brussels_sprout

If they mention those 2 words they know to most NZ judges they can literally get away with murder, anything ! And the judges believe them !

http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominionpost/4275742a6479.html

And there are all those Indian women from Fiji, who come to NZ to "marry", and after a few days in NZ say that their new husband is violent, just so that they can gain residence , and it is the NZ taxpayer who pays for their housing and living expenses, unbelievable ! The husbands usually get thrown out of their own house, and must pay for their legal defence, and many end up with criminal records, with all the resulting problems that causes.

Men be careful, be very careful in NZ !

garryhg

i sense a storm brewing with this thread....jacky

Maz

Martin, I know you're hurting, but domestic violence does exist without it being a lie. I know, I've been a victim myself. Long time ago, but I can attest to it being real.

UKNZAUS

Whether this is true or not, I think she is paying the ultimate price for her 'drink-driving' - she has had her children taken away from her care. I know you're going through a really tough time, but posting these links isn't helping anyone but just making you more wound up with regards to your situation. Please don't think I'm being a 'female' just standing up for females, I really do feel for you not being able to see your children and I think it's outrageous that men AND women across the world have to suffer this fate - but reading these links isn't going to help.

This could all be completely true, as she had scantily clad children including her cousins baby in the car with her! I have had to drag 5 screaming children (aged only 15 myself at the time!) between the ages of 5 and 11 away from a father beating their mother after a boozy argument went wrong - I would do the same again as I'm sure you would.

Bellasmum

I hear you BS but with respect ....... Your experience is your experience only and while it may reflect similarities with others it does not reflect the experiences of the vast majority.

I know you wont see it that way but in time I hope for your sake that you do.

I wish you all the best in the future and hope that you are able to work through your angst and leave it all behind you.

brussels_sprout

Yes, i agree, it IS my personal experience BUT ALSO OF MANY THOUSANDS OF OTHER FATHERS in NZ ! I would just like NZ men to know what may happen to them, a sort of warning of the lack of fathers' and mens' rights in this country. Being treated as guilty by false allegations until proved innocent is very shocking , and the innocent option is only available to richer men. NZ men just do not know about these lack of rights until it happens to them. Feminists have pushed the laws over too far , terrorists have more rights than Fathers here ! I am NOT asking to go back to Saudi Arabia type laws http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7098480.stm
I would just like to show NZ men that if they ever have a legal dispute with a female, what may happen to them ! These laws will have to change, like they already have in some parts of the industrial world. Women, minorities and gays have made gigantic strides the last 20 years, fathers and men are now being left behind and have very few rights, they are mainly regarded as heartless, pay packets by the government who makes these laws. Many women also realise this, especially ones who are partners of these male victims of the state. When you pay 20-35 % of your salary in child support (for kids you are allowed to see 2 hours a fortnight), there is no way you can start a new family in NZ, it is all just unbelievable, and i would like NZ men (and some women) to know this !

THE ANGER BROUGHT ON BY INJUSTICE OF HOW WOMEN WERE UNFAIRLY TREATED IN THE PAST IS NOW IN THE MINDS OF FATHER VICTIMS NOW

brussels_sprout

I know Maz, it is TERRIBLE for women who experience REAL violence, men are much stronger, i know that !
But in NZ the laws are being abused by many women trying to get custody, the house and better financial deals. For women experiencing REAL spousal violence, it must be really terrible, and ultimately the law-abusing ones will weaken laws for the ones who need them !
THere are special "male assault female" laws in NZ, carrying high sentences, but imagine if you were someone who was experiencing violence and the police did never took it seriously. BUT I do feel very much for women in such situations !

I just want men to know about NZ lack of fathers' rights !

karonious

Having a crap day then mate?

brussels_sprout

it is nothing to do with how I am feeling, i want to tell NZ men about the lack of rights in the country and to do my bit to turn back feminist laws, and give more rights to fathers and men in general. Women, gays, minorities have won plenty the last few years, NZ fathers have lost out. By informing more men will make them wonder if it could happen to them , and ultimately may influence governments to change laws. But the first step is to convince moe and more men that there is a problem. The NZ government will be mainly influenced by the small amount of child support they recuperate (58% of Dads never pay), this will only be rectified by giving the Dads shared custody of kids, it's bleedin' obvious to anyone really !

karonious

So, you are having a good day?

Littletoe

Domestic violence laws are going to be abused my male and females, like most other laws. Of course if a complaint is made, I would much rather the police investigate the matter (ie, the alleged offender) and if necessary, remove the person until the matter is resolved. Its a sad fact that most claims of domestic/physical/sexual assualt are in fact based on truth, but lack of evidence results in the cases being thrown out of court. The police, and the taxpayers are equally as angry when a false claim is made, but in the same vein, we are all furious when a genuine claim is not treated seriously enough. I think we're all aware on why you have your perspective, but you have to be careful around issues such as this. They are highly emotive and at times controversial. Ultimately, we all have a duty of not judging until someone is actually found guilty of this I agree. Better to point this out to society on your quest, as opposed to being too far the other way and in fact encouraging aspects of doubt over victims claims.

Kiwiprincess

Well it would have been quite a different article if one of the children had been injured or killed and the mother DIDN'T get them out of the house.

Not arguing whether or not the situation is true, for all I know it is completely true or complete lies. And admittedly sending the kids to a house down the street would possibly have been a better idea. But I don't think this situation is the best one to show the problem that may exist with mens rights in this country.

garryhg

this is in no way a reference to your case at all,but i think authorities have to be cautious nowadays....i know domestic abuse works both ways,but they have to look at the accusations first and act on them for the safety of not just women,but the children to...

its the same with these mothers who have children that have died due to cot death,they are treated like criminals in the first instance...how bad must they feel.....

yes i think in some cases there is an injustice with fathers rights and it is easy to blame the law,but surely the ex partners of these people have to take the blame for most of that.....even if my oh left me for another women,i would never call into question his freedom to see his children,he is a fantastic father and would never stop him seeing his kids....i think its wrong the way this happens if there is no cause for concern.....

i really feel for you bs,but remember the kids will be old enough 1 day to make their own decision....the truth always comes out in the end.....gl

brussels_sprout

Very interesting replies , i particularly like LittleToe's perspective.

I have just returned from seeing my kids' supervisor, he says i will probably be able to see my kids much, much more and unsupervised after the next hearing, hooray !

But i will always be for fathers' rights now, and i still want fathers to know about their lack of rights in NZ ! And the fact that we MUST try to fight for better laws for fathers and men in general

Bellasmum

I am really pleased to hear that you have had a positive meeting with your childrens supervisor BS and I hope that it helps you to see through the fog of injustice you clearly feel.

I would encourgae you as much as possible to focus on what is in the best interests of your children right now and IMHO what they need most is a healthy relationship with both their Dad and Mum. To have that both parties need to put aside the personal angst that seperates them (which I know is easy to say but hard to do as it hurts like hell) and work together towards emotionally healthy children.

Believe me that I know that from personal experience. Sadly I had to learnt that the hard way.

As I may have alluded to in the past I now work within the criminal justice system (15 years) and I would like to assure you about a few facts.

No 1 - In NZ the Police policy is that if they are called to a domestic incident and following investigation if they believe an offence has occured they MUST proceed with a prosecution. If you make a complaint regardless of your gender and that does not occur then you should contact the local Police Family Violence Co-Ordinator.

No 2 - If under the DV Act you are served with a Protection Order as a result of an affadavit, it is contestable. If you do not agree with the contents you should consult a Family Court Lawyer asap.

No 3 - The DV Act is not about the rights of Fathers or Mothers, it is about the wellbeing of the children involved. If you have had a PO served on you access to your children may be limited or supervised in the short term. The chidren will have a nuetral Counsel appointed whose job it is to ensure that parental relationships are not detrimental to their wellbeing long term until such time as the adults involved can work through their personal angst.

Now as I see it parents who find their relationship coming to a dead end regardless of the reason should be mature enough to sit and talk through who the most important parties involved are (the children). If for whatever reason they cannot then Legislation must ensure the best interests of the children are being considered. That in the interim will compromise one or other of their parents

As parents we tend to play the blame game which is very destructive. I as a parent who was not wise enough (or mature enough) have paid a high price but not near as high as the price that one of my sons paid who was only 6 years old when his parents split. While I don't want to get into that on a public forum, if it can help you in anyway I am happy to discuss it further in private.

Our children are chattles to be fought over, they are precious gifts we have created with love that deserve the very best of what we as parents have to give them.

Peace and aroha to you and yours BS