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-   -   What did you feel right before you emigrated? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/new-zealand-83/what-did-you-feel-right-before-you-emigrated-849788/)

darbydoo Jan 1st 2015 7:50 pm

What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Happy new year to you all!

We have just three weeks left in the UK and beginning to be a bit freaked out by the whole thing. Moving to auckland, where my brother has also lived for 3 years.

Having spent a lovely Christmas at home with my parents and family/friends, I can't help wondering if we are doing the right thing! There is no turning back for us now, and deep down I know we will love it there... But I think saying goodbye to everyone is going to be awful. Due to the madness of the last 2-3 months with visas, shipping and the house, it's kind of only just dawned on me how much we are leaving here.

Also getting worried about fitting into our new workplaces and neighbourhoods and adjusting to such a big change in general.

Is this normal? Would like to hear your experiences. :)

Justcol Jan 1st 2015 10:50 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
I never understand when people get all flustered about leaving
You've known the day will come for long enough so why get worked up now.
Its no different to just moving house to a new area in the UK or just changing jobs
I don't want to sound harsh but just get on with it.

MrsFychan Jan 2nd 2015 12:52 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
I'm not sure as my experience probably was a bit unique in the fact that we had to spend the last 2 weeks living at my In Laws and they mightily pissed me off during the last few days so was beyond relieved when they dropped us off and left the air port.
May I just say they are lovely people on the whole but I felt that they let me down and made some things I had planned to do more difficult then it needed to be in the last week, so was angry and just wanted out.

The nerves you are feeling are natural, just go with it, as Justcol says, albeit in his own way ;), its the same as moving to a different area/job just further away and a bit more expensive.

Snap Shot Jan 2nd 2015 1:26 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Once we had sold our house we had lost our 'anchor'. We planned to stay with my Dad for six weeks prior to leaving. We were still working out our notices at work for five of those six weeks. I couldn't believe how much my Dad let us down and we ended up staying at an old school friend's place for the last 2 weeks prior to leaving.

No one else understands or really cares how much stress and uncertainty you are feeling. They just assume it's one big exciting adventure. Lucky you.

The final week before we left I remember abject boredom. Nothing to do. No job. No home. Our belongings were en-route as sea cargo bound for Christchurch, New Zealand. Our car had no MOT and the locks did not work. We were just mooching round my old home town counting the hours that made up the days, willing the time away.

All I could really think of was, 'come on, let's get it over with.' It had been so long in the planning and we'd neatly finished up our lives in Britain that, like you, all there was to do was execute the plan. I actually felt quite matter of fact about it.

My husband's Expression of Interest for a job at Christchurch City Council had been accepted. :thumbsup:

The very next day we got a text from his sister who lives in NZ advising us of the Christchurch earthquake. :eek:

We retuned to my Dad's house for farewell brunch as was planned. Then the taxi came to take us to the airport. Whilst in the taxi, as the drizzle fell on the already wet roads the refrain, 'could have had it all' from the Adele song, 'Rolling in the deep' was going round and round in my head.

Little did I realise that more shit was yet to come on arrival in Auckland and then Christchurch and that small town New Zealand in the form of a town called Wanganui would be our salvation.

Good luck mate. I sort of envy people who emigrate on the strength of a job offer. Their move seems neat and clean. They have certainties. Although realistically, in my view that's only a small percentage of the whole story.

Don't have any expectations. Take it on its own terms. Don't have any preconceived ideas. Your emotions may be nearer the surface just because everything is changing. Other people around you in NZ are settled and won't really care that you've just turned up.

SSky Jan 2nd 2015 2:39 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Excited and happy :-)

LauraNotts Jan 2nd 2015 12:49 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
I think a mixture of excitement, nerves and frequently questioning my own sanity. It was and continues to be worth it though. Good luck :)

Perry Groves Jan 3rd 2015 6:43 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Excited mostly. I had been feeling disillusioned for a number of years, so really it was only the people who were left behind that I was worried about missing. That was, and continues to be, the biggest challenge.

jmh Jan 3rd 2015 8:42 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
I was absolutely exhausted with packing, throwing stuff out, cleaning and sorting out rental issues. Added to stress levels, I felt highly strung.

It wasn't so bad for me because I was going to family. I was also treating it as a trial and had decided I could come back if I didn't like it.

When my mum saw me at Auckland airport she forbade me from looking for work until I had recovered. Fortunately I didn't have to pay rent, which helped.

Chocoholics Jan 3rd 2015 9:18 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
I swung from being really excited and just wanting to leave to totally freaking out! It was just before Christmas after we packed up and we were just waiting in limbo to fly to NZ - really weird - like we were looking from the outside in at all the celebrations going on. All turned out good though, we are still in NZ after 6 years. :thumbsup:

barnsleymat Jan 3rd 2015 10:42 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
I had a really rough couple of weeks before leaving, all I kept thinking about was how I'd be saying goodbye to people I'd probably never see again, it turned me into a blubbering wreck. It turns out I was right to think what I did, I did say goodbye to people for the last time. I'm going home for a visit in July and I can't bloody wait, unfortunately as I said, not everyone I said goodbye to will be there.

Some people find it really easy to leave everyone behind, not me!!!

Stormer999 Jan 3rd 2015 11:20 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Years of careful planning complete and totally looking forward to a new future. Saying goodbye to daughter not nice but as Justcol has said when you move you move just the distance varies the packing is the same. Going back next year for a visit but I will make sure it is as brief as I can. I should have made this move years ago...;)

Justcol Jan 4th 2015 10:50 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
I've been back 3 times in 7 years

1) After marriage break up (I need a hug from my mum) and for a family wedding
2) to introduce new kiwi partner (now wife) to the family
3) Family funeral

1st time was on my own and it was nice to see the few good old friends who I had known for decades
but after a night with them all in the pub I realised I was the only who had changed anything in our lives
It was nice being the centre of attention for a few hours but after that I felt pretty flat for the rest of the time
I was there and just wanted to come home.

2nd time, the uk was only part of a larger european trip and I only got through the uk section of it because it
was nice showing my wife to be all the touristy stuff.

3rd time, not great circumstances but I was over the place withing hours of arriving. I felt like a visitor from
another planet, so detached from everything and annoyed at the grubbiness and shallowness of the place and people

The wife wants to go back again for another holiday but I want to avoid the place like the plague.
After almost 7 years in NZ I have nothing in common with the british outlook or way of life

darbydoo Jan 4th 2015 4:37 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Thanks for all of your replies, I've really enjoyed reading them and am feeling much more excited now as a result. Some wise words here!

I'm getting annoyed with the UK even before I've left, it's just family
And friends that will make it harder to leave. But those who count will
Obviously stay in touch :)

I too am running the risk of never seeing people again, like grandparents, but they are very supportive and can't see any fault in what we are doing. I guess it's just one of those things. There will always be a reason not to go away, so just trying not to think of these things.

Think I was a bit emotional when I wrote the original post as it was just after xmas, but feeling more settled now.

We are in a good position having both secured jobs, and a free place to live for a few weeks with my brother. So time to look forward :)

Pigdog Jan 5th 2015 5:49 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Me and husband left the UK nine weeks ago. Emotional wreck when I left, spent the last three days in tears, due to stress, leaving family, friends and our dogs.
I do miss family but Skype is great, probably talk more now than I did when I was in the UK.
It has been a bit hard but I think that is because we are still waiting for our furniture. I know it sounds stupid, but having sat on deckchairs for the past 9 weeks does grind you down. There's nothing like home comforts.
Work - I work with more foreigners than Kiwis. They all know what you are going through as they have also been there. They have all been a great support.
Neighbourhood - love it. Living in a small village, everyone says hello, waves and smiles.

Not going to lie, you're going to feel like shit and question yourself every day. It's only been 9 weeks for us but I wouldn't change a thing. I love it here. So glad we made the move. Yes it's hard but it's certainly worth it.

Good luck

darbydoo Jan 5th 2015 11:35 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 

Originally Posted by Pigdog (Post 11522055)
Me and husband left the UK nine weeks ago. Emotional wreck when I left, spent the last three days in tears, due to stress, leaving family, friends and our dogs.
I do miss family but Skype is great, probably talk more now than I did when I was in the UK.
It has been a bit hard but I think that is because we are still waiting for our furniture. I know it sounds stupid, but having sat on deckchairs for the past 9 weeks does grind you down. There's nothing like home comforts.
Work - I work with more foreigners than Kiwis. They all know what you are going through as they have also been there. They have all been a great support.
Neighbourhood - love it. Living in a small village, everyone says hello, waves and smiles.

Not going to lie, you're going to feel like shit and question yourself every day. It's only been 9 weeks for us but I wouldn't change a thing. I love it here. So glad we made the move. Yes it's hard but it's certainly worth it.

Good luck ������

I know what you mean about home comforts. We haven't shipped much furniture (apart from the bed) as ours was a bit worn, but we have sent quite a lot of stuff that will make it feel like home. Silly things like decorations etc mostly. I know that will help. Hopefully your shipment will arrive soon and you'll start to feel better!

Did you rehome your dogs? That's another thing - we've recently rehomed our cats and that was very upsetting. But i know it's right thing to do and would rather do that than see them going to a shelter.

I finish my job next friday, where I've been for 8 years - so that's going to be an emotional one too.

Fun and games eh? :lol:

moving2NZ2013 Jan 5th 2015 8:38 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Honestly I felt like I was going to my death lol. People were acting like I was dying. It was horrible. It hasn't been horrible leaving everyone and my heart aces everyday some days are worse than others.
I am happy here and believe I have done the right thing

moving2NZ2013 Jan 5th 2015 8:39 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
I had to put my v old dog down . Vets said he wouldnt survive he flight and with all his lumps they wouldn't let him in anyway. He said he was best if I put him to sleep :( still v upset about it


Just to warn u u will be on a complete high for a while at 2.5 months I just came down from the high and got into a deep low and has been v emotional. Iv been slowely feeling lol better since Christmas was over

moving2NZ2013 Jan 5th 2015 8:44 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Best advice when u say finally good byes just say see ya later then leave. Far easier. My mum cried and it make me a wreck going to the airport.

darbydoo Jan 5th 2015 8:53 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
People are treating me like I'm dying too lol!! It's starting to get on my nerves.

Sorry to hear about your dog, that's really sad.

Yeah I remember my brother going through a similar roller coaster. For a few weeks at least, we were just seeing photos of him doing bungee jumps and having the time of his life, but then reality sunk in and he realised it wasn't just a holiday.

But two years later he is so happy and it is definitely the best decision he's ever made :)

My mother was even crying on Xmas day when she was cooking the gravy, so god knows what she'll be like at the airport! Haha

MrsFychan Jan 5th 2015 8:55 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
don't get me started on having to wait for furniture. 6-8 weeks on camping chairs and hard wooden kitchen chairs are not something I will ever want to do again. I ended up in floods of tears just crying for a sofa to park my bum on. Sofa finally arrived and after 3 days of euphoria I remembered I hated that particular sofa :lol:. can laugh about it now but at the time was awful.

darbydoo Jan 5th 2015 9:03 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Haha simple things!

We are hoping to stay with my brother until shipment arrives so that we don't have to sleep on a floor lol, but it depends how long it takes I guess. We will be buying most large furniture items anyway but I shipped all of my kitchen utensils and plates etc (I'm strangely attached to these for some reason!). Or if we are lucky we may get to rent somewhere that's partially furnished to start off with, although they seem to be few and far between!

TommyLuck Jan 5th 2015 10:50 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 

Originally Posted by darbydoo (Post 11522843)
so god knows what she'll be like at the airport.

My personal opinion on this is not to have anyone close to you see you off at the airport.

I've seen it too often, it tears peoples hearts apart and lengthens any process of getting though the pain of seeing someone leave.

You might want to use the journey to the airport as a means to start to make the transition to the new life.

Apart from anything else, walking through security all emotional is not good preparation for sitting around at an airport about to board a long flight, nor is it good for the people who have to make their journey home feeling sad.

These are just my thoughts, but when I left I felt that saying goodbye to my Mum in the comfortable surroundings of her own home was the best thing to do.

Most notably when I saw my cousin off when he went to Australia. His Mum and Dad and sisters were all there at Heathrow and it was a complete and utter emotional mess and he was only going for a year!!


Having said this, if your Mum feels strongly about being there then I guess there's not a lot you can do. Not sure how telling her "No" will go down!

darbydoo Jan 5th 2015 11:00 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Ha yeah I know what you mean. It's just that we live 4 hours from the airport and I think public transport will make me cry even more!

My parents are both coming, as they have been through it before with my brother so know not to cry in front of me (they just saved it until
They got back in the car!).

Saying goodbye is going to be hard however we do it I think, and saying no to their offer of a lift will probably cause more upset :/

Thanks for the advice though, I know you're prob right.

TommyLuck Jan 5th 2015 11:20 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
It's a tough decision.

I should add that that the uncle in the story above is my Mum's brother and I suspect he'd mentioned something about my cousins departure which perhaps was enough to convince Mum to not do that same.

In my situation I purposefully booked a mid AM flight out from Heathrow (about an hours drive), knowing that I had to get up and go to check in and not hang about all day.

I had a rental car that I'd arranged to drop off at the airport.

My eyes welled up looking in the rear view mirror as I drove away, but then the need to drive kind of consumed my attention.

I then broke out in tears as the plane left the tarmac.

The only tears since then have been when the Rod Stewart song "Pure Love" plays, a song my parents dedicated to us kids via social media not long after my departure as they felt the lyrics were poignant as it hadn't long been released.

Quite sweet really.


One thing about the process of saying farewell is that you realise you are human. The process of emigrating was so robotic, so much to do in so little time, no real time to sit down and think as you're on a very final deadline that can't really be missed.

Sometimes the out pour of emotion is due to the fact you've been bottling it up due to concentrating on other things.

It can't really be avoided, but I think mentally preparing for the emotion that will inevitably come certainly helps. Emotions will run high whenever and wherever you say farewell to people you care about.

Snap Shot Jan 6th 2015 12:40 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 

Originally Posted by TommyLuck (Post 11522943)
The only tears since then have been when the Rod Stewart song "Pure Love" plays, a song my parents dedicated to us kids via social media not long after my departure as they felt the lyrics were poignant as it hadn't long been released.

Reminds me of a text I got from my sister whilst still at the airport on departure day. She said she had a 'moment' in the car driving away from family brunch earlier when the Adele song, 'Someone Like You' came on the car radio her sentiment for me was the lyric, 'I wish nothing but the best for you'.

I couldn't think of the song at the time and went into a shop to buy both the Adele cd's released that year. I played them through whilst on the aeroplane and promptly bawled my eyes out whilst that particular song was playing.

I wondered if I would ever be able to hear that song without crying. Um, yes I can now actually.

Tommy is right when he remarks that for so long one has kept a lid on one's emotions as one makes all the arrangements to make the move that when something breaks the dam, all the emotion comes out.

Anyway :focus:

P.S. I've just played the song Pure Love and a tear ran down my cheek. Despite having the Rod Stewart cd that the song comes from and thinking yadda yadda on hearing it. I understand where TommyLuck's parents are coming from with this song as the lyrics are very sentimental.

Anyway, I mean it this time:

:focus:

RobClubley Jan 6th 2015 2:10 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
At the airport I didn't know how to feel. Excited, scared, worried we were doing the wrong thing,. Total rollercoaster.

TommyLuck Jan 6th 2015 3:26 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 

Originally Posted by Snap Shot (Post 11523013)
P.S. I've just played the song Pure Love and a tear ran down my cheek. Despite having the Rod Stewart cd that the song comes from and thinking yadda yadda on hearing it. I understand where TommyLuck's parents are coming from with this song as the lyrics are very sentimental.

It's a amazing the difference a song can make when you listen to the lyrics, as opposed to just hearing them.


Originally Posted by Snap Shot (Post 11523013)
Anyway, I mean it this time:

:focus:

Right you are! :lol:

darbydoo Jan 6th 2015 3:28 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
haha I will let you know what songs I get told about when we leave :D

TommyLuck Jan 6th 2015 8:14 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Don't Leave - Faithless
Don't Go - Yazoo
Better be back soon - Crowded House (a little ironic)
Homeward Bound - Simon and Garfunkel

To name but a few ...

Mrs Pointer Jan 7th 2015 3:59 am

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
I was quite calm about it. The hard bit for me was making the decision to go, and we based that on our reaction to getting a visa (we whooped, so trusted the gut instinct).

Selling my house was also an emotional moment, but we then had 5 months to get used to it (in a crappy rental).

But come the actual day, I was actually pretending to be more upset about it than I was because that's what people expected because they were upset.

I just kept saying: "I'm not dying! You can speak to me any time you like, except when I'm asleep."

Tom H Jan 7th 2015 9:20 pm

Re: What did you feel right before you emigrated?
 
Going on from Tommys superb advice on airports - if a family member insists on taking you to the airport, make sure you get the strongest emotional member to take you. My Dad took me and there were no tears at all when we said our goodbyes at Terminal 3 (although he sobbed all the way home). Then again, we were seeing them in 4 months time as we were all meeting up in Sri Lanka for our wedding. My mum was an emotional wreck as was my little brother, both went with my middle brother to a friends boozer and had a few too many sherberts.

The hardest part for me was saying goodbye to my Nan in Sheffield. She was starting to get unwell and sadly 99% of me knew that this was the last time i'd be seeing her. That came true as she passed away 11 days after my son was born. Whilst over in the UK for 2 days on business, I made sure I went to St Pancras railway station as that is our special place for me and my nan n granddad from Sheffield.

Like Tommy, I sobbed when our plane roared down the runway at Heathrow back on Oct 14 2011. That moment was when I forgot about the likes of Tony Blair and realised that it was official. Hardly any tears at all during the goodbyes (bar my Nan and the cat), but I suppose all the emotions got the better of me at that moment. My one way journey began.

It's whilst you're over that you then understand peoples true feelings. I hope none of your families back home start backstabbing you lot for being out here. Unfortunately, it's my wifes family that have been like this and I am expecting a few comments when I see them for the first time in 4 years in August. But then again, since we've moved to Pegasus and they've seen what we've got for our boys to grow up in - they have calmed down a bit. Not once did they try and persuade Sarah to move back whilst she was over, I think they've accepted we're staying and accepted that we'd see them at least once every 3 to 4 years.

With my family, my mum and dad can afford to keep coming here every year and they love this place. I am expecting a request for sponsorship when they've reached retirement age. Unless Winston Peters gets very popular, I think they'll be joining us permanently in 5 years time. I wonder what Vancouver is like?


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