Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > New Zealand
Reload this Page >

What will be best for the kids?

What will be best for the kids?

Old Aug 21st 2019, 1:34 pm
  #1  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 127
hallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond repute
Default What will be best for the kids?

We are just under 6 weeks from moving to Auckland and I wrote a huge post about how much I don't want to go, and how much I will miss my life, but deleted it becuase it's far too depressing.
So I'm asking about the kids instead.

We will stay with my in-laws in Northcote Point, North Shore to start with. I have agreed to a maximum of 3 weeks, but in all honesty I don't know what our options are after this as our stuff won't be there for another couple of months. Maybe Airbnb? We will be bringing over a very heathy deposit (at the start of the year we thought we could buy a decent family home outright in Birkenhead/Chatswood/Bays but a low offer on the house and dismal exchange rate has put pay to that) and will be looking to buy ASAP.

My husband thinks that we should enrol our children into a local school near his parents ASAP and then move them when we decide where we are going to live (it definitely won't be close enough to the in-laws to be in their school zone ;-) ) and rent there if necessary to get them into school until we find somewhere to buy. I am slightly reluctant to disrupt them by moving them twice in a period of weeks or a couple of months as I think they are going to struggle a bit. They are 6 and 10 andn while they are excited to go, they have only been on holiday - basically three weeks at the beach house with a loads of kids. The weather will be mediocre, they will miss their friends like crazy.... I don't want them to start school, make that adjustment from the UK, make friends and then change schools. We are looking in such a wide area - Beach Haven to Greenhithe accross to the Bays down to Hauraki and everythig in between!

Has anyone else had to make this choice/what would you do?

One way or another we will make sure they are settled for the start of 2020.
hallie_day is offline  
Old Aug 22nd 2019, 9:42 am
  #2  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Bo-Jangles's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: In a large village called Auckland
Posts: 5,203
Bo-Jangles has a reputation beyond reputeBo-Jangles has a reputation beyond reputeBo-Jangles has a reputation beyond reputeBo-Jangles has a reputation beyond reputeBo-Jangles has a reputation beyond reputeBo-Jangles has a reputation beyond reputeBo-Jangles has a reputation beyond reputeBo-Jangles has a reputation beyond reputeBo-Jangles has a reputation beyond reputeBo-Jangles has a reputation beyond reputeBo-Jangles has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What will be best for the kids?

Six weeks I assume will see you arrive here early October, there will be a school holiday for two weeks from 14th October so suggest you don't stress too much about where they will go to school just yet. Wait until you're at least had a look around and settled on where you will be renting and take it from there.
Bo-Jangles is offline  
Old Aug 22nd 2019, 10:09 pm
  #3  
She'll be right
 
Pom_Chch's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2012
Location: Near the beach, NZ
Posts: 1,495
Pom_Chch has a reputation beyond reputePom_Chch has a reputation beyond reputePom_Chch has a reputation beyond reputePom_Chch has a reputation beyond reputePom_Chch has a reputation beyond reputePom_Chch has a reputation beyond reputePom_Chch has a reputation beyond reputePom_Chch has a reputation beyond reputePom_Chch has a reputation beyond reputePom_Chch has a reputation beyond reputePom_Chch has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What will be best for the kids?

Hello! I can't help with questions about kids, but I would consider staying in a holiday home when you arrive. Have a look at:

https://www.holidayhouses.co.nz/
https://www.bookabach.co.nz

Good luck with the move
Pom_Chch is offline  
Old Aug 22nd 2019, 10:33 pm
  #4  
Somewhere rather noisy .
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Below
Posts: 37,648
BEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What will be best for the kids?

Originally Posted by hallie_day View Post
We are just under 6 weeks from moving to Auckland and I wrote a huge post about how much I don't want to go, and how much I will miss my life, but deleted it
This really worries me for you. Have you spoken candidly to your OH about just how you feel about this? I hope you have. I hope if you have that he has heard you.

Once you have moved your children to the other side of the world, NZ, you are unlikely going to be able to move them back to the UK again unless you have his total blessing which would be doubtful.

If you do not want to go you really should be saying so. Once you are here , you may never get back and might find visits are far from as often as you would wish.

It's OK to express concerns you know. Some might write back that you only live once. What is there to lose. You can always return . You will settle into NZ with the will and the verve. The reality is not as simple as that at all.

Just ensure that there is a part of you that does want to make this move with your family unit & that does want to make this brave new life.


BEVS is offline  
Old Aug 22nd 2019, 11:06 pm
  #5  
Concierge
 
spouse of scouse's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 19,877
spouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond reputespouse of scouse has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What will be best for the kids?

Originally Posted by BEVS View Post
This really worries me for you. Have you spoken candidly to your OH about just how you feel about this? I hope you have. I hope if you have that he has heard you.

Once you have moved your children to the other side of the world, NZ, you are unlikely going to be able to move them back to the UK again unless you have his total blessing which would be doubtful.

If you do not want to go you really should be saying so. Once you are here , you may never get back and might find visits are far from as often as you would wish.

It's OK to express concerns you know. Some might write back that you only live once. What is there to lose. You can always return . You will settle into NZ with the will and the verve. The reality is not as simple as that at all.

Just ensure that there is a part of you that does want to make this move with your family unit & that does want to make this brave new life.
Great post BEVS. Hallie, getting the wobbles and being sad at leaving people and things we love behind is very normal, I think most of us have done that. But if you hate the idea of moving to New Zealand, if there's nothing there that's making you excited and happy about going, then unless you instantly fall in the love with the place I'm worried that you'll struggle. Do have that talk with your husband. Wishing you all the best whatever you decide.
spouse of scouse is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2019, 5:16 am
  #6  
Just Joined
 
Joined: Aug 2018
Location: Lowestoft, Suffolk, UK
Posts: 8
Harris197801 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: What will be best for the kids?

Hi Hallie,

We are just over three months since moving to NZ. We have three children, 11, 5 and 2. We were very concerned for our children starting out here, we didn't know anyone, no family etc and so it literally was just the five of us. We enrolled our kids straight away into school, we arrived on the Tuesday and they started school the following Monday, we didn't want them to feel like it was a holiday, we wanted them to realize that this is their home now and to get routines in place. Although our children miss family and friends (face time helps massively with this!) they have made friends extremely quickly and started clubs outside of school hours. They do have little wobbles but its no where near the levels we were expecting. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best! Everyone here in BOP are super friendly and cannot do enough to help you settle in, i cannot speak for Auckland but at least you do have some family around you to help the children settle in as well. We had an Air BnB for 4 weeks when we arrived and found a property close by to rent so we didn't need to move girls out of the school they had just gotten used too.



Harris197801 is offline  
Old Aug 23rd 2019, 8:15 am
  #7  
BE Forum Addict
 
Assanah's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: In the middle of the continent
Posts: 2,217
Assanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond reputeAssanah has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What will be best for the kids?

Originally Posted by BEVS View Post
This really worries me for you. Have you spoken candidly to your OH about just how you feel about this? I hope you have. I hope if you have that he has heard you.

Once you have moved your children to the other side of the world, NZ, you are unlikely going to be able to move them back to the UK again unless you have his total blessing which would be doubtful.

If you do not want to go you really should be saying so. Once you are here , you may never get back and might find visits are far from as often as you would wish.

It's OK to express concerns you know. Some might write back that you only live once. What is there to lose. You can always return . You will settle into NZ with the will and the verve. The reality is not as simple as that at all.

Just ensure that there is a part of you that does want to make this move with your family unit & that does want to make this brave new life.
I like to add that it might be good to agree that you try living in NZ. But if one doesn't like it after two years (or whatever timeframe suits you) you will return to the UK no matter what. I knew a German couple that came with this kind of agreement to NZ. He liked it a lot, she not at all. After a year they returned to Europe. The decision was made "easier" for them because they have agreed to this before they came.
Assanah is offline  
Old Aug 25th 2019, 1:37 pm
  #8  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,900
carcajou has a reputation beyond reputecarcajou has a reputation beyond reputecarcajou has a reputation beyond reputecarcajou has a reputation beyond reputecarcajou has a reputation beyond reputecarcajou has a reputation beyond reputecarcajou has a reputation beyond reputecarcajou has a reputation beyond reputecarcajou has a reputation beyond reputecarcajou has a reputation beyond reputecarcajou has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What will be best for the kids?

Originally Posted by BEVS View Post
This really worries me for you. Have you spoken candidly to your OH about just how you feel about this? I hope you have. I hope if you have that he has heard you.

Once you have moved your children to the other side of the world, NZ, you are unlikely going to be able to move them back to the UK again unless you have his total blessing which would be doubtful.

If you do not want to go you really should be saying so. Once you are here , you may never get back and might find visits are far from as often as you would wish.

It's OK to express concerns you know. Some might write back that you only live once. What is there to lose. You can always return . You will settle into NZ with the will and the verve. The reality is not as simple as that at all.

Just ensure that there is a part of you that does want to make this move with your family unit & that does want to make this brave new life.
Yes, agree with this completely. These types of moves, where one wants to go and the other doesn't, can lead to all sorts of complications. You need to speak to your partner immediately. It will be very hard to tennis-ball back once you are there, and his support network is there, and the kids are in school etc.

The agreement plan could work - something like 2 years is a good time-frame - the trick is, the partner will have to actually abide by it when the time comes.


carcajou is offline  
Old Aug 26th 2019, 1:44 am
  #9  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: bottom of the world
Posts: 4,385
Justcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What will be best for the kids?

Stop panicking
kids are resilient. A 5 and 2 year old really don't care about anything. An 11 year old will make friends and adapt.
The thing that will ruin things for them is a parent who is anxious and stressing out over everything. So what if things didn't work out financially, it's only money, you'll have a mortgage like most other people, it's not the end of the world, just relax and let things happen, it'll go a lot smoother.
As others have said, if you have any doubts you need to bring them out now or we'll all be on here in 18 months time reading your posts about how miserable and desperate to go home you are.
​​​​​​
Justcol is offline  
Old Aug 26th 2019, 11:22 pm
  #10  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 127
hallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond reputehallie_day has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What will be best for the kids?

Thanks for your advice everyone.
It is really hard - my husband has been here for 20 years and wants to go back, so staying here would leave him in a similar position as I would be there (albeit with more friends....). I have talked to him about my concerns (even emailed a list!), and to be honest he has also admitted that he is scared, but he thinks I'm being overly negative and expecting the worse. This is the point where I warn people not to marry people from the other side of the world!!!

The two year plan is a good one and hard to argue against, and we are in the fortunate position of having a rental property in London so we won't be burning all our bridges.

I have heard back from the school near the in-laws and they will accept them if we have two proofs of address so I think on balance I will put them in and aim to be settled in our new area in time to start fresh in 2020. If nothing else, god knows what I would do with them in grotty weather with no toys, bikes or friends. As long as I warn them about moving again they should cope.

Thanks for the holiday home info - I'll get googling.

Emotional day today saying goodbye to my brother and his family. We've realised how hard it's going to be for him to come out fand work it around his job and teenage kids/school hols :-(
hallie_day is offline  
Old Aug 27th 2019, 8:39 pm
  #11  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: May 2019
Location: Auckland
Posts: 41
mexnick is just really nicemexnick is just really nicemexnick is just really nicemexnick is just really nicemexnick is just really nicemexnick is just really nicemexnick is just really nicemexnick is just really nice
Default Re: What will be best for the kids?

Originally Posted by hallie_day View Post
Thanks for your advice everyone.
It is really hard - my husband has been here for 20 years and wants to go back, so staying here would leave him in a similar position as I would be there (albeit with more friends....). I have talked to him about my concerns (even emailed a list!), and to be honest he has also admitted that he is scared, but he thinks I'm being overly negative and expecting the worse. This is the point where I warn people not to marry people from the other side of the world!!!

The two year plan is a good one and hard to argue against, and we are in the fortunate position of having a rental property in London so we won't be burning all our bridges.

I have heard back from the school near the in-laws and they will accept them if we have two proofs of address so I think on balance I will put them in and aim to be settled in our new area in time to start fresh in 2020. If nothing else, god knows what I would do with them in grotty weather with no toys, bikes or friends. As long as I warn them about moving again they should cope.

Thanks for the holiday home info - I'll get googling.

Emotional day today saying goodbye to my brother and his family. We've realised how hard it's going to be for him to come out fand work it around his job and teenage kids/school hols :-(
hello hallie

i can relate alot to your concerns with regards to your children. We are a family of 4 (kids 10 & 11) moving to Auckland in just under 2 weeks time. We're having the same worries about how/where to enroll the kids, this has been made more complicated by the fact that despite me having a 30 month work to residence visa my kids won't be applying for their visas until we arrive. All the schools my wife has spoken to have said they will not accept the kids without the appropriate visas. Luckily I've spoken to the government education department who have assured us that as long as we can show the visas have been applied for they'll be permitted to enroll.
We're arriving pretty blind to where we'll live, we have some rough ideas on areas but feel we need to be there to really know where we should settle. I too would be anxious about moving them twice after arriving as I know my kids are both nervous about making new friends etc as it is.
Both my wife and I have doubts about whether we're doing the right thing going there but have found things easier by both agreeing that we'll give it a year or two and if it's not working out we'll go back. We're also renting our uk home out so have a nice place and jobs to come back to if need be.
Despite all the worries and uncertainties we feel life is for living so why not give it a go, if we don't stay my girls will hopefully have a great experience to think back on, I lived abroad as a kid and it totally expanded my vision of the world and was a major influence on my travelling the globe later in life, if my kids get that from an abortive trip to NZ then that's a plus from my perspective.
when I feel particularly unsure about the move I remind myself how lucky I and my family are to be able to travel to the other side of the world to experience a whole new life, with all the pros and the cons that come with it.
I know it can feel hard sometimes but try to see how exciting it will all ultimately be. The old adage of not the end of the world, life too short etc all have some truth I feel...I really hope it all goes well for you, All the worries will hopefully be obscured by the new exciting experiences coming your way!
mexnick is offline  

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information -

Copyright © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.