Johnnyboyrevell

How do you mean, forgetting about myself ?
I know I'm looking at all the positives and none of the negatives, but seeing as I don't know from a point of experience, all I can do is ask a lot of questions.

Johnnyboyrevell

Are you meaning look at the situation without my own feelings and emotions coming into the equation ??

qssue

Hi your situation sounds much like ours. We are in Nz and have been for almost 18 months. It is a huge change, never underestimate that and it is a decision that only you can make. Have a look at utube wanted down under Morse family particularly the revisited and you will see out journey, it may answer some of your questions.
Goods luck with whatever you decide.

Johnnyboyrevell

Cheers, I've had a look but there's hundreds of em and not all with surnames.
Any idea what year, season and episode it was ??

escapedtonz

Better climate so on the whole it's warmer, longer summers you can count on (I was in shorts from September 2014 to May 2015), it's wetter as it's more humid but nothing you can't handle and the rain is warm , no snow for us but if we want it it's only a 3 hour drive to the ski fields, it's brighter (funny I know but always found the UK to be a dismal grey), beautiful scenery, it's safer, has less people, has less traffic (I don't live in Auckland), less serious crime, more outdoorsy lifestyle, the sun is never far away, the beach is close by, no political correctness, H&S hasn't yet gone mad, kids can be kids and one of the main reasons we came here so our boy and any future kids can have the excellent childhood that we experienced in the 70's/80's back home but with the addition of a life spent near the beach and in the sea. School children regularly attend classes at the beach
One strange thing we noticed is new or recent subdivisions are built with many different builders so all the houses are different and not on top of each other like in the UK
Personally feel the people are nicer as more laid back. The country is full of immigrants - like me, but I'm glad to say NZ is not being overrun with communities of Eastern European's and Muslims taking over, not that there's anything wrong with having a multicultural society, but I'm all for moderation.
Work is a breeze and an in my experience an employer far more concerned over your personal well-being than your output...quality not quantity.
We're also happy in the knowledge that when our kids grow up they'll be able to live in NZ, Australia or the UK because of our migration to NZ.

Johnnyboyrevell

This all sounds like the ideal, but obviously like all things in life there must be a catch.
To me it'll be friends and family, and more so to my other half.
I'm sure people figure out how to make things work with Skype, FB, phone calls etc but it's the thought of never holding your loved ones again that cuts.
This again goes back to is it all worth it.
I'm inclined to lean towards yes, with the view to upbringing my kids up in what looks to be a nicer part of the world.

BEVS

Forgive me this but you wrote 'I' not 'We' .

If your wife is not wishing to do this then you should not seek to influence her against her wishes . Feelings and thoughts can run very deep and quietly so.

A holiday is nowhere near the same as emigrating.

That would be a very good idea. An excellent idea in fact.

"Be careful what you wish for" is the old adage. You have quite some to lose . What would your whole family and extended family gain?

FWIW it is fine to expunge on here if that is what is needed for yu to work through this notion.

I've known so many families split by an emigration. I now know many migrant pals who have returned from whence they came. What did they gain? They would say not much really that they could not have achieved from where they originally sat.

Of course, many do make a great new life in NZ , just as with other countries BUT for the most part those couples were totally in it together. They both felt that pull or they came to family and/or friends.

Many couples have faced unsettling times for several years.

Your question to you is - are you willing to risk any of the above being true for you and yours ?

Perhaps have your wife join BE also. Happy to chat.

bourbon-biscuit

Yes, this. It is very hard because when you emigrate all the support systems you have had in place for years (whether you acknowledge them or not) suddenly disappear. I'm not too proud to admit that my husband and I had the toughest time in our second year here - not something I ever want to go through or again or would wish on anyone but unfortunately I see it repeated in so many immigrants who come from the UK. It is heart breaking. I am thinking right now of a woman and her kids I know living a few streets away in a grotty rental with no money from one week to the next, mum is barely coping but has very limited support and of course the kids don't have their extended family to help them through. And remember, once you move out here, you need the other parent's agreement to take the kids back to the UK to live. There's a fair few parents rattling round Oz / NZ who would have liked to have gone back home but didn't want to leave their kids here.

BEVS has made some really good advice to encourage your wife to join here, discuss it for herself and see where that takes you. It has to be properly together (i.e. not coercion / acquiescence) - the risks are too high otherwise.

bearskin

The men say 'do it'
The women say 'don't'

MrsFychan

says it all

bearskin

Yes it does (no it doesn't). I do know you know.

garethwm

I think you should do it only if your wife is on board. At the very least book tickets for a return home in a year, then if you are all happy to stay you could use the tickets for a holiday instead.

escapedtonz

Yes there's always a catch.
As you say the only real catch is being 18000km from family and friends.
Not been too bad for me as even though I knew I would miss people I'm only really close to my Mum and she moved away from our home town when I was in my 20's so kind of got used to her not being around all the time. She was only 70 miles away and we visited often but that kind of set me up for what we were to do later in life with the migration.
Yes I've missed my mates from back home but we've all grown up and have kids and busy lives. It was always difficult getting together just for a beer so moving away hasn't been that much of a catastrophe and we have kept in touch with FB and Skype. We are off home soon for a visit so chance to catch up with everyone for a few weeks and hopefully when we're back some of our other friends will come out and visit.
Different for the wife as she has missed her family and friends way more than me but at least they have been out to see us once and all threatening to come again soon.
There are other minor things that we both miss like England's history, country villages with a country pub, decent fish & chips yada yada but in all honesty they're nowhere near important enough to get me back.

We're great believers in living for us. You can't live your life as everyone expects you to. You have to live it how you feel it is right to live and for us that was leaving behind everything we knew, loved and loathed about the UK to try something insane and have an adventure and I'm glad to say it's worked out a treat so far. Don't get me wrong though it hasn't always been easy. Life in NZ is so different it takes a lot of getting used to, but nearly 4 years down the line we are loving it and itching to buy our own property very soon.
Has it been worth it ?
Yes, we think very much so. Sometimes we've felt guilty having taken our boy away from grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins and friends on both sides of the coin - for them and him and we've also felt guilty leaving our own siblings in the UK looking after ageing parents, but we've just got to live our life how we feel is right and for us it's all about providing the best possible future for our children with them having an upbringing that they'll have fond memories of.
To think that one day, my son or any other child may sit telling stories to their grandkids of how their parents changed the course of a family's history by migrating across the world fills me with happiness.

I sympathize with your predicament and hope that one day you get the chance to live out your dream.

Johnnyboyrevell

I wrote 'I' because at present it's only I that's looking at the situation this way.
If id written 'we' I'd still be asking you all questions but from a slightly different stand point.
It would feel a lot safer if it was the pair of us putting it all on the line.
I'm not in this with any thought of breaking up my family. I'd give it all up or go home before that happened. I'm not wanting to pressurize my wife into anything.
I just don't want her to dismiss it out of hand because she's scared, and worrying about what we can lose.
Too many people don't do stuff because they're scared, me included.
And I'm not a betting man I tell you. I'm cautious by nature and spend a lot of time looking at things and analyzing stuff.
The only time I'll bet on something is if the chances of a good outcome are good.
And if we were to come I'd have planned how we'd be going home again before we'd even
left the UK
I'd like my wife to discuss all this on here with you but only once I've discussed it with her first.
As for what our wider family would gain from all this I'd say nothing.
However my folks would love to see us try if only for the life experience, and the chance of a living in a 'nicer,safer ?' country.
Paula's mum sees it from the other side, from what we could lose.
Both us and her.

MrsFychan

I came over on the wishes of my husband, with the proviso that if after a certain time I was not happy we would return. Things aren't a bed of roses, housing is below standard I am used to and in the same priced house I was in the UK. day to day is living is harder because everything costs. schooling is different and for my liking the primary schools are not really what I want for my children, luckily we managed to move DD onto college early and she is now doing well. I am at the stage that I feel that unless something HUGE happens (in a good way) I will want to return when the agreed time is up but I also now see that its not going to be easy just on the cost front alone, and that we would not be returning to the life we had but starting all over again with less. an experience would of been gained but ultimately at what price?

for now I am trying to make day to day life ok for me and am retraining but I am only able to do that as my kids are ok to sort themselves out.