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When was your " think I've settled" moment

When was your " think I've settled" moment

Old Mar 2nd 2014, 8:29 am
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Default When was your " think I've settled" moment

Strange thing, I always could never say that I prefer nz or uk even after nearly 6 years or so I thought........
Just discovered that dad needs a shoulder op, now at 68 he isn't getting any younger, my family there that live close to him are very selfish and don't seem to bother much with him at all
He's needs to be cared for in his golden years so the thought occurred to me, why don't we bring him here, build a sleep out so he will has independence and then we can look after him.
Imagine my surprise when a friend asked would you not go back to the uk to look after him!!!!! The thought hadn't even occurred to me and that was because I must be settled here our family are here( oh and two kiddies)
Am today feeling sorry for dad and his shoulder but very very happy because I finally know I'm in the right place I just never realised

Sorry for the rambling post, so c'mon folks when did you realise " hey this is home"
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Old Mar 2nd 2014, 9:12 am
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

I think we knew that this was us from the moment we arrived. We did set off with hardly a backward glance, and things just fell into place when we were here - job, location, house to live in, then another child etc. It very very quickly became the place we called home.

Things happened back in the UK that we felt 'apart' from - family issues that we would have been involved in, or helped out with had we lived there, but we had moved on from being people that lived in the UK, or had ties to the usual stuff - we valued our independence rather than being unsettled by it (and the lack of a 'support network' like family and friends). We also made friends amongst the locals rather than the classic situation (which we've seen time and again) of expats mixing with other expats, and I think that helped us feel more at home here.

I used to live in the UK - in fact I'm happy to say that I 'grew up there', but now, NZ is home and we are New Zealanders.
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Old Mar 2nd 2014, 9:38 am
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

We too don't really mix with many expats, I wonder if that has anything to do with the settling process, interesting
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Old Mar 2nd 2014, 7:19 pm
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

I haven't reached that point yet.
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Old Mar 3rd 2014, 6:41 am
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

Originally Posted by gina and danny
We too don't really mix with many expats, I wonder if that has anything to do with the settling process, interesting
Has heaps to do with it.
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Old Mar 3rd 2014, 10:13 am
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

Coming into 11 years since I arrived here, could never say I feel totally settled, this is where I live but its not home, I like it here, we have a nice life.
I actually feel more unsettled since I had kids, I thought it would be the other way round
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Old Mar 3rd 2014, 11:01 am
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

I had it approximately 9 months in second time around. But then the feeling comes and goes. Sometimes I love living in NZ & other times it drives me potty but then I always felt much the same in England. Sometimes I get the feeling that I don't quite 'belong' anywhere anymore.
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Old Mar 3rd 2014, 11:57 am
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

I reckon this'll be a difficult question for me to answer.

I don't think I know what being settled feel like. I've led a bit of a nomadic existence throughout my life and having options to move on and ultimately taking at least one of those options is what drives me. I've never though of anywhere as 'home'.

On being born I lived in a flat above a shop (6 months), then a house (3.5 years), then my parents ran an off license (2 years), then to a pub (2 years), to another pub (6 months), to a 3rd pub (3 years) by the time we left here I was at a boarding school anyway, which was awesome.

After leaving the 3rd pub we went back to the house I lived at for 3.5 years for a further 5 years, then to a Golf Club for 1 year and then my parent moved to where they are now.

At this point I was 15 and had been away at school for 6 years with a further 3 more years to come. I subsequently lived at Mum and Dads in the summer between A-levels and Uni and then again after Uni for about 10 months.

I had four different locations of accommodation whilst spending 3 years at Uni and since leaving Uni in May 2004 I have lived in a further 5 homes across Hampshire and West London.

Of course some people would have moved more than I have but I've never sought to settle or had an emotional attachment to anywhere I've lived. In between all this time I got married, got promoted a few times and became a Dad all before upping everything and moving to NZ.


Reading back on this, it sounds like a I had an awful childhood, but I really didn't. I'd love to go back to school. Perhaps this timeline is the reason I'm giving this a go, I've never emotionally settled anywhere so if it happens here, great. If not, it's no loss.

The lack of feeling settled doesn't seem to have had a detrimental impact on my career development, nor my life at home.

I can tell you that the one and only time I've been even close to homesick since arriving in NZ was a few weekends ago;

I used to go to Twickenham a lot to watch England play, when they played Ireland the weekend before last the atmosphere sounded amazing I check facebook to realise a few good mates were at the game. I was very jealous indeed. I wished I could be there, the green eyed monster was at large for the whole of the game!!

As it is, I figure if a game of Rugby is the only thing that's evoked any sort of emotion for the UK then me and NZ are getting on just fine

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Old Mar 3rd 2014, 11:59 am
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

Originally Posted by gina and danny
We too don't really mix with many expats, I wonder if that has anything to do with the settling process, interesting
Not really. Unless you seek to live within an immigrant group I suppose.
Or perhaps belong to a club or group like Club Italia in Nelson. Bit like the old Irish & Polish Clubs back in the UK. A way to meet and mix with fellow countrymen.

When we arrived to where we live now, ten years ago ,there was just us & an old guy originally from London. No other immigrants as such. Not that we knew of anyway.
Two/three years in there was suddenly an influx of immigrants . Lots of UKers. Irish & South Africans .

None of the above has made the slightest difference to how settled we feel or not feel.

Our friendships with people are not based on what nationality we or they are. They're based on enjoying each other's company.

I think if you come to existing friends or family, then that can and probably does help as it gives you a small ready made base.

Perhaps there are enclaves of British immigrants living side by side in places which makes it hard for mixing with other nationalities and locals. No idea if that helps them settle in a place or not. Perhaps it does.

Can't speak for them of course. Just for us.

I'm still dithering about where I truly wish to be.
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Old Mar 5th 2014, 10:24 pm
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

I am not sure I will ever have the "Think Ive settled" feeling, more a feeling that Im content where i am at this very moment in time, but I have found, so far, that this contented feeling does'nt (has'nt) last(ed) and the feet will get itchy again, 1 year, 2 years 5 years who knows.

Maybe setting down some roots will help this time and I would really prefer to have some stability before the little man goes to school.

You never know whats around the corner but thats the exciting part.
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Old Mar 6th 2014, 3:02 pm
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

About 9 months ago. I can't say I'm settled for ever here, I'm a bit like a few of the above posters, itchy feet, but I am more settled here at the moment than at any time in my life, helped in huge part by moving to our wonderful home here.

Also helped in part by finding out that my sisters in the UK enacted an act of such treachery against me that it even took my breath away. I come from what is kindest to describe as a dysfunctional family, bonkers, stark raving certifiably cuckoo, but even I didn't see that one coming. So, I'm not recommending it but estranging from them, completely and finally has helped me settle. It was a tie that erroneously pulled me back, but not anymore. So the world is my oyster and the pearl is here for now, maybe for ever.
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Old Mar 6th 2014, 3:16 pm
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

Originally Posted by britsinnz
... finding out that my sisters in the UK enacted an act of such treachery against me that it even took my breath away.
I think we may share a sister. After 5 years I still cannot get to grips with what was done. I came to understand that my sister was lost to me & had been replaced by some sort of other being I did not know
I divorced her, in my head ,forever which is sad.
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Old Mar 6th 2014, 5:59 pm
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

Originally Posted by BEVS
I think we may share a sister. After 5 years I still cannot get to grips with what was done. I came to understand that my sister was lost to me & had been replaced by some sort of other being I did not know
I divorced her, in my head ,forever which is sad.
Crikey Bevs, I never expected another estranged person on BE. I actually write about estrangement on a blog, so hail and well met. It's actually terribly sad in reality, but when they betray us, it's inevitable.
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Old Mar 6th 2014, 6:48 pm
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

Originally Posted by britsinnz
Crikey Bevs, I never expected another estranged person on BE. I actually write about estrangement on a blog, so hail and well met. It's actually terribly sad in reality, but when they betray us, it's inevitable.
We are estranged from my OH's family (4 brothers & a sister + 2 nephews & niece). I still can't get over their behaviour towards me & my OH at his mother's funeral 2 years ago.

May I join the club please?

It is terribly sad but what can you do. I was very angry for a while but now I realise that I'm only responsible for my behaviour & I can't do anything about anyone else. That has helped me move on enormously.

now.
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Old Mar 6th 2014, 8:08 pm
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Default Re: When was your " think I've settled" moment

Originally Posted by Vitalstatistix
We are estranged from my OH's family (4 brothers & a sister + 2 nephews & niece). I still can't get over their behaviour towards me & my OH at his mother's funeral 2 years ago.

May I join the club please?

It is terribly sad but what can you do. I was very angry for a while but now I realise that I'm only responsible for my behaviour & I can't do anything about anyone else. That has helped me move on enormously.

now.
Absolutely Vital, you're in. Maybe we need to start an estranged thread, but until then we could all get badges. It does hurt, it's so not what we expect from 'family'. My care goes out to you.
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