dreamfish

.... a death in the family and my arms arent quite long enough to reach around the globe to give the loved ones a hug.

Its really important before you emmigrate to see your sick and elderly relatives and spend some quality time with them. So that when the inevitable happens you dont sit here thinking 'wish i'd made more effort'. So glad I went around and saw everyone.

I know she's around me no matter what, and everyone understands that a flight back for the funeral is out the question. So on the day I will be putting a vase of flowers on the windowsill and lighting a candle.

The first time I have properly felt utterly useless and miles away. Inevitable really.

C'est la vie.

Catkin09

Sorry to hear about your loss.

I understand what you mean, w'ed only been in New Zealand for 12 days and still staying at the Holiday Inn, when I got a phone call that my Mum had died. All the family said exactly the same in that there was no need for me to go back for the funeral. But it still doesn't stop me feeling guilty for not going back

I did see her a couple of days before we came here and spoke to her the day before she died. I still keep going to ring her, but then it's onlt been 3 months since she died. I know it'll get better as time goes by.

My thoughts are with you.

Catkin

crap coffee

That's very sad!

I frequently imagine this is (definitely) going to happen to me as well in future. you pick up the phone -and hear your mum died but you are miles away!

I feel for you (dreamfish & catkin)

cheer up

flipflop

Oh so sorry dreamfish and catkin for your loss. My thoughts are with you.xx

karonious

Kate, I can't begin to imagine how bad that feels.
my sincerest commiserations to you and your family.
We are all here for you if that is any comfort.
Karen

dreamfish

thank you for your messages.

i wanted to start this thread to give new expats something to think about. Attending funerals from across the globe is something we have discussed about before on here and has proven to help people decide what to do without that burden of guilt.

Its not practical, is expensive and when you are settling into a new country then every penny/cent counts.

So if attending funerals are important to you, then you need to build a 'just in case flight fund' into your plans, and a rather brutal list of people you would definitely fly back for.

BEVS

My condolences to both Catkin09 and Dreamfish for their very sad loss.

All the jagged edges of grief will smooth away given time. You just have to get through each day for now & one day you will find yourself in a place where you can sit happily with your memories of the person without overwhelming grief and sorrow.

Even when you are physically very close at the time you lose someone you love, you are still wracked by a tumult of feelings. Anger, guilt, pain. My guess would be that if you love the person, then it does not matter where you are on the planet, you will still feel the same.

We always make sure we have enough money for flights back to the UK . Both our surviving parents are elderly. It does mean we must do without other things to make sure we keep the fund in place , but that is our choice. They can never come here.

Be kind to yourselves Catkin and Dreamfish. My thoughts are with you both.

Andrew Cross

My thoughts are with you both...

I had been here nearly two years and went back for a holiday to see my parents with my two sons in October of last year. In the January I got a call saying my Dad had died. I was totally gutted, my parents were due to come out in the March for a holiday to see us and the kids and our new life here in Christchurch. I did go back for the funeral but it is such a long way and could only go on my own. Its an awful feeling to be told that someone has died and you are so far away and feel so helpless.

luvwelly

My condolences too and karma for a very wise post Bevs. Like everyone else this thought has crossed my mind several times. The other problem is even if you have got a fund for the return, you can't easily get there quickly to pay last respects when someone deteriorates.

I keep putting back my plans for a return visit and wonder if this is the right decision given the advanced age of parents. The distance really is the major downside to anyone contemplating such a move to this part of the world.

cappuccino

Sorry to hear your news Kate and Catkin. Condolences to you both.

danny.f

Thought we hadn't seen you for a while.
Keep yer pecker up. Who died? Is it one of your parents?

We all thinking of you,Kate.

Batty

I'm so sorry to hear this Dreamfish (and Catkin). Bevs put it better than I ever could.

Maz

Kate, Catkin and Sue, my very sincere condolences to you all. What a crappy time.

Kate, are you comfortable enough to share who it was? No worries if you're not.

My thoughts are with you all.

Bevs put it really well:

Beautifully said.