Who will be Pope?
Feb 12th 2013, 1:18 am
#1
Truth is the safest lie.
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2008
Location: @ the beach.
Posts: 7,240
Who will be Pope?
Fancy having your ring kissed by visiting strangers? Just want to hang out with a bunch of old guys drinking wine? Give me your best argument as to why you deserve to be a candidate for catholacisms next Pope idol.
Feb 12th 2013, 4:31 am
#5
MODERATOR
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
Posts: 9,077
Re: Who will be Pope?
Feb 12th 2013, 5:44 am
#6
Truth is the safest lie.
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2008
Location: @ the beach.
Posts: 7,240
Re: Who will be Pope?
I thought I'd help them advertise the position:
Due to ill health a position has become vacant for a team player in the position of Pope. This is a prime opportunity to work for a major global employer with thousands of employees and millions of customers around the globe with strong growth in emerging markets. We are currently looking to engage with a hip youth audience through schools, youth associations, admitting that safe sex is preferable to aids and brainwashing children with stories of hell. A strong will and excellent planning skills will be essential in this role, the incumbent had previous military experience.
To be considered for this role you will need to be:
- Catholic*.
- Male*.
- Celibate*.
- Have good public speaking skills.
- Be familiar with the Bible.
- Belief in a monotheistic Christian God would be an advantage.
Skills and experience required in this role:
- Experience working in a religious environment.
- The ability to dodge difficult questions and hinder police investigations.
- Deliver general blessings, prayers and convey the word of God in Latin.
Eligibility for this role:
- Previously (for more than 700 years anyway) Cardinals have mainly been considered for this role but this isn't actually a rule as such.
- Given the nature of the role ability to work weekends is essential.
Special benefits:
- Transportation [a Mercedes will be provided with an armchair in a bullet proof fish tank on top].
- Bizarre wardrobe and OTT Jewelry.
- Accommodation in palatial luxury.
- Swiss guard.
- Travel opportunities and celebrity appearances.
Remuneration:
- No.
* Yes, seriously!
-The Catholic Church is definitely not an equal opportunities employer and is an independent subsidiary of the Abrahamic religions.
Due to ill health a position has become vacant for a team player in the position of Pope. This is a prime opportunity to work for a major global employer with thousands of employees and millions of customers around the globe with strong growth in emerging markets. We are currently looking to engage with a hip youth audience through schools, youth associations, admitting that safe sex is preferable to aids and brainwashing children with stories of hell. A strong will and excellent planning skills will be essential in this role, the incumbent had previous military experience.
To be considered for this role you will need to be:
- Catholic*.
- Male*.
- Celibate*.
- Have good public speaking skills.
- Be familiar with the Bible.
- Belief in a monotheistic Christian God would be an advantage.
Skills and experience required in this role:
- Experience working in a religious environment.
- The ability to dodge difficult questions and hinder police investigations.
- Deliver general blessings, prayers and convey the word of God in Latin.
Eligibility for this role:
- Previously (for more than 700 years anyway) Cardinals have mainly been considered for this role but this isn't actually a rule as such.
- Given the nature of the role ability to work weekends is essential.
Special benefits:
- Transportation [a Mercedes will be provided with an armchair in a bullet proof fish tank on top].
- Bizarre wardrobe and OTT Jewelry.
- Accommodation in palatial luxury.
- Swiss guard.
- Travel opportunities and celebrity appearances.
Remuneration:
- No.
* Yes, seriously!
-The Catholic Church is definitely not an equal opportunities employer and is an independent subsidiary of the Abrahamic religions.
Feb 12th 2013, 6:38 am
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2010
Location: Manurewa, AKL
Posts: 165
Re: Who will be Pope?
Apparently there's a Kiwi in the running for it according to the news earlier. Whoopdy do.
Feb 12th 2013, 4:22 pm
#8
Queen of the Underworld
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: In NZ!
Posts: 4,785
Re: Who will be Pope?
Well I am currently unemployed...
I like travelling, Rome is my favourite city, I have an O level in Latin, I like wearing hats, I understand the need for 'oddly' dressed bodyguards, I avoid choirboys whenever possible, I want to live in a palace-yes please, I'd also like to see the Sistine Chapel without other people being there.
Will this get me the job?
Are you absolutely sure that being female, atheist, newly married and having no connections to the Nazi party will disqualify me?
I like travelling, Rome is my favourite city, I have an O level in Latin, I like wearing hats, I understand the need for 'oddly' dressed bodyguards, I avoid choirboys whenever possible, I want to live in a palace-yes please, I'd also like to see the Sistine Chapel without other people being there.
Will this get me the job?
Are you absolutely sure that being female, atheist, newly married and having no connections to the Nazi party will disqualify me?
Feb 13th 2013, 12:41 am
#9
Account Closed
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 755
Re: Who will be Pope?
I thought I'd help them advertise the position:
Due to ill health a position has become vacant for a team player in the position of Pope. This is a prime opportunity to work for a major global employer with thousands of employees and millions of customers around the globe with strong growth in emerging markets. We are currently looking to engage with a hip youth audience through schools, youth associations, admitting that safe sex is preferable to aids and brainwashing children with stories of hell. A strong will and excellent planning skills will be essential in this role, the incumbent had previous military experience.
To be considered for this role you will need to be:
- Catholic*.
- Male*.
- Celibate*.
- Have good public speaking skills.
- Be familiar with the Bible.
- Belief in a monotheistic Christian God would be an advantage.
Skills and experience required in this role:
- Experience working in a religious environment.
- The ability to dodge difficult questions and hinder police investigations.
- Deliver general blessings, prayers and convey the word of God in Latin.
Eligibility for this role:
- Previously (for more than 700 years anyway) Cardinals have mainly been considered for this role but this isn't actually a rule as such.
- Given the nature of the role ability to work weekends is essential.
Special benefits:
- Transportation [a Mercedes will be provided with an armchair in a bullet proof fish tank on top].
- Bizarre wardrobe and OTT Jewelry.
- Accommodation in palatial luxury.
- Swiss guard.
- Travel opportunities and celebrity appearances.
Remuneration:
- No.
* Yes, seriously!
-The Catholic Church is definitely not an equal opportunities employer and is an independent subsidiary of the Abrahamic religions.
Due to ill health a position has become vacant for a team player in the position of Pope. This is a prime opportunity to work for a major global employer with thousands of employees and millions of customers around the globe with strong growth in emerging markets. We are currently looking to engage with a hip youth audience through schools, youth associations, admitting that safe sex is preferable to aids and brainwashing children with stories of hell. A strong will and excellent planning skills will be essential in this role, the incumbent had previous military experience.
To be considered for this role you will need to be:
- Catholic*.
- Male*.
- Celibate*.
- Have good public speaking skills.
- Be familiar with the Bible.
- Belief in a monotheistic Christian God would be an advantage.
Skills and experience required in this role:
- Experience working in a religious environment.
- The ability to dodge difficult questions and hinder police investigations.
- Deliver general blessings, prayers and convey the word of God in Latin.
Eligibility for this role:
- Previously (for more than 700 years anyway) Cardinals have mainly been considered for this role but this isn't actually a rule as such.
- Given the nature of the role ability to work weekends is essential.
Special benefits:
- Transportation [a Mercedes will be provided with an armchair in a bullet proof fish tank on top].
- Bizarre wardrobe and OTT Jewelry.
- Accommodation in palatial luxury.
- Swiss guard.
- Travel opportunities and celebrity appearances.
Remuneration:
- No.
* Yes, seriously!
-The Catholic Church is definitely not an equal opportunities employer and is an independent subsidiary of the Abrahamic religions.
Favourite football club must be the swiss side Young Boys
You must not have a liking to men or women over the age of 16
Feb 13th 2013, 5:30 am
#10
...............
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: Far North Queensland
Posts: 17,625
Re: Who will be Pope?
This one is doing the rounds on Facebook 
Mar 1st 2013, 11:16 am
#12
221b Baker Street
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Miles from anywhere, Victoria, Australia.
Posts: 14,125
Re: Who will be Pope?
.
Mar 1st 2013, 9:25 pm
#13
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Rotorua
Posts: 1,627
Re: Who will be Pope?
Mrs Brown!! 
Mar 3rd 2013, 8:08 am
#14
Truth is the safest lie.
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2008
Location: @ the beach.
Posts: 7,240
Re: Who will be Pope?
Don't be silly, they'd have a darkie before a paddy. The Vatican hates the Irish.
Mar 3rd 2013, 8:24 am
#15
Joined on April fools day
Joined: Apr 2012
Location: 30 miles from a decent grocery store.
Posts: 10,642
Re: Who will be Pope?
Any Catholics in Greece?
