Why New Zealand?

Old Apr 4th 2013, 8:12 am
  #31  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

Originally Posted by Persephone
It's normal to feel like this when you say goodbye-and that's even if they are all supportive
It's a big step to take, yeah it might not work but then again it might.
Have an escape plan for if you're not happy and enjoy the adventure. And if it doesn't work for you then try and look back on it as such rather than a big mistake. That's how I saw it; NZ might not be for me, the relationship might not last and so on but I made sure I had enough in the bank to get back to the UK if I wanted to. We are now married [so downhill from here then]

Best wishes, you'll be fine. Most of us have been through how you're feeling at the moment
Good advice!
All the best M and M!
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 9:15 am
  #32  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

I found knowing about the 4 stages of immigration/culture shock helpful when dealing with all the confusing feelings I have experienced/am experiencing.

1) The honeymoon phase
When everything is exciting/interesting and wondrous about a new country. It's usually a very positive time and people begin to explore their new place of residence.

2) The discouragement stage

Feel frustrated, confused and disappointed
Feel very positive one day and very negative the next
Focus on the differences between yourself and citizens of the country
Miss your family and feel no connection to new country
Have difficulty going to work or looking for work
Feel loneliness for your country and loved ones
Feel guilty about leaving family members behind

3) Gradual adjustment and recovery
Feeling more in control of your life
Gradually getting involved in the community
Having a better understanding about how to adapt to life in a new culture
Understanding what you need to do to get what you want out of life in
new country

4) Acceptance and adjustment
Feel at 'home',
made friends,
generally feel content in new country.

Everyone will differ as to how long this can take. But nearly everyone will
go through the stages. The peaks and troughs. I know I have.

Last edited by passthevalium; Apr 4th 2013 at 9:30 am.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 10:07 am
  #33  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

Originally Posted by Spacecake799
Hi,
It did seem much harder and all the questions about am I doing the right thing resurface. It was very hard for us, part of my heart has stayed in NZ so I will always have a tie to the country, but we had to come back for the others within our family. It can work and is working and I am loving being back.
Remarks like that really remind me that a return to the UK will be ok. You've done it, worked for it and, as you say, are loving being back. I don't expect a return to Britain to be any sort of picnic but it can be done. Others have and not just from NZ.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 10:09 am
  #34  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

Thanks Persephone. I stopped half way home from parents, and cried into my coffee.

Tomorrows a new day though. And thank goodness for Skype.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 10:12 am
  #35  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

I'm going for the 'throw myself in' approach. As such, I have already contacted my new local triathlon club. And, Invercargill triathlon is the week after I get there, so will go and watch.

If I start at 110% then I hope that the momentum will keep me rolling till Mr M_and_M can join me.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 10:12 am
  #36  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

Originally Posted by passthevalium
I found knowing about the 4 stages of immigration/culture shock helpful when dealing with all the confusing feelings I have experienced/am experiencing.

1) The honeymoon phase
When everything is exciting/interesting and wondrous about a new country. It's usually a very positive time and people begin to explore their new place of residence.

2) The discouragement stage

Feel frustrated, confused and disappointed
Feel very positive one day and very negative the next
Focus on the differences between yourself and citizens of the country
Miss your family and feel no connection to new country
Have difficulty going to work or looking for work
Feel loneliness for your country and loved ones
Feel guilty about leaving family members behind

3) Gradual adjustment and recovery
Feeling more in control of your life
Gradually getting involved in the community
Having a better understanding about how to adapt to life in a new culture
Understanding what you need to do to get what you want out of life in
new country

4) Acceptance and adjustment
Feel at 'home',
made friends,
generally feel content in new country.

Everyone will differ as to how long this can take. But nearly everyone will
go through the stages. The peaks and troughs. I know I have.
Sorry love but I just hit the second stage first, I guess I'm impatient like that ! What honeymoon phase ? I guess I'll get that should I ever return to Britain. Or not.

I go from stage 2 to stage 3 and back again. OK sometimes I touch on stage 4 but rarely stay there for long before stages 2 and 3 get revisited.

BTW, these are not formal stages, or any sort of process, just part of what can happen to your emotions. I understand there's more reasons for emotional adjustment than emigrating, i.e. bereavement etc
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 10:59 am
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

BTW, these are not formal stages, or any sort of process, just part of what can happen to your emotions. I understand there's more reasons for emotional adjustment than emigrating, i.e. bereavement etc
(tried to get this quote in a box, but failing miserably)

Actually, they are 'formal stages' of a process. There are many models of culture shock, but the main one used is The Classic 5 stage Culture Shock Model focusing on the ABCs (Affect, Behaviours and Cognitions) of human interaction.

Last edited by BEVS; Apr 4th 2013 at 12:58 pm. Reason: sorted!
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 11:16 am
  #38  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

Well, that's me told. Actually.

Where do they hand out the certificates when you've gone through each stage ?
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 11:22 am
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

Sorry, are you having a bad day? I have Asperger's so I don't get the nuances, not sure if you're being sarcastic or not. If you are, I don't get why. I work in academia doing research, I'm a PHD, so I was trying to help set out a framework for the peaks and troughs of immigration. If you're not being sarcastic then ok. Just be aware that autistic people don't get it. Sarcasm that is, pissed off we can deal with.

Last edited by passthevalium; Apr 4th 2013 at 11:26 am.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 11:43 am
  #40  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

I think we're still at a combination of stages 1 and 4 after 7 years
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 12:57 pm
  #41  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

Originally Posted by Snap Shot
Well, that's me told. Actually.

Where do they hand out the certificates when you've gone through each stage ?
Priceless! I want my certificates too (although I'm only eligible for stages 1, 2 and 3 after 8 years of culture shock training).

I'd actually prefer a badge based system that I can sew onto my stubbies.

NB - I haven't really got a pair of stubbies.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 1:03 pm
  #42  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

Originally Posted by passthevalium
I found knowing about the 4 stages of immigration/culture shock helpful when dealing with all the confusing feelings I have experienced/am experiencing.

1) The honeymoon phase
When everything is exciting/interesting and wondrous about a new country. It's usually a very positive time and people begin to explore their new place of residence.

2) The discouragement stage

Feel frustrated, confused and disappointed
Feel very positive one day and very negative the next
Focus on the differences between yourself and citizens of the country
Miss your family and feel no connection to new country
Have difficulty going to work or looking for work
Feel loneliness for your country and loved ones
Feel guilty about leaving family members behind

3) Gradual adjustment and recovery
Feeling more in control of your life
Gradually getting involved in the community
Having a better understanding about how to adapt to life in a new culture
Understanding what you need to do to get what you want out of life in
new country

4) Acceptance and adjustment
Feel at 'home',
made friends,
generally feel content in new country.

Everyone will differ as to how long this can take. But nearly everyone will
go through the stages. The peaks and troughs. I know I have.
I think this sums things up quite nicely.

There will always be those who fit in very quickly and some who never adjust. But at an amateur guess, most peeps would go through the above stages.

Last edited by Sherlock Holmes; Apr 4th 2013 at 3:04 pm. Reason: spelling
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 3:07 pm
  #43  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

I think the slanging match now stands at one post each.

Let's leave it there.

Back on topic please. Or we all know what happens next.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 3:52 pm
  #44  
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

I'm at this stage:

Stage 3b) You can't educate pork

Dinner is in the middle of the day and Lunch is something posh wank3rs say.
The words 'known' and 'shown' have only one syllable.
Still chuckling when a Kiwi asks me if I want to see their deck.
The homes some people live in still shocks me.
I know I never want to go back to England.
I kind of know I'll one day get bored of NZ.
I'm still an outsider as I know the Kiwi's didn't invent the upside down ketchup bottle.
I still won't accept the phrase 'when in Rome' from a settled Expat as I don't think it's fair to beat my wife up, dress like a gay tramp and ignore all road rules.
NZ life is good but lots of things still irritate me.
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Old Apr 4th 2013, 4:16 pm
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Default Re: Why New Zealand?

Originally Posted by RobClubley
I think we're still at a combination of stages 1 and 4 after 7 years
I'm with you on that one
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