Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > New Zealand
Reload this Page >

Well its finally happened....

Well its finally happened....

Old Apr 27th 2008, 10:19 pm
  #1  
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,118
dreamfish is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Well its finally happened....

.... a death in the family and my arms arent quite long enough to reach around the globe to give the loved ones a hug.

Its really important before you emmigrate to see your sick and elderly relatives and spend some quality time with them. So that when the inevitable happens you dont sit here thinking 'wish i'd made more effort'. So glad I went around and saw everyone.

I know she's around me no matter what, and everyone understands that a flight back for the funeral is out the question. So on the day I will be putting a vase of flowers on the windowsill and lighting a candle.

The first time I have properly felt utterly useless and miles away. Inevitable really.

C'est la vie.
dreamfish is offline  
Old Apr 27th 2008, 10:26 pm
  #2  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: Quinns Rocks Perth, WA
Posts: 220
Catkin09 has much to be proud ofCatkin09 has much to be proud ofCatkin09 has much to be proud ofCatkin09 has much to be proud ofCatkin09 has much to be proud ofCatkin09 has much to be proud ofCatkin09 has much to be proud ofCatkin09 has much to be proud ofCatkin09 has much to be proud ofCatkin09 has much to be proud ofCatkin09 has much to be proud of
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

Sorry to hear about your loss.

I understand what you mean, w'ed only been in New Zealand for 12 days and still staying at the Holiday Inn, when I got a phone call that my Mum had died. All the family said exactly the same in that there was no need for me to go back for the funeral. But it still doesn't stop me feeling guilty for not going back

I did see her a couple of days before we came here and spoke to her the day before she died. I still keep going to ring her, but then it's onlt been 3 months since she died. I know it'll get better as time goes by.

My thoughts are with you.

Catkin
Catkin09 is offline  
Old Apr 27th 2008, 10:35 pm
  #3  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: homeless
Posts: 1,756
crap coffee has a reputation beyond reputecrap coffee has a reputation beyond reputecrap coffee has a reputation beyond reputecrap coffee has a reputation beyond reputecrap coffee has a reputation beyond reputecrap coffee has a reputation beyond reputecrap coffee has a reputation beyond reputecrap coffee has a reputation beyond reputecrap coffee has a reputation beyond reputecrap coffee has a reputation beyond reputecrap coffee has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

Originally Posted by Catkin09 View Post
when I got a phone call that my Mum had died.
That's very sad!

I frequently imagine this is (definitely) going to happen to me as well in future. you pick up the phone -and hear your mum died but you are miles away!

I feel for you (dreamfish & catkin)

cheer up

Last edited by crap coffee; Apr 27th 2008 at 10:43 pm.
crap coffee is offline  
Old Apr 27th 2008, 10:40 pm
  #4  
BE Enthusiast
 
flipflop's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: essex uk
Posts: 982
flipflop has a reputation beyond reputeflipflop has a reputation beyond reputeflipflop has a reputation beyond reputeflipflop has a reputation beyond reputeflipflop has a reputation beyond reputeflipflop has a reputation beyond reputeflipflop has a reputation beyond reputeflipflop has a reputation beyond reputeflipflop has a reputation beyond reputeflipflop has a reputation beyond reputeflipflop has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

Oh so sorry dreamfish and catkin for your loss. My thoughts are with you.xx
flipflop is offline  
Old Apr 27th 2008, 10:48 pm
  #5  
conquering the world!
 
karonious's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Puatahanui, Porirua
Posts: 4,905
karonious has a reputation beyond reputekaronious has a reputation beyond reputekaronious has a reputation beyond reputekaronious has a reputation beyond reputekaronious has a reputation beyond reputekaronious has a reputation beyond reputekaronious has a reputation beyond reputekaronious has a reputation beyond reputekaronious has a reputation beyond reputekaronious has a reputation beyond reputekaronious has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

Kate, I can't begin to imagine how bad that feels.
my sincerest commiserations to you and your family.
We are all here for you if that is any comfort.
Karen
karonious is offline  
Old Apr 27th 2008, 11:11 pm
  #6  
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,118
dreamfish is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

thank you for your messages.

i wanted to start this thread to give new expats something to think about. Attending funerals from across the globe is something we have discussed about before on here and has proven to help people decide what to do without that burden of guilt.

Its not practical, is expensive and when you are settling into a new country then every penny/cent counts.

So if attending funerals are important to you, then you need to build a 'just in case flight fund' into your plans, and a rather brutal list of people you would definitely fly back for.
dreamfish is offline  
Old Apr 28th 2008, 12:00 am
  #7  
Somewhere
 
BEVS's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Below
Posts: 36,007
BEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

My condolences to both Catkin09 and Dreamfish for their very sad loss.

All the jagged edges of grief will smooth away given time. You just have to get through each day for now & one day you will find yourself in a place where you can sit happily with your memories of the person without overwhelming grief and sorrow.

Even when you are physically very close at the time you lose someone you love, you are still wracked by a tumult of feelings. Anger, guilt, pain. My guess would be that if you love the person, then it does not matter where you are on the planet, you will still feel the same.

We always make sure we have enough money for flights back to the UK . Both our surviving parents are elderly. It does mean we must do without other things to make sure we keep the fund in place , but that is our choice. They can never come here.

Be kind to yourselves Catkin and Dreamfish. My thoughts are with you both.
BEVS is offline  
Old Apr 28th 2008, 12:41 am
  #8  
Susie..
 
Andrew Cross's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 3,531
Andrew Cross has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew Cross has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew Cross has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew Cross has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew Cross has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew Cross has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew Cross has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew Cross has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew Cross has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew Cross has a reputation beyond reputeAndrew Cross has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

My thoughts are with you both...

I had been here nearly two years and went back for a holiday to see my parents with my two sons in October of last year. In the January I got a call saying my Dad had died. I was totally gutted, my parents were due to come out in the March for a holiday to see us and the kids and our new life here in Christchurch. I did go back for the funeral but it is such a long way and could only go on my own. Its an awful feeling to be told that someone has died and you are so far away and feel so helpless.
Andrew Cross is offline  
Old Apr 28th 2008, 1:48 am
  #9  
BE Forum Addict
 
luvwelly's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,285
luvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

Originally Posted by BEVS here View Post
My condolences to both Catkin09 and Dreamfish for their very sad loss.

All the jagged edges of grief will smooth away given time. You just have to get through each day for now & one day you will find yourself in a place where you can sit happily with your memories of the person without overwhelming grief and sorrow.

Even when you are physically very close at the time you lose someone you love, you are still wracked by a tumult of feelings. Anger, guilt, pain. My guess would be that if you love the person, then it does not matter where you are on the planet, you will still feel the same.

We always make sure we have enough money for flights back to the UK . Both our surviving parents are elderly. It does mean we must do without other things to make sure we keep the fund in place , but that is our choice. They can never come here.

Be kind to yourselves Catkin and Dreamfish. My thoughts are with you both.
My condolences too and karma for a very wise post Bevs. Like everyone else this thought has crossed my mind several times. The other problem is even if you have got a fund for the return, you can't easily get there quickly to pay last respects when someone deteriorates.

I keep putting back my plans for a return visit and wonder if this is the right decision given the advanced age of parents. The distance really is the major downside to anyone contemplating such a move to this part of the world.
luvwelly is offline  
Old Apr 28th 2008, 3:26 am
  #10  
BE Forum Addict
 
cappuccino's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,967
cappuccino has a reputation beyond reputecappuccino has a reputation beyond reputecappuccino has a reputation beyond reputecappuccino has a reputation beyond reputecappuccino has a reputation beyond reputecappuccino has a reputation beyond reputecappuccino has a reputation beyond reputecappuccino has a reputation beyond reputecappuccino has a reputation beyond reputecappuccino has a reputation beyond reputecappuccino has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

Sorry to hear your news Kate and Catkin. Condolences to you both.
cappuccino is offline  
Old Apr 28th 2008, 3:57 am
  #11  
BE Forum Addict
 
danny.f's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: Porirua,NZ
Posts: 3,275
danny.f has a reputation beyond reputedanny.f has a reputation beyond reputedanny.f has a reputation beyond reputedanny.f has a reputation beyond reputedanny.f has a reputation beyond reputedanny.f has a reputation beyond reputedanny.f has a reputation beyond reputedanny.f has a reputation beyond reputedanny.f has a reputation beyond reputedanny.f has a reputation beyond reputedanny.f has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

Thought we hadn't seen you for a while.
Keep yer pecker up. Who died? Is it one of your parents?

We all thinking of you,Kate.
danny.f is offline  
Old Apr 28th 2008, 4:00 am
  #12  
By name and by nature
 
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,852
Batty has a reputation beyond reputeBatty has a reputation beyond reputeBatty has a reputation beyond reputeBatty has a reputation beyond reputeBatty has a reputation beyond reputeBatty has a reputation beyond reputeBatty has a reputation beyond reputeBatty has a reputation beyond reputeBatty has a reputation beyond reputeBatty has a reputation beyond reputeBatty has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

I'm so sorry to hear this Dreamfish (and Catkin). Bevs put it better than I ever could.
Batty is offline  
Old Apr 28th 2008, 8:33 am
  #13  
Maz
 
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 5,763
Maz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Well its finally happened....

Kate, Catkin and Sue, my very sincere condolences to you all. What a crappy time.

Kate, are you comfortable enough to share who it was? No worries if you're not.

My thoughts are with you all.

Bevs put it really well:

Originally Posted by BEVS here View Post
All the jagged edges of grief will smooth away given time. You just have to get through each day for now & one day you will find yourself in a place where you can sit happily with your memories of the person without overwhelming grief and sorrow.
Beautifully said.
Maz is offline  

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information -

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.