waikatoguy

Thanks for the wellwishes everyone. Love30, I wanted to send out a special hi to you because I feel as though I have grown to understand you since I've been here. But don't leave. Plenty of good stuff goes on here. Anyway, this may be my last post, having made more encores than Elton John. I've sent off a request to BEVS to delete my account, he says publicly, so that I can't change my mind.

waikatoguy

Ok. Thanks for that. I'll do that, as I feel if I stay around I will be too tempted to post, causing further mayhem.

love30stm

Aww thanks but just don't post for a while and have a break but don't go

Sue

Just to add I don't close accounts straight away as I've had too many folk come back the next day and say "I've changed my mind I want my old username back"

So I usually give a type of cooling off period first, so if you want your account closing PM and let me know and then I'll wait a week and if the person hasn't posted for at least 7 days I'll close the account then.

This forum has been here for people at different points in their life. I would like to think that if someone gained from the experiences of others while making the move to NZ that they would stick around for a bit once they've made the move to "pay it back" as it were.

But probably at some point a person may not want to use BE anymore and thats fine. We outgrow many things and there is nothing wrong with outgrowing BE.

I would hesitate over having one's account closed though, because you never know what the future holds and one day you may wish to interact here again. For example we've got lots of members who stopped posting for a number of years and then something has happened in their life (e.g. they might be moving back to the UK) and they've started posting again.

iaink

It certainly happens in the Canada area I think maybe people just notice it more in their own regional forums because naturally thats the one they have the most experience of and they remember specific incidents from. Plus they see the same people posting day in day out and its only natural that they should take a liking, or a disliking, to some of them, which can add an edge to things.

In my experience the very nature of starting a thread "designed to be positive" is just going to be a red rag to a bull for those who are not happy for whatever reason, its just human nature.

My attitude in the Canada area, which of course if my area of interest, is that as long as people play the ball and not the man,( ie they argue against the argument, and dont insult the person making it), then it will all balance out and any interested parties can figure out for themselves where the truth of a situation may lie.

You cant control the positive/ negative nature of the forum any more than you can turn back the tide..

mikesurf

I don't think people mean to get personal although it may sound that way. I was very frustrated with my move to New Zealand and I must admit I felt I needed to post a few things just to get them off my chest. I was so frustrated with the misleading of the immigration companies about the clean green image and the fact you can leave your door unlocked when you go out, you will be welcomed with open arms etc, etc, all nonsense.

I found British people merely tolerated by kiwis (just). My wife went to Unitech to study drama for 3 years and during one of her classes spoke to one of her tutors explaining that she felt like NZ was feeling like home. He basically shot her down saying that this will never be a true home to Brits. She needless to say felt pretty deflated and it was something she never forgot.

we were glad to leave and realised what we had on this side of the world.

Sue

As in the physical world, in this "virtual" community we all have different personalities, experiences and opinions. There is nothing wrong with someone being negative and having a moan now and again, that's what BE is here for. It's difficult moving abroad and changing ones whole life, and as expats we should be supporting and helping each other. However, we all have different experiences and as such just because it didn't work for one person, or a family didn't like living in a certain area, or yet another person had a bad experience with something, that doesn't mean that those issues are the norm. So we shouldn't keep ramming the same points/issues over and over again down peoples throats.

Share the good, the bad and the ugly, the positive, the negative and the pretty (or very attractive ) but lets do so in a constructive manner.

Contrary to popular believe we try and have a hands off approach to moderation. I want members to be able to interact as freely as possible and share their positive and negatives thoughts on a matter However saying that If we see someone who is just generally posting in threads to derail them or to push their own agendas then they aren't going to be welcome here. This is your community so you need to help us. If you have a concern or see a post you don't like, report the post or PM. I can't always promise I will look at the post (or the concern) and have the same conclusion on it as you, but I can promise I will take a look and give it my attention.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank the Concierges, MrsFychan and Catchafire, and our wonderful moderator BEVS who has steered this little NZ forum for many a year. Without her at the helm it wouldn't be the great place it is. She watches and guides and helps ... so please send a little karma their way next time you read one of their posts

Caz8NZ

Mikesurf i'm sorry to hear about your wife's experience with her tutor. Experiences like that can affect people in different ways and your wife obviously took it to heart. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that - some of us are more sensitive to things like that than others, and then you have all your other factors in your life coming into play too which you have to take into account for your reactions.

The people who say such things are quite often thoughtless and forget that they themselves are descended from the very first immigrants to this country. As an immigrant your new land is never going to be quite the same as the one that you were born and grew up in - but it certainly can come to feel like your home. I think the unfortunate thing is that there are small minded people all over the world in every single country who don't open their eyes and its these people can have a really negative effect on someones migrant experience.

I don't think there is anything wrong with using the forum to get things off your chest. we all need a bit of a moan now and again. I don't think that's anything anyone on here is disputing.




Sue you have it spot on - i think people do sometimes forget that there is a person with feelings at the other end of the computer screen and sometimes fingers go flying across keyboards and then its out there! I have really found this board to be so helpful and its good to hear others points of views - good AND bad - to know that you aren't alone in what you think/feel.

You are totally right that what is right for one person isn't necessarily for another. Would I like living in a rural town in NZ? God no! But - do i like living in Auckland? Yes. A lot of people would hate it and call me JAFFA - whats the point in living in Auckland? Well.....thats up to me isn't it? It suits me and my lifestyle and my choices. I would say - why would that person want to live somewhere with 1 choice of pub/restaurant and the local shop. But that's their choice and obviously suits them. But as you say - sharing all is great - but its needs to be focussed on being constructive and reasoned.

waikatoguy

Thanks Sue.
Just a clarification. I am not actually a Brit Expat but kiwi born and bred, although my ancestry is British. That's how I ended up here. I was doing some genealogy research and landed here about 18 months ago, decided I wanted to reply to a thread, and the rest is history. I'd like to think I've offered the odd tidbit of info here and there. Yes. BE is a great forum.
My problem is pretty much outlined already. It has got to the stage where I am unable to offer my perspective on things New Zealand. I'm not fond of generalising about a whole nation of people based on the adverse experiences with individuals or sub-groups from that nation. And with that, I hate racism with a passion. But when I went to explore feelings of a poster, as to why she finds NZer's so unsociable (on many levels), ruining all her social gatherings whenever a kiwi is present, feelings of awkwardness whenever any kiwi is present etc etc, my questions were not appreciated by the person in charge. I just can't abide by that and post within that framework. And this also after getting into trouble a few times in the past week.
So my only option is to delete. I will take up the 7 days of grace, and PM you immediately.
Although, having said that, I do appreciate there was no harm meant, and I have a lot of time for 'the person in charge'. It's about me more than anything, I think.

moneypenny20

Why does someone have to be insecure because they're happy with their lot and want to talk about it? Are all threads supposed to be negative? Where's the logic? Oh and I'm sorry but you're completely wrong about other country forums not being positive or 'going out of their way to be positive'. Every country is the same - even the MB forum. Some people are positive and want to share, others are negative and want to share and others have ups and downs and share both. Don't assume you know anything about other posters just by some random comments. Especially when you don't know their history. Your comments are so judgemental yet incorrect it's not funny.

simonsi

Unfortunately the 'logic' is that of the Salem witch trials - protesting innocence is taken as a sign of guilt!

Assanah

OMG, a whinging Kiwi thread. Ever read the book 'Games people play'. Well, you will find this thread in it.

Catchafire

OMG! A missed opportunity to have actually contributed something.

Sue

OP is no longer with us ..so lets move on

Thanks