not sure what the point of it is though if you are unhappy and were happy in the UK. There are good and bad points to everywhere and I think the trick is to find where for you the positives outweigh the negatives and only you can really know that. Personally I think life is too short to force yourself to stay somewhere to see if you end up liking it. The other option may be going for a holiday to the UK to see how it feels.

Good luck with it - I have (in a weird way) been happy about enjoying it here but not so much that would have to change my plans to go back eventually ;)

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Just to echo what a lot of people have said in this thread it is perfectly okay to feel homesick and unsettled, particularly this early on. I think sometimes we can get ourselves into the position where we think:

'Well I've spent this much time and effort I just have to like it now or else I'm going to have to admit this isn't perfect like all my friends and family think and maybe I regret doing what others wish they could do.'

It is okay to catch yourself thinking this and it is okay to think that it's a load of bollocks and be honest with yourself. I read a while ago (and whoever it was on here who wrote it thankyou) that having a 'get out' plan can help you feel more settled somehow because you know you can choose to go.

My advice is to give yourself a time frame, give yourself permission to feel the things you feel and not second guess yourself and also to reassure yourself that 9 months really isn't as long as it feels at this point. You've made some friends and that's awesome but do remember really good and deep friendships take time. You've made a start, give it time to build and deepen.

I remember the despair I felt and how lonely I felt when people told me this nearly three years ago. I took a while (about a year) to make my first friends and nearly 2 for them to become good friends who I can talk to about everything. It can happen.

Finally have a big expatty hug.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Hi

I want to wish you all the best for the future and hope that you can settle back in the UK.

It has been interesting reading all the replies. We have been here just over a month and initially felt really happy and settled. I still do in most ways. My job here is quite different to back in the UK and that is what I am struggling with the most. That and trying to build my life and friendships outside of work. I think once I can get my head around the work thing I think I'll be ok then. We are currently in a bach and waiting to move into our rental apartment and for our container to arrive hoping I feel a bit more settled then. I really want to buy a property as I think this will help as well putting some roots down however the housing market in Auckland is so expensive.

wishing you all the best
Mel

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

So good to read all the posts. Nice to know you are not the only one feeling like this.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I really like living on Auckland North Shore. Can't say it was my first choice when we were planning to come over here, but we all decided it was a pretty nice spot to call home.
A few things that have helped us settle in here was: finding a good steady job for myself without a big commute; Mrs B re-training and doing a job that she really likes; getting involved with clubs like scouts and sports; finding a good mix of kiwi and ex-pat friends; getting stuck into home-improvement (we have steadily worked on virtually every part of the house/land now and after 13 years it's nearing an end now); taking standards of NZ life as we find them rather than comparing it to life in the UK - yes, I expect to hear cries of 'lower your expectations'' lol; embracing stuff like walking, camping, surfing etc that NZ does well.
I accept that with house prices having risen a lot since we moved here that new migrants will find property in Auckland expensive.:blink:

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I actually think that is very wise.
Dual nationality is a wonderful gift a parent can give to their children.
I only wish I'd thought of that as a compromise with my wife re Australia. Now I'm too old.
Gives the kids options especially if one country turns bad.
I heard one guy say "always think one generation ahead". I totally agree with that.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I disagree, maybe if they stay in NZ, but the NZ education system and schools are generally better than the UK. Once they have a degree there is nothing stopping them working anywhere in the world, just like UK graduates.

There is no shortage of Kiwi senior execs in Australia, Asia, the USA and the UK.

In many cases the opportunities are better for Kiwi's because they are coming in from outside, rather than following progression through a company.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

As regards how the children will feel about going back to UK, I can only say that friends of my daughter, who came here about 14+ years ago, returned to England 5 years ago when their kids were between 3 and 15 and have never looked back. They had NZ citizenship and could have come back here if they changed their minds but they're are still there. Other friends did the same thing and have never looked back. The kids are doing well. there's more opportunity in UK. My husband and I came here 8 years ago to be with our family because both of ours moved here at the same time with their 8 children. It seemed like a no-brainer for us retirees but I miss so much about England and find NZ quite bland and no more beautiful than the UK and Europe. and the grandchildren have grown up so we see very little of them. Our daughter lives in the same street and she is the reason we stay here.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

You speak with a sense, love and wisdom that comes from actually living with this day on day, week on week, year on year.

You need a hug.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Hi,
I fully understand how you all feel.
I am feeling the same but in the opposite way. I was born in New Zealand but my mother moved us to Scotland after my father died in NZ. They had emigrated 25 years earlier from Scotland. I was 10 years old when we moved to Scotland - I am now 52! It took me quite a few years as a kid to feel happy in Scotland. I ended up with a decent career and have been blessed with a loving wife and 2 lovely kids. Can't really say I felt like I was home though!!
I have always had a yearning for moving back to NZ. Now after all these years and after a holiday there last year my wife and kids,(22 and 19) all want to give it a go in NZ. A brother and sister moved back to NZ 6 years ago after our mother died and they have no regrets. We plan to rent out our house in UK then rent in NZ to see how everyone settles in initially and hopefully things will work out and we'll all be happy to stay in NZ.
I am worried about cost of living there, jobs for my son and daughter etc,etc. but we are positive about it and my son and daughter have plans for what they would like to do in NZ and are looking forward to a slightly different way of life and probably healthier. I want to give them the chance to try it and am pleased I can give them the opportunity.
The UK (and Europe) is not what it used to be, (very unsettled shall we say) and now seems as good a time as any to make the move.
Good luck and happiness to you all - whatever you decide to do.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I'm also 52 but I don't have any ties to NZ. I want to emigrate as like you I don't like the direction the UK and Europe is going.
I have a good career, good job and a nice house in a lovely area and part of the country.
My kids are 20 and 17. 17 year old is planning to go to university next autumn which complicates things.
My daughter (20) has said she wouldn't go, my son(17) has said he would but after uni by which time I'll be too old.
So it's complicated.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

[ taking standards of NZ life as we find them rather than comparing it to life in the UK - yes, I expect to hear cries of 'lower your expectations'' lol; embracing stuff like walking, camping, surfing etc that NZ does well.
:[/QUOTE]

Totally agree - I think that is the key and is part of the attraction for me in moving back to NZ. In my humble opinion life in the UK is not what it is cracked up to be these days - it is by no means Great Britain anymore. Putting up with the dreary weather and ever increasing corrupt governments has dragged the UK down. Not really interested in flying off to Spain or somewhere for the annual 2 week holiday just so I can get some sun then go back to the same old routine.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

I understand that the UK has a lot of problems, Brexit being one and some undesirable immigrants being another, but New Zealand has also changed since our first holiday here 14 years ago. we came every summer for 4 years before moving here permanently. We thought it was wonderful. no traffic jams, free parking and so much to see and do but now that we've seen most of it I'm finding it boring. Auckland has changed beyond recognition and getting to it and around it is no fun. Tauranga , where we live has also changed. If you come to NZ be prepared for higher food prices. - but everyone knows that by now. You'll miss central heating because this isn't the tropics and the sun doesn't always shine. Winters can be quite cold. Make sure you move into a house with double glazing and insulation. We have both , but I'm always cold in winter. I don't think the environment is any healthier than most of UK, which is still 80% rural and NZ has lost it's Clean, Green pure image. On the financial side, as pensioners, we miss the 11,000 pound annual tax free allowance and the NHS. I appreciate that this is all a bit negative but you don't know until you've lived it. A holiday is one thing but living it is something else. I've been lucky to have been back to Sussex for a month in each of the last 3 years, in July or September, and realise how much more interesting the UK is and Europe not too far away.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Hi JayandBill,
Thanks for your message and advice.
I understand everything you have said regarding NZ versus UK positives and negatives. I know what you mean about things changing over the years. I was only 10 years old when I moved to UK from NZ and never got back to NZ until I was almost 40. As I was very young when I left I don't have really vivid memories of everything, but I noticed exactly what you mean as I was in Auckland for a couple of days.I was born and lived Rotorua area and I noticed big changes there. We also lived in Christchurch for a couple of years.... when I went back there I noticed a big change in the amount of different nationalities of people living there.
So, I agree with your point and regarding housing issues with heating, high prices etc etc. Yes I admit these are things I am a bit wary of. My brother and sister moved back to NZ 6 years ago and they tell me all these things but still say they don't regret making the move back. regarding tax? I have been paying 40% for the last 12 years and it really makes my blood boil now. I would be paying 33% in NZ I believe.
For me? I have always had something pulling at me to go back and live there. I think this will be a good experience for my wife and son and daughter who are very keen to give it a go. We live in Aberdeen - NE Scotland - Weather is a bit more grim up here than Sussex and an expensive place to live due to the oil industry. As I have got older the weather here gets me down more and more - very depressing from end Sept. through to June. even in our so called summer time, when they are getting mid 20's c in south of England we are lucky to get 20 c and then the constant cold wind blows in off the north sea. We did think about moving to Cornwall, ( I have a brother and sister-inlaw) down there. But we are going to rent out our house here and give NZ a go. As for Europe being not too far away. You never know what will happen these days if you travel to Europe - Lost its appeal to me - Fanatics everywhere.
thanks again for the info and wish you all the best for the future.

Re: 8 months in Auckland...
 

Good grief, you think the weather/climate is better in NZ than N.E Scotland? From personal experience I can tell you it is not. The winters are long, cold and damp in Palmerston North and most houses are single glazed, poorly insulated and poorly maintained. I am back in N. E Scotland and as the temperatures drop I can warm myself indoors with the flick of a switch. In NZ I could turn on a heat pump or plug in an oil filled radiator but they only heated one room and most of the warmth flew out of the windows and walls. I hope you find a cosy home but...please don't go to N.Z for the weather!

Re: 8 months in Auckland...