Why New Zealand?
Apr 4th 2013, 8:12 pm
#31
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: In the middle of the continent
Posts: 2,405
Re: Why New Zealand?
It's normal to feel like this when you say goodbye-and that's even if they are all supportive
It's a big step to take, yeah it might not work but then again it might.
Have an escape plan for if you're not happy and enjoy the adventure. And if it doesn't work for you then try and look back on it as such rather than a big mistake. That's how I saw it; NZ might not be for me, the relationship might not last and so on but I made sure I had enough in the bank to get back to the UK if I wanted to. We are now married [so downhill from here then
]
Best wishes, you'll be fine. Most of us have been through how you're feeling at the moment
It's a big step to take, yeah it might not work but then again it might.
Have an escape plan for if you're not happy and enjoy the adventure. And if it doesn't work for you then try and look back on it as such rather than a big mistake. That's how I saw it; NZ might not be for me, the relationship might not last and so on but I made sure I had enough in the bank to get back to the UK if I wanted to. We are now married [so downhill from here then
]Best wishes, you'll be fine. Most of us have been through how you're feeling at the moment
All the best M and M!
Apr 4th 2013, 9:15 pm
#32
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2013
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 61
Re: Why New Zealand?
I found knowing about the 4 stages of immigration/culture shock helpful when dealing with all the confusing feelings I have experienced/am experiencing.
1) The honeymoon phase
When everything is exciting/interesting and wondrous about a new country. It's usually a very positive time and people begin to explore their new place of residence.
2) The discouragement stage
Feel frustrated, confused and disappointed
Feel very positive one day and very negative the next
Focus on the differences between yourself and citizens of the country
Miss your family and feel no connection to new country
Have difficulty going to work or looking for work
Feel loneliness for your country and loved ones
Feel guilty about leaving family members behind
3) Gradual adjustment and recovery
Feeling more in control of your life
Gradually getting involved in the community
Having a better understanding about how to adapt to life in a new culture
Understanding what you need to do to get what you want out of life in
new country
4) Acceptance and adjustment
Feel at 'home',
made friends,
generally feel content in new country.
Everyone will differ as to how long this can take. But nearly everyone will
go through the stages. The peaks and troughs. I know I have.
1) The honeymoon phase
When everything is exciting/interesting and wondrous about a new country. It's usually a very positive time and people begin to explore their new place of residence.
2) The discouragement stage
Feel frustrated, confused and disappointed
Feel very positive one day and very negative the next
Focus on the differences between yourself and citizens of the country
Miss your family and feel no connection to new country
Have difficulty going to work or looking for work
Feel loneliness for your country and loved ones
Feel guilty about leaving family members behind
3) Gradual adjustment and recovery
Feeling more in control of your life
Gradually getting involved in the community
Having a better understanding about how to adapt to life in a new culture
Understanding what you need to do to get what you want out of life in
new country
4) Acceptance and adjustment
Feel at 'home',
made friends,
generally feel content in new country.
Everyone will differ as to how long this can take. But nearly everyone will
go through the stages. The peaks and troughs. I know I have.
Last edited by passthevalium; Apr 4th 2013 at 9:30 pm.
Apr 4th 2013, 10:07 pm
#33
.
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,744
Re: Why New Zealand?
Hi,
It did seem much harder and all the questions about am I doing the right thing resurface. It was very hard for us, part of my heart has stayed in NZ so I will always have a tie to the country, but we had to come back for the others within our family. It can work and is working and I am loving being back.
It did seem much harder and all the questions about am I doing the right thing resurface. It was very hard for us, part of my heart has stayed in NZ so I will always have a tie to the country, but we had to come back for the others within our family. It can work and is working and I am loving being back.
Apr 4th 2013, 10:09 pm
#34
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Invercargill
Posts: 627
Re: Why New Zealand?
Thanks Persephone. I stopped half way home from parents, and cried into my coffee.
Tomorrows a new day though. And thank goodness for Skype.
Tomorrows a new day though. And thank goodness for Skype.
Apr 4th 2013, 10:12 pm
#35
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Invercargill
Posts: 627
Re: Why New Zealand?
I'm going for the 'throw myself in' approach. As such, I have already contacted my new local triathlon club. And, Invercargill triathlon is the week after I get there, so will go and watch.
If I start at 110% then I hope that the momentum will keep me rolling till Mr M_and_M can join me.
If I start at 110% then I hope that the momentum will keep me rolling till Mr M_and_M can join me.
Apr 4th 2013, 10:12 pm
#36
.
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,744
Re: Why New Zealand?
I found knowing about the 4 stages of immigration/culture shock helpful when dealing with all the confusing feelings I have experienced/am experiencing.
1) The honeymoon phase
When everything is exciting/interesting and wondrous about a new country. It's usually a very positive time and people begin to explore their new place of residence.
2) The discouragement stage
Feel frustrated, confused and disappointed
Feel very positive one day and very negative the next
Focus on the differences between yourself and citizens of the country
Miss your family and feel no connection to new country
Have difficulty going to work or looking for work
Feel loneliness for your country and loved ones
Feel guilty about leaving family members behind
3) Gradual adjustment and recovery
Feeling more in control of your life
Gradually getting involved in the community
Having a better understanding about how to adapt to life in a new culture
Understanding what you need to do to get what you want out of life in
new country
4) Acceptance and adjustment
Feel at 'home',
made friends,
generally feel content in new country.
Everyone will differ as to how long this can take. But nearly everyone will
go through the stages. The peaks and troughs. I know I have.
1) The honeymoon phase
When everything is exciting/interesting and wondrous about a new country. It's usually a very positive time and people begin to explore their new place of residence.
2) The discouragement stage
Feel frustrated, confused and disappointed
Feel very positive one day and very negative the next
Focus on the differences between yourself and citizens of the country
Miss your family and feel no connection to new country
Have difficulty going to work or looking for work
Feel loneliness for your country and loved ones
Feel guilty about leaving family members behind
3) Gradual adjustment and recovery
Feeling more in control of your life
Gradually getting involved in the community
Having a better understanding about how to adapt to life in a new culture
Understanding what you need to do to get what you want out of life in
new country
4) Acceptance and adjustment
Feel at 'home',
made friends,
generally feel content in new country.
Everyone will differ as to how long this can take. But nearly everyone will
go through the stages. The peaks and troughs. I know I have.
I go from stage 2 to stage 3 and back again. OK sometimes I touch on stage 4 but rarely stay there for long before stages 2 and 3 get revisited.
BTW, these are not formal stages, or any sort of process, just part of what can happen to your emotions. I understand there's more reasons for emotional adjustment than emigrating, i.e. bereavement etc
Apr 4th 2013, 10:59 pm
#37
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2013
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 61
Re: Why New Zealand?
BTW, these are not formal stages, or any sort of process, just part of what can happen to your emotions. I understand there's more reasons for emotional adjustment than emigrating, i.e. bereavement etc
Actually, they are 'formal stages' of a process. There are many models of culture shock, but the main one used is The Classic 5 stage Culture Shock Model focusing on the ABCs (Affect, Behaviours and Cognitions) of human interaction.
Last edited by BEVS; Apr 5th 2013 at 12:58 am. Reason: sorted!
Apr 4th 2013, 11:16 pm
#38
.
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,744
Re: Why New Zealand?
Well, that's me told. Actually.
Where do they hand out the certificates when you've gone through each stage ?
Where do they hand out the certificates when you've gone through each stage ?
Apr 4th 2013, 11:22 pm
#39
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2013
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 61
Re: Why New Zealand?
Sorry, are you having a bad day? I have Asperger's so I don't get the nuances, not sure if you're being sarcastic or not. If you are, I don't get why. I work in academia doing research, I'm a PHD, so I was trying to help set out a framework for the peaks and troughs of immigration. If you're not being sarcastic then ok. Just be aware that autistic people don't get it. Sarcasm that is, pissed off we can deal with.
Last edited by passthevalium; Apr 4th 2013 at 11:26 pm.
Apr 4th 2013, 11:43 pm
#40
Happy in Wellington
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Tawa, Wellington, Aotearoa
Posts: 2,286
Re: Why New Zealand?
I think we're still at a combination of stages 1 and 4 after 7 years
Apr 5th 2013, 12:57 am
#41
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: New Plymouth
Posts: 210
Re: Why New Zealand?
Priceless! I want my certificates too (although I'm only eligible for stages 1, 2 and 3 after 8 years of culture shock training).I'd actually prefer a badge based system that I can sew onto my stubbies.
NB - I haven't really got a pair of stubbies.
Apr 5th 2013, 1:03 am
#42
221b Baker Street
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Miles from anywhere, Victoria, Australia.
Posts: 14,125
Re: Why New Zealand?
I found knowing about the 4 stages of immigration/culture shock helpful when dealing with all the confusing feelings I have experienced/am experiencing.
1) The honeymoon phase
When everything is exciting/interesting and wondrous about a new country. It's usually a very positive time and people begin to explore their new place of residence.
2) The discouragement stage
Feel frustrated, confused and disappointed
Feel very positive one day and very negative the next
Focus on the differences between yourself and citizens of the country
Miss your family and feel no connection to new country
Have difficulty going to work or looking for work
Feel loneliness for your country and loved ones
Feel guilty about leaving family members behind
3) Gradual adjustment and recovery
Feeling more in control of your life
Gradually getting involved in the community
Having a better understanding about how to adapt to life in a new culture
Understanding what you need to do to get what you want out of life in
new country
4) Acceptance and adjustment
Feel at 'home',
made friends,
generally feel content in new country.
Everyone will differ as to how long this can take. But nearly everyone will
go through the stages. The peaks and troughs. I know I have.
1) The honeymoon phase
When everything is exciting/interesting and wondrous about a new country. It's usually a very positive time and people begin to explore their new place of residence.
2) The discouragement stage
Feel frustrated, confused and disappointed
Feel very positive one day and very negative the next
Focus on the differences between yourself and citizens of the country
Miss your family and feel no connection to new country
Have difficulty going to work or looking for work
Feel loneliness for your country and loved ones
Feel guilty about leaving family members behind
3) Gradual adjustment and recovery
Feeling more in control of your life
Gradually getting involved in the community
Having a better understanding about how to adapt to life in a new culture
Understanding what you need to do to get what you want out of life in
new country
4) Acceptance and adjustment
Feel at 'home',
made friends,
generally feel content in new country.
Everyone will differ as to how long this can take. But nearly everyone will
go through the stages. The peaks and troughs. I know I have.
There will always be those who fit in very quickly and some who never adjust. But at an amateur guess, most peeps would go through the above stages.
Last edited by Sherlock Holmes; Apr 5th 2013 at 3:04 am. Reason: spelling
Apr 5th 2013, 3:07 am
#43
221b Baker Street
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Miles from anywhere, Victoria, Australia.
Posts: 14,125
Re: Why New Zealand?
I think the slanging match now stands at one post each.
Let's leave it there.
Back on topic please. Or we all know what happens next.
Let's leave it there.
Back on topic please. Or we all know what happens next.
Apr 5th 2013, 3:52 am
#44
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2009
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 1,111
Re: Why New Zealand?
I'm at this stage:
Stage 3b) You can't educate pork
Dinner is in the middle of the day and Lunch is something posh wank3rs say.
The words 'known' and 'shown' have only one syllable.
Still chuckling when a Kiwi asks me if I want to see their deck.
The homes some people live in still shocks me.
I know I never want to go back to England.
I kind of know I'll one day get bored of NZ.
I'm still an outsider as I know the Kiwi's didn't invent the upside down ketchup bottle.
I still won't accept the phrase 'when in Rome' from a settled Expat as I don't think it's fair to beat my wife up, dress like a gay tramp and ignore all road rules.
NZ life is good but lots of things still irritate me.
Stage 3b) You can't educate pork
Dinner is in the middle of the day and Lunch is something posh wank3rs say.
The words 'known' and 'shown' have only one syllable.
Still chuckling when a Kiwi asks me if I want to see their deck.
The homes some people live in still shocks me.
I know I never want to go back to England.
I kind of know I'll one day get bored of NZ.
I'm still an outsider as I know the Kiwi's didn't invent the upside down ketchup bottle.
I still won't accept the phrase 'when in Rome' from a settled Expat as I don't think it's fair to beat my wife up, dress like a gay tramp and ignore all road rules.
NZ life is good but lots of things still irritate me.
